Dating & Marriage is Hell

[Shiningtempest]

Why Dating & Marriage is Hell

1. The Probability of Marriage Ending in Failure

According to APA, 40 to 50 percent of marriages in USA results in divorce. When there are 40 to 50 percent chance of marriages ending in heartache, why would I want to risk my time, money, & emotion into marriage that would most likely to end in heartache?

2. Cost of Dating

From the article "The Cost of Dating in America", average money spent on dating is $1,600. Why would anyone spend $1,600 on dating that has at least 50 percent risk of failure? Spending $1,600 dating is only fools would do.

Cost of Dating

3. Length of Relationship

Daily Mail article reported that average length of relationship is now two years and 9 months. If relationship last up to two years & 9 months, why would someone want to invest their time, money, & emotion into relationship when relationship could fail within 3 years?

Length

4. Stress in Relationship

CNBC article "Fighting with your spouse? It's probably about this" stated 35 percent of respondents had fight over money. If couples fight over money issues, why would people want to enter into dating or marriages?

Heartache that can be avoided

5. Cost of Divorce

LegalZoom article "The Average Cost for Divorce" stated that average cost of divorce is between $15,000 and $30,000. If divorce costed between $15,000 to 30,000, why would someone want to date another person if divorce is expensive.

Cost of Divorce

Above reasons listed are why dating & marriage offers negative returns of investment.

[DublinRollerGirl]

The reasons marriages fail are many. Failure to get to know each other before having sex sets a precedent of not waiting to get married either. A person is usually on their best behavior when dating and it may be awhile before their real self comes out. It is therefore wise to have longer engagements to get everything sorted out. Sex is not on the top of the list. It is a benefit but good sex does not hold a relationship together by itself. You see this when people become disillusioned and start with the roaming eyes and wind up cheating. That in turn dooms a marriage in most instances. But the biggest breakups are caused by financial reasons. People have a big wedding, buy a house, buy a new car, furniture and all and guess what? They wind up with their ass in a sling. But whose fault is that? It is not marriage's fault. Marriage is great if you work together, compromise where needed, and actually work to make marriage work for you. Nothing is free in life, especially marriage. For some people marriage offers negative returns for those not willing to work to keep it going.

[Nik1hil]

Wow!..
This opinion.. Makes me wanna Propose to Her.. 🌹🌹
Seeing how much she understands!..

[Twat_Twig]

There's one thing all of these have in common... Money. Money is NOT what makes a relationship last or work. People prioritize money so much but what does it do for the really important things like feelings and spirtuality? Absolutely nothing. If you have a relationship based on money then it's obviously never going to work. Being in a relationship can be the best or worst thing to happen to a person, it's all about how a couple works out conflict and grows together. You could have nothing more than a penny and be the happiest couple in the world or you could have a million dollars and be miserable. The main reason relationships don't work is because of selfish individual wants and not caring about your partner's feelings and wants.

[nalaa]

Ya I don't think it's coincidence either that all that think money is sooo important to a relationship are the ones having trouble dating

[Unit1]

Yeah, well, I don't want to ruin the party but I want to see you ladies staying by your words in order to believe it by actually sticking to your partner should he suddenly and unexpectedly lose his job and he will be looking for a new job for some time. It can happen.

As salary ceased, so have many relationships and marriages.

[Twat_Twig]

*shrugs* My boyfriend doesn't have a job atm because his previous one fired him over some absolute bullshit. He's looking for another one right now but I'm not angry at him for it. I make enough to cover the bills by myself.

[SwoleCook]

Yeah let’s see you say that in another month or two when you can’t afford a pedicure or get your hair done. Then the chad with a 6 figure salary is going to start looking extra hunky.

[Unit1]

Fair enough

[Twat_Twig]

Whatever you think dude.

[Lilly_Fair]

@Twat_Twig
You nailed it

[Exterminatore]

When women start paying their own way on EVERY date and don’t receive alimony, child support and 50% of everything when a marriage ends, despite not contributing 50% or more in income then your statement will have not validity.

[Exterminatore]

*will have validity.

[Cheetah23]

@Exterminatore I mean... YOUR point would have validity if there weren't already women who pay on their own & reject offers to be paid for on dates, not to mention the concept of prenups existing or healthy split divorces taking place, but okay. There's millions of shit human beings in both genders that do wrong things, so there's really no reason to use them as a generalisation to prove a point. I could just as easily say men all are abusers or tapers, but that's not fucking true is it? How about the man other men who DONT do a single wrong thing? It's the same with your points here, can't say women gotta start paying for their own dates when there already ARE many women who do, and so on.

[Twat_Twig]

Right. You can't generalize women unless you also generalize men. Every individual has different values and beliefs.

