Hey everyone,
This myTake is inspired by a writer I follow on instagram. I love how blunt and fearless he is. His username is @j.raymond for anyone who is interested.
The following is a BEAUTIFUL piece he wrote about what I guess I could call the 'fluid' nature of the people in our lives.
Do you ever stop and think about the people in your life five years ago? I do. Where did some of them go? A few of them are practically dead to me now. Like a distant memory that I forget exists. They mattered at one point. They were important to me. I let them in. Then I let them out just as easily. My life is a revolving door, it seems. I can't fit too many in at once, but it's always moving. It stops or slows for no one. Whenever you see fit, you're more than welcome to leave. I'm too excited about the next five years, and who I've yet to meet.
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Leading on from that, I would like to list a few steps that I PERSONALLY have used in my life to cut people off, not for the sake of it, but to survive... to find my happiness again.
![Life is a Revolving Door 🚪 [cutting toxic people out of your life]](https://cf.girlsaskguys.com/a22919/a0a61970-b8b3-4d82-b3d1-4d9cd9b1fd4e.jpg)
1. Don't be afraid to lose people
This is a big one, especially for anyone who knows or even denies that they are a people- pleaser. I used to be a people- pleaser back in high school. I wanted to have lots of friends, and I enjoyed being well known. However, as my circle of 'friends' increased, so did all the drama. I was caught up in all sorts of things, from rumours to backstabbing, to accusations, being framed, etc. That's when i FINALLY grew up and realised "I don't need these people in my life. They are doing nothing for me but hurting me. I need to let go".
At this stage, people will tend to fear for their reputation and that their social life will go down the drain. No... no it won't. If you don't do something, YOU will go down the drain. Real talk. Been there.
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2. Make your decision to let go CAREFULLY
Not everyone is worth letting go. I'm not here to say that every person who does you wrong is someone you should cut off. I'm not stupid enough to suggest that -.- When you have problems in life, you must face them rather than escaping them.
Cutting people off is NOT escaping from a problem, nor does it make a person weak. NO. i don't care how disputable that claim seems, removing toxic people =/= weakness.
When you consider letting someone go, you need to sit back and figure out why it is they need to go. Have they abused you? Have they done something unforgivable? Will their presence in your life hinder your own success and happiness? If yes, it's time to let go. If no, you continue working on that relationship/friendship/acquaintance until you get it right.
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3. Time to slowly detach
This is probably the hardest step, especially if this was once a person you really liked/loved. It is truly sad that someone we once cared about so much has to end up in that situation for our own good :( , but a lot of the time I realised that circumstances just occur where they have jeapordised the relationship or you just aren't clicking and forcing something that isn't genuine. Some ways to slowly detach include [feel free to add more]:
- texting them less
- talking to them a little less, or not going as deeply into your personal life as u usually would
- stop encouraging their bad behaviour if u previously did so
- apologise over outings or events that you know you aren't gonna feel happy in. [e.g. if strip clubs or joints for smoking aren't your thing]
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4. Just... Let... Go
This. is. it. When you finally feel like this person gets the hint you are so done, you just need to cut them off. You don't necessarily have to wipe them off every device you own, but you just need to tell yourself "this person is no longer an important part of my life". You tried, ok? You tried to build a foundation, you trusted them, you gave them a part of yourself, whether that was your love, trust, respect or loyalty, and they BLEW IT. These are the people I'm talking about. You give them a drink and they give you poison in return, and they almost become like this... disease that infects your life. Don't be hard on yourself and worry about your 'reputation'. Who gives a damn if you have 10 close friends instead of 100? who gives if they begin to hate on you for cutting them off?
Sometimes... being 'nice' can hurt you, and sometimes it can be the most beautiful thing in the world. When people are giving you crap, you just gotta stand up and say "fuck this, enough is enough".
Tom <3 😂 ^
5. Close the door, move on, and don't look back
Of course, nowhere near as simple as it sounds, but this is an ongoing process to happiness, and along the way, you will DEFINITELY meet people that will light up your life.
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I started doing this about 5 years ago, and I am truly happier with my social life than I've ever been. And that passage is right. For every person I let go of, someone new walked into the revolving door and they were even better than i had ever imagined. I currently look around me and am literally mind blown in comparing my friends in high school to now. If some people in your life are toxic, please take this advice and let go. You will feel and be SO much better for it. trust me.
~j.B
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