Giving Up on Girls Has Made Me a Much Happier Person

[Anonymous]

I'm 21 years old and am graduating with my Bachelor of Science degree in less than 2 weeks :). Although I've only been interested in girls for 8 or so years, I've had nothing but bad experiences. In high school, nothing too bad happened. I was laughed at in the hallway when I looked at girls I thought were attractive, and made fun of for believing I "had a chance" with them by their friends. I was rejected in front of several people when I asked a girl to go to prom with me (I was talking to her in the hallway alone for a couple of minutes and suddenly there were a lot of people around us) and again made fun of, but this wasn't nearly as bad as what happened in college.

When I asked girls out in college, some of them actually said yes. I believe I was blown off all three times I got a yes, one time I was even left at a restaurant by myself, and after some time I realized what had happened. The other times weren't as bad. I planned on playing catch with a football in the park one time, and the other time I had arranged some appetizers for one girl who said she wanted to watch a game with me. I guess that one did hurt badly as well.

Probably the worst thing that has happened to me with girls was falling for a girl who I had known for 4 years. I'm the type of person who falls for girls much much more for their personality than their appearance (of course appearance is critical, but I need to develop emotional feelings and sometimes that takes me a longer time than most guys). We didn't spend too much time together the first few years but were friendly with each other, and this past year we hung out a lot and I became incredibly attracted, more so than I have ever been with anyone else in my life. I told her how I felt and mistakenly put myself in a very vulnerable position, and got heartbroken. Thankfully it only took me about 4 or 5 days to get myself sort of back together? I was borderline crying for a few days, and it still hurt months later. I thought that for me, it made the most sense to give up on girls.

Clearly I'm not desirable to the vast majority of the female population, and I still don't understand all the times I was blown off. That has to be an aberration. But even still, it just isn't worth it for me anymore. I admit that I have a soft heart and want to love, but thinking logically it's just stupid for me to continue trying and end up heartbroken. I'd rather continue pursuing my career that I am very passionate about and continue to improve at my hobbies. It helps that I have a lot of drive for other parts of life, and it does kinda suck that this just isn't meant to happen for me, but I've accepted it and for the last few months of my life I feel unbreakable :). I think I truly love myself, and due to that I'm not going to put myself in a position to get hurt again. I'd like to hope there are good women out there, but it doesn't seem like the benefits are even close to outweighing the possible detriments anymore.

[SmartButBroke]

I am sorry for some of the experiences you've had, especially the b! tch who just left you at the restaurant.

Although I do think 21 is too young to give up, it looks like you've tried and have had more than a couple of bad experiences, which I don't think is the case for the average 18-25 yr old talking about giving up. I have had different experiences from you that have led me to give up, but I have given up, as well, and agree with a lot of your thinking (and you're right, it definitely sucks when it's not meant for you, but a lot of the people I see "meant for relationships" are putting up with garbage I'd never put up with and be happy).

Unfortunately, I believe this is where we're headed, i. e. the average person being single and not trying to have a relationship. Women seem like they either don't care about relationships at all and being successful is more important or they do care but only with this perfect ideal that doesn't exist and no one else is good enough... and men seem like they either care but can't break through what women want or it's all about what they want in a relationship and they give up if they can't find a woman who will do whatever they want. Regardless, I'm completely sick of this unnecessarily complicated bs. Dating and relationships have become about way more things than they should be about.

And some of the people responding to you don't get it, but that's always how it is for people who give up. It's not simply about fear or not being able to handle rejection. There is a cost-benefit analysis, and the effort some of us would put into approaching and dating would not be worth the pain you experience in the process, in the relationships and after the relationships end (which they will). F*ck ALL that schitt.

[myTake Owner]

Could not agree more, that's actually the same line of thinking I have right now. Especially the last paragraph you wrote. It'd be one thing if I was getting rejected from the beginning, but the whole getting blown off 3 times the times I did get a yes from the girl just makes me think it's not meant to be. I mean what are the odds of that? I might hold some kind of world record haha. But anyway, I think I've become a very positive person after putting all of it behind me and almost laughing it off because it was so ridiculous.

