Moving on From a Crush/Romantic Interest and My Experiences

[TsundereMatrix]

All of us deal with situations differently. Some can move on easily, others can't. I am one of those who can't.

Why I Have Trouble Moving on.

I am one of those people that learns from mistakes. If I don't make these mistakes, I won't learn from anything. Same goes with dating. I won't lie, I over-analyze a lot because I have anxiety issues. I need to feel the pain of rejection to move on from one guy or else I become too attached. So for me to move on, I need the guy to straight tell me he is not interested or do something very douchey to show me he isn't interested. All I need is an answer, not more reasons to question it. I've made many question posts on here about my current crush which still seems promising when I over-anaylize my situation. I see a lot of people skip over my explanation of whats going on and just reply with "He's not interested. Move on." Then I am thinking "Well... I can't because I don't have a clear answer." so I ignore those opinions. Call me crazy but thats what works for me.

Most dating coaches will tell a girl to date multiple men at once to keep other options open. Do I do that? Nope, I tried doing that and I end up pushing them away and losing them because all my attention is on my situation with one guy and I can't stop thinking about it until its resolved and I move on.

My Experiences With Moving on from Other Guys.

Story One

I met a guy at my best friends wedding. He was a little drunk but we hit it off good and even exchanged numbers. It was hard to make time for each other but we managed to make it happen. This went on for two years because we both didn't want to confess to each other. One day he ghosted me. I asked to meet up many times and he would always say he's working. I left it for a while and then suddenly he wanted to meet up but only at odd hours of the night. Wasn't long until I was seeing a girl posting things on his Facebook wall that couples post on their SO's wall. It was clear he had a secret girlfriend. I asked him about it and told him how disappointed I am that he hid it from me. He said "You don't have to be so dramatic." I got very angry and stopped talking to him and just moved on because he gave me a reason to.

Story Two

I had a crush on a guy friend in my very first year of college. I thought maybe he liked me back. Then he ended up dating my best friend. I was hurt but I left it. Then to make things worse, an (ex) friend told this guy that I was jealous and trying to break up him and my friend. He told me to never talk to him again because he thought I was immature (it wasn't actually my fault and I told him what actually happened and he forgave me). So dating my friend was a red flag and I moved on.

Story Three

Same college year as Story Two, I got asked out over text message by a guy who was a friend of that guy I liked in the last story. My friend gave him my number. I never met him before but I knew somewhat who he was. I agreed to go out with him and we chose to go to a coffee shop but when I replied with "What time?" he never replied. I assumed he wasn't going to get back to me for whatever reason. I didn't care since I didn't really know the guy anyway so moving on was easy. It's been 5 years now, and still never heard from him.

Story Four

This brings me to this current year. I'm at a different college now. I developed a crush on a handsome guy in my class and he started flirting with me. One night we went out drinking. He invited me to his house (his roommate is in our class too) so I did. We ended up sleeping together, we just cuddled because I realized I wasn't into him enough to have sex with him even though I liked him and he said he just wanted sex and didn't want to date. He respected my decision and just cuddled me. The mistake was I didn't know he just wanted to hook up so I learned from that and thanks to him for respecting me, we stayed friends and we are even closer now. Its not awkward

Conclusion

So before you tell someone on here to "Move on" without hearing their side of the story and what they went through, take their emotions and actions in consideration. Analyze things more carefully. Like I said, everyone deals with these situations differently and they just want an opinion to help them take an action. Moving on is hard for most people but even harder for others, like myself. I read through the entire post before I post my opinions so I can give better feedback. I know a lot of people don't so thats my take.

[hibam]

Very emotional, moving in sometimes very very difficult for some people almost like it's impossible, on the other hand, I know many people who fall in love deeply but move on easily... That's what I never understand, what kind of power they have so they forget their loves ones as fast? I personally met a guy in fell in love immediately. We didn't carry on even for 9 months.. Now two years and a half from that time, I can't move on because I have been hurt deeply to the extent that I lost my health. I'm single now until I feel more comfortable with the idea of trying again with someone who deserves. My friends keep telling me i'm lame and I have to move on and it's not a big deal but for me it is. The only guy whom you trusted and gave all your guards off for is someone who never had the intention to love you, while he was being affectionate and winning my heart deeply, he was planning to just "spend time" and never love me the way I deserve. How come I could move on when he made me never trust any guy. This is the problem of heartbreaks, you can't move on easily because many things will change in you, you are no more the same innocent person with the opposite sex and you can no more trust or open up like before. The feeling is exactly like someone who got his childhood spoiled. And though still the person who left you and played your feelings pops up in your brain as the one whom you loved as if they didn't harm you because your heart and brain are hardly accepting it

[OlderAndWiser]

Some people don't move on until their feelings are resolved. Some people don't resolve their feelings until they move on. You have tried one approach and it works, but it doesn't work well, does it? Maybe you should try the other approach. The fact that you have tried one approach and it works doesn't mean that the other approach wouldn't work even better.

Some behavioral psychologists say, "It is easier to act yourself into a new way of feeling than it is to feel yourself into a new way of acting."

[thatonegirl_e]

I've read a lot of questions from people asking what they should do about their crush and such. The problem is that we over analyze things trying to force ourselves to believe something is there when there isn't. So the simple course of action is to move on. Is it that you want people to be more gentle with their opinions? Or give in detail why they think moving on is the best option? I'm in a situation with a crush and I've posted on here getting the response to move on. And logically I already knew that. Do I wish something was still there? Yes. Do I slightly believe there is something there or it could possibly happen? Yes. But is it a healthy choice? No. Sometimes moving on and letting those feelings fade is the answer.

