How to handle a narcissistic girlfriend/wife like a gentleman.

just_legit1998
How to handle a narcissistic girlfriend/wife like a gentleman.

DISCLAIMER: This myTake isn't meant to offend all women who might read this and take this the wrong way, please don't use this against me as I'm not into trolling, I'm simply just supporting highly sensitive men here on GaG. This is a genuine myTake and it is for the guys who have been a victim of gaslighting or manipulation by their partner. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

What's going on guys, I'm back again with another myTake, it's been so long since I last did this as I stopped doing myTakes, but here I am again writing for you.

Have you ever found yourself trapped in a relationship where you're always the one who's blamed, who's wrong and is always the one to say sorry? Well, to tell you, I felt that way in my previous relationship a few years ago, and I'm so glad that I've accepted what happened between us. Based on my experience believe me, your self-esteem diminishes with these kinds of women who refuses to accept their mistakes that it is hard for us men to defend ourselves as society will always tell us that no matter how wrong a woman is, you will always be blamed. Unfortunately, some women take advantage of this and will attempt to override their rights as a female because they know that society is in their favor. Some might say that these women have narcissistic personality disorder or they're just plain cruel. Nevertheless IF WOMEN ARE TOLD THAT THEY SHOULDN'T SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS, THEN SO DO MEN!

I'll be giving you suggestions on how to deal with a woman who's a narcissist but before you follow these, I would suggest that you check if your partner actually has NPD. If none then just take these suggestions with a grain of salt and consider preparing yourself with any signs that your partner is manipulative, but at the same time, do this in a civil way.

1.) Try to understand where she's coming from.

If she's pointing out your flaws harshly, then what you could do is try to learn from what she's pointing out. Maybe she just wants you to be a better person not only for her, but for your own good. If both of you are at fault at something then take responsibility for your part, that will encourage her to do so as well as this will show that you are man enough to admit your mistakes.

2.) Be patient.

When she's belittling you especially infront of others, it's quite tempting to fight back by telling her off, but doing that will only show that she has power over you and that she'll know that she's hurt you. The key here is, never show that her actions affected you, rather talk to her in a calm way and tell her politely that you're willing to do anything for her provided that she behaves.

3.) Work on yourself.

It's easy to stoop down to her level and point out her flaws as well, but nobody is perfect! Even she's flaunting her shortcomings by gaslighting you, in which your self-esteem gets destroyed. This might be a hard thing to do, but I would suggest you reflect on yourself on what is it you are missing without justifying her behavior. From there, you'll be able to reassess the situation and actually convince her that you are willing to work things out while ignoring her criticisms.

4.) Try your best to make her happy for one last time.

Sometimes, manipulative people or narcs just want love from others as they'll be needing it for their stability. When in a relationship, it's best to focus on the positive side of things and value the time both of you spend. Try to figure out what are her favorites and what does she need, showing kindness to emotionally unavailable people will help them improve how they act as they might just be experiencing love from you for the first time. But sadly, I cannot guarantee that this will work as it's not applicable to all broken woman.

5.) Reconsider the relationship

You don't necessarily have to keep chasing a woman who always puts you down, tear you apart or simply just take from you without giving. Remember, just because you refuse to settle for a narc woman doesn't make you entitled. Never be afraid to stay single until you find a woman who fits your standards as long as you hold yourself on the same. Some say that love must be unconditional and they just use that as a gaslighting tool for you to settle for a toxic girl, while girls are told that they shouldn't settle for anything less. I'll tell you guys that you need not to lower your standards even though it prevents you from attracting girls, because what's important is you're with the lady who loves you back. I mean come on, after all that's what you guys keep dreaming of, the lady who has feeling for you too ain't it?

6.) Establish boundaries.

If you're still in a relationship with this woman and after all the good things you've done, you're still with her, then this is the time where you get blunt and have a serious conversation with her about what she's doing. Tell her that it hurts you and upsets you when she does what she does, you might also want to ask her if she still loves you because if she's not going to stop and listen, then it's clearly a sign that she's the wrong person for you. Now this might cause some chaos between you and her, nonetheless try to show that you're also a human who has feelings and gets hurt, only then it's up to her if she's still living in the caveman years and expects you to always be stoic!

