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How my exes made me become a good girl gone bad

How my exes made me become a good girl gone bad

I used to believe in love.

I used to believe in happy endings.

All l ever given them was love.

I did the best I can, given everything, yet still not enough.

Now, I don't believe in love.

In fact, I think love is stupid.

Now, I'm only after sex.

I'm so desperate that I'm willing take any love I can receive even if I know sex doesn't really count as love.

Am I not girlfriend material?

What's wrong with me?

I got nobody to talk to.

I want to be a bitch. Sleep with guys and feel nothing at all. Be numb. So I can't feel the pain anymore.

But who am I kidding?

I'm still the good girl inside and no matter how I pretend to be strong, I'm still hurting.

Should I be wild and make all the things that I know are mistakes? That I know I'll regret? Just so that they can say that "I pity her" "I wish I never left her" "She used to be a good girl" "What happened to her" "How did she become a bitch".

I know they wouldn't care less.

Ever broken a girl's heart and regretted it because you saw what she has become because of you?

How my exes made me become a good girl gone bad
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  • Anonymous

    Damn I know a few girls that have this same mindset. And I hate it, but I understand it. I mean people who judge with one speed mindsets don't realize matters of the heart aren't black and white, or cut and dry or 1 dimensional.

    There is no rulebook telling you how to cope or understand why you feel the way you feel. Why this person you love hurt you, or betrayed you, or didn't respect you enough to end things amicably or whatever.

    sure you have people close to you, friends or family trying there best to share THEIR own experiences or co-workers and other people on the outside, giving you their how to tips on how to get over him, or how to move on from him or her... but... does it happen the way it happened for them... NO.

    Does it happen in the timeframe they think it should... NO

    Does it mean if you follow their advice you're gonna retain the same views, values or personality you once had before goin into a relationship... NO.

    People need to understand that people have flaws, and make mistakes. Yes even sexual ones. Like I know it should be sacred and valued more highly than casual flings, or revenge or whatever.. but people have pain that they do NOT know how to deal with at times and things like what happened to you happen.

    I'm sorry you find yourself wanting to go this route though mate. I do hope true love finds you before you completely give up on it though :).

    Is this still revelant?

What Girls & Guys Said

2382
  • No, a woman did break my heart by calling me her "golden eggs laying goose", abuse me physically and emotionally and outright refusing to work on her obsessions and addictions, even though they were hurting her, our relationship and me.
    Maybe I broke her heart in leaving her when she assumed I'd be there forever for her, but she had already broke and spat on mine first.

    Anyhow, I don't use my experience as an excuse to be a miserable human being.

  • coachTanthony

    You are now a good girls pretending to be a bad one. In the end it will eat you alive.

  • You're choosing this new self. You don't have to be that way. Rise Up. Build yourself. Keep building and growing. RISE. ❤

  • Well, here's the real question, why did you pick guys who don't care about you? Sure their are assholes out their, most however are not so that means your actively seeking out the worse kinds of men and my guess is each one of the guys was "your type" because that's what most women do. They go after the arrogant guy because they mistake if for "confidence", they sit by passively waiting for some one to hit on them not realizing that the guy who is most likely to hit on them without any kind of interaction first, without any kind of hint of her liking him are guys who don't care about her because quite frankly if she rejects him he has lost nothing as he didn't care about her to begin with. So while I empathize with you to some degree, the fact is as the saying goes, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. At some point you need to take responsibility for your decisions (or passivity if that is the case) and acknowledge that you are as much a part of the problem as they where. Fix you, and your going to have far fewer issues (also fun fact, if your going after sex you have absolutely killed your chances of finding a good guy (thus perpetuating the problem while simultaneously convincing yourself that it was their fault when in the end it was your choices).

  • Anyone can get unlucky once or twice... but is this more than once you've had guys mistreat you?

    What it sounds like is they have in effect... started to convert you.. into them. That's what happens in the world... we start out with good intentions, then we see how the world is, how they get rewarded, then we turn into them. That's not what you want, so focus on what you want.

