DISCLAIMER: This myTake isn't meant to offend all women who might read this and take this the wrong way, please don't use this against me as I'm not into trolling, I'm simply just supporting highly sensitive men here on GaG. This is a genuine myTake and it is for the guys who have been a victim of gaslighting or manipulation by their partner. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!
What's going on guys, I'm back again with another myTake, it's been so long since I last did this as I stopped doing myTakes, but here I am again writing for you.
Have you ever found yourself trapped in a relationship where you're always the one who's blamed, who's wrong and is always the one to say sorry? Well, to tell you, I felt that way in my previous relationship a few years ago, and I'm so glad that I've accepted what happened between us. Based on my experience believe me, your self-esteem diminishes with these kinds of women who refuses to accept their mistakes that it is hard for us men to defend ourselves as society will always tell us that no matter how wrong a woman is, you will always be blamed. Unfortunately, some women take advantage of this and will attempt to override their rights as a female because they know that society is in their favor. Some might say that these women have narcissistic personality disorder or they're just plain cruel. Nevertheless IF WOMEN ARE TOLD THAT THEY SHOULDN'T SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS, THEN SO DO MEN!
I'll be giving you suggestions on how to deal with a woman who's a narcissist but before you follow these, I would suggest that you check if your partner actually has NPD. If none then just take these suggestions with a grain of salt and consider preparing yourself with any signs that your partner is manipulative, but at the same time, do this in a civil way.
1.) Try to understand where she's coming from.
If she's pointing out your flaws harshly, then what you could do is try to learn from what she's pointing out. Maybe she just wants you to be a better person not only for her, but for your own good. If both of you are at fault at something then take responsibility for your part, that will encourage her to do so as well as this will show that you are man enough to admit your mistakes.
2.) Be patient.
When she's belittling you especially infront of others, it's quite tempting to fight back by telling her off, but doing that will only show that she has power over you and that she'll know that she's hurt you. The key here is, never show that her actions affected you, rather talk to her in a calm way and tell her politely that you're willing to do anything for her provided that she behaves.
3.) Work on yourself.
It's easy to stoop down to her level and point out her flaws as well, but nobody is perfect! Even she's flaunting her shortcomings by gaslighting you, in which your self-esteem gets destroyed. This might be a hard thing to do, but I would suggest you reflect on yourself on what is it you are missing without justifying her behavior. From there, you'll be able to reassess the situation and actually convince her that you are willing to work things out while ignoring her criticisms.
4.) Try your best to make her happy for one last time.
Sometimes, manipulative people or narcs just want love from others as they'll be needing it for their stability. When in a relationship, it's best to focus on the positive side of things and value the time both of you spend. Try to figure out what are her favorites and what does she need, showing kindness to emotionally unavailable people will help them improve how they act as they might just be experiencing love from you for the first time. But sadly, I cannot guarantee that this will work as it's not applicable to all broken woman.
5.) Reconsider the relationship
You don't necessarily have to keep chasing a woman who always puts you down, tear you apart or simply just take from you without giving. Remember, just because you refuse to settle for a narc woman doesn't make you entitled. Never be afraid to stay single until you find a woman who fits your standards as long as you hold yourself on the same. Some say that love must be unconditional and they just use that as a gaslighting tool for you to settle for a toxic girl, while girls are told that they shouldn't settle for anything less. I'll tell you guys that you need not to lower your standards even though it prevents you from attracting girls, because what's important is you're with the lady who loves you back. I mean come on, after all that's what you guys keep dreaming of, the lady who has feeling for you too ain't it?
6.) Establish boundaries.
If you're still in a relationship with this woman and after all the good things you've done, you're still with her, then this is the time where you get blunt and have a serious conversation with her about what she's doing. Tell her that it hurts you and upsets you when she does what she does, you might also want to ask her if she still loves you because if she's not going to stop and listen, then it's clearly a sign that she's the wrong person for you. Now this might cause some chaos between you and her, nonetheless try to show that you're also a human who has feelings and gets hurt, only then it's up to her if she's still living in the caveman years and expects you to always be stoic!
7.) If all else fails, end things.
AGAIN, you need not to keep trying and trying with her as you will only hurt yourself and waste your valuable time. Remember to love yourself enough to walk away from hurtful people. As sad as it sounds, why would you still disrespect yourself catering to a woman who acts like she has mental issues? It's better to get lonely than to associate yourself with bad company. Who you're with will make you who you are, remember that! You must end the relationship or file a divorce (if you're married) with a polite manner since you don't deserve to be treated like a doormat or be called a cuckold/mama's boy! Just incase you happen to have a child/children with her, try to get custody of them as the wife is not stable enough to take care of the kids and they might get hurt with the hands of your partner, just make sure that you tell them to respect their mom as at the end of the day, she's still their parent!
8.) Cry it all out.
Do not be afraid to get vulnerable as you just got out of a toxic relationship. You shouldn't blame yourself or accept blame from someone (ex. beling called an effeminate guy or a simp) just because you loved a toxic woman. Everything happens for a reason, there are people who you'll meet and they're the ones who will teach you something. This gal has taught you what not to become, and you have no reason to regret the relationship as you know deep down to yourself that you did your part, and it ain't your fault that she was narcissistic towards you so don't loathe. Rather take what she did as a lesson for you to find out what to avoid in your next relationship and perhaps to people who also acts manipulative.
There you have it, I hope that you do not experience toxicity in a relationship, though these suggestions might be useful for your future relationships whether or not you've encountered narcissistic behavior from a girl. Here's a bonus tip: When she cheats on you and tries to put the blame on you (ex. you being too needy or being horrible in bed, it's a clear sign that she's gaslighting you!
To all the women who took this the bad way, my apologies if you've been offended, this myTake is simply for the fellow HSP men and other men here on GaG who have no clue what to do when they have an emotionally unstable partner, I AM IN NO WAY ADVOCATING MISOGYNY HERE! I also hope you learn to value what your boyfriend/husband has to offer since they are just human with feelings and rights.
I hope you people enjoy reading this Take!