What to Do When Suffering From Unrequited Love, Part 2: The Rejector

[AmazingAmanda123]

If you haven't already, please read my Unrequited Love: Part 1 Take!

Unrequited love is a double edged sword, yet people only give regards to the lover's side and not the rejector's side. I've been on the side of the rejector before once or twice and I've learned what you should do and what you should avoid.

The Rejector

What NOT to do:

1. Leave the Lover Hanging

This mostly applies if you are aware of the lover's affection for you, but you're avoiding telling him/her that you don't feel the same way. If you leave the lover hanging and choose not to say anything, it will cause them more unnecessary. If you tell them right away (and face to face), it will hurt them, yes, but it will help them to heal faster.

2. Blame Yourself

This is the hardest thing to remember, but it's also the most important. It's not your fault and, as I've said before in Part 1, you get no say I whether or not you're in love. Like the lover never asked to be in love with you, you never asked to not be in love with the lover and you're not causing him/her this pain on purpose.

3. Brush it under the rug

The lover is suffering right now, and if you act like everything is all hunky-dory around the lover (even he/she is acting all okie-dokie, it's likely to hide their pain) as if nothing happened, that can be a blow to them. I'm not saying to act all gloom and doom, but to just acknowledge that, yes, it happened and you're sorry for it. You can smile, but it still happened and you're still sorry.

What to do:

1. Give the lover some space

The lover is in a distressed state of mind, as are you. But the lover likely needs minimal contact with you and I know that this can be hard, especially if you're good friends with this person. But they need some times for the scars to heal and the separation can be good for you too, not being too heavily reminded of that gulit. So give them some space, but don't ignore them too much.

2. Forgive yourself

This is in conjunction with the whole "don't blame yourself thing from before", but it can't be said enough. You caused the lover pain, but you had no choice in doing so and, sadly, there are some people who will act like it's your fault. In order for others to forgive you, you'll have to forgive yourself first.

3. Remember that the lover will find someone else

It always happens, we pine away for someone and then someone new comes along and then we forget all about the person we were pining away for to begin with. If you remind yourself (and the lover, if appropriate) that they will find another some day, it will soften the blow. You'll feel less guilty and the lover will regain hope.

As you can see, unrequited love is a strain for the rejector as well, despite it being often ignored in favor of the lover's pain. There are, sadly, some guys and some women who brag about how many hearts they break and I won't pretend like they don't exist, but for the most part, it's heartbreaking for the rejector's too, especially when you care about this person. However, I hoped that I've helped from channeling my experience onto you.

Thank you for reading and best wishes.

[Guy13]

Accept. Grieve. Move-on...