    Back to original question... if you see a pattern... then something is up. You are Asian apparently, I see that in the writing. The girl is the one that says "yes" to the date, "yes" to everything. So... that would be you. So yo uare the source of the issue... the selection process is bad. Maybe you have bad options, like out of 10, 9 are bad, that would be not good odds. But that means there is 1 good one!

    I learned how attraction works and it is in our sub conscious minds... we select what is familiar to us primarily. Often, that is bad, a repeating bad behavior we saw as a child. So if you can start to associate back to what you experienced as a child, like dad was mean, mom was controlling, etc.. that is the start of healing your inside which will help you to choose better.

    you don't want to become a vampire because you were bitten by one or two...

  • Aethereal

    I don't really think I'm that qualified to give you advice, since I haven't really had my heart broken or broken hearts myself. But perhaps you might find something of value in my opinion:

    Life is about making choices. Even more importantly, it's about accepting responsibility for the consequences of those choices. I think it's a tragedy that someone who believed the things you did has now become jaded because of your bad experiences. But it's still a fact that you chose to be with those guys who broke your heart. I think it might be a good idea to accept that you haven't made the best choices for a variety of reasons. I'm not saying you're completely at fault here. Some people are good at hiding their true colours. But it's possible that communication, observation and stronger values might have protected you better against some of your heartbreak.
    I think that if you miss, or like that girl you were before; you should bring her back, but change how easily you let guys into her life.

    Never do things you know you'll regret, especially to elicit reaction from someone. Their reaction will be temporary (even if it's the reaction you want them to have), but you get to live with the regret for much longer. Define the person you'd like to be, the expectations you have of those who are in your life, and if possible; use the stupidity of people who failed to see your value to reinforce your expectations of yourself and others.

    Best Wishes.

  • ChurchOfIron

    If she responds to heartbreak in that way, it means she was weak. If she has to take some consequences to get stronger, so be it.

    Especially if one argument and him being gone for a weekend is enough to shatter her into pieces and make her emotions fluctuate crazily wildly and jump to conclusions. For example. No reason for that in particular.

    Naaa man. I don't give a fuck. She needs to take responsibility and decide one way or another what her path will be. That's not my job--it's hers. This life is a fight for all of us. We're all damaged and broken. Some of us try to repair ourselves.

    Take responsibility. If you decide to be a slut-bitch, be a proud slut-bitch, as a consequence of *your* decision. But don't do it seeking pity. There will be none. Those people won't think "Awwww, what went wrong." They'll think "Eeeeeesh, gonna get away from that one."

    Think about a future life which would justify your suffering. Then think about what steps you would need to take to obtain that life. Establishing short, mid, and long-term goals. Then work on the easiest one. Desperation won't get you anywhere. Hard work will.

    Fix yourself. Stop blaming others. Get stronger.

    As my beloved grandmother (RIP) used to say, "When you point a finger at someone, you've got 9 more pointing back at you."

    Also here's a funny puppy:

    How my exes made me become a good girl gone bad

  • Dongtai

    I’ll tell you what will happen when you purposely make mistakes.

    You will either become a single mother, catch a disease or become severely depressed. Maybe all of the above.

    You have to let it go. You have to give up on wanting the love you feel you deserved from those that hurt you. Trust me. I’ve seen people who do this to themselves and it never ends well. And even if you do start being a bitch and making mistakes on purpose, what will you have then?

    Nothing. Emptiness. Regret.

    And you might tell me the shut up and that maybe you’d listen to me if I went through what you’ve been through. And it’s a good theory. Except everything you’re talking about, I’ve already experienced.

    You’re not the only one who knows what’s it’s like to be hurt by someone you once loved and trusted. So. It looks like neither one of us has had the perfect love life.

    But still. We’re not so bad off. With pain also came pleasure. You have to remember the pleasure of love you experienced before that pain. And find it in someone who won’t hurt you. We still have that choice. There’s so many people out there.

    Turning your back on who you are won’t do anything good. In the end, you’re treating yourself the way they treated you.

