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Swapping the gender roles and making it work! (Page 3)
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Some traits interchange, some won't. But swapping gender roles isn't natural and will never work properly. To think so is an illusion.
Works for us. Maybe we are just the exception. But I think as long as you can respect your partner and their abilities, even if it's not what you were raised to believe than you can make it work if you want or need it to.
My wife and I both work. We have jobs and shares that we both have to fulfill, and we can overcome everything. I share housework. My wife can still be a man, and I can still be a woman
That's cool. It would never work for me, or most guys I know, but I'm glad you guys have found your own happy place.
Whatever turns you on I suppose. You seem to be happy and that's all that matters
Question; how many of those 3 children are actually his?
Not 1. But that doesn't make him any less their father.
I like how some woman disliked my comment, when it turned out being more true than i assumed.
To clarify, I was in a long term previous relationship. The kids father and I split shortly after the youngest was born, and he still keeps in contact with the kids but not on a regular basis because he is starting a family with someone else.
We had our own reasons for splitting. I admit I am way too much for some men to handle and the way I see and do things is definitely not for everyone. But there IS someone out there for everyone, despite your flaws, shortcomings, baggage or personality. Someone who can love you for just how you are. You just gotta find them.
And the biggest thing is having respect and an open mind and accepting them for who they are as well.
I don't really care; said clarification is irrelevant, and is only really there to make yourself feel better at risk of people thinking you're a cheater or something.
The only thing i care about was this important piece of information was omitted in the OP about how such a relationship works. Now i know better so i could see clear as day how key parts of your relationships works between the lines, given the statistics on the subject, and how you worded raising children together. It's subtle, but clear with a trained eye.
The reason why i care about that, is not everyone does have a trained eye, and a lot of young men are going to misread this and make a number of life mistakes that will have a negative knock on effect generation after generation, and because I'm part of society i sort of care about it's upkeep.
But kudos with the level of honesty to the question, for a lot of people wouldn't be.
I don't think it matters. Impregnating someone doesn't make you a father, just like having a baby doesn't make you a mother. My mother was no mother, she birthed me and she fed and clothed me, but it was my grandmother who was my real mother. She showed me loved, eased my woes and taught me right from wrong, and that is way more important to a child's development than who's genes they belong to.
You are right I should have put it in. It takes an even more incredible man to raise and love someone else's children than someone who has no choice because he got his rocks off in the wrong woman.
ok... if you honestly believe that, then why didn't you adopt?
There's so many homeless orphans in the world, why would you add to the overpopulated pool, as opposed to mothering them?
To be honest I got knocked up at 20.
I thought... well this is it now... I'm doing this and I am stuck with someone who I have only been with for a few months. I put my life on hold, didn't finish my schooling and after a while settled into a routine on mothering and "wifing". But I think even then I knew at least the relationship wasn't right. For starters I had no sex drive, and I knew that in a healthy relationship i am supposed to be sleeping with my husband on a regular basis and the fact that I wasn't wanting to was a major strain because he wanted it all the time. I read all the blogs, talked to friends and even ordered pills for myself because i was comitted to solving this problem with myself.
Eventually my Dr. said it might a horomone imbalence caused by the birth control pills, and by that point my husband was extreamly frustrated with me so I stopped taking them and started taking female aphrodisiac pills. He knew of course that it wasn't safe for him to "unload" but he did anyways and 9 months after Valentine's day... our second was born.
During my second pregnancy I had started a small pizza place in our little hometown. The day I opened it my husband came in half way through his shift (he worked at a factory at the time) and said that he had quit and was going to work here now. So after my second was born I also took a midnight position at Tim Hortons to supplement our income on top of running the store. I was miserable, and overworked, 2 years came and went of this, the business started doing well, and we were looking into buying a house when he suggested another one.
Now I already loved my other 2 to death. And the love that was missing between him and I was filled up by the love I had for them, so I agreed. I would say it was stupid but I can't because I love each and every one of them, no matter how they came to be.
But of course life has a way of catching up with you.
When I was pregnant with the last one I had preeclampsia and was in and out of the hospital and unable to do much for the last while. Meanwhile it was up to him to run the business. In the span of 3 months we lost pretty much everything, and with everything all at once and all the problems, blame passing and literal pain, by the time our last was born it was pretty much over.