[JudgmentDay]

Unavoidable risks simply comes with the territory. Either accept all of the risk and consequences and take your chances and just hope that a desirable or acceptable outcome "may" happen at all, if at all. Or simply just DON'T DO IT AT ALL. Besides, NOBODY NEEDS to date or marry anyway, but many people still confused between the differences between WANTS and NEEDS. Those that married and had kids but then their marriage fell apart have it worse because of those divorce issues like child support, child custody, etc. I suppose for those that don't have any kids at all, if things didn't work out, starting over isn't as difficult nor as problematic compared to those that did start a family but their marriage ended in a divorce. But hey, it is what it is. The way I see it the more someone WANTS to start a family of their own, the more they are likely going to take chances and take risks, simply because that's what they WANT to have.

@legatelanius? @Unit1 ? @ menina? @serious?

[LegateLanius]

You've said it accurately enough where I don't need to add anything.

[Unit1]

You know my view on this, bro.

[serious]

@JudgmentDay

"Unavoidable risks simply comes with the territory. Either accept all of the risk and consequences and take your chances and just hope that a desirable or acceptable outcome "may" happen at all, if at all. Or simply just DON'T DO IT AT ALL"

Yes, that's right. Makes full sense.

[serious]

@JudgmentDay

"Besides, NOBODY NEEDS to date or marry anyway, but many people still confused between the differences between WANTS and NEEDS"

That's right.

[serious]

@JudgmentDay

"The way I see it the more someone WANTS to start a family of their own, the more they are likely going to take chances and take risks, simply because that's what they WANT to have."

Yes, if someone wants something then they will be willing to take risks, calculated risks or reckless risks but they will willing to take them.

[serious]

@JudgmentDay

I apologise for the late response and thanks for the invite.

[JudgmentDay]

@Shiningtempest Thanks for MHO!

@menina?

[menina]

I agree with you. Marriage isn't for everyone, but some people want to get married and have kids. It's their choice, but they know they're taking risks.

[JudgmentDay]

@menina Sometimes it takes them a long time to realize it though. If they had been aware they would have done the pre-nup, bought life insurance, etc., etc.

[menina]

That's true.

[jacquesvol]

Calm down, bro!
For us it wasn't ever bad.
We met in 1967, married in 1971 and we're still happy together. :)

https://i.imgur.com/RkInUzM.png

[Mochli]

That's really inspiring to hear. I wish you all the best. ^^

[Muhammad1999]

your generation was better and had more morals , most millennials are moral-less

[Dionigi]

Congratulations for being in the other 50%

[Angelina25]

Why eat when you know you're gonna poop?

[Cheetah23]

Money money money bla bla money controls me bla bla money makes me fear opposite sex bla bla bla.
1. Many of those relationships are rushed couples who marry before a suitable time, but no such influencing variable is exempted from the survey, making it innacurate- it's not say 40-50% of good couples fail, it's saying 40-50% of all couples, including the stupid, rushed, forced, arranged and/or all other types fail. So if you are a person who strongly believes in your relationship, you think/know you're marrying right, you don't have a 40-50% precedent chance of failure/heartbreak, because no such survey can be taken.
What even was their sample-size, there's no way all of USA was the sample-size for the surgery, but they don't tell you that because it is not entertaining/shocking news.

2. I mean you could always just not date a gold digger, but plus ultra✊ I insist my partner never spends such money on me. I buy my own food, I ask for no gifts, our dates are often home-dates, and I even offered buying his meals for when he used to temporarily be low on cash.

3. I had to do surverys for my projects in my studies. What was always compulsory was stating the sample-size of WHO & HOW MANY people we're surveyed. Do you see anywhere that it states who and how many people were asked of the relationship time durations? Don't be a fool and say all of USA. Ask the next person you see in America if they ever answered the question to such a survey and they'll most likely say no. So not everyone was surveryed, meaning the average length of dating is NOT 2 years and 9 months for people. In fact, it could've been a sample size of 20 people of one society/community/age/culture for all you know, greatly making the results change.

4. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Stress? Social interaction with another human being? Learning how to fiance with another individual? The absuuuurdity. Yes, WHY would a human do this? (Sarcasm, please)

5. Prenup & safe planning. If she/he says no, you can always move on if that's a deal breaker and view the divorce cost to be too much of a risk (understandably). If you went through with it unhappy, that'd be your fault, not the marriage's.

[Cheetah23]

Were*
Survey**** dunno why that autocorrected to surgery

[Unit1]

Money money money bla bla money controls me bla bla money makes me fear opposite sex bla bla bla.

And for good reasons.
Money and my job is all i have in my life. Take either away from me and I'll be a starved, sick and homeless organic waste of space, that nobody cares about (and i have an academic degree, skills and some work experience to go with my ambitions).
And let's be honest, that No woman nor you would date me in that situation ever.

