Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater? Maybe.. Maybe Not..

[natured]

We have heard about this famous line every time somebody got cheated on, this is some automatic response we give to people who get cheated on and ask for advice ... on whether they should give them another chance or not ... and i'm sure some of you been through that as well ...

Disclaimer: I'm always glad to read your stories so share them with me on the comment section and tell me how you proceeded and if this MyTake is reflecting your struggles !!!

According to me, even thought this might sound stupid to some of you, when we assume “once a cheater, always a cheater,” we deeply underestimate people’s ability to change ... at least SOME people's ability to WILLING TO change because some cheaters really do continue cheating because they are ... (bad words, bad words and other bad words) ** **

> Please consider the word SOME <

Infidelity always has a purpose to it, although most often that purpose is not known or understood,-

Before a cheater can change, they have to work through the issues that drove them to stray, but only if that cheater is sure about what he/she did, and if they love their partner so much that they are willing to change.

Usually, after a lot of individual and couples therapy, cheaters tend to stay loyal, when both acknowledge what caused the breakdown within their relationship and understand what factors pushed them to cheat. And obviously it depends if that Factor is logical or not..

Even though there is NO excuse whatsoever, ... on the other hand an unfaithful person who blames their partner for driving them to cheat isn’t likely to change, they will usually show no remorse, and they will most probably NOT change at all ...

For whatever reason a partner was unfaithful, once they see the damage they've caused on their loved one, they don’t want to cheat again. But only if they really really love their partner and they know they messed up ever since the first second they cheated.

How should couples resolve this? If both partners approach the problem with an open mind, it’s possible for a couple to heal and move past infidelity. So a lot of communication and a lot of patience and maybe even courage is needed from the betrayed one, if they are willing to give it another try.

Obviously the Cheater needs to give it's best and fight in order to earn that trust again. (it's a long long way buddy)

Me personally, i have no idea if I would ever forgive my spouse in this case, it is hard to say, until one really gets a taste of it, NO i never got cheated on if you think i wrote this reflecting my own experiences ... And I honestly hope i will never go through that ..

As a matter of fact !!!

Is it worth trying?

Can somebody really have a normal relationship afterwards, can people look at each other like they once did?

Is it really risky to forgive a cheater ? Is it even worth it ?

Maybe Yes ... Maybe No ...

it all depends on the case, it all depends on the situation, and it all depends if the cheater is showing signs of improvement and positive changes ... in this case, they deserve a second chance ... but the choice is on the betrayed one :)

Thank you for reading and I wish you all an amazing weekend

Natured <3

[JDavid25]

Well, the mistake is calling them a cheater in the first place.. Especially if they only cheated once, and it was outta stress, or being too in the moment.. But, I would forgive my partner altogether.. Even if it wasn't a one time thing.. Now, it does depend on the severity of their cheating and how sorry they are if I will ever look at them the same, or stay with them... If they cheated once, and felt like they were dying inside because of it.. It would be easy enough to just eventually get past it.. But, if they continually did it... *Tsk tsk tsk*... And felt sorry about it.. Maybe some time apart, and some counseling could get us back on track.. But, I will never see them the same, or even maybe trust them again..

[JDavid25]

That's just me though.. LOL.. I'mma pretty forgiving guy..

[natured]

I hate that people gave you thumbs down this just really pissed me off, and i'm sorry that they did, but they don't know you, they don't know your golden heart. Thanks for your comment and I DO agree a lot with you <3 and i don't think people should down vote ANYONE this is so unfair -_-

[JDavid25]

It's okay.. It's the internet, and more importantly G@G.. Hahaha.. Gotta take the good with the bad.. But thanks for MHO! :)..

[Goodwifie]

Every relationship is different.
People are so eager to put their opinion forward of what you should do in this situation.
Depends on if the couple want to repair the damage that has been done.
If there are still the same feelings hidden underneath but both partners have forgotten about.
It's easy to forget and disconnect, disengage, ignore and have resentment towards each other.
If a couple can work through this then it's completely up to them.

[natured]

Couldn't agree more <3

[kaylaS91]

I think this is a super tough topic to approach. Tough as in... it's truly something that differs with each case, yet at the same time, not entirely?

It's tough to explain. But, having lived through (what I believe qualifies as..) cheating before, there's a few points to keep in mind.
1) What qualifies as cheating? Does it have to be physical, as in kissing/full-on sex? Would groping or milder things count too, though?
2) Who was it with? A random, or someone who the s/o had known for a while and only after the fact did you realize how they had been hanging out with this individual almost as much, if not more, than with you as of late?
3) How did your s/o handle being busted? Did they fess up and apologize, taking full ownership for their misbehaviour? Or maybe did they shift the blame, making up a bunch of classic excuses like they'd been feeling really stressed/tired and therefore weren't thinking clearly, how they hadn't done it (if it was nothing physical) with poor intentions and make you feel like you're blowing it out of proportion.