We tried for a while, but you can't fix something that was broken to begin with.
Next you will probably ask me why I didn't just abort the babies.
While I believe that people should do what is best for them, I personally (for myself) do not believe in abortion. I made the mistakes, and what wonderful mistakes they are.
You're quite right. As a wise woman once said; "there is such a thing as an accidental pregnancy, but there is no such thing as accidental motherhood".
Even if you're a pro-lifer, that doesn't justify accidents 2 and 3. Your reasons for them are merely an excuse, and since you've been honest enough thus far, then I'd say this is an excuse you're not even consciously aware of.
Even with the greatest benefit of the doubt, by your own admission #3 wasn't an accident (which is a great way of viewing your own children), but rather you choose to conceive him/her. You claimed it doesn't matter whether it's your own or someone else's, so why wasn't #3 adopted in this over populated world with lots of orphans that need a loving home? Did it even cross your mind once?
Just a shot in the dark; Mr ex-husband who you got pregnant with after only a couple of months... was he the rebound after a guy you really loved that dumped you?
Also, you wouldn't happen to be an ESFJ, would you?
Close. He was the first person I dated after an abusive relationship. Same principal psychology behind it though.
I did actually. Before I met "Mr. Ex" I did plan on adopting in the future, or in the very least fostering (which I still plan to do in the future).
I had nannied for a woman who fostered kids, she was extreamly abusive mentally. For example, she would put the kids meals into a blender and grind it all up and tried to make them drink it and would then punish them when they didn't or if they got sick from it. Just horrible, hellish but "not illegal" stuff like that. The worst part was she constantly got away with it even after I reported her many times. After that I vowed that one day I would at least take a few kids out of the system.
I also had my own selfish reasons as well though. Up until I got pregnant, I wasn't aware I could. I had suffered abuse when I was very young and my parts were mutilated on the inside and I was told that my uterus was most likely "uninhabitable", and if I got pregnant it would not last, so not to get my hopes up.
3 kids deep and I clearly proved them wrong.
So when I did get pregnant it was also a mericle to me.
"Mr. Ex" however did not share my views on adoption or fostering, and that was a big blow to me in our relationship because it is something that I feel strongly about. I did give in a lot when we were together. In some respects I regret that, but it has also lead to where I am now. Which is happy.
My current fella has the same views as me. He has seen things too and I think that is why he has so easily taken to accepting my kids as his own. We plan to foster in the future, but it is again on hold for other unforseen reasons.
And no, what is EFSJ?
But you did love my abusive ex, right?
https://www.16personalities.com/esfj-personality
"Healthy ESFJs: Healthy ESFJs are empathetic, compassionate, and hard-working. They easily relate to other people and do what they can to make them feel understood and accepted. They are practical and hands-on in their communities, eager to improve the lives of others. They are honest and boundless in their generosity and care for others.
Destructive ESFJs are manipulative, controlling, and prone to gossip. They adopt the beliefs of the people around them and bully anyone who lies outside of that value system. They may enjoy spreading rumors if it allows them to gain approval from authority. They are the “teacher’s pet” and constantly seek praise from the people they respect. They will have pity parties for themselves whenever they don’t get the praise they were expecting. They may be passive-aggressive, two-faced, and dishonest. Anyone who doesn’t believe in their traditionally accepted views is mocked, ridiculed, or gaslighted. They need attention and approval constantly from the people in their lives and will become easily angered over any perceived slight or anything that takes the place of their attention. They will berate anyone who doesn’t follow “the rules” even if those rules are corrupt."
*mr abusive ex
Dam typos
Interesting. That is the first I have heard of them.
The father of my kids was not abusive. He is a good person in general but we weren't compatible. Had we had a longer relationship before I got pregnant we probably would have figured that out. But we tried really hard to force a square peg into a round hole and it just didn't work.
We are both much happier now. And we aren't constantly fighting like we were before. It obviously isn't ideal, and we have our disagreements but at the end of the day we know what is important, and it's that the kids have a happy stable home where mommy and daddy aren't at constant war. I know for me personally, not knowing what a normal relationship was supposed to be like (my mom was never with a man for long) was a big set back when it came to my dating life.
