I’ve found myself surrounded by friends, family and people in general, in relationships. I’m happy for anyone who’s in a healthy relationship, but I know it’s not for me. When I was younger, I imagined myself in a relationship and even marriage, then reality hit me. I wanted to be brutally honest with myself and asked, what guy would want me? It took a long time to come up with an answer, then I realized, no one.
Let me start off by saying this isn’t a sad phase, wanting sympathy, being told I’ll find love one day, etc. I can say with a smile on my face that a man will never be attracted to me, and that’s okay. If I was a guy myself, I wouldn’t be attracted to myself either. You may ask, why do I feel this way? The main reason, my physical appearance. I’m not some average or pretty girl who simply has low self esteem or is feeling ugly for a day.
I’m currently 240 pounds. I bet you thinking I was some sad pretty girl who has potential to find love immediately left your mind, right? Obviously no man is attracted to me when I look like a slob beast. I’ve been fat shamed and insulted and I always agree with the people who say these things to me. I’m on a weight loss journey to be 140 pounds. Even when I reach 140, I know nothing will change. My body and appearance will never be good enough.
Even when I’m skinny, it won’t change that I have sagging boobs, stretch marks on 75% of my body which I can only fade, potentially loose skin which I won’t be able to remove because I can’t afford it, dark spots, scars, an awful body shape, strawberry legs, and discoloration on my inner thighs, vagina and lower butt. Let’s be honest, NO man considers any of this attractive or something they can tolerate in this amount. I know guys can handle some of these on beautiful women or if they aren’t too noticeable. I refuse to let a man see my body, due to knowing I will disappoint him. People can say if he truly loves you, he won’t care, but there’s a limit between minor flaws and looking scary naked. I will not put a man through that, which is why I will stay a virgin.
IF a man showed interest in me, I’d turn him down. Not because I don’t find him attractive, but he can do way than me. There are so many prettier, skinnier and better personality women than me. Once he finds a better woman, he’ll be thankful I turned him down.
I love that women say “When I’m in a relationship...” or “When I get a boyfriend/husband.”, because they know they will find someone who will be attracted to them and they will! It makes me happy that women know this. But, I know for me there’s no chance. I’ve felt this way for a long time and I know this is best for me but also it’s probably my fate, and that’s okay. 😊