Why we shouldn't have the fear of growing old alone

[candygirl_9847]

Ideally we always wanted to have that kind of relationship that's on the picture.

And that would really be nice.

But should we really have that fear that maybe we will end up alone?

There wouldn't be any other person who would love you best but yourself.

And you can never be truly happy if you depend your happiness on someone else.

It would be nice if someone would want to make you happy but in the end, you can't say if they will be there for you forever. The only person who could always have your back, is you.

We should learn how to be happy alone.

With this kind of thinking, we wouldn't fear of growing old alone.

Because even if by the end of your life and you are alone, at least you are still happy.

We stick to toxic relationships just because of this fear. We let other people treat us badly just so that we can hold on. We are so afraid to let go. We should be able to say, "You know what, I'm better off without you.". And we can only say that if we know how to love ourselves and are able to find happiness in solitude.

I wish I could give you the advice on how to find long lasting love that's on the picture.

But I've written this post to make you realize that the most important thing is to love yourself first. And by doing that, someone will also want to love you too.

But whether there would be someone or not, important thing is we learn to be happy either way.

[FlirtWithMeeee]

"Because the greatest love of all is happening to me... "

Wow! I honestly couldn't have said it much better myself! I used to be afraid of growing old alone or even being single until I was forced to be alone and I had no other choice but to rely on myself. I
I learned so much about myself, about others, about past relationships, about relationships in general all because I was NOT in a relationship and I took the time to reflect and work towards self betterment.

So true; nice Take.

[candygirl_9847]

Thanks.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Id rather grow old alone then grow old surrounded by the wrong people.

[snappysierra]

f a c t s

[OlderAndWiser]

Only someone who is 27 years old could say that there is nothing to hear about bring alone when you are old. Give people - people of any age - the option of being with a partner or being alone and I'll bet 90% of them choose to be with a partner.

[newlysingleca]

only the right kind of partner. She is not saying that we do not need anyone, we just don't need the wrong kind. I have had the wrong kind and decided that I would rather be alone than live like that. Doesn't mean that I don't want anyone, just that I want it to be the right someone, who I can enjoy be at peace with.

[OlderAndWiser]

We all want the right person in our life. Yes, I'd rather be alone than with the wrong person.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I agree, 100%! You say what I try to say all the time so perfectly!

I also don't understand how when I tell people I plan on staying single, they ask "Well, aren't you afraid of dying alone?" The thing about this is that being in a relationship absolutely does NOT guarantee you won't die alone. In most lifelong relationships, one person dies before the other, so one of them will end up dying alone.

[Anonymous]

I think the truth for many is somewhere in the middle, but you're absolutely right about loving yourself as a top priority. In fact, if one doesn't making loving oneself a priority, we are prone to finding all the wrong people and adding unnecessary unhappiness, abuse, neglect, misery to our lives. If you don't love yourself, you may be that much less likely to come close to finding the kind of love implied by the photo.

And I would go a step further, to say that there is no limit to when you can find love. Having children is one thing, but old people date and meet partners and have romantic and sexual lives as well. So the fear is harmful because not only can an excessive focus on the fear (over our own self-love and being comfortable being alone) lead us to very harmful experiences with intimacy/love, but it can also distort perspective and feed the illusion that there's an expiration date (usually far too young in our minds in the first place) to find this specific kind of love and companionship. Living live with a perspective of abundance in your life and focused on self love really is like a super combo for being happy and fulfilled. AND that makes one far more attractive and a good partner than someone who is unbalanced and super desperate to not be alone.

Being comfortable with being alone is really important, to know that happiness and fulfillment come from you as a source and that you are complete, no one completes you. They can add a new dimension of fulfillment and happiness, but they are not the source. That's an easy recipe for being desperate, angry, and ultimately less attractive if your goal is to find love, I think.

Even when men say they like someone to need them, the healthy guys you want do not want someone who is desperate to be with them and cannot love themselves or find happiness or joy outside of the dude. Being a happy, confident, vibrant woman will be way more attractive to men who are suited to healthy relationships.

And finally, family and companionship can be found outside of romantic love. I've known people who have died and didn't have partners for whatever reason, but they were surrounded with love, care, and affection, whether that's from best friends who become family over the years, children, community members and religious spaces, etc. Love is multifaceted and companionship does not need to look one specific way.

Still, it's natural for many to want a partner. I think the goal is coping with the fear/balancing the fear by living a life well lived and nurturing ourselves.

[candygirl_9847]

Very well said!

[WhistleForTheChoir]

I've never had a relationship, and I don't care if I live or die. There is no happiness alone. I've lived in five different countries, I've been to a lot more than that. I've traveled all over the world, I have a good job, I have a lot of hobbies, I have a lot of very loyal, long-term friends, I'm close with my family (even though we're usually spread all over the globe) I've lived a pretty full life for being 26. I've tried to be happy by myself.

