Are people not realistic about relationships? Do you think we stress too much on monogamy?

[Anonymous]

I see a lot of women on this site talk about how important it is for a man to be faithful (to the extent that they might even rather the men never watch porn again or look at other women lol) and men always want a woman to be faithful to them for the most part.

Now I consider myself very realistic about men and their behaviour and I am also aware that many women cheat as well, so I wonder in this day and age where it is so easy to cheat and do so privately if expecting one to be faithful for long stretches at a time, even for the rest of their life in some circumstances is an unrealistic expectation and we all just set each other and ourselves up to fail.

In addition I think at least from some users I see on this site, your expectations seem very high when it comes to romantic relationships, as I often see things like I want it to be that He/she and I only have eyes for each other, when in my opinion that happens very rare and never lasts more than a few months. I guess the whole concept of love is kind of unrealistic but it exists in the most imperfect conditions of today's world and the euphoric feeling fades and then what is left if it is strong keeps people together which is care. But would a sexual encounter take away from the true care that a person has for their partner.

Also is it possible that whenever someone cheats it is because they are unhappy? Can someone cheat and truly still want to be in a relationship or is it always a subconscious way of them showing that they want out.

I think it is maybe possible to cheat and still truly care for your partner

Lol a lot of questions and propositions I know.

Disclaimer: I have never cheated lol

But I always wonder how some people see relationships with such rose coloured glasses and look past the fact that a lot of the positives fade and care and obligation keep people together in many circumstances.

Just an off the top of my head ramble. Thats all :)

[Anonymous]

People have evolved to survive, not to be happy. We have instincts which drive us to to things which tend to help get our genes into the next generation. Otherwise we wouldn't be here. There are two main strategies to this end, carefully nurture your offspring and spread your genes around mix them up with as many different kinds of people as possible. Men and women have both these instincts to some degree. The latter strategy particularly benefits men because they can have more children and invest less in the chance of having one. Women also benefit from spreading their genes but since they can have only a limited number of children they tend to be more focused on the nurture side.

Humans are animals who can train themselves, that is our distinctive feature so we can learn to suppress one instinct and exalt another but the instinct is always there.

[myTake Owner]

So do you think as we deny our instincts to some extent that we put too much pressure on ourselves to fully deny our instincts?

[Opinion Owner]

I think you can play your instincts off against each other but they never really go away. It's sort of like the parable:

“Inside of me there are two dogs. One is mean and evil and the other is good and they fight each other all the time. When asked which one wins I answer, the one I feed the most.”

[myTake Owner]

Lol I think I have heard that before but it is really applicable to what I am thinking about here. I guess it is kind of like we have to train our desires to an extent

[Skeye89]

Completely agree but should your partner cheat would you be readily willing to re-accept him?

Its definitely true you can cheat and still love your partner completely but human are more restricted by the norms and cultures a few individuals set up to dictate what's right and what's wrong... They call this moral values!!!

What should we set up for our partners what in your view is realistic?

Should we say you can only have dry humping with only 2 persons of their opposite sex? What's yours view on what's realistic?

[myTake Owner]

I guess it is just being realistic about the urges and desires humans have. I would definitely reaccept someone if they had sex with someone else as long as it was not something that they went seeking or looking for. I would also try to be faithful as well and being sexual with someone else it is not something I would encourage my partner to do, but i do not always think it is so simple as he had sex with someone else and it means leave him immediately.
Monogamy is difficult and very few people are monogamous throughout an entire marriage or long term relationship, but we continue to put this pressure on ourselves. I think being realistic would be to fully accept that monogamy is highly difficult

[Skeye89]

Ok love the mytake and your opinion!!!

[myTake Owner]

...:D

[myTake Owner]

... :)

[Jayded1]

Ok the thing is monogamy is individual. Some people love it some people it is not who they are. I love it. I feel complete when with someone. That is all i need to be happy. I have many friends who are in open relationships. Sex and emotion are not the same, they have healthy relationships while having sex with others.

The problem is this. We live in a world where everyone wants everyone else to think the same way they do. It is at the point where if someone else doesn't feel the same way you think they are just not being truthful.

Now here is the thing, if your partner believes in monogamy and you cheat then no, you do not care about them. Even if you do not believe in monogamy. the reason? You are hurting them, you are taking an action that may break your partners heart, You should not be able to do that to someone you claim to love. it isn't;t about personal opinions or feelings about monogamy it is about trust and betrayal.

[anon4122]

if you're ok with them sleeping with someone else it is called an open ended relationship. Cheating is wrong because it betrays someones trust when they were led to believe they would be your only partner.