Or why it's bad to romanticize potential or current partners.
When I was younger (and more naive), I used to think that I wanted a man who placed me on a pedestal: someone who thought I was perfect and wonderful and could do no wrong. As I got older (and somewhat wiser), I discovered that I really didn't want that at all! Spoiler alert- every human being has flaws, every single one; your mother, sister, that hot guy in your class or the pretty girl at the local store, all are flawed human beings.
By placing me on a pedestal, they were erasing everything that made me ME, and reducing me down to this ideal person that they thought I was, and I was bound to disappoint them. It was my first real relationship, and despite all my attempts to explain to him that I couldn't live up this perfect woman he envisioned me as, he couldn't/wouldn't stop, and so our relationship ended.
Now there's something to be said for thinking that your significant other is perfect; obviously you think the other person is ideal, otherwise you wouldn't be with them. But where does this belief that flawed is inherently a bad thing come from? The Japanese have a saying called wabi-sabi, which is beauty found in imperfection, which I think more people should apply to their relationships. You shouldn't love someone because you think they're perfect, you shouldn't love someone in SPITE of their flaws, but you should love them because of their flaws. Flaws here meaning anything from a crooked smile, to a tendency to snort when they're laughing, or the fact they always have to have the last word.
These little idiosyncrasies are what make the person that you love and admire, them, so don't ignore them or refuse to see them, love them as what they are.
I think people with crushes are most guilty of such a thing, and even I can admit that I've caught myself doing it. The problem comes from not really knowing someone, but being in love with the “idea” of them. The cute barista at your local coffee shop has a great smile, she's sweet and funny and you just know that you would treat her like a queen! The problem is your “illusion” doesn't allow for the fact that she snores, or that she's condescending or likes to pick fights. When the illusion becomes shattered, men and women both become belligerent: how dare that person treat me this way, don't they know how well I'd treat them!?
But they weren't acting out of character for them, not really, but they weren't acting how you had thought they would.
The best thing to remember in relationships and life, is that every person you meet is an individual with their own thoughts and stories and yes, even flaws. By placing a person or even an entire gender on a pedestal, you're setting yourself up for nothing but disappointment. There are good men and good women, bitchy boys and bitchy girls, men who will treat you like dirt and women who will do the same thing and often it can be difficult to distinguish between the two. Especially if you've built this person up in your mind to the point that they can do no wrong.
When you do manage to scrounge through the dating muck and come up victorious, remember that your significant other isn't perfect, no one is, but those little flaws they have make them even more human, and because of that even more beautiful.
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