But if you are referring to the "ex before my ex" , I thought I loved him at one point, but I came to realize I was just forcing that relationship too. Truthfully though, in that circumstance the ex I had before the abusive one I really did love a lot. But I was young and I didn't realize he didn't love me like I loved him. I overlooked years of cheating just so I could be with him and when we finally broke up, I jumped right into another relationship to mask the pain. But I just didn't know better. Again I didn't know what a healthy relationship was supposed to be like so when my ex husband came along he looked really good for all the wrong reasons.
Well you know what they say... hindsight is 20/20
I can tell you exactly what happened, your subconscious decided that the clock was ticking, and your ex was the best you were going to get. Trust me, pregnancies aren't as random as you think, they are in humans a biological reflex in your subconscious instincts, that you conscious mind isn't part of.
It was not in your instincts to adopt, which was something you only consciously considered because you believed yourself to be infertile. Your subconscious intentionally got you pregnant all 3 times, because you both consciously and subconsciously considered he was the best you could do. It had no interest to adopt at all, at least not for another 20 years as a hobby once you were no longer fertile, or until it became 100% sure you was infertile.
The circumstances you met the new guy don't really matter, but i'm guessing it's more likely you met him after you already walked away, while back on the meat market. You walked away, other than imperfect compatibility from the beginning, because he failed at his job as a provider. There was nothing left holding your relationship together.
Then when back on the market you was unable to find a replacement provider (someone who earns as much or more than you) that you was compatible with who seemed happy to provide for you and your children.
You had no choice but to continue on playing the role of miss independent, and that's not easy when you have 3 children, so your options was to either get rid of your kids, or settle for a pussy whipped beta male that you could get to take care of your children, and at least seemed happy enough by it to convince yourself he is happy to do so in order to avoid the guilt.
Unless he is infertile, or as good as in his mind (like having a really bad genetic disease or something that he swore to never pass on), then i don't believe for even a second deep down he is truly happy doing so. People are not instinctually happy raising other peoples kids as their own, unless having their own isn't an option... and even then it would still sadden them somewhere deep down that they couldn't have their own. Since you thought you was infertile to the point of considering adoption, i know you understand that.
And likewise, i don't believe you truly love him deep down either, not as the deep love of a sexual partner can be anyway. Men like that are never a lover in a woman's eyes, they're the complete opposite to avoid intercourse with as much as possible, and if at all possible, to cuckold. In your case, you did it backwards.
You're not going to tell me this man makes you orgasm through intercourse, or is the man you think of during masturbation. He is not your partner, he is your eunuch that you're quite fond of, like a best friend, or a "nice guy".
As you said, hindsight is 20/20.
I had a very long thought out reply... but then i just realized I am just very sad for you.
You are a very bitter person. Why you feel the need to shit on someone else's happiness to validate your own worth is just very unfortunate. I hope you find your own happiness one day.
"It’s important for Consuls to remember though, that people come from many backgrounds and perspectives, and what may seem right to them isn’t always an absolute truth."
You had a very long thought out reply, but you didn't post it because you know I'm right. And if you can't attack the message, just attack the messenger.
That's one of the reasons I'm pretty sure you're an ESFJ, because that personality type is prone to live in a dreamland of their own creation, based on what feels comforting, and if anyone dares call bullshit on that positive attention, they are to be treated as a threat that is attacking them. You genuinely can't tell the difference between one saying "this is something you believe that is incorrect because of XYZ", and "you're a bad person and should be attacked".
I have no weapons, I'm merely the guy at the back of the crowd who occasionally says out loud "but the emperor is naked".
I do find it funny that you quoted good advise for an ESFJ, yet unless I'm mistaken I'm not sure you understand the meaning of it, given that's how you ended your reply.
"It’s important for Consuls to remember though, that people come from many backgrounds and perspectives, and what may seem right to them isn’t always an absolute truth." - The "them" isn't just other people, it's mostly referring to the Consuls themselves, because accepting they don't have the eyes of the oracle and that sometimes your critics are occasionally right, doesn't come naturally to ESFJs. Seriously, sorry for hurting your ego by proving you wrong, but that's life for all of us occasionally, accept it, and deal with your sensitivity;
"Coming to terms with their sensitivity is Consuls’ biggest challenge – people are going to disagree and they’re going to criticize, and while it hurts, it’s just a part of life."