Doesn't money dominate all of our lives in this capitalistic world? Or how do you explain going out to work from 9 to 17 and that 5 times a week? Is that our life's passion?

We guys have to guard ourselves and more so our bank accounts from gold diggers and females, that go on dates for the sole purpose of getting free meals and sometimes also gifts.

I do get your point of not involving money into relationships and i have the exact same perspective. Practice however tends to not align with that unfortunately.

[Cheetah23]

@Unit1 Your conclusion is correct, but your points contradict that and repeat the Poster's.
Prenup, again, is a fine thing, you can't lose your money that way. You'll lose nothing if you play your cards right.
Money is lots, my partner and I both know this. But humans, whether they wanna admit it or not, are also valuable to each other. Can't do much without money, but you can't do much with at least one of the follow (if not all): family, friends, lovers/mates. You have to have them, ask yourself what you would be with a royal palace filled with all you could get with money, but no fellow people within it. Solitude drives people crazy, literally, that's why solitary confinement cells are so bad. It's not the lack of furniture/food alone (regular cells do this), it's the lack of interaction that drives you mad. Strangers aren't enough either, you don't become mad with them, but they don't give you a sense of purpose either. People with many around them kill themselves because they don't see why they're living even with money, wealthy or not.

I'm not saying you're suicidal, but you aren't the most happiest person when you're alone, are you? You're happier with others (that you like, of course).

[Unit1]

Yet I've spend the majorities in my life in solitude. At most 2% of my life was normal/healthy interaction.
So not only was i broke as a dog, i didn't have any human companions either. Only very short term 2 times. That can equal to solitude also.

Right now I'm involved with a few fellow coworkers but that has been just starting this year.

Both things are important, i agree. But taking money away from me has much greater consequences than taking away my current few coworkers as my friends (just this year)

So yeah, i remain at money money money bla bla bla still.

[shephardjhon]

"WHO & HOW MANY" FINALLY someone on the other side makes that argument.

[levantine99]

prenups are the most useless piece of paper. women's lawyers circumvent them easily. i guess marriage is indeed toxic in our age.

[MrWorld]

Damn, some one is bitter.

[Cheetah23]

@Unit1 I'm not saying you're not able to literally survive with others companionship, on the contrary, I'm sure (by the sound of it anyway) you're a highly efficient man now who works to sustain a competent lifestyle since you said you used to be broke in the past tense, but my point still stands. Once again, I'm repeating this, I'm saying you are not as happy as you could be in solitude vs someone with companionship. That is simply the way we were built.
Just don't give you're all to someone who is obviously the wrong person. Or anyone at all, really, contingency plans are a wonder.

[Cheetah23]

@levantine99 See, that would be a valid point of prenups didn't actually work majority of the time. Except they do...
Most ugly divorces occur WITHOUT prenups. Of course they can occur with them, but exceptions lie with every concept/person in this world.

[Cheetah23]

@shephardjhon I got your back👌 The WHO and WHY is so important and yet left out, I'm glad to see your comment, it's refreshing.

[Cheetah23]

*HOW. Wtf auto-fill

[Cheetah23]

I need a new keyboard setting -_-

[Unit1]

Pretty much. Until then money is hosting my entire remainder of my life life and i will never get divorce raped when i never get married 😉

[Cheetah23]

@Unit1 And that is your excellent choice. Never denying that, I'm simply saying why the OP is wrong in saying "Dating & Marriage is Hell" due to... well, money. You don't want to risk it, which is fine. THEY are simply denying the plausibility of good dating/marriage decisions. It's their fault, not dating or marriage's. They could've just as easily turned down bad marriage/dating opportunities as you are.
I don't know, correct me if I'm assuming wrong about you.

[Unit1]

Nothing wrong with that 😉
My search for a good girlfriend is something, that remains to be done. For a long time.

[Cheetah23]

@Unit1 Yeah :) Good luck in life (I swear I don't mean this sarcastically, I mean it, in general).

[Unit1]

Thanks kind lady 🤗🤗🤗

[strawberrysouffle]

Well, what's the point of spending money on things you don't need to survive, but are nice or fun?
The feeling you have in good relationship, that there's someone who cares more about you than anyone else, and that you care more about that person than about anyone else, that they are there for you no matter what, the feeling of mutual love, and of looking at that person and instantly feeling incredibly happy, is the fun you pay for. It's the new watch you buy but don't need, or the smartphone, or a hot chocolate because you feel like having one.

