My experience in dating someone with a split personality

My experience in dating someone with a split personality

I have a girlfriend. Let's call her Ada.

Ada is a very sweet, intelligent and beautiful girl, if a bit shy and introverted. She's one year my senior and we met at the University three years ago.

In the faculty we were going to some students had made a study group, and we both ended up in it. I had noticed Ada was always studying by herself and rarely spoke, so I thought to try chatting her up.

Surprisingly enough, she got very chatty and friendly after ten minutes of talking, and soon was leading the conversation by herself. I could only listen in awe, she had a way with words that I could never imagine from a quiet girl like her.

So things started to develop.

We started studying together, we started going at each other's house and we even gave some exams together. A close friendship first born, and later deeper feelings.

I had never had a girlfriend, and she never had a boyfriend, nonetheless we were quite comfortable and became a couple.

As we became closer and closer, something changed. It was something I had noticed before, but now it was getting even more evident. There were moments Ada seemed a completely different person, with a different way of speaking and mannerisms.

There were moments she threw out every precaution and shyness she usually had out of the window and spoke her mind, and sometimes this included pretty strong, vulgar and sometimes unnerving thoughts.

That's when another person, Adele, came out.

Ada was gentle and delicate, but also shy and insecure. Adele was the opposite: assertive, confident, but also jealous and possessive.

They were wildly different in tastes too: Ada hated smoking and the only alcohol she drank was wine at meals, Adele smoked packets and could finish bottles of Vodka by herself.

They treated me differently too: Ada was thoughtful and always did her best to not upset me, while Adele was more passional but also made herself no problems in speaking her mind or calling me an idiot when she wanted to.

Even for sex they were different. Adele usually did and wanted things that Ada found disgusting.

They argued between themselves too: Ada accused Adele of being an immature emotional wreck while Adele denounced her as a stuck up and snobby bitch.

Once I got settled with the situation I did my best to help the two personalities get along and tried to get her see a therapist. One of the few things they agreed on was that they didn't want to get professional help as they would have "saw it out".

So for a roughly a year we went on like this. Id didn't know what the exact trigger for a switch was, but I recognized when it was happening because she'd get all quiet, occasionally muttering to herself. It sounds incredible, but I understood who was in charge just by her eyes. Ada had a more shifty, open gaze, Adele was much more focused.

With both of them, I had good moments and bad moments. It was like dealing with two girls, they both loved me and I loved both of them.

Then came last year. They suddenly started to argue much more between themselves, at first for divergences in food tastes, then because Ada always wanted to stay in control while Adele didn't want to "share me" anymore.

The situation started to get worse. Adele started to cut and hurt herself because Ada hated the pain and it kept her quiet, while Ada started to resent me for allowing Adele to do that to her. Again, I tried to have them go to a therapist, both of them didn't want.

I was walking on eggshells with both of them, they had started to passionately hate each other and would be angry with me for "enabling" the other. There were moments they decided it was all my fault and they would take turns at chewing me out. I just swallowed and endured them because I loved them both.

On the 25th of May last year, the situation precipitated. Adele had decided she had enough and threatened to kill herself, both of them. Ada was desperate and pleaded her to not do that, while screaming at me to help her. She was sitting on the rail of a bridge near our houses. The moment Adele started talking again, I just pulled her down and tackled her to the ground. She screamed, punched and bite me, yelling she'd kill both of us (me and Ada) and she hated us.

That night I took both of them home and after we all calmed down, we talked. Finally, they agreed to go and see a therapist.

They are still going to this day, and things got much better. Now they compromise on most things and act more like a single entity. Adele has stopped hurting herself and Ada is much more relaxed and serene as well. The therapist objective is to either make them merge.or at least get along and compromise. They can't and don't want to eliminate each other, and although the path is difficult, we are hopeful. I just keep making clear and show that I love, respect and accept both of them, and I'll always do.

Ada, I love you.

