Disclaimer: This isn’t meant as advice, rather a personal experience on how getting my girlfriend to chase me has worked, and has in fact improved our relationship. You can choose to disagree, that’s absolutely fine. I’m not here to convince you
Google anything to do with dating and relationships and the first dozen or so articles will advise you to chase the girl you like. Much like in contemporary films, we’re led to believe this works. I too believed this.
What you have to realise is that each premise in the films is a projection of how the director/writer believes romantic relationships evolve:
Boy meets girl. Boy falls for said girl. Boy takes her out. Boy buys her extravagant gifts. Boy fucks up. Boy gets dumped. Boy begs, pleads, calls girl up multiple times, and sends her a love poem/letter. Boy shows up at girl’s door with roses and a bottle of bubbly. Boy is forgiven by girl. They live happily ever after.
ALL of this being chasing - from the get go.
Reality check: This doesn’t work in real life.
All it will do is push the girl away further and further, until you’re handed a restraining order.
Girls love going at their own pace. Girls love their sense of freedom and being able to come and go. Girls appreciate a man who knows when to give her space.
I didn’t know this is previous relationships. I was totally anchored to society’s relationship blue print.
In fact I was still making the very same mistakes at the start of my relationship: calling far too often, being too available, not knowing when my girlfriend needed space, etc...
So how am I doing?
Fantastic. After a small dip in my girlfriend’s interest, things have improved substantially. My girlfriend is initiating most (80%) of the contact. She’s also made plans for us next month, and the times she comes over have increased three-fold. She seems happier, more at ease and in her element too.
What happened before was that she said she “didn’t know how to be in a relationship”.
Let me tell you, when a girl says something like that (whether you’re dating on in a relationship), what she means is “Slow down, this is going too fast, I feel smothered”
I backed off completely, let her do 100% of the contact, and we’re now at where we are. Pure bliss.
And, before you even ask, this is not game playing. This is an example of a man being in his masculine energy, and a woman in her feminine energy. This is how it’s meant to be, not the other way round. Women want to chase men, that’s why they go for the “bad boys” who don’t seem to care. It builds their intrigue.
I’m not here to argue with you on whether you agree or disagree, I’m just telling you that it works.
Feel free to ask questions, though.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
How could I build intrigue? Lol I’m either really talkative in public or quiet in public, there’s not an in between for me. I’ve always been the chaser in the past and it has always failed. I know a lot of that is my fault. I believe things in a relationship should be even but I don’t know how to find it.
Mystery builds intrigue. Whilst most of the guys are chasing the girl, you’re standing out because you’re not. You’re doing your own thing. You’re centred, and women love that.
Chasing girls has caused failure in your life, and it will continue to do so if you don’t flip the script.
You’ll never get dumped or blown off by a girl who’s chasing you.
That’s if a girl chases me, I’m not expecting anything at all to happen in my dating life.
I approach but I have never chased girls. The way I look at it is I figure if they like me enough they will contact me eventually and so far it has worked for me.
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