To me, that's worth paying for. I agree that marriage isn't a necessity, and divorcing is often a huge financial problem, but that shouldn't hold you back on dating and finding someone to love. Dating doesn't even have to be expensive. Sure, going on a date will always cost more than cooking a meal for one at your home, watching tv and going to bed on time, but you'd meet up with friends for a beer as well, right? Or dine out once in a while, or maybe even spend a weekend away. Because it's fun and worth the money. And I promise you, a good relationship is far more worth than the money you spend on it, even if it doesn't last.

[smg99]

Wonderful definitely loved reading this.

[Grimoxford]

Those divorce statistics are so old it isn't funny. There is a reason it got up that high, it happened when no fault divorce was enacted... you know to help people in abusive marriages or truly loveless ones.

The actual divorce rate is much lower than you think and has been on the decline for the past 12 or so years.

"When research is based on surveys rather than statistical data, it appears that the percentage of marriages that end in divorce is around 31%. According to a 2009 Census Bureau SIPP survey (men and women, dealing with first marriage only), 72% of people who have ever been married are still married to their first spouse. One might conclude that the remaining 28% are not married because of divorce, but it is important to note that a certain percentage of these remaining non-married people could be that way due to the death of a spouse. The survey did not collect that information. Four other surveys collecting information on what percent of marriages end in divorce have similar results: 35.5% from the University of Chicago, General Social Survey, 2012; 33% from the Barna Group, 2008; and 37% from the Marist Poll for the Knights of Columbus, 2010.
https://www.divorcewriter.com/divorce-rate-usa

[DJB72]

Statistics can be twisted to prove anything. You can put your head in the freezer at -20C and your feet in the oven at 50C and on average "statistically" you're comfortable.

But...

1) APA are correct. Around 50% of marriages end in divorce. But they don't break it down any further. They don't show how many of those marriages are first timers and how many are the 4th, 5th, 6th, 20th try for the parties involved. They don't record that a marriage with a pre-nup is shown to be far more likely to break down because the parties have gone into it expecting failure.

2) Why would anyone keep the receipts of their dates? Are you trying to calculate the fiscal value of the relationship? Keeping track is something only a fool would do.

3) Relationships last as long as the two people are prepared to work at them. The initial emotional "buzz" around someone ends and that's when the real relationship starts. But society, especially in the movies & television, has become personality based in place of character driven. The result is Trump in the White House and people citing the Daily Mail as a reliable source.

4) Dozens of studies have shown stable marriages actually reduce stress.

5) So don't get divorced. Work through the problems like adults.

[Unit1]

That's nice and all but I have an even more effective method of dealing with this.

Don't get divorced, do not marry ;)

[Ellie-V]

I don’t care to be in relationship myself. But even I think these reasons for not wanting to invest in a relationship is kind of ridiculous. Good take. I understand your points. But overall I disagree. Dating/Relationships/Marriages fail because people suck. And yes 50% of them go down the toilet. But there’s another 50% that are doing just fine. Love in itself is a gamble. If you don’t know how to play properly, then yes—expect the worst because you are definitely going to lose. No good thing comes easy. But everyone wants to just skip to the good parts without preparing to deal with the struggles that you have to go through in order to get there. This is glass half full/empty situation. And the problem is not love or the pursuit of love. The problem is people. People not knowing or understanding what the hell they’re doing.

[btbc92]

"And the problem is not love or the pursuit of love. The problem is people. People not knowing or understanding what the hell they’re doing." EXACTLY. And people are BITTER about having to put in the work for it.

[Ellie-V]

@btbc92 yes. I cannot stand hearing people complain about things not being easy.

[Lalala1200]

I think the problem is people get married for the wrong reasons. Also, people are selfish. When you're married, you have to put each other first and take the vows seriously. If you have an argument with your spouse, don't sit and be mad about it forever. Just let it go and continue to love each other. Don't make the guy sleep on the couch. I've watched my parents' marriage and it gives me hope that it can still hope and it's a blessing from God to see two people come together and become one. If you feel like money is an issue, have a low-key wedding. These ceremonies are supposed to be a symbol of your love and along the way, you grow together through good and bad times. I'm sorry that your view of marriage is dubious. I see Jesus in all of it and most of my relatives on my dad's side are still happily married 10+ and 20+. Besides, nobody is forcing you to get married, so I don't know what is there to be upset about. It's a choice.

[Holistic]

Here's where I disagree. A lot of your reasons had to do with the probability of failure, and what that means for you. A relationship is a choice that you get to make because you get to choose how much effort you want to put into it, not to mention who you love. Just because 50% of marriages end in divorce in America doesn't mean every American has a 50% chance of breaking up with his current girlfriend. It's a choice that you make and the probability of failure is determined by mostly you. I find that if you keep thinking about the consequences of failure, you tend to not put all your thought and efforts into the relationship, and that leads to failure. Just don't think about the consequences and go for what you feel is right. Try your best.