[myTake Owner]

The very last thing that happened definitely cut deep though, and I really do not want to ever feel that way again in my life. The cost-benefit analysis doesn't make it logical to keep going for it right now, like you alluded to

[Anonymous]

Good for you for taking the step to put women aside and focus on your own being and happiness. It's unfortunate that it didn't work out and some of them broke your heart. I have been on the receiving end of dealing with a guy who just hadn't gotten over a hurt he endured in the past, so I can definitely say I don't appreciate those girls because they're making it harder for the rest of us genuine ones who aren't trying to do anyone dirty. Either way continue to focus on your happiness and I hope one day in time someone will come and change everything for you for the better! It's not you, its them

[myTake Owner]

Yeah I don't understand the negativity with some of the girls and guys responses. Why do people enjoy shaming others and being such assholes? It just makes sense for me to stop for now... I'm not having fun trying to date, it's actually been quite miserable. I feel freer doing the things I enjoy with my friends and making sure I'm in a good position in life. Maybe I'll find someone and maybe I won't. Either way, I'm okay with that now. I've learned that most women really aren't worth it (that's not an attack on you personally, just based on what I've seen happen), and I don't think I'm really missing out on anything all that special or crucial

[Opinion Owner]

That's honestly fine. The thing about being single, is that you get to focus on yourself and also never have to worry about anyone breaking your heart or bringing any kind of drama. Dating is rough these days, I can definitely see and understand that. I've taken that step too. I just find it sad that there are girls going around doing selfish things that are hurting guys, and causing them to feel certain types of ways after, then when someone with good intentions come they have to suffer and vice versa. I just hope one day you do open your heart, because were not all bad. But for now, enjoy your happiness in solitude

[Opinion Owner]

Coming from a girl who had to deal with the emotional damage based on a mess a girl before me had manifested in my ex's life, I can't definitely say I don't appreciate it. But hey! Just like you I've taken a step to remove guys and just focus solely on me and figure out what makes me happy first. If one day in years to come an opportunity presents itself, I may be open to it. But like you, I'm protecting myself from any further pain or reminders.

[myTake Owner]

Exactly, you sound like you know what you're doing. Good for you! Life is something else I'll tell ya. It's rough because the desire for the opposite sex is always there, but above all else you need to enjoy it and do what's right for yourself. Life is short, and nobody deserves to be miserable

[Opinion Owner]

Do you ever feel like you will want to try again? Out of curiosity

[Opinion Owner]

Oops I meant to say can appreciate it*

[myTake Owner]

I don't know. I know that people do change over time, and I'm sure my negative thoughts and memories will fade over time. Deep down I do want to try again, but kind of distancing myself from the dating game and making sure I get my Masters degree in a year and have a good career path has helped me gain a lot of confidence in myself. Also spending a lot of time with friends doing things we like. I'll admit I'm not completely happy but I feel a million times better than I did after that last thing happened. I'm doing things that make me happy, and that's all I can do. I like who I am. My friends joke about the things I've been through because it's so ridiculous and it makes me feel sort of indifferent about it now? That's kind of weird I guess. I want to meet a soulmate but I don't know if and when I would be ready for it

[myTake Owner]

Right now I can't wait to graduate though. I came in contact with that girl who broke my heart last night. I was under the impression that a few kids were coming to my place and she showed up out of nowhere and it brought back a little bit of the frustration. I felt comfortable last night but it started to bring back some of the negative thoughts I had long ago. It just sucks to feel unwanted by everyone you've wanted, and that's part of why stopping has made me feel better. I haven't put myself in any situations that would make me feel that way

[Opinion Owner]

That's really interesting! I think deep down we all want someone, even if we personally make the decision to refrain for a while. But you have every reason to, you have a lot going for yourself with your degree and your future endeavors it wouldn't be smart to get involved with a girl who would come to distract you from your goals anyway.

I think the girl who broke your heart should be left in the past where she belongs because she is nothing but a painful reminder and memory. You deserve happiness, so find it within yourself first before one day you end up sharing it with someone else.

[ragequeen]

This is seriously inspiration! I really love this My Take and I particularly the end. You sound like a really strong person, and it all comes down to that you`re just simply too good for the people around you. I`m glad you picked yourself up again. You deserve it. I hope you find someone in the near future who will love you the way you have tried to love others, and that person won`t break your heart. You`ve completely understood that you don`t need anyone to make you happy. You got to break that difficult code and figure out what you got to do to make YOU happy, and you sir, have accomplished that.

I wish you all the luck in the world!!

[bobair]

Dude, great post! I applaud your ability to get back up on your feet, that takes a good head on your shoulders and strong heart. It's really easy to give up on love when we get hurt deeply.

When I was terrible with women I did my research, I went on line and I learned from the experts.

Yes, dating and picking up women is a SKILL... it's not something you either have or don't have... it's a learned skill and ANYBODY can get good at it.

ANYBODY.

Social skills are the key. And unfortunately we don't get taught the rules of social skills in any class room... we have to learn it the hard way through embarrassments in the school hall ways. I have many of embarrassing memories of spilling my guys (I was a terminal nice guy) and then having groups of girls pointing and giggling at me.

