Why Men Aren’t Committing To Relationships


Let me start this MyTake by saying that I believe that being in a committed relationship with a quality partner and working together as a team is most likely to result in the best outcome in life. It doesn’t assure daily happiness - struggles will always find you - but overall, a team supporting each other will have a much easier time overcoming those struggles.

Why Men Aren’t Committing To Relationships

Many if not most of us are aware that for a very long time, it was a normal, expected thing for people to get married and have families and stay together for life. This may describe your parents, and it’s even more likely to describe your grandparents, and it’s probably what you were taught to expect to - but you may have discovered, with great confusion - that things don’t seem to be working that way anymore, and that’s frustrating and unsettling, and you want to know why things changed. That’s what this article is about.

Why Men Aren’t Committing To Relationships

The seeds of this change happened with WWII in the first half of the 1940s, when women went to work in factories to replace all the men who were sent overseas to fight. When the war was over and the men returned, many women happily went home to start families and raise children, but a few of them missed working outside the home and earning their own money, and began a movement for women’s rights, which we now usually refer to as “Second-Wave Feminism.” This movement took another generation to really catch hold, but the growth of the American economy in the late 40s and 50s, as American helped rebuild Europe and Japan, led to middle-class Americans being able to send their children - including girls - to college en mass for the first time in the 1960s, and by now, those early 2nd-Wave Feminists of the 40s were teachers and college professors - AND they’d been co-opted by pro-Marxist Soviets via one of many KGB subversion campaigns (but that’s a whole other story).

And while the first Women’s Studies courses were being taught in college, other Radical Feminists were hard at work changing divorce and child custody laws to heavily favor women in the name of “equality.” Women in the 60s (Boomers) were also being told that they needed to stop being wives and mothers and to seek careers of their own, and like before, that generation didn’t embrace that idea widely - but the following generation, the GenXers, did.

Colleges expanded significantly in the 1960s, more than doubling capacity, and expanded again in the 1980s, doubling again. Women were encouraged to follow what just 2 generations before had been the path available only to upper-class men and a few prodigies on scholarship: a 4-year University education (in many cases followed by graduate school and advanced degrees) and a career working outside the home. In fact, by the 80s, this had become the expected path, and women choosing to start families and be housewives was widely and publicly derided by RadFem leaders as being “a traitor to your gender.” Needless to day, this was pushed even harder onto Millennial, with the late 90s-through the 2000s being the peak of RadFem power.

The results of all of this has been a few key points that have massively affected relationships in Western societies:

  • Women are choosing (or being pushed to choose) college and careers over motherhood, at least in their 20s. This has caused women to go into massive debt, and has kept most women from having children until their late 20s or early 30s - and some even later, leading to a rise in expensive and nerve-wracking fertility treatments to conceive past her prime fertile years, as well as a noted increase of children born with congenital disease or mental and behavioral problems.
  • Women have largely abandoned traditional female roles, in their dress, in their skills, and in their attitudes, and have become more and more like men, and are competing directly with men in many respects.
  • The laws and social attitudes have changed such that men are massively disadvantaged in marriage, parental rights, and divorce.
  • Male children are being taught, at home and increasingly in school, that masculinity is toxic and that natural male tendencies are bad and should be suppressed.
  • Hypergamy: with women increasing their own education and income, they’re no longer satisfied with average or even above-average men - they insist on men who are well above their level, no matter how high their level becomes, but there simply aren’t nearly enough such men to go around. Nevertheless, huge numbers reject anything but a Top 10% man, even if they’re single for years. Most can attract high-value men with casual sex - and often do - but many don’t realize or won’t accept that those men would never consider them for a relationship, so they hold out for one, ignoring men at or near their own level.
  • Women believe that men will find it desirable that she has an advanced education and a career, and are shocked when they do not. No matter how often men tell them otherwise, most women can’t accept that men aren’t looking for competitors, they’re looking for someone who brings to the table things he isn’t already providing: a wife, mother, and homemaker. When women say “I’ve got this degree and this career”, men hear “I spent my prime fertility years in school and getting my career going, I have a ton of student (and consumer) debt, and I’m unlikely to be around when you need me because I’ll be at work.”

For women who didn’t take relationships, marriage, and children seriously and rushed into marriage or children with an “exciting” bad boy, only to be a single mom in her late 20s or early 30s, her value to most men is extremely low - and the further she is past 30, the lower her value is likely to be. Many women in their mid-30s still believe that they have the kind of social market value they had in their 20s, and are still looking for a super-high-value man as if she was a “social market billionaire” herself as she once was, having no understanding that, in her mid-30s, and especially if she has children, her “net value” has plummeted, and while she thinks she’s an 8 (like she was at 24), she’s really a 3 to men in her target age group.

That’s because, aside from sex, most of what she’s bringing to the table has a low or even negative value to a man, causing high or even mid-value men to reject relationships with those women.

