The love of my life is currently 23 years older than me. I'm eighteen and he's forty-one. Yes, I'm aware of everything involving my relationship. The risks and possibilities of everything. It's been gone over a million times since we've been dating. Which has been since I was about sixteen. (The age of consent in Britain which is where he lives.) And I know that for a lot of you all of this may be uncomfortable but let me explain my case.
I grew up in a very awkward situation as did my boyfriend. At very young ages we both experienced various cases of abuse and neglect. He was molested, and as for myself, I suffered from physical abuse, sexual abuse, and mental abuse. And yes, one neglect that you might have in your head already; I had no father.
Well, okay technically I had one and he cared for me very well in my first years until I reached kindergarten.
Sadly, on my first day, he got arrested for murdering my grandfather. I hadn't heard from him until recently. And we're getting to know each other again through phone calls (He has a life sentence.)
Anyhow, all of those things largely affected my choice in men because I sort of had to parent myself for the most part. My mother is an abusive narcissist and my stepdad was a creep. Therefore, I had no real childhood outside of the one I had to create for myself in my free time or with my siblings here and there.
So in the result was that I always dreamed of was someone who'd let me be free for once and let me develop on my own. Where basically I was free to be the young woman I had brought myself up to be and the child I always wanted to express and let grow. So yes, I suppose I had daddy issues or whatever you want to call it.
And my boyfriend's abuse had the opposite effect on him. We're like two different sides of the same coin. He sought for a relationship where he took care of the girl but also had them as his equal in things. Which we match very well in. Finances, politics, work ethic, and etc. We're great in it together. And we both work very hard to make sure things are well taken care of.
Now as a backstory, I'm not going to lie I actually wasn't interested him very much. Not outside of friendship anyway. He was a friend of my old favorite teacher in elementary and we met when he came into town and just so happened to be at the family dinner I was invited to. My teacher's daughter was getting married and I was very close to her growing up so I was invited to the dinner. We both began talking about space science, physics, and interstellar travel actually we were geeking out over it and eventually traded numbers.
He then became a very close friend of mine over text as he traveled in and out the country since he lived in Britain. We talked about everything really and I quickly became his best friend as well. Eventually, over time he confessed feelings for me when flew in the country again and we had met up to hang out while he was in town. At the time I was not ready for a relationship at all. I was trying to focus on building my career in entertainment plus it was a case in America, I didn't want him to get in trouble. So I told him we could only be friends then and he respected my boundaries.
When he flew out we talked even more and did a lot of calling and video chats. He helped me a ton with homework and we had a hang out day, when he wasn't working where we'd discuss stuff like comics, watch movies, and more. Sometimes he'd watch me paint or read my favorite stories to him and vice versa. Although, his painting would be playing games like League or something. And we both of course over time went through personal stuff regarding family and were there for one another which eventually lead to us falling in love.
I was the first to admit over time because he wouldn't. He was respecting my original boundaries and didn't want to overstep anything. When we met back up again I told him I loved him and he took a moment to respond and questioned me about it before getting happy and hugging me saying he was in love with me as well and from then on everything took off.
And I have to say it has been one of the best experiences of my life since I've learned so much from it. He taught me various things. Like how it feels to be loved unconditionally, how respect works, and how to take care of things in my personal and external life. I also learned a lot about my sexuality/sexual nature with him and he helped me build my own expression of it.
Before him, I had a clue of course but it was very isolated. My first introductions to sex as a whole was BDSM and etc. I thought regular "vanilla sex" was a caressing and loving thing like kissing. Not the real deal. Until I actually found out that vanilla is the normal and natural way and BDSM was simply taking things to another level with more dynamics and things involved. But by then my whole sexual nature was BDSM based so that's the only thing that I really liked and was familiar with. Thankfully, he had a kink for it and taught me both sides of the spectrum.
Now to clear up anything regarding the sex thing, he waited till my 18th birthday when he flew in and then we actually had more physical interactions. Beforehand it was mainly training and learning the basics before everything else. And I'm not going to lie, the first time hurt like hell.
But eventually I got used to everything, and by the time I transferred abroad and began studying in Europe we're fine and got into the groove of being together more often.
Matter of fact we talk so much and do so many things together we know getting to that point where you've been together so long you don't have much of anything to talk about anymore other than stuff that comes up. Most days we're just helping each other out with work or schooling. Which is always great we have a great time and I don't regret a thing. He's amazing with children, he respects and loves me. His family is like my new family. They're all sweethearts. And I couldn't be happier. I won't lie when he's pissed he can be quite hurtful and sometimes I've cried the worst tears of my life in this relationship.
Seriously, I've never cried so much in my life.
But we make up quite easily and discuss things as best we can. I try very hard to fix any issues I have and I'm not afraid to recognize when I'm in the wrong and vice versa. We hardly argue thankfully and we keep one another healthy both physically and mentally. So in short, I'd have to say my boyfriend is a lifesaver. He's been there for me through so much, and has proven on several accounts his care for me and hasn't failed to teach me something every day. We're both looking forward to marriage and etc after my college graduation. I wouldn't change it for the world, and I feel that even though we both have our dark pasts, we transformed our pain and issues into our happiness and solutions. And even when the day comes where I know he'll no longer be with me, he's taught me how to live in the moment and be okay without him.
He's all I could ever ask for and I feel more than lucky to have met him. So yeah, there's my story of how dating older affected my life so far. Hope you enjoyed my century long rant, I'm sorry for going on so long.
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