But I'm naturally an optimist and I discovered that I can have anything I want if I'm willing to work for it. And now I'm great with women.

We can't get any girl we want, no matter how skilled we get, but we can get more than we need. It just takes time, an openness to learn, and a willingness to try new things.

I create an entire online course about this stuff and if you private message me I'll give you free access to it, and you can let me know what you think?

And her's another secret... a man focused on his purpose is WAY more attractive women than a man who stays home and complains about women... so you're WAY ahead of the curve! Good job!

Now with all of that said, I will also say this... we humans get WAY too attached to our outcomes... and it's our attachments that causes us suffering.

Your pains with women has nothing to do with you, or with them. You're just fine. She's just fine. Your pain is the attachment to wanting to be with her, and her not wanting that too.

You're feeling frustrated or hurt because what you want you didn't get.

So the "fix" isn't to avoid women. It's to let go of the need of wanting one specific woman. Learning to drop her like she's hot in order to meet the next girl as fast as possible is another secret to success with women.

Wasting time putting "one special girl" on a pedestal is another mistake. Women can't look down from a pedestal and find us attractive. They want to put you on the pedestal and look up to you. Then she'll chase you!

I wish you well!

~ Robby

[Unit1]

Good advice! I like this kind of wisdom.

Except for the pedestal part. I'd say just put both the man AND the woman on the pedestal and look at each other on the same level! That is going to be kick ass!

[bobair]

@Unit1 Hahah great point!

[JudgmentDay]

Well said. If it happens, then it happens and if it does not then it doesn't happen. Not everybody will end up in a relationship throughout their entire lifetime. And not every relationship is even guaranteed to last long or even last forever. Happiness comes from within, not from another person. by the way, what kind of a degree you have or field are you in? Is it science, engineering, technology, or mathematics aka STEM? Also, the more deeper I've looked into it and thought about it, the whole wanting to date somebody, have relationships, or even sex is all entirely just the chemical reaction from hormones in our brains and our bodies. It's really just there to decrease the odds of any living species from completely dying out, and increasing the odds of successful reproduction, and even feelings and emotions people develop for each other will eventually fade over time, the same goes for how physical beauty and appearance of someone will not always remain the same and will never last indefinitely.

If you truly give up, then you won't care that you'll be single for life. Depending upon what you desire and what your goals are. I think it's only worth chasing and trying over and over again if somebody is wholeheartedly serious about being a parent some day and raising their own children, thus they would want to marry some day. But if you have doubts about all of that, and if you don't feel that kind of a life in that kind of a future would bring you absolute joy, happiness and fulfillment then maybe it isn't worth the trouble at all to pursue something you have doubts or that you already know you really don't want to do nor want to have.

[myTake Owner]

Chemical engineering, and yeah man I couldn't agree more with what you're saying. I don't get why the women who responded are just trying to make me feel awful about myself. So typical

[Unit1]

Well said @JudgmentDay
Nothing lasts forever ;) :>

I mean once you get over that "get girls" attitude (like we all have), you will well like a boulder, that weights a ton is being lifted off from your spirit and body. Your concerns will hop from "where will i find a good woman? Will I even find a good woman at all?" to "what awesome things am I going to do this whole weekend? should i ask my friends to join me?". This right here is a true life changer and you will feel like you prevail. Being single isn't all that bad. Being single and in a relationship has it's ups and downs. Just be sure to not be deluded by "the grass is always greener on the other side" kind of thing.

And finally some things are just not meant to happen like you said.

[brain5000]

Dating is a skill, and you can have greater success if you work on it. I did that -- and dating became work. So I had more sex when I went in with a "game face," and no sex when I was simply "myself." Other times I had varying short-term relationships that went nowhere, and wasted a lot of time, money and effort.

You will find people telling you to "work on yourself" and learn your dating "skills," but I personally think you are already there and you get it -- make yourself the best "you" you can be, and if someone else appreciates it enough to marry it, great. Otherwise, you are just faking your way through a series of meaningless sexual service calls (that you have to pay for), and playing a social lottery with increasingly diminishing odds, when you could be having the more gratifying life you have chosen. You're a smart man, OP, and I congratulate you.

