The Friendzone: Why not just accept it, but turn the tables around?

[Wolfie2014]

The friendzone. It's the deadliest place a man, or woman, could be in. It pretty much means the other person gets all the support they need without you getting what it is you want: a relationship. Most people accept the role, and become that friend in the hopes that something more might happen down the line, which almost never is the case. I also believe this is deceitful.

So why not reverse the situation? You date a girl, and she eventually tells you she just wants be friends. Instead of you playing the friendship role, why not accept what she wants, and let HER play that friendship role. Let HER be that support, etc that she is expecting to get from you, while you go on to date other girls.

In my opinion, this is the better option. Why? Because a few awesome things could happen. A) She might very well become that awesome friend you've always wanted. B) you get to meet her lady friends, which means more romantic opportunities. and C) because she'll end up being the emotional support as a good friend, this, in my opinion, raises the likelyhood that she'll develop feelings down the line. Even if she doesn't, you land yourself a decent, if not good, friend.

I mean, all the girls I've friendzoned, have all ended up chasing me as a romantic partner at some point in our relationship. And of course, the girls who've friendzoned me, have all lost contact. I wonder why that is?

So why not just accept the reality that all she wants is to be friends, and let HER play that role and move on to other prospects?

Of course, it means killing or burying the feelings you have for the other person, but to me its a win-win. You get a good friend out of it, and you get to date other people while she gets to play the role she was so eager to take on.

What are your thoughts?

[ShadowStaff]

I see what your saying, and it makes sense in some ways such as testing her and making her put her money where her mouth is. If she wants to really just be friends then she should be just as reciprocal in your friendship as you are. This means she could call or text you just as much as you do to see how they are doing, or do they want to hang out, etc anything supportive and caring. Sadly in reality it is not the case and women more often than men abuse the enabled powers of friends thus being labelled "friend zone". There are other situations where women are in a greater position to manipulate and abuse their power such as marriage and divorce, child custody, child bearing and abortion, sexual assault and rape accusations, and domestic violence.

However it seems to be abit of a double standard to say you think being a friend and waiting for a relationship is deceitful, but you essentially want to play the friend card and put your car in neutral and let her do all the pushing. You are basically talking about becoming a friend with benefits, even if that benefit isn't necessarily sex. Which is reversing what most chicks do to guys by friendzoning them anyways soooo... you don't want to be better than girls that have done you wrong? you just want to become them?

[indie_rock_chick]

Wait wait wait. If someone just rejected you doesn't mean they want to be your friend. So you're not friends. Secondly, if they say they want to be friends be friends. Just because you got rejected does not automatically mean you'll do whatever they want and just give them without getting back. True friendship is a two way street and by extension not below romantic relationships. If you don't have that true friendship where both care about each other and spend time together having fun then they don't sound like friends. No matter if there are romantic feelings , if a friendship isn't a two way street then it's just taking advantage of the other person and it should be stopped. Find a better friend, friends are just as important as romantic relationships.

[SakuraChii]

I don't understand why people are saying that it's a bad thing to still have feelings. If someone preferred to be my friend, I would more then likely stick with that but at the same time I can't control my feelings so it doesn't make sense to expect someone to not be hopeful, it's not like I would act on it though, I would still respect their decision but I'm just saying that people can't control their feelings. Unfortunately having feelings can cause problems like jealousy which is one reason why people stop talking to the ones who 'friendzoned' them. I think that the feelings of both people should be considerd. That person's decision to only be friends should be respected but at the same time strong feelings cannot be controlled and if the person who is 'friendzoned' feels constntly hurt then it wouldn't make them a bad friend from wanting to get out of that. I only see someone as a bad friend in this situation if the person who has been 'friendzoned' was forcing a romantic relationship. Forcing someone to be your friend when you know that they could get hurt or jealous is as bad as forcing a romantic relationship.

[bobbydigitaloa]

The problem with your solution is this:

Women make bad friends. And even women know it.

These are the reasons so many chicks say things like, "I hate girls," or, "I like having guy friends."

Girls make shitty friends. They can't shut the fuck up about anything long enough to appreciate one another, and they're all so damn insecure about everything that they take stupid shit personally.

I can't tell you how many chicks I've met who give me the, "I don't have any/very many friends" speech. It's damn near universal, and it's always for the same reason: you talked shit on them/they talked shit on you, and you "can't stand that bitch," so you hang around dudes who only want to fuck you so they're orbiters, or you actually do fuck them because you don't have anything else going on and he farted in front of you once and that's just so manly.

Honestly, it's sad in a way, and it's a big reason why I think some women just want a baby so bad. They want someone to love and who will love them back that isn't a girl who will stab them in the back, a beta who will disgust them, or an alpha that will leave them.

Fucked up circle, but they've only got themselves to blame. The truly decent, kind, sweet women I know (the 1% of females out there) always have a several really close friends, but the majority don't.

[TheNewJanie]

Your right actually. A while back I learned something about myself that I didn't know, I was sort of using my friend as emotional support while putting him smack dab in the middle of the friendzone. I felt bad because I had learned that friends have mutual love for each other, its not one sided. Of course I already knew that but I hadn't considered it that deeply until it was brought up. It didn't make me change my mind about liking him, but I decided to be a better friend and listen to him more, be there for him, buy JIM food sometimes, invite him over instead of treating his company as if he only wanted to be my boyfriend. He didn't know what hit him and even though his feelings for me are still there, I am not just treating him like a pawn anymore. you have to learn that you maybe in the wrong to make things right.