[smg99]

We have a generation of hurting youth and suppressed emotions that come hurtling out in adolescence. This leads to multiple sexual partners, co habitation, then again another phase of suppressed desires to climb each stair up to financial independence. Some may get there, whilst others still try and become so self loathing , that it’s a vicious cycle of depression and anxiety that makes each hurtful thought surface when previously marriage and dating were actually desirable outlets for humans to socialize. It has come to remind us of the instant gratification that we couldn’t get, lost it, or never had it to begin with. The very words echo pain within us and by definition, not the concept of marriage but our associations of its meaning.

[DublinRollerGirl]

well said. I agree, but sadly at it's truth.

[smg99]

Thankyou my dear it’s painful to go to this core of realization because it seems like no solution exists apart from a tangential approach of practicing what Nike advocates: JUST DO IT ✅

[btbc92]

And all of that could be avoided if people just WAIT for MARRIAGE to have SEX. And most important have a PLAN for your life and get it DONE!

[Anon-ymous1]

I completely disagree that that's supposed to be the answer to this.

[Dionigi]

You mean marrying a person not knowing if you are sexually compatible decreases the chance of a divorce?

[Anon-ymous1]

@Dionigi Exactly. I don't understand how people think that's supposed to work. I mean if it magically does for them, great, but it seems really unlikely.

[btbc92]

@Anon-ymous1 Nope. It really is that simple because you make yourself compatible sexually. There is no such thing as sexual compatibility and that is why so many people are miserable and hoping from partner to partner, and remarrying just to divorce again and again until they either give up or have open marriages. And studies have shown and proven this. Many couples who had premarital sex aren't happy and is sexually dissatisfied because their expectations are unrealistic.

[btbc92]

@Dionigi That is what sex and marriage are able. You don't know who or what they are like unless you marry them. When you start experimenting with different people you are basically projecting and affecting the other person with your negative expectations and it's harmful and detrimental to one's psychological, physical, emotional, spiritual, mental and physiological health. Books like Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children, and Unprotected: A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals How Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student, shows how our modern culture is damaging how girls and boys see themselves and other people and it is taken into the marriages and other relationships. Dislike it all you want, but it's fact.

[btbc92]

Sex is a marriage and marriage is all about sex. And sex effects EVERYTHING in our daily lives, even in things and areas we never dreamed nor imagine would damage. And sadly many people refuse to speak about this out of guilt, shame, and fear of being judged or be called weak while everybody else meanwhile is suffering. There is accepting knowledge, and there is being in denial. Choose where you want to stand.

[Anon-ymous1]

"you make yourself compatible sexually" Wow. "There is no such thing as sexual compatibility" WOOOOWWWwwwww. Wow.
Uh, good luck out there.

[btbc92]

@Anon-ymous1 Uh no. Maybe you need to accept that fact that you are what you make of your future. And if you want your future and sex life to flourish, you got to do it right.

thefederalist.com/.../
ifstudies.org/.../does-sexual-history-affect-marital-happiness
www.webmd.com/.../theres-benefits-in-delaying-sex-until-marriage

What you chose to do with it will say a LOT. And if your masturbating and watching porn to substitute that, then YES it ruins compatibility because you're forcing your sexual sensualities on another person who just wants to get to know you sexually, not how you were or with or taught by other people. This doesn't make people happy.

[Anon-ymous1]

Sure you can find what you like to support what your viewpoint is; I could do the same. Here's what I know: You're supporting the idea of self-repression in order to make another person happy. That isn't true happiness.

[btbc92]

@Anon-ymous1 It's not self-repression, its self preserving. Self preserving:

1. Your sexual RIGHTS.
2. Their sexual RIGHTS.
3. Your sexual and familial future.
4. Promoting responsibility and Accountability.
5. Ability to fight and protect your relationship and marriage from disintegrating.

You can't talk about it's your body your choice, yet you can't control your environment and your relationship. You have no power or authority over your situation when you have premarital sex. You're basically saying you're giving up your rights. You can give supporting documents all you want, but where do you see people actually keeping 1 partner for the rest of their lives and married to them after having premarital sex and sex orgies with so many people? Your taking on another's IDENTITY sexually that way to the point the other doesn't know who YOU are, because of your busy borrowing from other people. You decide how you want to live, but you also get to decide how miserable you want to be too. Sex isn't all about just sexual pleasure and you don't get that. That is how people end up hating sex because of what and how you make it.

[btbc92]

If I wasn't celibate I don't need a manwhore who can't even love me to me or bond SOLELY to me as the only woman because he isn't satisfied and miserable. Everything he is I TAKE. And I refuse to have children and bare children with such an irresponsible person. I don't deserve hurt or leftovers. I deserve BETTER and the best experience IF that was my desire. It's not anymore, because of how you people treat it. And it's nasty.