7.) If all else fails, end things.

AGAIN, you need not to keep trying and trying with her as you will only hurt yourself and waste your valuable time. Remember to love yourself enough to walk away from hurtful people. As sad as it sounds, why would you still disrespect yourself catering to a woman who acts like she has mental issues? It's better to get lonely than to associate yourself with bad company. Who you're with will make you who you are, remember that! You must end the relationship or file a divorce (if you're married) with a polite manner since you don't deserve to be treated like a doormat or be called a cuckold/mama's boy! Just incase you happen to have a child/children with her, try to get custody of them as the wife is not stable enough to take care of the kids and they might get hurt with the hands of your partner, just make sure that you tell them to respect their mom as at the end of the day, she's still their parent!

8.) Cry it all out.

Do not be afraid to get vulnerable as you just got out of a toxic relationship. You shouldn't blame yourself or accept blame from someone (ex. beling called an effeminate guy or a simp) just because you loved a toxic woman. Everything happens for a reason, there are people who you'll meet and they're the ones who will teach you something. This gal has taught you what not to become, and you have no reason to regret the relationship as you know deep down to yourself that you did your part, and it ain't your fault that she was narcissistic towards you so don't loathe. Rather take what she did as a lesson for you to find out what to avoid in your next relationship and perhaps to people who also acts manipulative.

There you have it, I hope that you do not experience toxicity in a relationship, though these suggestions might be useful for your future relationships whether or not you've encountered narcissistic behavior from a girl. Here's a bonus tip: When she cheats on you and tries to put the blame on you (ex. you being too needy or being horrible in bed, it's a clear sign that she's gaslighting you!

To all the women who took this the bad way, my apologies if you've been offended, this myTake is simply for the fellow HSP men and other men here on GaG who have no clue what to do when they have an emotionally unstable partner, I AM IN NO WAY ADVOCATING MISOGYNY HERE! I also hope you learn to value what your boyfriend/husband has to offer since they are just human with feelings and rights.

I hope you people enjoy reading this Take!

Peace out!

How to handle a narcissistic girlfriend/wife like a gentleman.
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Most Helpful Guy

  • KenReidCoach
    I agree that these steps are very generous on the partner who has to live with a narcissist.

    However, I say this from the perspective of someone who likes to help my clients put themselves first: You don't ever stay with a narcissist if you have the choice.

    They are SO unhealthy for you and the health risks that are caused by them cannot be stressed enough (pun intended).
    Is this still revelant?
    • how does one figure out what category a person fits into and what the root issues are?

Most Helpful Girl

  • MzAsh
    Great take! Sounds like you have a good mindset in place.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

1926
  • I would just flat out end the relationship - if I were a man I would divorce 90% of the married woman I know since they all have abusive personalities - likewise if if I were a woman I would divorce most of the men I know if they abuse me
    • "... for better or worse, in sickness and health, until death do us part." There goes that cherry picking again! Hatred, divorce, lust at the workplace, drama, breaking rules left and right... You should just start your own religion. You're not very good at this one. Ahhhhh!! 馃槤

    • @honestGUY45 I never had lustful thoughts about the guy I liked and I only hate those who hate me

    • Do you hate me?

    • Show All
  • AmandaYVR
    Well that was refreshingly restrained and reasonable. I really appreciate your tempered tone and you show an immense amount of patience and perspective. The world (and especially the Wild West Internet) needs more people like you. Not one word in there was offensive, but thank you for the disclaimer nonetheless.