[AdamThomas]

I disagree. Her being friends with you doesn't increase the likelihood that she'll develop feelings for you down the line, if she's friendzoned you she isn't attracted to you, she'll most likely only care for you as a close friend. The difference between that and the girls you friendzoned is that you friendzoned those girls, and they were already slightly attracted to you. The reason the girls who friendzoned you lost contact is that they weren't interested in you, they let you down gently and moved on. Being. a good friend isn't what attracts women.

[lumos]

But the question is, would YOU be a good friend to HER? If not, then that's deceitful and manipulative. Especially if you hope that she'll suddenly, for whatever reason, get feelings for you down the road.

[jjmarvin]

Yea it's basically flipping the tables. Isn't the whole conflict in the first place because it's an uneven relationship? Saying "here take that!" Is just petty and manipulative.

This specific definition of the friend zone is caused by lack of honesty and willpower really. Wouldn't it be a much more clean and logical solution to just say "while i appreciate the offer to just be friends, i don't think I'd be able to set my feelings aside. It'd hurt too bad. Sorry, no hard feelings"? Or if you can set your feelings side, to just put in a friend level of effort and care?

It occurs to me i should have put this in an opinion lol. Oh well.

[lumos]

@jjmarvin haha well I agree. This guy acts like girls are the worst for doing this yet he has no problem with doing it himself. It's just hypocritical and petty. If you don't plan on acting like a friend, then it's not a friendship. And I really doubt any kind of girl with some confidence and self-respect would accept this kind of one-sided "friendship".

[aficionado]

Whatever you have written here, may work for some people. But certainly not for me.

My approach is simple. If I develop feelings for a woman but she friendzones me, I prefer to walk out of the friendzone AND her life with my head held high, rather than 'pretending' to be her friend and hoping that she would change her mind (because she won't). Also, the only way I can kill my feelings for her, is by distancing myself from her.

[Wolfie2014]

You see that's the thing. You talk about pretending to be her friend hoping she'll change your mind about you. I'm talking about placing HER in the friendship category and letting her be your friend, while you move on to other opportunities. I mean, she's rejected you, and asked to be friends. So, accept the rejection, and move on, but place her in the friend category, and let her play the role of friend. There is a difference.

If you be her friend, you'll pretty much become her pseudo boyfriend while she screws other dudes. I'm saying don't let that happen. I'm saying place her in the friend category, while you screw other chicks. Like friends do, let her help you come up with first date ideas or tell her how you like this chick you met (not straight away of course) and generally be the emotional support. Let her play the role of friend. Alpha dudes always leave themselves in the better position when possible. And this, to me, is the better position.

[aficionado]

Well... there is a slight problem with that. Once I develop feelings for someone, I can't place her in the friendzone. My feelings are already upgraded to something. Human emotions aren't like switches which can be turned on or off, according to our whim. I wouldn't want to suffer emotional pain on a regular basis, by being close to her in spite of knowing that she doesn't find me good enough to date. I'd rather cut her out completely.

[Wolfie2014]

Yea i agree that not everyone can turn off their feelings for someone. Of course, my post doesn't really apply to someone you've been together with for several years. But it's a habit i got into to remain detached from the person until she has proven to me she is worth developing feelings for. Until then, I remain aware of what I'm feeling, and keep them in check.

[Bluemax]

Everything you said here you could do with a female friend you don't have feelings for.

If you feel that you're good with being her friend, then do so by all means. On the other hand, I have noticed that prolonged contact tends to prolong the pain of rejection. If you feel that continued contact is prolonging the pain, it's probably best to downgrade the friendship to friendly acquaintance.

[RationalLioness]

I agree: it's manipulative.

That's not how you get someone's interests--by mind fucking them for your benefit. It shows a lack of respect to me.

If she asks for a friend, you can either agree or don't. Friends are a two way street though.

[Entity]

"It's the deadliest place a man, or woman, could be in."

Incredibly dramatic. That aside so basically what you're saying is that if someone wants to only be your friend to simply allow this? Is this... revolutionary? Or did I miss some deep and clearly well thoughtout notion here?

I'm hoping I missed it.

[oldanddecrepid]

I always figured if you got put in the friend-zone, you remained friends and just move on to find someone that actually is wholly interested in you.

If that person that put you in the friendzone can't see the gem you are then that is there issue.

[karahiri]

but, as you've said, those who friendzoned you disappeared from the picture... so what makes you think they'd take on the role of friend?

[Wolfie2014]

And what makes them think that YOU will take on the role of friend? Point is, if they declare that they only want to be friends, then let them be friends. If they disappear, it just shows you that they weren't true in their intent. This post was about turning it around, so that you aren't the one being friend-zoned, but instead they are.

[Bysshe]

That's what I was thinking.

@Asker it seems inconsistent that you're suggesting people do that when you acknowledge that you have managed that yourself with any of the girls who have 'friendzoned' you.

[jordan90]

I don't reverse it. If I really want her, I get out of the friendzone. If she's nothing special and I want to be her friend, then I will be her friend. If not, I walk away.

[Skadouchebag]

I swear to God, I thought that doodle was supposed to be of a guy who stumbled across a dismembered penis lying on the ground.

[VampireEmpress]

I think those are excellent ideas! why guys do favors and support automatically is beyond me. I think you have it exactly right.

[Anonymous]

If she's your real friend, she'd help you find a girl to have sex.

If she's not helping you meet girls, she's not a friend, which is fine, but don't pretend she is.

[Bitterpill]

This is something I've been doing for awhile now. I find most of them fade away quickly but a them few who've stuck around have become great friends whose advice and support I am so glad to have.

[Anonymous]

ain't nobody got time for these types of mind games. Be friends end of story. :-)

[xxcchhllaauu]

I got friend zones by a girl but wasn't going for her. could you say she just friended me

[medical2523]

Dude I gotta try this

[Marinepilot]

FUCK THAT SHIT !!! Don't waste your time !