Men know how to evaluate a deal - to weigh the pros and cons and to analyze the costs and benefits - and being in a committed relationship (except with women who reject Feminism and who prioritize being a mother and wife rather than a career) simply isn’t worth the high cost and risk that men are required to accept if the take the deal - and so, increasingly, men are no longer interested on signing on the dotted line. It’s far too often a one-sided deal, and men today know it.

The other thing is: women have never been less happy, and more women than ever are single, are single parents, are the sole providers of their household, and are disappointed with their careers. They've gotten their career, but it turns out that having a career doesn't really fulfill them, and as they progress in their career, the career is ever more demanding and time-consuming, so even if she's making more money, she has less time to enjoy it, and that leads to growing depression. It is also leading to a lot of women who realize that what she really wants is a relationship and a family. But the realization comes too late in so many cases, with her biological clock having nearly run out or already run out.

Both men and women are worse off as a result. Who knew that huge societal changes would have huge unintended consequences?

Why Men Aren’t Committing To Relationships
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Most Helpful Girls

  • lilyanony1
    I'm a wee bit concerned by this post. Because well I find it hard to agree with this.
    I met my fella back in 09 and I thought we were going to be together simply because we clicked so well finishing each others sentences etc etc.
    I was at university studying fashion but after the first term I realised that the course was t for me. Things were just a little too clicky.
    So I left, I eventually found a job in retail to keep me in the loop and planned to find my way back to study. He would routinely ask me for financial aid before the month was through. I fell pregnant and he accused me of all sorts. So he told me it wasn't the right time.
    After we aborted he insisted that I was clingy and needy and fat.
    When we got past that stage, I moved into a move secure career, I had my own flat which I decorated and I had paid for without his help. He moved in, he didn't want to help with bills or pay and rent. He didn't even want to put anything in the washing machine.
    All he kept saying was he was trying to set up his business that he wanted to go to the gym.
    That I was trying to hold him down.


    I think its safe to say that in this case he was just a user.

    There have been other men an engineer, a construction manager, a marketing executive and at first they were very happy I could look after myself they themselves would want to whisk me off 2 of them offered to buy into my flat so we could start building a life together. But I noticed they were very controlling and cheaters.
    Men these days have an appetite especially when they earn more, but don't feel the need to be discreet.

    There is no honourable man left.

    They talk about marriage as if suddenly that paper will make them less of a liar, less of a cheater, less controlling but what idiot would allow it to get that far.

    I only work 3 days a week. I cook and I clean, I keep fit. I want to have a family.

    I'm 29, my price went down when I stopped giggling, and telling men how wonderful they were for meaningless shit.
    Is this still revelant?
    • MrOracle

      Well, you certainly ran across some shitheels, and, yes, there are some worthless men out there, no doubt about it. That first guy should have been kicked to the curb much, much earlier. But that's also why you should focus more on selecting guys based on their character rather than looks or lifestyle. Even the best-looking guy with all the money in the world will quickly become unattractive if he doesn't have morals and values and some ambition. And not all men do.

    • @lilyanony1 Your first example of men seems to be growing in numbers. Especially in the under 70 demographic. I have known far too many women who shared an ‘identical’ experience or are presently still living it. I can think of three as I type still in one.

      The larger earners and flagrant cheating. That actually throws me for a loop. Perhaps it is the circles I keep, but the wives or girlfriends have been the ones who have done the sneaking around while their husbands are playing the part of obliviously happy husband and “soccer coach” dad. I know of several divorces with my male friends are due to their now exes having been screwing around with either the neighbor or the guy at their work. I only know of two dickheads who screwed around on their wives versus the other way around. ... and as you mentioned, men don’t hide it remotely well. Women however go to lengths in concealing their “affairs”.

      Again this could be entirely restricted to the circles I keep - men having far more to lose being largely the excuse why they are terrified too. Divorce truly scared the shot out of them so they won’t even dream to cheat.

      You are “done”. I get it. Your experiences have repulsed you just as my own have walked off with what little I had left. I to an done.

      It is too bad that anymore the sexes shit upon one another. Not long ago we actually complemented each other. It only seems to be getting worse and more of us are just checking out...

    • lilyanony1

      @mrOracle- I find these days whatever the package they all think they're the need knee's.
      @ManmitAntworten- of the them didn't have kids, I think that's why he cheated, he looked elsewhere, and found me. She couldn't have kids. I spoke with her and he told us the exact same things, I won't divulge as I notice these days people read up these things only to perfect the mistakes. He was just very skilled at lying through his teeth, but not skilled enough. I hope he's learned to do better

    • Show All
  • I learned very early on which men to take and which men to avoid. That is probably the most important first step in relationship happiness. I learned that the Cory Matthews type was a better man than the Shawn Hunter type. (Younger kids, look it up)

    My man is a Cory Matthews and we've been together for 13 years.

    No, I'm no traditional wife and he's no traditional husband. We don't have kids and we're happy with that for now, until we both decide it's time to have kids. We both cook and clean and we both work and pay an equal amount of the household utilities. He supports my career ambitions and I absolutely love what I do. In fact, I did it for many years with no money coming in. Even for free, I dedicated a working shift worth's of time every day into my skills, because that made me happy. So I am happy doing what pleases me and he's happy with the choices he's made in life as well. This is how we prefer things to be.