I can't wait to read and study this book for future educational articles I hope to write one day. And yes, I WILL attempt to participate in future research studies regarding this matter.

www.efcc.org/am-site/media/fit-bk-rev-hooked.pdf

[Anon-ymous1]

... Well, no, it's definitely about self-repression, if you want something from your sexual experiences and it turns out that your partner doesn't want that thing at all, in any way, even if it would be very pleasing to you. You're saying basically-- "Yeah, well, that's too bad, be happy with what you've got anyway." Um, that's cute and all, but it doesn't work like that. If people don't get what they want, then over time it simply festers and festers, and then you end up being unhappy with each other. That's not fair to either party, in my opinion.

[btbc92]

@Anon-ymous1You're a sensual man period that doesn't understand what SEX even is. It is not about pleasure, it is about becoming ONE with the person in everything, both mind, body and spirit. It is not repressive. Your just undisciplined and lack self-control. What does sex first of al benefit you or the other person? Nothing, except a child, disease and temporary pleasure and that's it. You may think that it's all it is, but that is not what happens.

Yeah, well, that's too bad, be happy with what you've got anyway." I have never said that and I would appreciate it if you wouldn't put words in my mouth and twist what I said to fit your understanding just because you hate the idea of being 'tied down' to another person. You want to be a free man to do what your flesh and body desires without consequences. But you don't see that it holds a lot of weight and damage to a person's psyche. God designed us to be joined together in body.

"Um, that's cute and all, but it doesn't work like that. If people don't get what they want, then over time it simply festers and festers, and then you end up being unhappy with each other. That's not fair to either party, in my opinion." Life is not about being fair or about you. And you have yet to grow up and mature in this area, that is why you don't understand. Sex is about the other person. It is not about you. It's about what you do for them, and not just what they do for you. It's about becoming one as a family and building a relationship fostering on love and worshiping the creator through sex to form a new bond [a child]. You're just very selfish. And your selfishness is what makes you and others miserable. Because instead of patience you want instant gratification and you're still unsatisfied. Tell me how is that working out for people? Because I KNOW plenty of people who had premarital sex who would argue differently.

[btbc92]

A lot of what you see on that chart is due to sexual corruption and the breakdown of the nuclear family which preserve the traditional aspect of biblical marriage to the best of their ability. Look at old movies like 'It's a Wonderful Life' and 'Miracle of 34th street'. It shows how they behaved and anything other than that was scrutinized and punished. They had hardships but they at least had each other, while so many of you are hurting, abusing, killing, stealing and betraying each other.

[Anon-ymous1]

"I have never said that" I'm merely paraphrasing your implications.
"wouldn't put words in my mouth and twist what I said" I'm not. I was paraphrasing your implications.
"Nothing, except a child, disease" Sure, if you're a fool and don't know how to have sex properly.
"Life is not about being fair or about you." Uh... huh? Are you really implying that your very life isn't about you? It's supposed to be about someone else? Your own life isn't your own? That is... utterly fascinating.

Good luck to you.

[btbc92]

@Anon-ymous1 You never paraphrased anything. You completely twisted it around to fit however you view it, not what is being spoken to you because you abhor the fact that sex means more commitment than you are WILLING to give. "Sure, if you're a fool and don't know how to have sex properly." By getting MARRIED. Not having birth control pills or using a condom. Won't help you.

" Are you really implying that your very life isn't about you? It's supposed to be about someone else? Your own life isn't your own? That is... utterly fascinating. "

Yes. My life isn't about me. It's about other people. We are not born for ourselves. We are born and created for others. I am born from my parents, my family, my friends, my little niece and nephews who need a strong auntie to help them when my sister and their father cannot. To help others in need, and can't help themselves. For God and be a servant for him for he said he bought us with a price. And it's a price that can never be repaid. My life isn't just my own. It's a life that God is in control off, and one that I should willingly give to him because I don't always know what I'm doing. Otherwise, I wouldn't be hurting myself and perhaps others around me if I did. Sounds like to me you only live for yourself and no one else. That sounds very lonely. And any woman who has sex with you will only be promoting self-hate on herself.

[btbc92]

Sounds like you don't even understand the basis of your own life and existence. I bet you probably don't even know why you exist.

[btbc92]

for my *

I have a purpose and know what my purpose in life is. Sounds like you have yet to find yours but living like a walking zombie.

[btbc92]

And what makes it worse. Your fighting the natural biology that God designed us as a human being to do: to CONNECT! It is smart and wise to bond and 'connect' yourself with people that aren't just unhealthy, but not good for you. It is either in your DNA as a human, or you're not human as God originally designed you to be and became something else other than human. To have sex or not is a choice. To bond or not cannot always be controlled, especially once you became sexually intimate with another.

