Yes, I have a problem. A big one, maybe. Somehow I create these situations in my mind and I find (search, create, develop, make) details to validate my suspicions. I have been wrong from the very beginning. Yes! I just admitted that.
Until Further Notice, I Will Not Intentionally Suspect Anything Of You Anymore. I Will Give You Grace.
1. Those Girls Are Nothing
Look, I get it. You're a friendly individual. It's who you are. I know that now.
Oh, how it used to boil my blood thinking about all these females up under you. I saw the heart eye comments and I "watched" (well, observed from the distance) the exchange of smiles with you and your female friend. To greet another you grasped her on the shoulder. I painted the canvas with brushes of flirtation, feelings and more. I know! You can't control the Instagram whores, and if something is funny by all means laugh. Her back was towards you so you gripped her shoulder instead. However, this revelation wasn't so clear to me back then. Besides, there isn't anything in this world that compares to what we feel when we are around each other.
2. Anything and Everyone Before Me Is Irrelevant
You have a past and I have a past. You don't have to say who you were with and x's name that you pursued. Because (breathe) I don't care. No longer will I snoop. I won't compare myself to them. "I wonder what he saw in her. I'm nothing like her, so if that's his type...I'm not the one for him. Next!"
Am I second best? No, I'm The Best. That's why it didn't work out with them. Duh!
3. Your Only Purpose Is Me
I appreciate your efforts although they were masqueraded. You stuck true. I think you tried to hide your secret agenda. You claimed that you drove down to get something from your friend but as you spoke your eyes were glued to mine. Never kept them off. For a while, I believed in your little lie. From now on I will try my best to read in between the lines. It is why for months you have driven an hour and thirty minutes. Not because you like the place and people but you want to see me.
I notice you getting closer and doing things to be around me. You stopped sitting by your friends and now you sit in my section.
So all the lies I fed myself are wrong. You are this amazing man. That is so full of love, understanding, and patience. How could someone so perfect love me?
I have to unwire my brain:
I am so used to how the world goes that I projected all the hurt, anger and deceit unto you. He isn't this player who has access to thousands of girls. He values how I feel. He doesn't use women. He has proven that he isn't going anywhere. I vow to let it all go. Your intentions are not to hurt me. They never will be.