Being In Love Isn't Always Easy!

[OlderAndWiser]

My girlfriend has a son and 2 stepsons from her long term marriage which ended 7 years ago. Her son is in school about an hour away from us and he lives independently of his mother. He is a good son.

My girlfriend is an instrumental force in the lives of her stepsons and she is very closely bonded to them. She has helped when they needed help and she has loved them when they needed love. She has always been aware and respectful of the fact that they have a mother who is a good mother and is also a significant figure in their lives, but her relationship with her stepsons blurs the distinction between parent and stepparent. She has maintained a close relationship with her stepsons since her divorce from their father and they both call her frequently. One recently moved back to our hometown but the other lives three states away from us.

This past week, the stepson who still lives elsewhere came to town for a training program that will last 10 days. Of course, my girlfriend wanted to spend as much time with him as possible but he has many friends here and he spent much of his free time elsewhere, leaving her to wonder when she would get to spend time with him. (He did the same thing to his father and, in fact, spent even less time with the dad.)

Usually, I pack a bag and go to her home on Friday afternoons and stay there until Monday morning. Spending the weekend with her is the high point of my week and I was looking forward to seeing her this weekend. But that won't happen this weekend; my girlfriend has refused to make any plans with me because she wants to remain available in the event that her stepson calls and wants to see her.

I am the one who is always there for her. I am the one she can count on . . . always. He is here today, gone tomorrow, not a dependable factor in her life. This isn't FAIR!

I wanted to throw a tantrum and tell her how awful it is to be treated this way . . . but, of course, I didn't. That would be SO counterproductive. I wanted to scream at her and ask why she is treating me so badly . . . but I didn't.

What I did was to take her in my arms when I last saw her. I told her that I wanted what was best for her and I know that she needs to spend time with her stepson. I told her that I was disappointed that I would not be spending time with her and that we would need to make the most of our time when we next get together. Then I told her that I love her and that a part of me is jealous of him spending time with her . . . but I have my sights on the big prize, the long term goal, and that means that I must make her happiness as important as my own happiness.

It wasn't easy. Being in love with her doesn't mean that I automatically wanted to do the right thing. What it does mean is that I did not react impulsively, that I thought about what I was doing, I made what I thought was a wise decision, and then I found the strength to implement that decision.

Being in love isn't easy, but as Mr. James Taylor stated so eloquently and succinctly, "love's the finest thing around."

[kaylaS91]

I fully agree with the sentiment behind this take, that love is not easy. I'm not surprised to see a few comments calling you selfish and such, which is easy to say when you're on the outside looking in.

One thing that seems lost on many, even when they're in a relationship, is how much pride must be put aside for the sake of your partner's happiness. For being able to reach compromise what feels like far too often, at times. Love and putting someone else's happiness/well-being before your own sometimes, for the well-being of your relationship, is not easy. I think that bit of hard work it takes to make it last is what helps make love that much greater, though. If it was easy as pie to stick with someone through the good and the bad, managing to make it together long-term wouldn't be nearly as special. :)

[Phoenix98]

Can't argue there, love is never easy, but then again is anything ever truly worth doing really easy?

[OlderAndWiser]

Many users on this site don't understand that point. They are looking for an easy fix.

[Phoenix98]

Yeah I've noticed that but like you said they need to understand that there is nothing easy about love, or romantic feelings in general. They're like a garden you must constantly tend, nurture, water and prune a garden for it to grow into something beautiful. Love is really no different, even when you got it you still have to keep all that up.

[lolatyou]

" Being in love with her doesn't mean that I automatically wanted to do the right thing. What it does mean is that I did not react impulsively, that I thought about what I was doing, I made what I thought was a wise decision, and then I found the strength to implement that decision."

You're exactly right. I was about to tell you that you're being a bit of a baby until I read that part lol

My boyfriend and I were just talking about this last night, about how so many couples react before they think about the other person's feelings a lot of the time.

It's difficult to be self aware enough to know that just because you feel a certain way, doesn't make you right.

[OlderAndWiser]

Becoming older - and hopefully wiser - doesn't make the right thing easier to do. It just makes the right thing easier to see.

[Arthur1970]

Its nice writting. Really. But to be in love is beautiful, sometimes painful, but always its something what will you give more to the next life. If you think that anythink its unfair, its only in your eyes and soul. The partner / other person can see it in defferent eyes. Try to understand it. If its not possible and truth is really on your side, be king.. be gentlemen. ( I know eayse to say hard to do). I did it.. and Im stronger. I can feel like it.

[cmale123]

You kidding right. You are very pathetic. Competing against a kid for a girl attention. Grow the freak up. 10 day no pussy, you already crying. What a cry baby

[OlderAndWiser]

The "kid" is 37 years old and there was no competition. I am not crying. I understood the situation; if I was not grown up I may have responded differently, but I did not. I used this as an example of making compromises in a relationship to illustrate that it is not always about you but sometimes about your partner. I didn't cry and I am not a baby.

If the only fun in your life comes from creating reasons to criticize others, I can tolerate this.

[Ownedslut]

Well that was very dim.

you swallowed your selfishness for half a second and recognized that your girlfriend had a close relative she wanted to try and spend time with? How positively courageous of you.

I can't have a sexy weekend with my boo? Damn I must really love her if I can give up sexy time.

[OlderAndWiser]

The air must be very thin up there on the moral high ground.

[OlderAndWiser]

This myTake focused on one incident in our relationship. You have no idea what history we have and how many times I have made compromises and sacrifices because I love her. However, no one could possibly know more than a 20 year old child.

[puffgreenring]

Love is pain and sad especially when someone disappear facker

[SunsetRose]

That's a good lesson for all of us.

[abundantlyrich]

This is what happens when you date a single mother

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, but she is 64 years old and it is a 37 year old ex-step-son. He was in town for about 10 days, told her in advance that he would stay at her home while he was here, and then she saw him for a few hours on 2 days when he was here.

[Anonymous]

Fuck dating and FUCK relationships!!