Why I’ve Decided To Stay Single and a Virgin for the Rest Of My Life.

Why I’ve Decided To Stay Single and a Virgin for the Rest Of My Life.

I’ve found myself surrounded by friends, family and people in general, in relationships. I’m happy for anyone who’s in a healthy relationship, but I know it’s not for me. When I was younger, I imagined myself in a relationship and even marriage, then reality hit me. I wanted to be brutally honest with myself and asked, what guy would want me? It took a long time to come up with an answer, then I realized, no one.

Let me start off by saying this isn’t a sad phase, wanting sympathy, being told I’ll find love one day, etc. I can say with a smile on my face that a man will never be attracted to me, and that’s okay. If I was a guy myself, I wouldn’t be attracted to myself either. You may ask, why do I feel this way? The main reason, my physical appearance. I’m not some average or pretty girl who simply has low self esteem or is feeling ugly for a day.

I’m currently 240 pounds. I bet you thinking I was some sad pretty girl who has potential to find love immediately left your mind, right? Obviously no man is attracted to me when I look like a slob beast. I’ve been fat shamed and insulted and I always agree with the people who say these things to me. I’m on a weight loss journey to be 140 pounds. Even when I reach 140, I know nothing will change. My body and appearance will never be good enough.

Even when I’m skinny, it won’t change that I have sagging boobs, stretch marks on 75% of my body which I can only fade, potentially loose skin which I won’t be able to remove because I can’t afford it, dark spots, scars, an awful body shape, strawberry legs, and discoloration on my inner thighs, vagina and lower butt. Let’s be honest, NO man considers any of this attractive or something they can tolerate in this amount. I know guys can handle some of these on beautiful women or if they aren’t too noticeable. I refuse to let a man see my body, due to knowing I will disappoint him. People can say if he truly loves you, he won’t care, but there’s a limit between minor flaws and looking scary naked. I will not put a man through that, which is why I will stay a virgin.

IF a man showed interest in me, I’d turn him down. Not because I don’t find him attractive, but he can do way than me. There are so many prettier, skinnier and better personality women than me. Once he finds a better woman, he’ll be thankful I turned him down.

I love that women say “When I’m in a relationship...” or “When I get a boyfriend/husband.”, because they know they will find someone who will be attracted to them and they will! It makes me happy that women know this. But, I know for me there’s no chance. I’ve felt this way for a long time and I know this is best for me but also it’s probably my fate, and that’s okay. 😊


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Anyone who reads this, has been in a relationship, and has even the smallest molecule of empathy will feel very sad for you. I do not want to take issue with anything that you have said but I do want to give you another perspective.

    1. There are drop dead gorgeous girls who lack self-confidence and who think most other girls are prettier. It is always possible to find someone who is prettier. smarter, stronger, taller, etc.

    2. There are girls who are not physically attractive at all but are attractive because of their personality. I dated a girl for two years who, objectively, was a 3-4/10 but she was very attractive to me.

    3. If you look around you, there are couples who are - let's be blunt - simply ugly. They are both ugly. And they are very happy together. And there are couples where one is attractive and the other is ugly. . . and they are happy. Yes, it happens.

    4. I understand why you feel a lack of self-confidence but I would guess that this is the biggest impediment to you finding a relationship.

    5. You are not the ugliest person who has ever walked on this planet, I am sure. That title belongs to my former mother-in-law.

    6. Being in a relationship and having it fail is sad but giving up hope is even sadder.

    7. You should not close yourself off to a guy who expresses interest in you. If he wants to spend time with you, he has eyes and he knows about your physical appearance. Denying him the opportunity because you think he can do better is a mixture of defensive, arrogant and hostile.

    Respond if you want, though it's not necessary, but please ponder these ideas.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • That's good that you've made your decision but it sounds to me like your decision is based on purely your insecurities. One of my attractive guy friends is currently dating a 300 lb girl and she has amazing confidence and is daily working on herself to be healthier. I'm glad you are working on your goals too but it sounds like your pushing away the opportunity if it presents itself because you'd be doing them a favor basically. You say you will never be good enough but good enough for who? You're important and you matter too. I am glad for you but at the same time I hope you don't shut yourself off when opportunity to meet a guy ever comes along. Love can be a beautiful thing.