I went through a similar experience myself and wrote about it in further detail here:
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a24764-life-love-the-quest-for-perfection
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a24125-fatalism-the-fatalist

[Dale1982]

See when you keep getting the same negative response from the same group of people it's time to do some soul searching. Women are harsh critics and don't fuck about when it comes to men. Would it shock you if I told you every person on this planet has the potential to be a magnet to the opposite sex or a total repellant. It's got nothing to do with how you look, it's to do with who your are. Guys talk like you I know right away you lived a sheltered life in the suburbs, got good grades in school and went straight to uni. That ain't life mate thats a fuckin conveyor belt of blandness. Life's supposed to refine you into a man through experiences. I'm good with woman. Mostly if I want a girl back in my bed I can get her. Why? I dnt look like Brad Pitt, I ain't built like dwayne Johnson and I don't have buckets of money. What are they attracted to? Charisma, humour and a bit of mystery. I grew up in a gang stealing, fighting, getting drunk. I was very violent. 3 people have tried to murder me and I've tried to kill 4 guys in my life, I've worked for gangsters and been around psychos and crackpots all my life. I've stolen cars, broken into shops done burglaries of mansions and everything growing up. I've got scars from stab wounds over my torso even one through my skull where a guy buried a blade in there when I was 18. Why am I telling you this? These things are what makes a man and women can read it off you like a book. They say sculptors can see their work in a piece of stone before they even start. We're like thay mate, only life and it's experiences are out hammer and chisel. You still sound like the blank piece of stone with no work done. Go and live mate, do things you'd never do. Force yourself. The more you do the more you'll grow inside. Gotta push the edges back. Woman will see it in you trust me. Giving up on women is like giving up on life. Women and their potential is what drives a man through life

[evenlift]

I think that the problem is that most women are sucked up to so much that they end up behaving like spoiled brats. What I can say in their defence is that maybe men would act that way too, if they were sucked up to. But, even most of the very small minority of men that is sucked up to don't seem to act this badly.

Calling women out on their bullshit does work wonders, though. In my experience, most women look shocked and then start behaving much more respectfully. But, why would one want to be with a woman whom one needed to call out on her bullshit?

Never say never. But, be very careful. You sound like a wise man. I wish that I had been as wise as you on these matters at your age.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah I don't really understand being blown off and never spoken to again after doing nothing wrong. I was very upset and confused when that happened, but women (at least around where I live) just seem like bitches for the most part. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are some good ones as well, but looking for them at this point of my life isn't worth the effort. All the times I've tried I end up more upset than I was going in, and that's not good for me. Mostly because I don't get rejected at the start, so I actually have time to develop feelings. The girl would be right if I was getting rejected by girls I hardly knew, but I spent enough time with them to develop some actual feelings. That's why it hurt

[Barrabus_the_Free]

I wish I'd figured out to just say Fuck It and walk away when I was in my early 20's. It would have done me a world of good.

Hobbies are important, bro. Keeping your mind occupied will keep you sane. I recommend finding something that costs a good amount of money, and one or two others that don't cost too much. I collect and build firearms, and reload my own ammo, for my expensive hobbies. Inexpensive are reading, playing video games, fishing, and working out. That last one CAN get a bit pricey, or at least seem like it, what with possibly being in a different city every week or two, but generally it doesn't cost more than a meal or two at a restaurant.

Just concentrate on the things that you enjoy, and do what YOU want in life. Que sera, sera.

[dude64bro]

First off, congrats on graduating! Believe it or not I'm in the exact same boat as you. I'm graduating at the end of the week with my Bachelors of Science. I even had a girl leave me at a restaurant before :(.

Here is a new way to think of things. Girls are people and other people are not you or me. The only person that knows how to make ourselves happy is us, so you don't have to give up on girls because you're starting to get scared that nobody will love you, okay! I've been there man, and let me tell you. People are too preoccupied with themselves, especially in college, that they don't notice how they affect others.

Summary: Don't give up because you're scared. Keep going because you're scared and you will learn to not fear being vulnerable like I did.

[MarkRet]

I always had better luck with women when I WASN'T going after them. I would just expand my horizons, do my own thing, and if a woman happened to be in the picture, I'd at least talk to her or try to make friends with her. Sometimes I'd connect with a woman, but if not, I'd just forget about her and go back to doing my own things.

[Unit1]

I like this attitude of yours very much. I am practicing it kind of.

[btbc92]

Well, I can say sorry that you went through hell with these silly people. But I'm happy for you that you focused more on school and less about silly girls today. Many of them don't know what they want. I say that right now, you may not be ready for something like that. Focus on maturing and building and eventually you will come across somebody who shares your views and driven values.

[Unit1]

Good read pal! You do what is best for you.
But unlike you I never interested any girl at all 😂 Never even had a kiss and I'm still a virgin.