[TsundereMatrix]

I find the pros and cons. If there's more pros than cons, I still try to see if it'll work out. If there are more cons than pros, I leave it and see what happens. It doesn't stop me from questioning things but I will eventually start to care less over time.

[Vyxzuw]

A lot of it, I think, has to do with you not wanting to be the one that failed the relationship. You think there's a chance, so you keep trying. It's not until they give up, move on that you see that there's nothing more for you to do.

Which isn't true. Relationships are two-way and if he isn't trying, then you should move on. I know it's hard but sometimes you have to see that a relationship isn't worth the effort you are putting in.

It's always easy to give advice and see what needs to be done, because the we're not the ones feeling the emotions involved.

[McKellar]

Hey, very good story indeed! I can fully relate to you in various ways. I once knew this one woman whom I was romantically involved with for 7 1/2 months. Her & I were so much in love that her & I discussed marriage. Unfortunately due to the bullshit which I had to go through from other people,... she left me & she's been gone from my life for now 11 years. Unfortunately I still think about her, as much as I do desperately try not to, but with that kind of experience,... it does stick with you & changes you. I often still ask myself,"Why am I still thinking about her? I don't want to think about her any more! I don't want to think about this any more! She's gone & she's never coming back.. at all... period!". and of course there were other women, but those of course are separate, long stories.

[Browneye57]

The term 'solipsism' comes to mind. in my opinion it is YOU that gives legs to all these feelings and emotions swirling around in your little head. It's time for you to realize that that is all they are - feelings! Just your feelings. But it's ALL you can see, just your own feelings. And you think that's what everybody else wants to hear and know about from you.
Consider broadening your horizons. Get out and walk, pursue your interests and aspirations, and quit marinating in your own emotional soup.

[404filenotfound]

Most of us are well aware how difficult it really is to move on and have likely been there as well.

Here's the thing though, no one owes you anything when it comes to how you feel about them. They don't owe you explanations, they don't owe you answers.

I get that it's difficult, but you can either seek some sort of validation from someone else, or just move on with your life.

[Goandtellyourmama]

Very beautifully said

[naraku]

This is a really good write up. Well done.

I'm actually considering moving on myself. Not so much because I think she would want me to per say, but because I didn't approach her today when I basically had a golden chance. So ready over this was helpful somewhat.

[Prakbio]

I really don't understand how you moved on if you are really not into it...
from all stories may be you are too caring to them.. or may be they want one night stand... but in story 3 .. what could be reason that he didn't given you time? may be his girlfriend caught him and given him warning...

[TsundereMatrix]

Possibly but my friend told me he was single. I don't know, maybe he forgot to text back, or maybe he freaked out and decided to call it off without telling me. Moving on is easier for me if I'm not fully into it. It's the same with everyone else. But even now I still think about what would happen if he did text back. It doesn't bother me but I still wonder.

[MichaelG]

It takes awhile,(6-1year) for me it depends how it ends. Some people just inflict deep wounds that ONLY they can heal, we are adults, so let's solve things. I will never understand people who can just ""erase"" someone from their existence - that's just cold.

Humanity is a dying breed, let's preserve it.
While I'm not perfect, the power to forgive one self and others is just pure strength of character, those who can't, to you, I say: bounce.

[Flareon6212]

hahahahahaha i just want the xper point for being first

[TsundereMatrix]

Congratulations *gives you xper point*

[xButterflyKisses87x]

smh... lol

[Anonymous]

I firmly believe that a lot of the issues around "moving on" come from childhood and self-esteem issues. We get programmed to look for love from others... when they're far too screwed up to give any healthy love to anyone... We have to give it to ourselves first.

[Anonymous]

Wow great stories. That story 2 sounds like it could be me because I was foolish to tell a new friend that i liked a guy. I didn't know they were friends until later.
I think she talked mess about me behind my back and now I hope to never see my crush again

[Heartcrusher]

I agree it's hard to just move on if there's no real reason. I obsess over some guys for about a year because of mixed signals. Sometimes Ithey got to show their thoughts and feelings and if it's not what I like then I leave

[OrdinaryGentleman]

The biggest mistake people can make is thinking everyone is exactly like them and would do the same thing in the same situation.

[Robertinho]

From what i've learned in my life is that there is only so many times you can move on in life... until something gives and you stay on instead of moving on so to speak.

[ArabianPwincess197]

Interesting Take :)
I think it's easier said than done, sometimes you tell people to move on but when you're in the same situation you realise how difficult it can be to move on from a crush etc

[TigBitties]

Very well constructed! I just tried writing a myTake and it's so difficult, so props to you for completing it!

[Solanaceae]

Amazing MyTake. I feel the same too to be honest. Good job <3 :)

[TsundereMatrix]

Glad to know I'm not the only one because it certainly feels like it!

[Solanaceae]

Haha definitely not <3

[Asad1ONE1]

That is why it's required to be monogamous. Wait for the right one to be your first and last. To search thoroughly, not desperately. You would not be in this situation had you followed that. You deserve it.

[jacquesvol]

I had a problem moving on from my first crush, just because of bad communication with her, mainlg due to my lack of maturity then.

[Anonymous]

yep, people come & go. it's a hard lesson and fact of life. it just sucks when you grow to adore that person & they leave so soon