    • It’s called a condom by the way. I don't know if you’ve ever heard of them? But they prevent pregnancy and STI’s.

    • Dongtai

      Condoms break, slip and even when they don’t, they don’t always work but if you want life to be your teacher go for it and try your luck

    • That’s why you use TWO forms of contraceptions. And condoms are almost 100% effective when used correctly. It’s not this whole @they don’t always work” They almost ALWAYS work. And that’s why you also use birth control AND a condom.

  • Levin

    Madame, with the greatest of respect. You are the one that made yourself become bad, become jaded. You let those guys into your life, you didn't use your faculties of reason and intelligence.

    I know this sounds harsh, but bear with me.

    In Chinese medicine, the philosophy of yin and yang, one of the statements is that the extreme of one position is attracted in equal kind of the opposite of the other.

    Don't you see what's happening here. You are, in a physical representation, outstretching your arms, clinging for any love you can get. And what are those guys doing. What's their innate position. They're pushing you away. They couldn't give a shit. This is nothing to do with you. They have likely had poor experiences from relationships growing up, and potentially a lack of familial love or positive family examples. So they're basically damaged, and can't love.

    You really need some self respect here. All these experiences you've had. They're not pointless. They're teaching you something. They're teaching you what a real relationship should be like through contrast.

    You need to shift your dynamic of love being so, wanting to consume and merge with your partner. You need to love deeply, but to also keep yourself, keep a sense of self. Learn who you are potentially. Try and discover what forces are making you behave in this manner? Could it be a lack of a sense of a self that needs to be developed? Some independence? As always, the answers to these questions and the work required is actually a lot more difficult than some easy solution.

  • Makeuphoarder

    I had a rough patch. It just made me feel disgusted with myself. The best thing to
    Do is to Invest in yourself. Don’t be someone you know you’re not. Stay true to you, time heals everything. Respect yourself & your body, if you don’t, no one will. Don’t give anyone the power to make you bad.

    • hafinjun

      smiles, is that how your makeup hoarding began?

  • retlaw0311

    This happened to my exwife. I've been around this planet three times and she is without a doubt hands down the most attractive person i have ever laid eyes on. Her step dad and moms parenting skills left a lot to be desired and she started seeing a 28 year old pill popper and iv meth user when she was 15. Her relationship with him wasn't exclusive because he was married and only came around a weekend a month or so. My wife was a wonderful artist and painter, so dam magnetic its crazy, everyone is just drawn to her. She fell in love with yhis older guy and to this day thinks he's the one she's supposed to be with. But as the years went on her self esteem slowly delapidated. She picked up on some bad drug habits, and somehow she lost sight of just how fucking rare she was and settled with going back to being his side peice of ass. I knew about the whole thing but tried it anyways cause to me she's next to perfect. This doesn't really relare to the question csuse i wasn't the one but it still somewhat applies. We have one kid together and were together for 7 years. She moved out and into a house by herself and is pretty much there whenever he comes around, just like old times. Thats her.

    • Anonymous

      thanks for sharing.. means a lot

    • VaIiant

      I doubt your ex wife consented to you posting her photos like this.

    • retlaw0311

      We're still married for a few more days and if she were to find out about it she can go fly a kite for all i care

  • Gonna be hard for you but you gotta keep your spirits up. You're just letting your exes have the better of you. Are you worth it? That totally depends on you. You can continue wallowing in self pity and go deeper and deeper or just brush it off like it was nothing and be the brave girl to make yourself proud (atleast). Never get too attached. Value yourself and your health. If you don't wanna give up on love but are still having hard times in finding it, go out and explore all you want. Don't do anything that makes you feel to attached and regret later. Don't give yourself easily either. People in general, like what they don't get. Few or shall I say almost every encounter with an asshole doesn't make the entire population of the respective gender an asshole. Use guys to understand their behaviour and again, make sure to limit yourself unless you have enough experience to guess their next move by an accuracy of at least 60-70%. Better hurt others rather than hurting yourself. And no, no one can turn you bad.. especially those idiotic exes who used you. The sooner you realize it, the better.