Adele, I love you.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I must say this is very unusual article. It really got me thinking. I've been in a relationship with a boy who seems to be ,, normal" all the time but I experienced one moment when he turned to someone else, started hurting me by words he said and after an hour of this weird talk he came back to the boy he was before and started to apologise. He told me ,, the other one" had been with him for a long time and that when he was younger, he did a few bad things to other people. Also he told me he had thought that the other one was gone, and that he would nevet hurt me like that.
    It's been a year from this weird ,, accident" now and I really hope it never happens again

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    • Thanks for sharing your story.
      I understand how you must feel. Sometimes Adele can be very cruel to me, especially if she's upset. Then as soon as Ada gets back she won't stop apologizing. It happened a lot.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Raise a glass to you for nobility. I've only dated manic bipolar. It's like two different people but it's still the same person. They would hit you with a curtain rod then get all sad and have sex with you. You're a better man than I for being able to deal with it.

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    • Thanks for your generosity, but I'm not as good.
      There are many mistakes I did with her, both of them, that I fear made the situation worse sometimes.
      I just can't leave her. I love her so much, split as she may be, and her personalities love me the same way. I just can't abandon her.
      Maybe I'm that in love or I'm just as insane, I don't know.

      I'm sorry you have had such a bad experience.

    • Don't apologize to me. I'm not special. If I see you in the bar the first drink is on me.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I’m giving you all a preemptive apology before I ask this question, just because I must find out..

    Did you ever have a three-way with them?

    Thanks for your understanding.

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    • This actually made me chuckle.
      Well, it happened that during sex she would switch personality. So in an sense, that was kinda a threesome. Although it wasn't always pleasant.

    • @myTake Owner

      Now that is interesting. Wow! I couldn’t imagine keeping that all straight in my head. I have enough trouble converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. Lol

    • Thanks.
      Sometimes I felt I was going insane with that.

  • Interesting. I know that story. I had a relationship like that once. It went down the exact same path You describe, including the "infighting" and blame, the attempt from both sides to "recruit" me and in turn making it my fault the other was still there, the total unwillingness to do anything that would resolve the internal struggle, as both wanted to just get rid of the other, the suicide-attempts... the doubts if it was all just a really sick play... I know it's better now, somewhat, but I don't know why. When I was gone for six months to study abroad I came back to my best friend being with them, and he somehow managed to drag them to therapy, at severe cost to his own mental health. It's pretty sad, he thought I'd judge him and has avoided me ever since, the friendship fell apart. But, yes, what a ride. If You went through that to the point where things actually start to get better, You really are a rare gem. Just don't get frustrated when setbacks occur... best of luck to You and Your partner (s).

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  • I know it's something completely different, but this has similarities to an alcoholic that turns into a completely different person when they drink. I had an ex like that. It wasn't just a drunk version of herself like most people when they drink. It was a completely different person. I got so I just ignored that person, like not even talk to her. It pissed her off, but it was better than trying to talk to her.

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  • The mentally ill need love too. Split personality doesn't exist, dissociative identity personality disorder is a real illness.

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    • As I read the whole take it doesn't seem like you had her diagnosed by a professional and you didn't describe any schizophrenia like hearing voices. That sounds more like somebody with mood swings or bipolar. But without a psychologist you can't be sure of any of that. Your friend is probably just complicated.

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    • if she has bipolar she needs medication. It's impossible to treat bipolar without medication because of the dangerous manic episodes. I have bipolar and I would be a threat to myself without medication.

    • I understand.
      She's very rarely violent, even Adele rarely is apart from outbursts and the self harm, but if medication is needed to make her live well, so be it.

  • This reminds me of fight club with Edward Norton and Brad Pitt

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  • My ex has DID legitimately so. I kinda still love her. Our relationship is complicated.

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  • I am glad you shared your story!

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    • Thank you.
      It has been though, but we are hopeful.

  • Ok dude, have a good one!

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    • I do hope for everything to go well, thank you!

  • Interesting myTake!

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    • Thank you. I try to do my best.

  • I like this

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  • Good take. .

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  • This was very interesting thanks for sharing

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  • Great short story. Should write more often.

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  • interesting, thanks for sharing your experience!

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  • Holy fuck

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  • Oh, you poor, poor soul.
    You did quite a good job, but a therapist's help is necessary.
    You can't help her by yourself, but you can be close to her as she makes her steps.

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    • Thank you for your words.
      You are right, that's why I'm so happy she's getting help now.

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