[btbc92]

it is not smart*

[DublinRollerGirl]

Porn is the worst thing for a marriage. You will always be comparing the acts and women you see on porn with yourself or mate. Eventually you may not even want sex with your mate anymore and even prefer porn over real sex. Your mate will get older, have a bay, and not have the young body she once had, But porn women do not age, they are always hot and busty, so guess who you will prefer? Porn is evil created by the devil as a way to pervert God's institution of marriage and the wedding vows. I'm pretty sure porn users will not have a lasting marriage or relationship and are just fooling themselves if they think they will.

[Anon-ymous1]

@DublinRollerGirl You know, there's a really good book you should read, and perhaps @btbc92 would really like as well-- it's called "Carrie" and it's by Stephen King, his first novel, a really good book. There's a character in it that I think you both would appreciate that talks about a lot of things you're both talking about, in ways that you guys could jive with. Try it and see if you can find out who I mean, when you read it. It's a really good book and very informative.

[DublinRollerGirl]

@Anon-ymous1 Never, mind I saw the movie. I have no idea why your correlate my post to it.

[Anon-ymous1]

@DublinRollerGirl No you really should read the book. It's far more informative.

[ausmaster]

Okay seriously, I am very annoyed at people who fuckin take offense for choosing to sexual-repress. This is one of the problems of current society, the purpose of sex had degraded to just entertainment purposes and strips out the intimacy. Leave her fuckin be, its her damn life not yours. I have more hope for the girl who is sexually-repressed than the girl who has had 10 cocks in her within one fuckin week.

[btbc92]

Again people this is not sexual repression dummies. There's no such thing as repression it's called self-control. There is no difference had you just wait until your married to have sex will still remain the same thing the only difference is that as you get older your hormones and everything can get out of whack that's why you cannot be having too much junk a garbage in your life while you are young. And that's another reason why you get married while you are young there is no excuse for why you cannot get married at 18 plus years old. You do not want to have this problem get married it is so simple. The only reason why a lot of people are waiting this long is because there's no silver Partners that's going to wait with you and they don't want to get married within 1 or 2 years because they're so scared of something. So you cannot go around blaming people for waiting so long for that when they want committed with one partner. I will say it again sex is a marriage, and marriage is all about having sex. Get married and you can have as much sex as you want as long as you have sex with only that person you are married to. We are only supposed to be monogamous and only one partner that is how God designed it. Go out of design and you will have hell and your marriage and relationship. Why because you ask for the hell. There are those that know better and there's those are just choose to do stupid, which one are you?

[btbc92]

It's really that easy. Why make things so difficult?

[btbc92]

Exactly @DublinRollerGirl, about the pawn. Because that's exactly what happened to my mother before she had died and she would always be crying and upset because she felt unloved, and my father always have threatened her with divorce if she didn't do what he wanted her to do in bed and God forbid cheat on her with other women. It's abuse. You are destroying a person's mind, heart, Soul, and Spirit. That's how serious sex it and you cannot be fooling around with that.

[btbc92]

@Anin-ymous1

You are way out of line. Stop bringing up some fictional crap that has nothing to do with what we talkin about which is very serious. Stephen King's Carrie has nothing to do with what we are talking about. Why you referring to that woman you need to understand something that out woman is religious and she has something psychologically wrong with her and the man that she got involved with is a demon. That's how Carrie ended up with her second power since you want to bring that into it. Has nothing to do with what God had said. God is not against sex but he wants you to be married first you don't care how young you are as long as you choose to do it right. If you don't want to do it right and disobey would he have place then you would have STDs, and fertility, cancer from STDs like what happened to my late mother and how she ended up dead. Or you just going to be just like my late mother and be in the grave. You want to God forbid be like her by mistake that she made Young? Then you go do that. I no longer have her here because of that decision. And I loved her dearly and I still do. If she was still around a lot today she would tell a lot of you people how you're being fools and you're making a big mistake. And don't be talkin about how we have advanced technology to help us with that because that shows you that you are highly irresponsible and dangerous. Stop being cowardly be responsible and accountable for your actions. You are hurting other people by your indecision and by your choices. You may think sex isn't going to harm anybody but it does. Especially when it's done the wrong way. Nobody deserve pain and suffering because you just want to Quick Release instead of being committed to that one person who chose to be committed to you and trusted you and now I can't trust you or anybody else to touch them because you broke off something that they became one with.

[btbc92]

You are not just yourself when you choose to do these things. These people become a part of you both the good and the bad and they bring out both the good and bad in you. By many of you people saying these things and disagree with what is being said you are highly immature and irresponsible and dangerous.

