From Faithful Wife to a Cheater!

[Anonymous]

First of all don't jump to any conclusions. We (both married with children) never got physical in any way unless sitting/standing close to eachother, hand on my back when passing behind me and nudging elbows/knees under the table mean anything. But attention, talking/joking, feeling around us (I'd call it gut) telling me I'm way beyond friendship boundaries and that makes me a cheat just as if we had sex.

I met him 3 years ago and from the day one I felt something I never wanted to feel and never thought could happend, to feel something for a man other than my housband. I didn't try to aproach him even as a friend but some strange force had a plan on it's own. HE started talking to me, texting, building a connection and I didn't find the power within me to stop it on time. Now that it started rolling down the hill I don't have the will to stop it.

I still only asume he feels the same as I do, cause we never talk about it out open (I'm too scared of any answer I could hear) but rather as jokes. But he started hinting an attraction he feels for me and pushes my limits farther every time. Last time for the first time he admitted he thinks about me. He said he thinks about my messages all the time (even though he text me more), that they preoccupy him and can't think about anything else.

I don't think either of us is going to do something about our feelings but it's still a torture that I can never end unless he does.

I try to make connection to his wife and kids too, so we could all become friends (cause I don't want to lose him from my life) but he avoid talking to me when she and my housband are present.

I still love my housband and our marriage doesn't suffer because of my infatuation. I wrote this to show you all not to condemn married people who started to feel for another person what they feel cause not all wonted it and asked for it. Not all are strong enough to run from it (and they know they should). You never know what awaits you around the corner.

[Anonymous]

This was honestly disgusting to read. You know somthing is wrong but you don't do any thing about it to stop it. Honestly I feel sorry for you husband, what the fuck. You think if this guy did go for you and left hus wife he'd be with you permanently, nah he'd wait till another woman with a "connection" comes along maybe 10-20 years younger and you'd be kicked to the curb too. The fact you know it's wrong is your opertunity to do the right thing and cut it with this guy tell your husband come clean and you might salvage somthing if he is generous otherwise you'd be best cut things out with this dude block him on your phone he is dead to you and your husband is none the wiser. Bottom line, you can never be in the right with this, the fact you have let it get to this point is enough to make most good men leave you for cheaters like this guy who will throw you aside once you've been used up.

[pervertedjester]

Article Title:
From "Faithful" Wife To Cheater.

First Sentence: First of all don't jump to any conclusions.

Last Sentence: You never know what awaits you around the corner...

My Reaction: ... I bet it's your Pimp.

[youcanbe]

This should be the title of a book lol 'From faithful wife to cheater, the journey to hoe-life'😂😂😂

[Grayout]

God damn

[Anonymous]

How can you say your marriage isn't suffering when this is emotional cheating and a violation of trust... My mother cheated on my dad and left us all for another guy, lemme tell you, it hurts and I hope you find the *willpower* to end it before your marriage is completely destroyed.

[VeggieCalzone]

@Clo917 I am so sorry to hear that

[Opinion Owner]

@VeggieCalzone Thank you.

[StingRayxoxo]

This is an emotional affair and it’s not fair to your husband or anyone else.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. It doesn't matter whether you call it "cheating" or some other name. If it is something that you must hide from your spouse, you have violated their trust.

2. There is nothing horribly wrong with you for feeling attracted to someone else. Married people can look at other members of the opposite sex and feel an attraction. Part of that is just our biology. What matters is what you do about those feelings.

3. You need to start focusing on the consequences of your husband discovering your involvement. The other guy's wife could call your husband to discuss something that she perceives as a potential problem.

4. You CAN stay away from this situation if you choose to do so. You are telling yourself that you are "powerless to resist" as an excuse because you don't WANT to resist. Recognize the source of the problem and then do something about it.

[lightbulb27]

This is a good post and one of the great values of GAG. Noone here can judge you, temptation is part of life, guys have this challenge in spades. That happens, there are people we are attracted to and when we perfect them in our mind compared to the human we are with and stress, they are mysterious and mesmerizing... perfect! And it feels amazing. He's not... he's cheating on his wife and you hate cheaters:)! It sounds like he is instigating the connection to me and looking to cheat.

ideal solution is you stay away from him, block. Become friends w his family and I'd say it is gonna be a mess. And no telling if he's onto other women as well.

You need to do some education, about yourself emotionally. I watched some videos on cheating... see below, maybe you can get better educated with what is going on and address that inside you. who says your husband doesn't have something similar going on elsewhere and you have things to talk about.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ts0W0IcXg8U&t=231shttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmiKAoAmYSg

she has other videos, see if anything there helps

Another thing to know is that our emotional mind makes decisions, instantly. It is programmed in childhood and the attraction you experience is sub conscious. A guy that touches your leg, etc.. is invading your space and making a connection physical ontop of emotional. A player would do that or he knows how to play with women. So there is some connection, familiarity. What it is we don't know and hope you don't find out.

