Love... is not a simple thing. It comes in different forms, ways and expressions, and it is anything but easy. However, if you love or have loved someone with ADD or ADHD, you will know what I will be talking about. If you are curious about people with this condition, or you have someone in your life with it, reading this MyTake can give you a bit of insight on what it actually feels like to love someone with ADD/ADHD. Let`s dive in!
First of all, let me explain my familiarity with ADD. My current boyfriend of almost one year suffers from it, and our relationship has been on the rocks several times due to my ignorance. I do believe that understanding the condition can help anyone in any situation with people with ADD or ADHD. You cannot love someone without understanding them, be it romantic partners or family members. Hopefully, through this MyTake, you can learn a bit about how they think, react and act in romantic relationships as well as social- and family situations.
You cannot love someone without understanding them.
What you should know about people with ADD/ADHD.
In order to understand a person with ADD/ADHD completely, it is important to get an overview of a few things to know about them beforehand. Here are a few examples:
1. They do not act the way they do on purpose. People with ADD/ADHD tend to say and do things without thinking, and they can often be interpreted as mean or inconsiderate. As it can be hurtful and disappointing to hear something like that from a loved one, ADD/ADHD sufferers rarely mean everything they say. The solution here is communication, and be sure to tell them where the boundaries are.
2. They are trying, even if it does not seem that way. People with ADD/ADHD are fighting a constant battle with themselves on a daily basis. They WANT to perform daily activities, but sometimes they just cant`t. Their mind can be anywhere at anytime, and their focus can be nonexistent. If you are a parent, friend or lover of someone with ADD/ADHD, it is better to give them confidence and time to express themselves. Patience is key!
3. They can easily lose their focus. If your child is struggling with getting the homework done, seems to be in a different world most of the time and makes a lot of questionable choices, chances are they have ADD/ADHD. Same goes for romantic partners who struggle with concentrating on just you for too long, or they get involved in many different activities. One of the biggest signs is that they easily lose their focus, because their mind likes to focus on many different things at once.
4. They can seem lazy, messy and unintelligent, but it`s actually quite the contrary. People with ADD/ADHD can be often seen in isolation from their friends and family. They enjoy time on their own with their own thoughts. However, since they struggle with daily activities such as taking out garbage, cleaning and working, they can be seen as lazy and unintelligent. This is not the case! Their mind is just everywhere and disorganized, so it is hard to keep life in the same order as a "normal" person would. They just need a little kick, patience and understanding. But people with ADD/ADHD are honestly the most intelligent people I have met.
5. They do not want you to treat them like their parent if you aren`t. If you are a friend or romantic partner, it might seem like they are expecting you to do all the work for them. This is not true! Most of the time, they are just oblivious to the fact that work needs to be done. All you have to do is ask, and they will eventually come around to do it. I must admit, I have felt like my boyfriend`s mom several times, but I have to learn that he is more than capable of doing those things himself.
How can you live and deal with someone with ADD/ADHD?
From what you have previously read, being involved with a person with this condition seems very hard and challenging. And I am not going to lie- it is! You feel the pressure to help them in every way possible, and if you don`t, it is your fault. Learn to let this feeling go, because you are, after all, dealing with an adult (unless it is your child). Here are a few tips for dealing with your friend, partner or family member:
1. Try and see it from their perspective.
2. Be patient and understanding.
3. Make sure to say sorry if you got mad for reasons they cannot control.
5. Educate yourself about their behavior.
Anyway, that`s all I got for today`s MyTake! Let me know what you guys think below :)