It is not easy to find a suitable partner that's going to appreciate you and love you and stick by you for life, and not be having wandering eyes thinking about what it would be like if it had been with other people. Y'all need to look deep inside your souls and see how ugly it is.

[passinby]

Great take! Thanks for reaffirming the danger/warning flags. Time to just write it off and out it of mind. I would say that in 20 years less than 30% overall will be married. Relationships overall will begin to move underground because they will be viewed down upon by the general singlehood population. Eventually, a relationship will be equated to a disease.

[shephardjhon]

to all the women saying oh money isn't a problem. YES it is.
It helps A LOT with confidence, which you do say is important. I am doing two highly complex jobs and doing things waaaaaayyyyyyy above my paygrade. I have a hobby that would probably pay a lot as well. ALL three are related to high-tech research, the hobby is about saving the environment + high-tech research. But I only get paid for one of the three and very low at that. Also I am in grad school (which the job pays for, hence the low salary). And I can't change my job due to visa conditions.
Until my job starts paying, what can I possibly have to offer another person?

[BoobMan]

Well, for one thing I'm pretty sure you'll have a MUCH better sex life and social life if you learn to date effectively. And as far as expenses go it's pretty great value for money if you think of it in terms of pleasure received per money spent. Not sure what else you enjoy more. But of course, it will depend on how effective you are at dating.

I guess you could think of it like skiing. It will cost you some money and it may hurt you, but if you spend some time working on your skills, it'll be TONS of fun and VERY well worth the time, money and effort. Good luck!

[Exterminatore]

$1,600 is the average cost of dating? I’d spend that in 6-8 months easily. Does that count only dating that ends in marriage? That can’t be right. Way too low. Figure around $75 to $100 per date plus birthdays, Christmas and just random gifts and stuff. That seems way too low.

As far as marriage, it’s simple. Would you go sky diving if only 40-50% of shoots opened? Better get a pre nup or just have a civil ceremony and not get legally married.

I seriously doubt the statistics on money spent on a divorce. There is NO WAY that counts alimony, child support and everything else. That’s probably just the cost of lawyers.

[OnitheWanderer]

Well, I understand your reasons but all of your reasons and considerations are based on FEAR and MONEY spent on a relationships that were most likely toxic, under appreciated, one sided, abusive (mentally or physically), insecurities, low self-esteem or self doubt etc. As you can see there are so many negative factors that can ruin a relationship before it began or after it begins. And if we start focusing ONLY on those factors we will lose something truly meaningful and wonderful. So, in conclusion yes, it's worth taking this risk because if you don't try you will never know. "Nobody loves a Quiter!"
(I think i went off topic😂😂)

[Liam_Hayden]

Thanks for this very good topic. Some observations

1. That 40% to 50% does not include loveless marriages that people remain in.
2. Dating can be done inexpensively. If the other person demands expensive off the bat, that indicates he/she is in it for the resources, not the company.
3. A short relationship where the people realize it is going nowhere is better than a long go nowhere relationship.
4. I have seen this repeatedly in my family.
5. The prevalence of divorce is a very good reason to think hard and long about the practicalities of marriage.

[madhatters4]

so are you tryingto convince yourself? sell others on living like you?

yes dating, relationships, marriage, parenting, can have it's pitfalls.

so can driving, working, single life, investing, yadda, yaddda, yadda. marriage is not for everyone. single life is not for everyone.

[DianaWest]

i guess people get sick of seeing each other's faces after seeing the same face for 20 or so years. that's when tempers flare, and the cute things you liked about your partner may just seem annoying after a decade or 2 or 3. i hope this does not happen to me.

[madgoat]

If you lived life according to logic alone, you'd live life alone, and healthily, earn a good wage, and like a king.
Humans tend not to work that way though because their programming and emotional needs are anything but logical and defined thousands of millions of years in the past.

[Unit1]

Dating is OK, provided the woman doesn't make him pay for everything.

But marriage is literally life over. Marriage and divorce can cost as much as a decent, new car (Mitsubishi mirage, Hyundai accent, kia rio...).
Who in his right mind would marry (so that later to pay for divorce) instead of getting a new and good car? Marriages and divorces are a scam and an illusion. A car won't stab your 6 ever. Even if you've been long gone.

[Lance1965]

My divorce cost me $300,000, house, 2 cars and most of the possessions we once shared. Not only that but being the only working person in our marriage I paid for it all and yet women still try and say marriage doesn't only benefit women... yeah right.

[Unit1]

@Lance1965 incredible.
This is giant scale legal robbery! My condolences to you.
Perhaps this is why women want to marry so extremely badly?
I'm sure to never marry.