  • Carefuloutthere

    The fact is, everyone gets hurt at some point in their lives, but holding onto that only really hurts you.
    Taking that pain out on people who don't deserve it will only leave you all alone and feeling worse.
    You're only really punishing yourself for what someone else did. Cutting off your nose to spite your face. Don't give those people from your last that kind of satisfaction.
    The right person will see your worth, but they can't if you can't.

  • Girther10

    I don’t think you are as “bad” as you say you are. Something may have happened to that “good girl” still inside you, but if you say she’s there, then she must be.
    Give yourself some credit, you made it through all that, and you’re still alive enough to reflect on your inner self, publicly, like this. That’s a lot.
    The hurting will stop someday. Keep looking for and working on it.🤣

  • Someone needs some counseling badly. People like this usually wind up hurting themselves through cutting or some other means. They turn self destructive, seeking something that some bad choices in men took from them, and the only thing I can think of the outcome is in the movie "Looking for Mr. Goodbar"

  • demonics

    Way to take responsibility... Take it from Ginelle here... it doesn't end well to act like a man to get back at a man... you'd only hurt yourself.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdInoObT8b4

    Don't be this chick. And pick better dudes.

  • Syrian_survivor

    Uhhhhhh so you're gonna let strangers fuck up your life even after you kicked them out of it?

    You think they'd give a shit? No.
    Would their lives get affected? No.
    Would YOUR life get destroyed and become a miserable shit wreck? Yup.

    I feel like dumbass music has affected your mindset, correct?

  • GD360

    Maybe your hiding. You've been hurt so much you've tought yourself to be numb to protect yourself with seeking only sex so you don't get hurt. If you don't deal with your pain you're either going to drive yourself to an emotional rock bottom, or you're just going to be able to connect with anyone pass just sex.

  • ThisIsMyOpinion

    I did use a girl and regretted it after. Not because of who she became. She continued to be the same girl. I felt bad because she was a good girl and did not deserved it. I felt a piece of shit for what I did to her!
    Anyway I am still her friend and she is happy today. She forgave me even if I did not deserved it. Kept being my friend. She is amazing.

  • thebrandonturner

    Every serious girlfriend I ever had was either a pretty good girl that just needed to let her hair down every now and then, or they were already bad girls and try as I might couldn't tame them. I've had a lot of bad girls make me worse and good girls make me better. It's all relative.
    My grandpa told me to find a woman that was "A Dame in public, A BROAD in the bedroom, but always a lady." In terms outside of 1940, "Classy and strong in public, a porn star in bed, and a sweet, kind, loving woman"
    I still hold on to that thread of love. I was a whore in college. Met my wife (a bad girl in a good girls body) and she pretty much ruined me. After we divorced I've dated once. Lasted a year and it was hell. I left a woman who I learned while I was traveling for work had several guys on the side." We divorced and I took a year off, then what do I do? Date a stripper. I guess at that time all I wanted was the sex and a hot piece to have it with.
    When it comes down to it, find a guy that wants to see you weather sex is involved or not, make an effort to see you again after your first encounter. Sex on the 3rd date STILL is the Golden rule.
    I believe my good girl (who's bad with ME when she wants to be😉) is out there. I just hope I meet her one day before I'm old.

    • Sex on the third date is a retarded rule. Any guy who insists on it is a tard that I would dump post haste. True, he may get a lot of ho's, but anyone worth keeping does not subscribe to that kind of rhetoric unless they are looking for hookups. But again, what kind of person does that?

    • I'm saying no sex before the thrift date, I didn't say it HAD to be on the first date. It's misunderstandings and immediately calling someone a bad person with understanding what the intent of the comment is that can screw up a lot of relationships

    • No sex before date 3. But you don't have to have sex on date 3. And thanks for being insesitive to people who may mental disabilities with all your "retarded and yard" comments.

