It's that time of year again, when everything is pink and covered in hearts. It's revolting, but for those who are heartbroken and out of love, it can be hell.
Fear not, my little supervillains in training, for I, your friendly neighbourhood supervillain, have a solution.
You might be thinking that I am going to advise you to kill all of the potential objects of your affection to save yourself the trouble. Tempting (who doesn't love a murder plot?), but a tad overdone. There's no fun in a cliched scene any longer.
No, my dear baby villains. I want you to go out into the big wide world and fall in love. I want you to get your hearts broken. Not in a sadistic sense - I believe that heartbreak is essential to any great villain's origin story.
Once upon a time, not so very long ago and in a land not so very far away, I had an Evil Cohort. I believed he would be my Permanent Evil Cohort, actually. Oh, the plots we made! The chaos we created! The destruction we wrought! It was beautiful. Truly, an origin story for the ages.
But it was also not to be. He had been called to train under an Evil Overlord, and I was in the middle of an evil plot that would take several months to reach fruition. He crossed the Pond, and I stayed behind. We began to grow apart - he came up with plots that had no place for my talents in them. I feared that our ultimate plot would never come to be, but as I knew his Evil Overlord was very demanding, I kept these concerns to myself. I began to battle with my nemesis, a fearsome hero that has plagued me most of my life. Eventually, my Evil Cohort grew weary of my battles with my nemesis and ended our allegiance.
Naturally, I was devastated. How does a villain recover from losing the best ally and Evil Cohort that they have ever had? With difficulty, my darlings.
However, I can honestly say that my Evil Cohort ending our allegiance was the best thing that ever happened to me. It was a blow to my evil plans, certainly. I was angry and desperately sad, true. At one point, I hoped that some hero would come along and end my misery.
But no, that never came to pass. After all, what sort of villain would I be if I allowed myself to be defeated by a hero so easily? A villain does not give up. A villain keeps going, to bring chaos and destruction and mass murder to a world that is full of hearts and flowers and pinkness.
Heartbreak is a necessary trial for all villains. It teaches us that we can be brought to our absolute lowest without dying. Even though you may not know it, you have the strength to keep fighting and defeat that blasted hero. Heartbreak doesn't ruin your plans or even make you impervious to love. Heartbreak makes you more open - to new ideas, to new people and even to new loves - because you know that everything can change in an instant. You learn to love deeper, to fall faster, to dream bigger because life is in transit. Nothing will ever stay the same, so you have to take advantage of it while you can.
As for myself, I have begun training under my own Evil Overlord. My nemesis still plagues me, but I will be victorious. I will be a better villain than I ever could have been at the side of my former Evil Cohort, because my plots play to my strengths instead of to his.
I believe in you, my villains in training. You can become the best villain you can be. Do not let your failed allegiances crush you.
Oh, and if you must destroy the heart- and pink-encrusted foulness, make sure you burn it to the ground. It has a way of coming back and spreading.
Yours,
A friendly neighbourhood supervillain
9mfeo
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