    The thing I've noticed about your take is that you're repeating a lot of ideals pushed by the red pill. Guys in the red pill and "the manosphere" are the Shawn Hunters of society. They think being a playboy and badboy is what will win him respect and admiration. They often brag about being former Vegas playboy troublemakers. They want to live this life until they decide they want the 20 year old "good girl" when they are in their late 30s. Only, the "good girl" is already taken, and if she is single, she doesn't want him. It's not that men like this aren't committing to relationships because they don't want to. They do want relationships, but they want relationships where the dynamics were more in their own favor. They want to the good girl virgin even though he's the bad boy ex con with maybe a kid or two wandering around out there, he's not sure. This isn't going to fly.

    You gotta stop listening to those guys because they simply aren't as insightful or as desirable to women as you think they are.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Belleevans

      Oh snap! You are 100% spot on! Couldn't have said it better myself. Yes I am aware of who you are talking about as I watch these channels and I agree!!

    • MzAsh

      I’m not saying all red pill notions are bad, but take a good look at these guys. Think about what it is they are asking vs what they are offering. A lot of it is ridiculous and only a foolish woman is going to be baited by. They can’t stand feminism because feminism has afforded women the freedom that territorial men don’t want their women to have, plain and simple.

      No, women don’t get degrees and careers because they think men find it attractive. We don’t care what men thinking about our careers. We achieve these things because we want to, regardless of what men think. That is, unless we want to scrape by on some measly allowance someone provides for us, which I sure as hell will never do.

      For the most part, red pill men are average looking middle aged dudes with sordid pasts and a bitter attitude and unfair expectations.

      Smart women are wise to avoid men like that.

    • Bluemax

      Well said. What does your husband do for a living (if you don't mind me asking)?

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guys

  • JackSmy
    Maybe for some, as you say, here, but for others, it can be AMAZING, and wonderful!!
    Not pissing in your Cheerios, and intending offence.
    As you said, some things that some guys deal with, and a lot of those, are about women? Or are they about you, and failing to be a good man! Maybe being an Old-style kind, that assumes women are submissive, and should serve you?
    If women don't want to date you, do you ever question, that maybe, there is something about you, that women don't like? Or do you just hate on women?
    I am REALLY quite offended, about many things you posted, about women, my Lady friends, my family relations, and it's just BAD!!
    I think you need to get with the MODERN age, and have more respect for women!
    Is this still revelant?
    • MrOracle

      None of this is about me at all. I've simply seen this question asked again and again by women, and I'm simply answering the question.

      And, as ALWAYS, it's a generalization - it's not going to apply to every woman by any means. It's mostly targeted at SINGLE women who find that men aren't willing to commit to them.

      What did I say that was so terrible about women? Mostly the issue is society as whole, and Feminism (specifically Marxist-based Radical Feminism) in particular - but men contribute (negatively) to that too.

      I'm all for equality (which is very different from Feminism), but you also have to take biological differences into account, and Feminism wants to erase all difference - biological and otherwise - as part of their efforts to destroy the family and the society. Again, plenty of men have responsibility for that mess; it isn't just women.

    • What a simp lol

    • What a simp

    • Show All
  • Jamie05rhs

    "When women say “I’ve got this degree and this career”, men hear “I spent my prime fertility years in school and getting my career going, I have a ton of student (and consumer) debt, and I’m unlikely to be around when you need me because I’ll be at work.” "

    I disagree with this. That is not the reaction I have. What I hear is "I'm better than you" and "You're not good enough.". ... Which is the truth, whether we like it or not. It is what it is.

    Though if they do have debt, then I think that's really ironic, because the main reason I chose not to go to college was because I didn't want to get into debt. In other words, due to the exhorbitant and inflated cost of tuition, I determined it to be a "bad deal."
    Is this still revelant?
    • MrOracle

      What I hear is "I'm better than you" and "You're not good enough."

      This can also be true, and I went into that a bit more on another post. Some women will throw her degree (s) and/or career in the guy's face if she judges his occupation to be below hers - even if he out-earns her. A guy may own a construction company or an auto shop or a trucking company and make plenty of money, but because it's "dirty work", some women believe he is "less than" because she's college educated and has an office job. Certainly this isn't all women, but I've seen it happen a few times with my own eyes. But some guys make a LOT of money despite not wearing a suit to work every day, and they're happier doing something they like.

    • Jamie05rhs

      @MrOracle Thanks.

    • Jamie05rhs

      Thanks for the MHO.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Browneye57
    Too long... but YUP. :)
  • dandiecandie
    They have changed but they are still the same
  • MountAverage
    Yeah, I think your oracle is broken.
  • lovedejj_xo
    Glad I have a good guy 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
  • pizzalovershouse
    Some things can be true
  • Aiko_E_Lara
    Aromantism is spreading on men
  • libbyne
    Good mind