    • Show All
  • Sensmind

    I think you answered your own question - When you put armour on to keep hurt out, you tend to keep the hurt that is already there in
    Hope is stronger and more pleasant than embitterment - I have had my heart broken and inadvertently broken hearts but I choose to never change because I like who I am with my heart on my sleeve , it may hurt at times but at least it feels real and if you can feel pain, you can feel happiness again

  • Nanananinano

    You are way too frustrated and also you are in the break up phase so this thing is natural to drive you crazy also your exes made you become like this so let not that frustration eat you up from inside also one thing try being single for a while spend time with your friends family and yes if possible try some yoga but don't loose your bitchy attitude towards the one you were frustrated also just one last thing screw them who just used you as a doll.

  • GhostNigga

    Being a bad girl takes 5 years of being a brat. Simply put you aren't qualified... You simply don't have the experience. Don't fret too much because even as a bad girl you're at least 3 years from a bad bitch and true satanic ascension. Lol.

    There's some truth in that though, you have the heart to *do* bad but it's clear simply from the fact that you're out here confessing like it's Sunday that you're really quite afraid to *be* a bad girl. Justification is a form of denial.

  • Spiritwander

    No one becomes what they are purely on the merits of interaction with only one person, no matter how profound...

    That being said, another being's suffrage is not a license to debauchery because the same force holds both victim and victimizer accountable for their own choices.

  • Freezer110

    This good girl idea is common morality. Do as you like, have sex as much as you like, break any heart you want. In fact I am looking for a wild woman by my side. So there are guys for your type as well you can love.

  • ccal28

    I genuinely think watching good will hunting would help you. That movie is all about someone who's been emotionally broken and pushes away anyone new coming into his life to protect his emotional health when in reality all he's doing is hurting it. He pushes people away so they can't hurt him first and that's what you're doing. There are good people in this world who won't hurt you, who will give you romantic stories to one day tell your kids/grandkids, but you can't give up.

  • IrishMann

    A wise man once said " The difination of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results"
    Maybe you not only need to change the the type of men you go for but change your social circle and create new options in your life.

  • Lliam

    You have to love yourself before anyone will be able to love you.

    So you got dumped before. That happens. It's part of life. It doesn't mean that there aren't lots of nice people out there.

    You became a girl gone wild? There's nothing wrong with simply enjoying sex. But if you truly want a long term relationship with a good person, you need to find men who want the same thing. In other words, you might be attracted to the wrong kind of guys.

    Reassess yourself and the kinds of guys you are drawn to. Also know that you haven't been ruined just because you have had sex with other guys. You can change any time you want. You can definitely still find the man of your dreams and built a happy life with him.

  • MajesticTwelve

    Don't be so easily influenced by others.
    Be you, and let him be your partner, but never change who you are for anyone else.
    Not the easiest thing to do, but for sure one of the most valuable.

  • thelokisniper

    Clearly, someone trusted several people way too much too early and got hurt. I would suggest you refrain from intimacy until you really know who your dealing with. Also here's a thought, you could wait until after marriage.

  • MrOracle

    Trying to "act bad" isn't going to make you happy - it's going to make you hate yourself even more.

    What you have to realize is that the experiences you had with men are a direct result of the men YOU CHOSE. You have to take a look at the common traits between those guys, and learn how to avoid them in the future. If you choose shallow guys, you can't be surprised if they just want to use you for sex and hurt you in the end. Bad boys may be exciting at first, but they're dangerous, and sooner or later, the danger will be turned your way.

  • Liam_Hayden

    People become what they are because of what they choose to do with life experiences. I take the bad ones and decide, "I will avoid that." while not painting everyone who shares the same superficial characteristics as a likely source of the same types of bad experiences.

  • TheKack

    I'm sorry. I hate that people hurt others so much.

    I've never broken a heart (I don't think), but I have had mine broken plenty. I was in the same situation of not caring. However, I internalized and avoided situations that could turn into anything more than friendships. I don't know why, but it ended up helping me in the long run.

    I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you can find a guy that respects and deserves you.

  • IceCastles

    I think you just want to be bad. I had a moment like that then I got over myself and made a habit of being careful of the men that I chose to be with.