    Glad you took this experience as something to learn from, not just disparaged the entire thing is a tirade of bitterness, as many seem to do.
    A good woman would be lucky to have you and I wish you all the best in your future relationships.
  • It's a great my take, keep it up
  • lucky840
    Ok so I agree with you completely. I have learned about myself that I used to be this way as a female and since, have been working on taking absolute responsibility for my part that's at fault. However in doing so, I've found that even after excepting my part in whatever the issue may be, things still somehow get flipped upside down on me and am told that I'm blaming him for everything and it all must be him. That he's the problem. And that's not at all what I'm saying. I try to explain that I accepted my part and have changed and am working on things. I'm by no means trying to place blame on him. I use the words "us" and "we" and he takes"I" "me" and "you" out of it. And so I don't even know how to express how I feel anymore. That I'm wrong for feeling any kind of way or I should just let it go or ignore my own feelings... Is it that he's just gotten used to me being the way I used to be? Or can't accept his own part in it without making me feel like I'm just being unreasonable or unrealistic?
    • Maybe he got used to you being that way, usually healthy people do take part of their mistakes. If he doesn't then he has a problem too. Both of you need to do couples counseling!

    • lucky840

      I agree 馃挴 I've been saying that for like 6 months now. But there's always am excuse. He works too much and doesn't have time. Or now he doesn't work too much but doesn't have the $. I've gone through some things by myself and asked for him to do some exercises with me and he just doesn't. I told someone once.. "he either just won't or doesn't want to or simply doesn't care." So I'm just kinda taking care of us and me as best I can and working out as much as possible with as much patients as possible.

  • Simplismilez
    I'm sorry but no. I've had a narcissistic partner and this shit doesn't work. They will still find ways to blame you for things. They will still continue these behaviors. They will do anything to have that power over you. Narcissists are rarely capable of empathy. It really doesn't sound realistic. Trust me if this is your take on dealing with a narcissistic partner then you didn't have a narcissistic partner.
    • Sorry to hear about your experience, there might be some who are capable of empathy but others aren't. It depends on how bad their NPD is.

  • PhilEvans
    You could do all of that, but why *should* you "handle a narcissistic girlfriend/wife"?

    Everyone is entitled to be happy in their relationship. If you have a partner that is narcissistic to a point that it is harming you, the solution is to leave.

    I'll be honest, this whole opinion smacks of the same self-defeating excuses that women in abusive relationships use to justify why they're staying. "Oh I can change him", "it's not that bad", "he's usually much nicer than this, you've just seen a bad day". You will never change a partner that doesn't respect you into one that does by disrespecting yourself.
    • btbc92

      Your missing the point. If all you're going to do is constantly leave every single time a problem is hard and all you know how to do whenever it's something is hard in every relationship is leave. You can't form relationships with people if you don't learn how to communicate. The one thing I would disagree with is simply dealing with the fact that again you don't deal with a narcissistic person. You don't get involved with them in the first place. Some of the points that he made out its overall what any person be a man or a woman good or bad deals with in face it's not always narcissistic.

      You make your own happiness but when you choose to be in a relationship is not about you is now about the other person. And all he is saying is that you must learn to work together because that's exactly what malicious is about. Teamwork. And if all you want to care about yourself because you choose not to listen, then that's why that lot of you men especially end up in failed relationships and trouble with women in your life. In other words, you're the one that's putting up walls that blocks communication. After a while a woman gets fed up and she either going to find somebody else or she's going to just leave you and not deal with men on that level again

    • btbc92

      Understand that the biggest complaint women deal with concerning men is that you don't listen. It's not like you're deaf, it's not like you don't have the ability to hear. You just choose not to. And that's an insult to women. It hurts. It says that we're not worthy of your time and attention. And that you don't love us. Remember, actions speak louder than words. And women are keenly aware concerning actions even if we at times have problems with listening.

    • PhilEvans

      Way to project your own insecurities. I'm in a very happy relationship of nearly 10 years, I'm not going to just leave if there's a problem.

      This specific take was about "how to handle a narcissistic girlfriend or wife". It's right there in the description that this is for when the narcissism is a problem.

      The fact that you've turned this around and said that it's all because men don't listen? You're the EXACT type of problematic narcissis I'm saying should just be left.

    • Show All
  • kespethdude
    Here's now to do it:

    1. If not married to her, kick her to the curb and never look back. That including blocking ALL contact.
    2. If married, that's where everything gets more difficult. PRoving abuv to get the judge to give her nothing is not likely to happen. You could settle for fhlaf just to get out of the toxic relationship, though. If so, go for it.
    3. If oyu have kids with her, and they are confirmed to be yours, you're screwed. If you get divorced and don't have at least 51% custody, you'll have to pay child support. But... this works the other way too... if you can get the judge to order you at least 51% of the custody, SHE will have to pay YOU child support... but the nasty Karen will most likely become a deadbeat so I don't know...