There is something called monogamesh as a solution to some "stale" issues. This is all I know about it. helpful for your marriage... can you turn this around to your on marriage?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sYguTPLpHE

I don't know how to bring this up o your partner if you ever do. Maybe a counselor would help, but getting it out helps. Writing helps, but it needs to be to unload your feelings and then focus on what you want to be. If you spend lots of time thinking about this, it will just grow.

[ThisAndThat]

The new rules of marriage is not to get married as in monk MGTOW.

[lightbulb27]

@ThisAndThat I'm hearing that term now, II can understand why, I get it. But I put my energy into figuring out how to reverse that course and have great relationships and marriages. I have hope of that.

[CuChullan]

You are in a worse position than an actual "cheater". Caught in an emotional bind with another man. A bind you never wanted, but the human side of you couldn't resist. On the positive side, it probably makes you a better wife and mother. The guilt of an actual secret affair ofen has that side effect. You can take nothing for granted in life, life itself, or relationships. Life and relationships are never a smooth curve. You say you don't want anything to happen, and you assume he doesn't. I always contend that everyone cheats. All it takes is the right circumstance and right opportunity. It does no harm as long as it stays on a physical level, is a one off fling. No one misses a slice off a cut cake. But this bind you're in is a bit different. If it ever went physical, you may be disappointed and it could shatter all the illusions brought on by the emotional expections. The best way to handle this is keep the humour in it at the highest level. Humour will bring you both back down to earth.
You're under a lot of judgement from the "beige people" who see life in only black and white. Ignore them. Life smacks us all in the chops at one time or another. Some day they'll wake up.

[ShadezMcgee]

If you really love your husband, you wouldn't be pulling this cheating bullshit. The fact you even say about this guy "I try to make connection to his wife and kids too, so we could all become friends (cause I don't want to lose him from my life) but he avoids talking to me when she and my husband are present." Is very fucked up. Almost like you are preparing to be with this guy and he his kids stepmother if a divorce comes.

It's like you are trying to do damage control before this all comes crashing down. Personally, if the guy you are fuckin' on the side doesn't speak to you when your husband and his wife are present, goes to show he knows the outcome of what will come if this blows up.

You both are in the wrong here. No ifs ands or buts about it.

It's people like you that give marriage and trust in relationships a bad name. Personally, I hope you get hit with a hard punch from karma.

[9teen]

I actually don't understand how you feel attracted to someone else while you have your husband in the first place? Or did you marry him while there was no attraction?
Anyway you're pathetic. You could just kick the guy out of your life and you should have told your husband about this guy from the very beginning.
You're just playing the pathetic victim 'as if you can't help it'. You were never faithful to begin with. You're emotionally cheating with someone else behind your husband's back. You don't want to leave him, you're just pretending. This will result in a divorce once your husband finds out and I totally support it. If it's that difficult to behave like a mature responsible person, then you don't deserve to be loved at all. Your kids will suffer because of you and the kids of that moron you're talking to. Two marriages destroyed because of two irresponsible irrational adults.

[NatashaJ]

Something tells me she a manipulative user, probably a narcissist/ sociopath (because she doesn't seem to have remorse for her actions) and a narcissist because she seems to think he wants her just like him sometimes tells me he warming up to get her to fuck him and he going to disappear.

[taleswapper]

Perfectly normal. I don't know enough about your relationship with your husband to advise you, but humans are NOT naturally monogamous. What you're feeling is a conflict between your natural inclinations and your social conditioning.

Humans evolved from social primates (like bonobos and chimpanzees) who had casual sex within the troop. Any male might mount any female within his social group, and vice versa. Sexual fidelity didn't actually become an issue until well after the agricultural revolution. It's not natural, but socially imposed.

That said, as you can see from the responses, violating that social imperative has strong consequences. Depending on the society you live in, the penalties may run from mild disapproval to being put to death. So consider your culture before you take the next step.

[Rei02]

Ok, at least you are recognizing and admitting what is going on. I will try to not be so harsh 'cause as you said in your Last line "you never Know what awaits you around the corner".

Think what is or are the most important things in your life. If you are a mother, then your children should be the most important, unless they are not children anymore and they can live on their own without their parents.

If your "lover" avoided you when your partners are present, then he knows that this is not right. So stop feeding your romantic fantasies, don't look for excuses that he is "your true love", because there isn't the true love as movies and media put towards us.

