What To Do When Suffering from Unrequited Love, Part 1: The Witnesses

[AmazingAmanda123]

It's been said that this is the worst feeling in the world and people tend to react to it differently. One group that's seldom taken into consideration is the witnesses. These people are the ones who have to watch someone they care about suffering and they feel powerless to stop the pain. It's true that you are powerless to stop the pain, but you are not powerless to help.

The Witnesses of the Lover:

What NOT to do:

1. Laugh at their expense

I don't think it's usually an issue, but I've noticed that of a guy is suffering from love sickness, his male friends try to make a joke out of it whether they are saying stuff like "she's WAY out of your league" or "Quit whining you pussy!".

My grandmother always said that "there is a time to have fun and a time to be serious". This is a time to be serious because the lover is at his/her all time low, and they need support and any little thing could make them worse.

2. Worry excessively

I know this is one of the harder ones, but it's important to not do this. Because if you worry too much, you'll stress yourself out and the lover will have another distressing thing on their plate and feel guilty that they're causing you this stress when it's really no one's fault. Plus, you'll feel a need to be clingy on them when they need some alone time once in a while.

3. Bring up the rejection

It's okay to do this once or twice if you say stuff like "I'm really sorry" and "There are other fish in the sea". But it's most likely (and best) that the lover is trying to avoid thinking about what happened so if you bring it up too much, it's going to do some serious harm.

What to do:

1. Be there for them

The lover is feeling alone in the world, if you're there, you show him/her that you're there. And they will feel better. But, like I said before, you don't want to be too clingy and give them space once in a while.

2. Smile

The lover is in a low state and they need some happiness in life. Emotions are contagious and if you're smiling, they will be too. Don't force it, just think positive and smile and think about the good things in life and they will too.

3. Make them their favorite food

This might seem silly, but food is known to cheer us up. If you make their favorite cake or whatever, they'll feel loved and cheered up. Plus, it's gives you a chance to measure how bad the situation truly is.

The Witnesses of the Rejector:

Again, the other group that's ignored of the other half that's also ignored: the rejector. To the rejector's witnesses, here's how to help and how not to help.

What NOT to do:

1. Tell the rejector how lucky they are.

I've seen this before and I've had this happen to me before. The witnesses would say stuff like "You can get any guy/girl to like you!", "Lucky you", or even "Quit bragging!" When he/she trying to express the guilt of rejecting someone. They don't like having this romantic attention, so you can't insist that they do or else it will make him/her feel twice as bad because now they feel both gulit and ungrateful.

2. Blame them

The rejector already feels guilty enough about having to turn down the lover's affections and the last thing they need is you to tell them "Oh, it's your fault", "Did you encourage his/her affections?", or sometimes even "Well, you shouldn't have told they looked good in their new shirt!" The rejector will feel even worse about the lover than they already do if you say this stuff.

3. Blame the lover

Again, the rejector feels awful about it already. If you say stuff about the lover like "Oh, he/she was stupid for taking your compliment that way", "He/she should have known better", or even (if the lover was male) "Boys will be boys". This will NOT make the rejector feel any better and will just add to the guilt.

What to do:

1. Be there for them.

Like the lover, the rejector has many stressful feelings about the situation. If they have someone there for them, it will soften the blow and they will feel assured that they have someone they can talk to.

2. Reassure them that it's no one's fault.

You get no say in whether you're in love or not. As I've stated before, the rejector feels guilty about it and if you reassure them that it's not their fault or

even the lover's fault, that may help decrease their gulit.

3. Tell them that the lover will get over it.

If you tell them that the lover will eventually get over the rejection (because they will), that will also help soften the blow. But you don't want to say it coldly like "Oh, he'll/she'll get over it! Quit whining!", you want to say it warmly and reassuringly like "She/He will get over it at some point in time. I promise".

And of course, with all of these you are encouraged to tell stories about times that either you were rejected or had to reject someone, anytime that you went through what the person you care about is going through.

I plan to write two more MyTakes on the subject about the rejector and the lover at some point of you want learn more about it.

Thank you for reading this and best of luck to your lover or rejector.

[JudgmentDay]

Find a way to stop feeling "love" for someone or anyone. Kind of like finding a way to control pain, disconnect it or disconnect from it. You won't feel nothing completely, but you will feel you care less or don't really care much or anything at all about "love" anymore.

Unrequited "love" and rejection sucks, but it's part of reality and not completely avoidable. You can get turned down by a position at a company or a job offer you really wanted and it could hurt just as bad, much less from another person for that kind of romantic "love" or "desire".

It's more or less all in our heads because of hormones doing their thing. I think it's really all a lie. But it's there because it's only necessary to reduce the chance and prevent us from never reproducing and procreating.

If there was a way to clear out all those feelings of "love" or "attachments" for someone that had been badly hurt and rejected and they dont want to be able to and continue suffer any further from those delusions, then I think that would benefit all and anyone that had realized this reality and had already given up on "love" or finding "love".

[Anonymous]

I met him at a low point in my life, he was kind, compassionate, intelligent and the only person who said what I was thinking. He would compliment me, how I dressed, how I did this or that and tease playfully. He would visit me numerous times a day. Had he not done any of the above, I would never get the wrong idea. Had he not asked to spend time with me, I would never get the wrong idea. I am the girl who never gives anyone access to my heart, but the very first time I did, I was wrong. He never meant anything by it all or if he did, it was only for fun to see how the ice queen responded. He started avoiding me when I responded and I went silent. So much time has passed, I have not recovered from being treated like that, I don't know that I ever will. Does that make me weak? No. I was clear. I chose. He hesitated. He lost.

[Gommers]

First of all, women don't experience this. They have 10 guys going after them for every 1 girl a guy has going after him. She will have any woman she wants if she's JUST IN FUCKING SHAPE.

Second, women don't experience this

Third, women don't experience this.

Fourth, women don't experience this. Why is there one writing a mytake on it?

[AmazingAmanda123]

Uhh... Because we DO experience it? Forgive me, but what rock have you been living under?

[Gommers]

No, you really don't. You just pretend that you do.

[AmazingAmanda123]

No, we do and it hurts.

[Yesmanyesmaam]

Nice post. I was the lover in an unrequited love for six years, so I can definitely relate to that side.