Being the second option: A continuation

[Anonymous]

I recently saw a post by my cousin @SweetHomicidalQueen, about being the second option. I didn't feel that the post really captured the full experience of being chosen second. For example, many of you hardly know who I am, if at all, but she's widely known and loved on this site. I realize that this is because I don't post nearly as often, but it still feels as if I'm living in her shadow which sometimes makes me want to give up on posting here. This happens in person too since she's very pretty and I've been called a "3/10" on five different occasions (by five different people.) Although I try talking to a variety of people every day, I'm either ignored, talked over, or asked about Jade. But what does it truly feel like?

Have you ever felt so incredibly in love with a person that your chest seemed to burn in a pleasant way whenever you thought of them? This isn't the dorky little crush shit that urges you to stalk their facebook wall, this is full on stomach tingling, breath-stopping, heart scorching love and lust and passion all rolled into one. Now imagine this, you ask him/her out. "Sorry, I like someone else, but I'll call you if he/she says no." Ow. So much pain. Your chest is tightening and you can no longer seem to breathe. Your eyes sting and you brush away tears furiously. God, you feel like such a little bitch crying over this, but you just can't help it. Your once enjoyable stomach tingling turns to nausea, you still can't find your breath around the lump in your throat, and your chest feels like a shirt that shrank a size in the wash. This is what it truly feels like to be the second option.

Yes, having options is a good thing, but not when it's people. You can't just walk around with people on your leash. Even just being the back-up friend hurts the same. Trust me, I've become an expert on the situation this past school year. I get messages from people who have read, and ignored, my messages for months. I get so insanely happy. A smile stretches across my face and I resist the bubble of laughter rising in my throat. The pain in my chest dissipitates. Is this what it's like to be happy? Then the next message... "So, where's Jade?" The pain is back sevenfold. My body shakes as I gasp for air and I crawl under the blankets so that no one else has to see me cry. Once again, the second option. I wish that I was exaggerating this, but it hurts so much. I've gone from feeling like a solid 5 to a -2 in just one month of dealing with this. I am literally terrified to talk to anyone now. I keep myself covered in drapes of long hair and oversized hoodies, and I mask myself with an intimidating appearance to keep away the potential heartbreaks, whether that heartbreak be from a friend or something more. Either way hurts.

So please, anyone who feels as if it's okay to use another person, think again. Imagine these situations described and remember how badly this would hurt. Don't remain in denial about treating people this way either. It's very obvious if you do it, and you're just slowly hurting this person more and more for your own selfish reason. Please, never treat someone like they're only good enough to be a second option.

[Spiorad_Aisce]

I do agree with this somewhat - In any situation if your heart is not in it don't go there, It usually leads to some form of hurt - I have a simple rule in life if doing anything that abuses/hurts yourself or someone else more than not doing it, don't do it - I think we are talking about emotional connections here (relationships, friendships etc) in other areas of life you may have to use options.
I have found myself saying this a lot in the last few days but I think it applies in the "Using" area, think about how it would feel if it happened to you.

[TayTay21]

It sucks, but guys have choices, too. We're so used to being the choosers that it can be tough to realize that we might meet the perfect guy and be nothing more than a fallback to him.

I had this happen when I was 15. I was in love with this guy who was 23 and gorgeous. I couldn't be around him without getting butterflies and a tingling sensation all over my body. He mostly used me and gave little in return, and that was devastating.

That's when I started to work on myself. I've been lifting weights for the past three years and have actually gained curves since I was 15. Guys treat me differently now. The harsh reality is that guys don't friendzone hot girls. Every girl should take control of her fitness and get in the best shape possible so that *she* can be the one to tell guys that they're the second option.

[myTake Owner]

I was including both genders in this post. The female in the picture just seemed to fit.

[myTake Owner]

I just realized that my last comment made no sense, I was thinking of my other take. I don't think I've ever been the chooser, but this was aimed at both sexes. It really does hurt to be used that way

[TayTay21]

I know it sucks, I've been there! My point was that we do have some control over it. We can learn to detach from those guys who are clearly using us, and we can make ourselves more attractive so that *we* have some choice in the matter. After I got told I was a fallback, I vowed never to be that again. Hot people don't get put on hold, and that goes for both genders.

[Chief16]

Nice Take! Hard to argue with anything you said. And believe me I always have something to say.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you , I poured my little heart into it this time