    In other words, get out as soon as fucking possible. PReferably before either marriage or children. And don't look back. No one needs a toxic relationship. And yes, I would give the exact same advice if the genders were swapped, although the courts would be more likely to help in that case. That discrepency is a different issue entirely and not relevent to this story.
  • LittleTurtleDuck
    I am very impressed with this.
    The advice is so good and if it's the other way around (like I experienced) it is also something that can be applied.
    This made me realise that even tho he was toxic for me, I also did some things wrong out of my emotions back then.
    Thank you. And please, keep this up 👍
  • edgykid19
    I agree with all of this.


    The thing that sucks about narcissists is they are so good at lying and manipulation and making you feel crazy.


    If you can, go gray rock and never look back.
  • SomeGuyCalledTom
    This should've started from the 5th point. Everything up until then just seems like making the guy responsible for placating to the woman's narcissism. It's quite simple: if you don't like someone's behavior, you ask them to stop, and if they don't stop, then you leave. Simple as that.
  • Ivory_Princess
    I dont know if its different when its a woman but
    1. No. Do not try to do this. They are coming from a selfish and ugly place, leave it at that.
    2. Patience. Not for a narcissistic ex
    3. Always.
    4. No. Do not as it leads them to think they have you on a string. You need to be indifferent when dealing with a narcissist.
    5. Dump.
    6. Absolutely
    7. End.
    8. Yes as long as it takes.
    9. Close the door on them from your life at least personal life if you work together of have kids.
    • Thanks for your thoughts about this!

    • Agree with you unless you've been with a narcissist you know this shit doesn't work because all they care about is themselves and lack empathy

  • Daniela1982
    My thought on narcissists. How to handle a narcissistic girlfriend/wife like a gentleman.How to handle a narcissistic girlfriend/wife like a gentleman.
    • Yup. These are true. These suggestions won't work on a true narcissist

  • DocT1977
    First of all, this is one of the key reasons I start my relationships friends first with nothing on the table. It allows me to see all cards on the table, as they are. This method has enabled me to rule out a lot of undesirables. If someone was manipulative and narcissistic, they wouldn't even make it to the engagement stage with me. Eliminate the problem before it turns into one.
  • Cry it out? How about grow a pair and leave? God lol
    • You know not all people deal with heartbreaks like a tough dude right?

  • art_hoe
    point her behavior out and if she keeps being a prick tell her to take a hike
  • Squirts93
    >women think men should have impulse control
    "We're tired of the patriarchy! Free the nipples! Cis males are scum! Our body our choice!"
    >men think women should have impulse control
    "Fuck you pig we are strong independant females stop oppressing us!"
  • F媒rdracaD贸cincel
    As a narcissist myself.. I gotta say this is a good way to get eaten alive.
  • startingfitness
    wrong.
    steps 1-4 are not only useless, they also make things worse. Narcissists prey on weakness and use it against you.

    The way to deal with a narcissist is to insult them, belittle them and destroy their egos slowly over time. This only works if you either sufficiently isolate them or get the other people in your surrounding s also with the program to make these people more grounded.

    If they still have others bowing down to them it won't work and then leaving is the only way.
  • cth96190
    I would handle the problem by eliminating her from my prospect list during the courtship phase.
    The best way to avoid a blow is to not be there when it arrives.
    I believe sincerely that all females are born as bipolar narcissists. What varies between individuals is the degree to which the conditions are expressed, which also fluctuates according to each female鈥檚 hormonal cycle.
    Once she hits menopause, men should buy a helmet.
  • Rule number 1

    A narcissistic girlfriend/wife does not deserve any gentlemanly treatment. (Those, who do are simps)

    Rule number 2

    A narcissistic girlfriend/wife is to be removed. (Those, who don't tolerate it at their own expenses)