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    • I completely agree. The insecurities is the only reason why I didn't like this Take.

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What Guys Said 37

  • I think this is not the right frame of mind. Don't get me wrong knowing that we are not perfect is not a problem, knowing that we may not even be average in looks isn't even an issue. The issue is your stance is that you are fat, you are ugly and you have a poor personality (according to you) and that's why you will remain single, rather then I need to lose weight, take better care of myself and try to make myself a better person. Acknowledgment of what we are is only half of it, trying to then push ourselves to be better is the other half. Your only half way their, strive to be better, then go from their. Most of your problems are probably due to weight and poor hygiene (which weight can cause by creating a better environment for bacteria (usually the cause of darkened skin) and the redness is probably due to the fact that the extra weight creates skin folds which irritates the skin. So a lot of that could probably be rectified with weight loss and some skin care products. Save some money and you can go to a dermatologist and they could recommend things for you to fix these problems. As for weight loss, well discipline and effort will resolve that. As for personality, well self reflection and empathy generally resolves that problem. You may never be a ten, but that doesn't mean you cannot make yourself better both in a physical attractiveness sense but also in a self worth sense.

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  • All you need is that one person who finds you attractive. Nothing is ever permanent, and if it is, then you need to accept it and embrace it. Start by losing that weight. That is what I am doing. After breaking up with my ex, I realized that I still have work to do. I still have some self-esteem and confidence issues around my body and my current social skill level. I still have trouble making new friends and getting close to old ones. However, I know that these things don't need to define me, that I can improve. I am working on it. It feels good. I can make small talk easier. I congratulate myself on my successes. I feel the changes. When I work out, I feel great. I can go just a little bit longer on the rowing machine. I can bench more. I feel my muscles getting tighter. I notice the numbers going down the scale.

    In this way, celebrate yourself. Celebrate the moment right now! You can find so many things to be joyous about already inside of you.

    When people say you find love when you least expect it, they mean that you need to be open to the possibility that the story you have been telling yourself all this time isn't based in reality but based on how you feel, and your thoughts and feelings AREN'T YOU! That is just your ego taking, an ego that wants you to be ashamed of the past and worry about the future.

    Let's say you get down to 140 lbs. You feel great. Let's say it inspires you to start getting into fitness. You tighten up those "saggy boobs". Let's say you discover some home remedies to improve your discolored skin and start using moisturizing lotions to help tighten up your skin. Let's say you work on your career and make more money so you can afford cosmetic surgery to improve the saggy skin or laser treatments to lighten up those dark areas.

    Anything is possible! Do not resign yourself! Work hard and enjoy the journey! Don't focus on the outcome and before you know it, you will be at a place that you never expected, and reach heights that you once thought was impossible for you.

    Confidence doesn't matter. I am going to say it again, confidence doesn't matter. YOU MATTER! Once you put yourself first and know that what you want in life is just as valid as what anyone else wants, then you can see that you have the right to happiness too! You can see that your core worth is the same as the next persons and that your behaviors and feelings don't have to be set in stone. You can change. Believe it.

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    • I think there is also some truth is that if we can't accept ourselves for who we are, then we will find it difficult to accept others. Would you date a man who is below average in attraction? Would you date a man who is overweight and is also on a weight loss journey? Would you date a man who is shy, or socially anxious and is trying to work on his issues and date for the first time in his life in his 30s?

      Sometimes what we hate about ourselves we also hate in others, OR we want a certain type of feature or quality in our partners that we feel we aren't deserving of because we don't have those features or qualities. This is why standard wisdom is to work towards being the type of person who would attract the partner you want. That said, sometimes we need to accept our own imperfections and in return accept the imperfections in others.

      You never know who you may meet. A man who you may normally be turned off by may surprise you and turn your expectations on their head.

  • Hi. Don't listen to the jackals on this thread are slamming the way you feel. I think you are extremely brave and I respect the fact that you are putting yourself out there. I'm not gonna send you any pity in my response but rather hope. You can do it Cuz. Don't give up. And as for the saggy and wrinkle shit, there's procedures to correct that. And you know what, some people I know would never date a skinny girl. They like them healthy girls. Personally I'm too skinny to go for skinny girls. We may start a fire when we ummmmm... you know. Anywho, we as a society are to blame as larger women through our subjective conditioning are not seen as attractive. But if you look deeper, there are societies all over the world that think skinny women are not attractive at all and despise them as we dislike larger women. There are many villages all over the world that literally worship larger women. When you reach your 140 goal, you may not have any sag or stretch. There are ways of fixing that before it becomes an issue.