If you haven't touched, hugged, kissed or done anything in a romantic way, then there is still time to put the break, but if you have already done it, then put to yourself clear your ideas, what you really want before you talk with your husband.

[DelilahRose]

You're playing with fire it's an emotional affair right now but give it time and it will turn into more. If you really love your husband you would end this and cut ties. But you're trying to be friends with the wife so all of you can hang out. That shows just how deep your feelings for him really are and just how attached to him you are. It's going to be tough but if you want your marriage to work you need to let this guy go. That or end or marriage so you can be free to find someone else. But the fact of the matter is your married and so is the other person.

[Browneye57]

This is called an 'emotional affair'. Yes, it really is cheating.
That you continue to get closer, even to his family, is disturbing.
But this is what women do - what I keep saying. It's hard to believe that it can be justified, but here ya on full unabashed display.
Shame on you.
Oh, and your marriage suffers more than you know, in ways you cannot even understand. It's just all about YOUR feelings.

[worldscolide]

Cheating is cheating, You are to blame in this. Either divorce your husband or break all contact, and i mean ALL contact with the other guy and block him.. Then work on your marriage. If you cannot do that you are not worthy of your husband, nor are you worthy to call your self a wife. Disloyalty is disgusting and women like you that try to justify it are plain and simple, Evil.

[vald9inches]

you are only human but there might come a time for you to choose.
or have a talk about the possibility of an open relationship because the more you deny it the bigger it will get and the more secrets there will be and the more you will torture yourself until you can't enjoy life anymore. People need and want variety in their life instead of the same old boring thing and routine over and over again.

In my opinion love is like a wild bird, you can lure it to your hands with the promise of love and nourishment (bird seeds) and it will happily land in your hand to be nourished but once its had its fill it will fly off. you can only enjoy it, cherish it, and appreciate it for those few moments but it would be too cruel to close your hands around that bird and then lock it up in a cage for the rest of its life for you own selfish needs to look at its beauty whenever you wanted.

[NatashaJ]

Eh you seem manipulative just to play it off "he doing all the things I am not doing anything" funny you could have told him to fuck off. Then try to pull "I love my husband blah blah" I feel like if you love someone no one else will make you emotional cheat. Either you are lying to us about how you feel about your husband or your lying to yourself about how troubling this situation is.

[Guanfei]

You're not a cheater yet, but you'll be one soon.
My advice? Divorce, and leave. You're trying to convince yourself it's nothing, but it is. You will cheat, at some point. You'll break your husband, you'll break the other guy family.
I hate cheaters, and I made an effort to tell you that without being too harsh. But the fact is, you're taking a wrong path and you're trying to find anything to justify it and feel better about it. Which means you already don't see any problem in cheating.

That's when you know you have to leave your husband, before it happens. Do it, now. Be honest, tell him the truth, take responsability for it, pack you thing and go.

[winterfox10]

That's fairly normal... you aren't cheating yet, but you are damn close to it. You have an obligation to your husband to put some distance here. Everybody is strong enough to run from bad influences, you don't don't want to because it feels good. Please find the strength to not screw up your marriage.

[Blondie80]

It is impossible that you love your husband if you have feelings towards somebody else. You are lying for yourself!!! It is not nice what you are doing, because it has been going on for three years! Either end it or divorce and be with him! What you are doing at the moment is ridiciolous. Be a woman and a cheap little girl!

[TonyBologna25]

Get yourself out of the situation? You’re disrespecting your husband by leading this on an entertaining these feelings of lust. You’ve been allowing this to happen for three years. You’re a terrible wife.

[abundantlyrich]

If you didn't have sex then it's not cheating. If you're flirting with him, Having sextext then it's emotional cheating. 😂🤓

[ZestyWatermelon]

you're cheating and thats not okay. Either stop whats going on or end your marriage. Nothing else is permissable other than those two options.

[abdallahdaif]

If u really want that man just leave ur husband before even knowin this man would leave his wife for u then see what the man u want would do but don't let urself to him without marrige. If he didn't choose u then leave them both and search for other husband if u won't take responsibility for ur action then u can't live with a man while fuckin the other

[abdallahdaif]

I don't think that ur husband deserves to live with u like this for me if my wife don't really love me the way u desire the other man it is just like wastin my time

[abdallahdaif]

Fuck cheating if u r not happy with someone just leave and the other man if he is not happy with his wife he dhould also leave istid of ruin other people's life

[chrisbigman]

If someone married starts having feelings for someone outside of their marriage, then they should talk to a pastor or counselor and get their feelings cleared. Because these feelings are like a virus. If you don't treat early, it will fester and get worse until it becomes too late. I suggest he too see a pastor or a counselor.