Anyway.. the issue I had to deal with with my boyfriend was complicated af and only afterwards, did I come to see that 'cheating' isn't so black and white. I mean, it may be to you. It sure as hell was cheating in my books. But then my boyfriend pulled a bunch of those classic lines of making me feel like I'm off my rocker for even thinking he'd ever cheat, how he only hung out with this chick who just so happened to be the same one he'd told me a week prior to had an 'amazing body' and was a gymnast, etc.. So I started believing him. I WAS crazy. He wouldn't do it.

But he did. I know how betrayed/lied to, the whole works, is true beyond reasonable doubt. I stayed with him but after pulling a bunch of stunts like shifting the blame to me (?), to then saying he did it only because she was 'really interesting' even though I was pining to hang out with him on the one/two days per week he got off work..

I wish I hadn't given him a second chance. I still wish that but now, almost a year later, I'm still struggling trying to 'trust' him when I know damn well that's something that will never be there in whole.

[ThisDudeHere]

"Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater? Maybe.. Maybe Not.."

"Maybe.. Maybe Not.."

Nope. Better safe than sorry. I will not be the fool who assumes a person can change after doing such a thing.

"we deeply underestimate people’s ability to change"
-Perhaps, but this is not an area where it's safe to assume that they can change. Because if they don't, you will have wasted your time.

"and if they love their partner so much that they are willing to change."
-If they cheated then they never really loved their partner to begin with.

"what factors pushed them to cheat"
-There are no such factors that can 'push' a person to cheat. If you have problems in a relationship, either try and fix them or break up. You have no excuse to cheat.

"But only if they really really love their partner"
-Again, to assume that they actually loved their partner is problematic, to say the least.

"maybe even courage is needed from the betrayed one"
-Real courage comes from putting your feet on the ground and dumping them. To forgive is to invite for it to happen again.

"Is it really risky to forgive a cheater? Is it even worth it?"
Absolutely not.

"in this case, they deserve a second chance"
-I completely disagree.

[CheerGirl38139]

img.memesuper.com/...mes-shocked-face_400-400.jpeg

[ThisDudeHere]

@CheerGirl38139 and?

[CheerGirl38139]

farm5.static.flickr.com/.../...49_50c5c1a3f1_b.jpg

[ThisDudeHere]

@CheerGirl38139 If you don't like what I have to say, nothing's stopping you from just ignoring it and not replying at all. Downvoting, posting memes and avoiding counter questions just means you're vying for attention and drama.

[CheerGirl38139]

I jus think you're fucking ridiculous for a guy that's actually fairly smart... as you know. :)

[ThisDudeHere]

@CheerGirl38139 oh but of course. All a person needs in order to be ridiculous is just have a set of opinions different from your own. I've already gotten the memo.

[ScottSummers]

ty dude, agree with most of what you have wrote.

[CheerGirl38139]

Riiiight mate. You're totally open-minded and considerate of alternative views.

[ThisDudeHere]

@CheerGirl38139 then please do tell what an 'alternative' view is here in this particular case? Because the way I see it, the only 'alternatives' that I see here all involve me one way or another accepting someone who has cheated. No thank you.

[Decoris]

@ThisDudeHere I like you. Ima follow you and hopefully get the chance to read more of your opinions. Good person with good point of views

[lord_chilled]

I couldn't have said it better man.

[independentman]

What's your oppion on a married couple with kids involved? Should they divorce?

[ThisDudeHere]

@independentman they should try to. If one cheats, what kind of example are they setting for the kids, once the kid finds out?

[independentman]

Thanks dude.

[natured]

I do agree with everything you say, and yes just so you guys know the whole MyTake was hypothetical theory, as some of you know me I'm always in between two ideas, i'm never Ying OR Yang i'm just the LINE drawn between them, which leads me to accept every opinion you guys have, but I find it ridiculous that people call you bad names, this is unacceptable.
I accept every honest opinion of yours and I am well aware of them and i always care about reading them since i love love direct people.
For the rest, who offended you, they should mature a little bit more and quit this BS because we're not in a war zone, we're here to share opinions to learn about each other and to accept each other..
It's not hard to understand... -_-

[ThisDudeHere]

Thank you but the thing you probably don't understand is that if you're opinion is not the same as theyr's, then you're just "stubborn" and "opinionated."

[natured]

And you should care less ;) because only mature people will accept others no matter what :D people should not be chosen, they should be accepted it's simple and human

[ThisDudeHere]

*your
And not like I care, just stating an observation.

[natured]

*your where?

[ThisDudeHere]

It was my mistake earlier.

[natured]

Didn't notice since I'm more focused on significance rather than grammar.
Take care darling <3

[lord_chilled]

the way I see it, if you are cabable of cheating, you are a cheater.
and if you have done it once, that is proof.
if you kill someone, that makes you a murderer, regardless of wether you do it again, or not. you already proved you are capable of it, and have done it.
if you rape someone, and never do it again, still makes you a rapist.
I don't see how a cheater is any different. you are capable of doing it, you did and here's your tag.
you can change for the better or for worse, that affects you, just yourself, the damage has been done and the label won't disappear

[ThisDudeHere]

Good point with the murderer thing.