    Now, one thing that vexed me was that YOU GAVE UP ALREADY. That is soft as baby shit. You are not nice to you. I know because I used to hate me and the way I look so i can dig it. If you embark on your journey with that mindset of course you'll fail. Duh!

    But if you use the same strength and bravery that you obviously have in you, I have 100% faith you will get exactly what you want, you just have to distract yourself from the "stinking thinking" because if you do that regularly enough, you literally become addicted to feeling sad and your body craves the chemical configuration of sadness.

    Look it up and see.

    I think you're gonna be just fine Cuz.

    I'll be here rooting for you the entire time.

    Sending love your way Sunshine.

    You can do it!!

    Now prove those fuckers wrong.

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  • well, that is sad to hear, but you have made your choice and know better why do you made this choice, so i hope you find a hobby you can enjoy and have friends you can count with, if you have these you can live very well with or without a partner, but if you don´t, then i just hope you can have at least a decent quality of life.

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  • This sounds sad cause you feel like you will never be good enough for anybody. I hope that you realize that not everyone will shame being fat or overweight. Yes there are some guys who don't like bigger girls but I have seen tons of guys with girls who are bigger than the guy. I knew a girl who was maybe 200 pounds and her boyfriend was a guy who was tall but he was skinny and they both liked each other for how they treated each other and didn't care about how their bodies looked like. Sometimes people don't really care about outside appearances an it's all about how a person is on the inside. I myself am 190 pounds and at times do feel a bit overweight but slowly want to get in my ideal weight of 160 pounds back. Still I am happy that I am not really overweight like being 250 but I do say that there is pressure in having to look good to attractive the opposite sex. I don't see myself doing anything drastic like being underweight as I know even if I was, it would never feel the void of looking good. As long as you are happy with yourself, you shouldn't try to change yourself to make others happy. In the end you shouldn't have to meet the demands of this world that expects the perfect body.

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  • You're nuts. My friend was 40 years old, obese and still lived in his parents basement, working in a dead end job. He met a girl through work, lost a lot of weight, got a better job, got married and has kids with that girl. It's never too late until you give up. Don't. Fuck those assholes.

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  • You can get a boyfriend. Look at Robert Hoge
    ghk.h-cdn.co/.../...473650157-robert-hoge-lead.jpg

    This guy was born with a severe birth defect and even his own mother called him ugly. He even wrote a book titled 'Ugly: My Memoir' Robert didn’t let his appearance be an obstacle to his life. He got married and had a daughter.
    c1.staticflickr.com/1/139/371712142_328d223f57.jpg

    https://youtu.be/QbxinUJcLGg

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    • This actually almost made me tear, and I think I am pretty handsome. If this gentleman can find love, then not being physically attractive enough is no excuse. Yes, it will be difficult to find someone who accepts you, but all you need is ONE person who does.

    • I think his look gives him character. I actually don't even find him that ugly at all...

  • I find this really pathetic... but if thats how you feel then that's how you feel.

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    • It’s okay that you think that, and it’s how I feel.

    • I mean the thing is, I can relate to your feeling. All these people who down voted my answer have no idea what it feels like to just give up.

  • Well that was a bummer. I hope you lose the attitude and life changes for you. I remember feeling exactly the same way for year but then I got some women & its a lot better than I thought it was. None of this is as set in stone as any of us feel it is.

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  • The only ones that are in our way, is ourselves. I get social anxiety. So because of that I have no real social skills, hard to make new friends , or hook up and then go past dating. Haven't been in a realstionship since I was 18.. I want a serious relationship. But the older you get the hard it is to find someone. So hopefully one day I fix myself and do something right and meet a special someone. Hope you do too. We have to conquer ourselves first.

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What Girls Said 20

  • Wow that's really pathetic. Obviously no ones going to want you if that's how you view yourself. I guess it's good you want to stay single because if you really did want someone you would try and change your piss poor attitude.

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    • And most self-assured, condescending, horrible person-trying-to-feel-superior award goes to...