    Rule number 3

    Don't be an asshole about it and don't be a pushover either. (Don't do the shit you'll regret later on)

    There. No need for half a book's chapter to deal with those bloodsucking harpies.
  • luvstoned4him
    These are good points but I dont think I will be able to stay with or be in a relationship with one for long
  • Safa01
    I think in general these are good advice. But I would leave the narcissist part out of it, it is too misunderstood.
  • Aiko_E_Lara
    If you're a gentleman, you're not a doormat. You maybe seen as an asshole but only to anyone stupid and credulous. There's no sugar coating in break ups specially if you have to deal with sociopath. They always look for ways to be gaslight you.
    • All you have to do is just dump her, be straight forward and move on. What really matters is you don't do your vengeance no matter how much she tries to gaslight you. That's the gentleman's way different that being a doormat.

  • lightbulb27
    Well said. Not easy to maintain sense of self when one is vulnerable to the other and consistently one who needs to change or wrong... even when she is right.

    I think there are attributes of behavior that feel narcissistic. That world sounds like pure evil when it may just be elements of... emotionally "hard" in different degrees, strongly opinionated. There's also hormonal variation that I suspect can expose such traits, combined with emotional makeup. You might see at times and not others.

    I wonder how much each other are stones that sharpen each others souls... or shred them to dust. Narcissists be the hardest in their delivery, but with intent to destroy? Others may be hard but with good intent of being loved, searching for perfection to stabilize their emotions?

    Should have a support group for men with skilled psychologists. This stuff gets tricky and we can't always see straight.
  • errorgoodnameunfound
    Excellent take. I will add to number 8 though, be very careful about it. Truth is, women often have a shoulder or two to cry on. Men 90% of the time do not or if so there is only so much patience. I know this as I had originally believed my first ex cheated on me. Nobody was around to try and talk sense into me, make me understand possible mistakes, wake me up to getting "pilled" etc. Nope. Men and women both gave zero shits I was hurt. And this was not far from my bday either. Pretty sure not long after is when I discovered the mesosphere and the like. So when people look down on a guy for losing it after relationship trouble, just remember, it doesn't take too much effort to help a guy out on the matter usually, at least to some degree. Joker movie once again comes to mind.
  • Aakash_Hangargi
    It sure is a good take lol not even a si gle women complained you are certainly a miracle worker my friend lol teach some of that magic to me 鉁
  • glock33sig357
    Just let her embellished her fictitious opinion of the truth and then present the actual truth to all her friends and family.
  • zealconuae
    Thank you for your post. This is excellent information. It is amazing and wonderful to visit your site. ,
  • Avicenna
    Nah, all you can do is get away from narcissists
  • Zen10
    Narcissis are really insecure, they hate being rejected. Put them strings on that girl
  • Clyde_123
    Wow great take 👍
  • Tea__
    Damn my trated trying not to develop condition is on featured here, can't escape it
  • SavageGirl101
    Just dump the girl gosh
    • Teenagers LOL

    • What does me being a teenage have to do with anything? What u tryna say馃え

    • You make it sound straight forward is what I鈥檓 saying.

    • Show All
  • themythos
    1. Dump her.
  • carebear33
    Leave.
  • bradc00
    Leave.
  • DaMack999
    Very good read. Subscription list sign me in. Lol
  • msc545
    Just dump her. You will never make her any better.
  • certifiedalphafemale
    Nice Take, love it! 鉂わ笍
  • BadBoy1232
    Real men dont date women like that
  • jimmy2
    Goodbye for life dear
  • Anonymous
    The best way to handle a narcissist is simply to ignore them.
    If you're in a relationship or marriage with one, leave them. And cut all ties if possible.
    They thrive on attention, negative attention too, and you can't reason with them.
  • Anonymous
    What does HSP stand for?
  • Anonymous
    There is absolutely NO reason to put up with it - REGARDLESS of gender! You are ok to just leave the relationship for your protection and hers. This is not rocket science.
  • Anonymous
    Invest your time in someone else, narcissistic girls are just pump and dump material until the wall.
    I'm sure you will leave her anyway if she doesn't offer you any sexual benefits, because narcissists die always alone.
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