After I'm done here, I'm going to Thailand to live for a few months. After I'm done there, I'm going back to the United States where I am going to work a dead end job, I'm going to smoke weed every day, I'm going to sit in a shitty apartment and play video games, and I'm going to wait to die, because I'm done fucking trying to be happy. I just want to be numb. It's not about loving yourself. None of us are really individuals. We are social animals who only exist for other people. If you put a human being in solitary confinement, they go insane. I'm not in solitary confinement, but I do feel a barrier between me and everyone else now. People seem to like me, but I can't connect with them. I don't want to put in the effort, because meeting new people always feels so fucking hollow now. I'm fucking lonely, and I'm so depressed I can't fucking sleep. Fear being alone. This "happiness by yourself" bull-shit only comes after you already have found someone and then let them go. It's only professed by women who will be in a new relationship in three months, or jaded divorcees. It's bull-shit sophistry spewed by people who don't know what "alone" really is.

[candygirl_9847]

I'm so sorry to hear that. If you need someone to talk to, just message me.

[WhistleForTheChoir]

Thank you for the offer, that's very kind of you, but I have people I can talk to. Just not about this, because it's not really a problem worth talking about.

[MannMitAntworten]

This dying alone thing doesn’t hit home till your friends and family start dying faster and faster around you leaving literally, just you. Which, if your friends marry off you likely see very little of them anymore anyway if at all. Married people make married friends leaving their single friends largely behind until they too join the married ranks. Just the nature of things. Thus leaving maybe a friend and maybe some family. So dying young does have its advantages.

[AxeQuestions]

Just remember there's nothing certain in life besides death, and even if you do find your soulmate and grow old togheter, there's always the risk you may become widowed somehow. Don't worry about that possibility though, because if you love yourself and you can be happy being alone, you will never feel lonely.

[snappysierra]

I have given up on love as I know when im not needed or wanted and thats okay. Yes it hurts im human but Im glad knowing that I won't be depending on someone for happiness as I have seen how that fails. Im glad knowing Im used to this life then someone who is not and is always looking for some type of company.

Im glad to finally be content and not having to worry or panic about being old because well im already unattractive so if i get wrinkles it won't really change much.

[FatherJack]

I am more than happy to grow old alone , have little need for people , my Male Curse has greatly faded... thankfully , & never want to endure another relationship ever again. Far prefer own company , by the way , absolutely NO bitterness towards women , I made previous bad choices , own fault really , but also truly learned that I am more suited to remaining single , so women as platonic friends only.

[Ellie-V]

I hate when people shame me for choosing to be single with the justification of me being by myself when I’m old.
Like, who cares? There’s plenty of love and connection out in the world that isn’t romantic, and it starts with loving yourself.

[ClearSea]

Finally someone said it. People act like the only way to happiness is through a romantic partner.

[TonyTheGuid0]

I hate humanity, so I prefer to be alone. If anything, I'd prefer to be single and worshipped second to Jesus. Just walk out of my house like "Yo, what up world!!!" Everyone chanting my name, even from a 100 mile radius — throwing me money like I'm a damn stripper, but unfortunately, that's just a fairytale because idiots have their heads too far up the asses of politicians and celebrities. Nobody recognizes TRUE greatness and intelligence.

[vannefftor]

Its instinctual. Partnership is part of the human condition. We are all still mammals and being alone towards the backend of your life would be a primally unpleasant feeling that i personally hope i dont experience. Sure staying in a relationship w a bad person is just as lonely but never having that bond with someone til the day you die altogether is a fear most people share

[_inkRat]

@candygirl_9847 you know i really hate these takes, where someone says you should not and something. Your making some false expectations. In fact your topic is unnatural, humans are social creatures, claiming that they should not fear of dying alone is ridikilus. Why there could not be take why fear of dying alone is normal and natural?

[candygirl_9847]

Maybe you can write your take on that

[FýrdracaDócincel]

@candygirl_9847

The boy can hardly type out a coherent opinion.. what makes you think he'll be typing out an entire article in the future?

[Nature_Enthusiast]

It's better to be alone and happy then in a relationship that's pains you. However, don't get old with the mindset that you won't change anything about your single status.

[Lman3000]

I don't fear it same thing goes with dying, if it going to happen then it's gonna happen I just don't care probably cause I'm so numb and dead on the inside that shit like that doesn't even phase me anymore.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

I definitely would like to see my husband & I grow old together as long as we can.

[willisg]

No growing sickly and alone sucks.
You never been a nurses aid.
Loneliness is awful for older people.

[Dinosaursandanime65]

People fearing they will grow old alone *panik*
You talking to someone you like and tell them how you feel *calm*
Then saying they only like you as a friend *panik*

[osili]

there is nothing to fear in life norr weather you will be alone in your older years

[zagor]

Yeah I've pretty much given up on that kind of relationship, so I enjoy what I have.

[Anonymous]

no. an increasing number of males have no prospect of a relationship not that younger women have a higher status on average and only go for higher status males