[lord_chilled]

@ThisDudeHere thanks.

[independentman]

Got some wise words in your oppinion "the damage has been done and the label won't disappear..."

[lord_chilled]

@independentman thank you

[AleDeEurope]

Forgiving a cheater would be a mistake. If someone cheats on you, you should dump them asap, since they clearly don't care about you. Why would anyone forgive someone who doesn't care?
If they cheated on a previous partner, then I guess you could give them a chance. Would I? No. Why? Because why would I date someone who doesn't have the same morals as I do? Why would I date someone who previously cheated on someone she told she cared for, same thing she's telling me? If she was able to cheat on an ex, she could easily cheat on me.
There's thousands of women out there, great women, there's no reason to risk it with a cheater.

[FakeName123]

People have the ability to change. The problem is that they rarely do. If a person cheated once, it just becomes more difficult for them to stay loyal - because they overstepped that boundary once already.

Thus it requires them to genuinely understand their wrong, genuinely want to change their wrongdoing AND be willing to put in the effort to actually change. The likelihood of that is very low at best.

[imtheman0048]

Have some self respect and allow that line to never be crossed. They want to be with you? And they're sorry they hurt you? They should have thought of that when they f***** someome else. Taking them back is just saying. "You can cheat on me without no real repercussions."

[FatherJack]

Agreed , instantly binned is the only option !!

[Kuraj]

I don't care if that person will cheat again.
They have demonstrated that they have zero respect for their current partner so that relationship is clearly done and over.
I don't understand what kind of person would stay with a cheater, that person clearly doesn't give the tiniest shit about you, have some self respect and throw them out on the street.

[FatherJack]

Never cheated ( despite having the opportunity... why do a lot of women seem to prefer already taken men? ) , never been cheated on & it will never happen to me now. Have always simply ended relationships when they have come to a dead end. However if it did happen , she would be binned instantly !!

[xxmamichulaxx]

I actually saw a study on a few websites showing that a lot of women are more attracted to already taken, commited men, which is kind of scary lol.

[FatherJack]

@xxmamichulaxx Yes , a phenomena known as " Pre Selection " , if a fellow female finds a man attractive enough to commit , then , in her eyes , he is made of the right stuff. Inter female friendships are much closer than inter male on average , & most women value the opinion of their female friends , much more than a male opinion. This also explains why most single men , remain single for lengthy periods , often months & years , most men have far less options.

[coolbreeze]

Once somebody cheats then they will always cheat. I know people that do this in real life and no matter how much they say they are sorry. They still go out and cheat again.

[Omar5881]

I personally don't think it's correct to forgive a cheater yes ofc they can change but still there are barriers if they're broken they could never be built back , and from a personal experience it's definitely a mistake to forgive a cheater

[natured]

Yes i kind of share the same thought with you, even though i've never been through it so i dont know how it feels.
Thanks for reading <3

[evenlift]

People have free will. So, yes, people can change. But, the sad fact is that most people don't change significantly in adulthood.

But, if I were to be cheated on, I would not forgive my woman, even if she were genuinely to change.

[Anonymous]

No you can learn from your mistakes. There are many people rn dating and married to individuals who cheated in the past and they are in committed relationships.

[NatashaJ]

I say if you not going to cheat then don't tell other partners you cheated or they just think your cheater and just wait for you to cheat and not trust you.

[daremetwo]

All I have to say on the subject is cheat once & your gone.

[ShortCircuit]

Whether they are capable of changing or not, cheaters simply don't DESERVE a second chance - with anyone, especially not the person they cheated on.

[luvstoned4him]

Always a cheater. I tried but never met anyone who did it once and didn't do it again. Its hard to trust again after that. Really messed up your head.

[bloodmountain1990]

Nope, not always.

Is someone who was a drug addict, always a drug addict?

[xxmamichulaxx]

People with drug addicts usually have physical and or strong mental addictions to their drug , cheating isn't an addiction, its a choice. I think some cheaters can change , but I wouldn't take the chance and get into a relationship with someone who cheated on past partners.

[abundantlyrich]

The headline reminds me of a famous sports star who is that because his father cheated. I bet he is still a serial cheater.

[lovelyhoneybones]

In most cases, yes. I've rarely seen cheaters change.

[John_Doesnt]

Cheating women are always cheaters. It never changes ever. Because I'm a scientist.

[SecretAsianGirl]

Isn't anyone who cheats a cheater?

[John_Doesnt]

@SecretAsianGirl yes, you must have gone to the same science school I did: Hollywood Upstairs Medical School.

[SecretAsianGirl]

Well then, why single out women?