Now unless I'm mistaken and you only posted that thinking I'm one, then I'm sorry to disappoint you again. I'm an ENTJ, otherwise known as the "Commander".
I have been nothing but open, and respectful to you. Tell me how you have been good, empathetic or compassionate in what you are saying to me?
Why do women have this bizarre obsession with being providers? Do they feel inferior to men?
I could ask you the same in reverse.
Because that's what men have done for thousands of years
I could write you an endless list of utterly barbaric and ridiculous things that humankind used to do for thousands of years, that you (rightfully) wouldn't consider doing in a million years. So that's pretty much the dumbest reason to do something. With that mindset, we'd still be cavemen with no progress - not social, not medical, not technological, not human progress in any sense.
Next.
Yeah yeah yeah... You're special and not like other girls. You like trucks, hate shopping, and can't stand drama.
Just like every other playing molded, bargain bin Barbie...
Nobody ever said that?
I don't even care. Good for you. I just know that not all women want to take care of their men like fucking babies
I doubt it would work. We each have our own advantages and disadvantages.
Not what I'm looking for except the happy family part. Sounds like you have a happy family and that is admirable. I will be primary provider, but if my wife wants to do part time, cool with me.
Your Parther is a Brainwashed Indoctrinated beta Cuck, only weak Man fall for it, your guy has no Eyes to see, Eyes wide Shut.
If the dude is happy what's the big deal?
@ThisIsMyOpinion he's not Happy, Its not his Nature.
Nature? We are humans we evolved past nature, otherwise we would still be living in caves. We have primal instincts sure, but those don't dictate if you are happy or not as a house husband.
@ThisIsMyOpinion you will evolved how jeiwsh people want your a*s keep it real. you're too bluepill for me sorry.
What jewish have to do with any of this?
@ThisIsMyOpinion thats say it all bluepill af the reason you can't understand anything
Aren't you too much into conspiracy theory?
@ThisIsMyOpinion No im not believe me.
Then inform me what the jews have to do with household husbands? Don't they preach the old household ways?
@ThisIsMyOpinion HAHAHAHAHAHA I talk about jeiwsh zionism not the typical family of jews in ISreal hahahaha. You think Geroge Soros like you? no he hates you
I don't even know who Geroge Soros is.
@ThisIsMyOpinion even more sad, thats show even more how far you are from the truth of this fake ass world. good luck to wake up it will be very hard for you, and also greatest shock.
You think this person is that important to unravel the truth about the world?
Are you sure you are not to into conspiracy theories?
@ThisIsMyOpinion how can you be that stupid? seriously? keep working on your slave job while these guys print her Money out of thick Air! Im sick of Sheeple like you.
I know that more than 90% of the world's money is owned by less than 5% of the population. But that is the system we have. Nothing we can do about it.
Also this conversation started with us talking about house husbands.
@ThisIsMyOpinion it started there but ended something else.
@ThisIsMyOpinion I agree with you ! Woman are earning good money in the workplace now and guys are finding themselves out of work. What is wrong with Daddy getting to spend time with the kids? Guys make great chefs.
Im tired of working so why not. Lets switch roles i just want to stay home
I rather commit suicide instead of switching roles.
I know the saying usually goes "DON't hit yourself on your way out", but to switch things up a little (lol) let me tell you: do hit yourself on your way out!
sounds fine to me ! He sounds like he could use some therapy so he would stop feeling useless, but otherwise there are many families like yours.
I don't women's work, just like women don't do men's work. Like change the oil or the brakes in the car, fix or build anything.
Go to a car dealership check out the mechanics---- half of them are girls ~
Nice joke , you can dream about this but not many men will accept such a bullshit, maybe if he was a sissy
Or maybe he’s comfortable enough with his sexuality that it doesn’t bother him. I for one think is great that they make it work. I don’t think wanting a traditional household is bad, some men and women still prefer it. I just don’t think it’s ok to shame people that want it differently and viceversa.
My only question is how would you change the biology?
😂😂 True
Right? I mean I don't understand what people means when they say anything other than straight or gay.
It's great that it works for you. It's testament to the fact that there is someone for everyone, even for men who never learned how to be men.
It is so balanced in my relationship that I transitioned into a man and my husband transitioned to a girl! Why go half way we thought <3
That's a turn off for me. I hope he's not using advantage of you.