  • HereIbe

    Nope, never did that. They were the ones who thought they could do so much better. Then after me, they get lonely and are not happy with what they can get. Unfortunately for them, I moved on.

  • Xyline789

    No one makes you turn into a "bad girl" because YOU make your own decisions. You are the one who gave up and adopted nihilism. Everyone has a low time in their life. The good news is you can still change and make things right. You need to be introspective or you will never find the answer as to why your relationship (s) didn't work out.

  • jupitorghost

    You just need someone to give u a tight hugg dear... So much tight that every single pain on ur heart comes out.. Untill u start crying... When ur tears stop... U will be again the same girl u used to be once

  • BlueSequoia

    Never broken a girls heart, but got mine broken a few times, and I can very much relate to how you feel and some thoughts you have.

    I've gotten things like: "what happened to good old you?"

    "Good old me got used/stomped on and left behind by people like you"

    Is generally what I wanna tell her, but just can't :/

  • midnight_1443

    I have felt bad from breaking a heart. However, knowing that she's likely to find someone better for her, someone who really loves her is typically the reason I leave. Dating isn't just for sex, it's too feminine if you're compatible. Yes, that b often means sex, but not necessarily. Don't give up on who you are, men mature, in time. Wait for the right guy, and focus on finding out who you are, and what you want. We often give up who we are to keep a connection that is unsustainable. Do what makes you happy, your passions. Eventually, your love will just be there. 😁 Good luck!

    • To find if you're compatible.* autocorrect for the win! 😅

  • Moonchild714

    First of all, you can't blame antone for how you turn, those are your choices... You want to give these guys Power and say they turned you into a Girl Gone Wild or Broke another Choice YOU are Making!!! They broke your heart that happens, try fixing yourself and change the type of guys tour picking... It's not you were being abused and even then it's still You Choosing. I was a Child Victim as was my BFF same time as we were growing up, I took the Girl Gone Wild Don't Care About Anyone Path, she chose a Spiritual Healing Path, waited till Marriage to engage in Consesual Sex. We both had the same kind of abuses Sexual, Physical, and Emotional at the same time growing up and made two completely different CHOICES, guess who had Brighter Path the more Stable Life... I spent too much time giving others the Power saying if you had my life... Well she did... Be Smart, Not Stupid go talk to someone...

  • purpleplug

    Enjoy having lots of sex with lots of people. Its better than love. You can make a career out of it and be truly free.

  • Cocacolaaddict

    I doubt you were a good girl to begin with there are a lot of self proclaimed good girls a good girl has high morals and no matter what stays true to who they and don't sell themselves out you were a normal girl

  • AshleyMadison00

    Look chic happens to everyone focus on something that u love and build take your focus off of boys cause obviously that's not your category. So hair animals finishing school get established then cry with bank account on flex. ya dig.

  • hiphopbean

    be yourself and stop pretending *IFGAF* , boys can be absolute cunts but you gotta be strong... hope everything works well for you...

  • Jersey2

    Perhaps the men you choose suck. You fall for their bull. You need to pick different types of guys. Try some with morals.

  • Katerina_Belle

    I think I’m already doing exactly this... and feeling the regret

  • JohnAlaska43

    Dont let any man affect your emotions.
    Dont pretend to be something you are not.
    You might scare a good man away.

  • vald9inches

    i know exactly how you feel!! i honestly think the whole idea of love is stupid something sold to us by Hollywood and all those crappy romance movies. Love is like Santa Clause both are fantasy ideas for children growing up

    • Sex is AMAZING you get to meet so many interesting people and get to make so many friends and also feel amazing while you have sex with them its a win win!! lol

  • robertKugler

    Women girls it's you that pick them over humble decent guy. s it's you.. that put out to them after a glass off wine.. so bad girl is there regardless five dicks n 30 fucks your still only brown belt in the bad girl department

  • topumasum

    Girl, I've had my heart broken too and many times but I don't use that as an excuse to become miserable. What I did become is a little more guarded.

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