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    • Oh, well, lucky us! We were all waiting for your edgy, provocative opinion. Tell me, do you vomit out every thought that comes into your head, or just the really awful ones?

    • Just the awful ones, though most of them are.

  • Girl, I'm 206 lbs and and I'm beautiful. You have to learn to wear your curves. I do not believe anyone one is ugly. I mean everyone has cute features about themselves. And me personally, do not believe skinny is that pretty. You should perhaps dress yourself up if you do not know how to dress Google what looks sexy on plus size girls or women. And carry yourself how you want to be seen.

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  • I just finished a book, and this sentence stuck with me.

    https://i.imgur.com/lPrPSok.jpg

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  • Hey, it's okay I won't find love either, and I'm pretty, smart and talented. You are definitely not alone in the single for life club promise. No matter what you say I know that at least a part of you is sad about it , because of experiences of my own, just don't watch too many romances okay?

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  • Im like 208 or something, I do not have a model body at all. My main issue is just my lower tummy and thigh area. So If i can get a man and find love, I know you can.

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  • I'm somewhat in a similar boat...

    I used to be a bigger girl and lost 130 pounds over the course of a year and a half. I'm trying to loose another 20 now that I've maintained my initial weight loss for over a year. I'll be 118 pounds then.

    Anyway, I have saggy breasts, breasts that have lost their firmness (when I lie down, they completely disappear leaving me flat chested despite the fact that I'm still a DD), I have loose skin. I'm 30, still a virgin, and never had a boyfriend. My weight loss didn't change any of that.

    Sometimes I don't see how I'd ever be desirable to a man, but right now my loose skin isn't horrible (though the boobs are), but I'm hoping some way or another I'll be able to pay for surgery to fix everything. And though its a long shot, I'm not giving up on finding Mr. Right.

    If you want to talk, or maybe need some weight loss tips or moral support, feel free to message me.

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    • Just FYI, most women's boobs do that. Unless they're implants, everyone's boobs disappear when we lie down. It's natural :)

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    • @Curmudgeon Exactly. It isn't about what men think, it is about how it makes the woman feel about herself. That is all that matters. If she is able to overcome that insecurity on her own without spending money on implants or surgery, then, of course, that is the preferred option. The same goes for guys who feel uncomfortable about their weight. Wouldn't it better if the guy was just comfortable in his own skin and courageous enough to ask an attractive woman out regardless of how fat he is? But if losing that weight, getting fit, having surgery to remove the excess skin, etc. are what is needed to make him feel better about himself, then why is that so wrong?

      It is either:
      A) Take action where you can OR
      B) Surrender and accept what is

    • @Curmudgeon breast cancer survivors yes. Maybe formerly obese women. But I don't think it's up to a man to tell a woman she should or shouldn't get implants. You can have a reduction without having implants.

  • I'm probably going to also stay single and a virgin for the rest of my life :P I love too much my freedom

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  • So rather than being optimistic and actually understanding the fact that not only do guys exist that don't mind bigger girls, but they might as well be cheering you and motivating you whilst you're at your weight loss program and he will gracefully take all your flaws as a mark of what you've gone through and what your achieved?

    Believe me, I have seen unattractive women getting married with decent men and I know it for a reason that love can look way beyond someone's appearance.

    You really think no unattractive woman ever had a loving husband?

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  • Look. It's not always pretty girls that get the guy. And don't think of yourself as something less than the others cause you're not. We are all equal sweety. I know that it might be hard to find someone, maybe harder than it is for other girls. Think about the fact that there are people that understand what you're going through. You're not the only human on Earth who has this "problem"as you call it. (I don't really believe that it's a problem).
    But even if you don't find someone (or you turn him down), trust me you're not the only single person on Earth.
    Live your life the way you want to. Life doesn't only depend on love and marriage.

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  • There's no such thing as fat shaming, hon. There's someone for everyone. If you continue feeling sorry for yourself and calling yourself ugly or turning guys down because they can do "better", of course you're never going to find someone. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with a 240 pound adult woman who cries about her situation but never does anything to fix it. Most of the time the problem with people who are always single is that they don't put themselves out there. They expect everyone to approach them. The reality of the matter is that's just isn't how it works.

    Even pretty, skinny chicks can't get a life partner by doing nothing. She might get laid easily, but that's as far as it goes.

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