"I thought that for me, it made the most sense to give up on girls."
Yep, me too sort of. Which leads me in particular to
"this just isn't meant to happen for me, but I've accepted it"
No need to challenge the impossible, am i right ;) ? I have accepted it as well, that I am not desirable to the opposite sex at all and should not make it a big deal either. I mean I cannot control who likes me so why try to control it. I do what is left for me to do and wander alone like I always have.

Life!

[Anonymous]

I think its great you're working on yourself, but i dont see how giving up on women will help you. I think its rude that they blew you off like that. But i think the problem lies within you, hear me out. I think you're taking it too personally when someone rejects you. You can't let the rejection affect you so much. Every rejection means one step closer to the person meant for ya. Work on yourself and your goals and your career, and just let the idea of a relationship happen on its own.

[evenlift]

And yet women complain about 'players'!

[Opinion Owner]

@evenlift What does that have to do with my answer?

[evenlift]

That is what a 'player' basically is: a man who has little or no concern for a woman's opinion of him.

[Opinion Owner]

@evenlift No i think a player is someone who can get girls, pursues as many as he can for sex, and moves on without an actual relationship. I dont think there's anything wrong with a player as long as he's straight up in the beginning and tells the girl he wants nothing more than sex. The asker said he wants to have a relationship, but gets rejected often. That doesn't make him a player. Also, I didn't tell him not to consider the womens' opinions. I told him he was taking their disinterest in him too sensitively. Its no big deal when someone doesn't like you, whether its a guy/girl and romantic/platonic. It really shouldn't matter.

[TheUsername27]

Why do girls complain about players? They are basically attractive men who are more often then not gym rats who have sex with lots of women... and you know damn sure the girls complaining are ones who have slept with them.

[Opinion Owner]

@TheUsername27 I think they would complain if they were lead to think it was gunna be a relationship and then they were only used. Or at least I find that acceptable reason to complain. Otherwise I wonder why would you put yourself into a situation like that in the first place if you knew it wasn't gunna end well? Just my two cents but obvi not all girls would agree with me.

[MusicMayhem]

@TheUsername27 cause they dont like the idea that someone was able to seduce them and leave them soon after, being the selector. It's a matter of pride, cause the guy had the upper hand which the girl hates

[NoFcks2Give]

Being lead on is a part of the game, it maximizes efficiency. Sure it may work telling the truth with some, but most women want some form of fantasy.

[Girlimboredrn]

Not everyone needs to be in a relationship tbh thata just my opinion

[MikkiM]

yes, I agree with you, thus this happen same with me

end up vulnerable, being vulnerable means hurting urself, if u made another move

so by then, its easier to follow ur passion, than to chase love,

love will come one day,.
when everything is settled each much easier to acknowledge it

[CHRIS11796]

That's good bro, i'm happy for you man! You shouldn't let your past experiences bring you down and you overcame it and now you're doing good for yourself. If in the future you want to pursue again, then go for it and don't let your unfortunate past hold you back. Good for you man ☺.

[RolandCuthbert]

If you truly are happy, then great, but for some reason your post does not seem very convincing.

[Anonymous]

I personally wouldn't say no to love out fear BUT I would stop actively pursuing and looking for something but I wouldn't turn away if soemthing presented it's self. In the end though you have to do what is best for you and if you want to give up and you think that will make you happy... do it. Try it out. I mean you don't have to commit forever if you find it lacking later on and if it actually ends up making you happier then keep with it :D

[PowerPrincess]

Good for you if thats what you want. But seriously dude, you are only 21. Girls your age aren't women yet; they are immature and stupid. Hopefully you'll meet an adult in ten years time that will make you feel different.

[Rosikeramakabudz]

And you are a mature woman?

[PowerPrincess]

@Rosikeramakabudz No. Doesn't change the facts though.

[Loveherbut]

Look sweetheart u r from that population too so please dont give wrong advices women will always be girls regardless of age

[PowerPrincess]

@Loveherbut Women will be girls regardless of age?
Go on then, impress me with your misogynist reason as to why all females are immature.

[Cosytoasty]

Good on you.

I usually laugh at quitters who do nothing but complain, but you seem to be taking steps to move onwards and upwards. Congrats on your BSc and good luck with your career.

[Topkek]

Go MGTOW and make yourself happy and work on improving yourself, rather than devoting your entire life to make some ungrateful woman happy who will probably end up leaving you because she found some guy with a bigger bank account or a bigger dick.

[Topkek]

I also stopped interacting with women and it made me a much happier person as well. They're just a hassle to deal with on a day-to-day basis.

[CT_CD]

ignis.anime-sharing.com/.../SON-I-AM-PROUD.jpg