Jealousy in any type of relationships

[DenizLikesTennis]

Hello everyone,

Today I want to talk about jealousy.

What is jealousy? Jealousy is an overwhelming feeling of negative thoughts such as feeling attacked or offended.

In Psychology, jealousy is a complex emotion that encompasses feelings ranging from suspicion to rage to fear to humiliation. It strikes people of all ages, genders, and sexual orientations, and is most typically aroused when a person perceives a threat to a valued relationship from a third party. The threat may be real or imagined.

The good news is: Jealousy is a normal feeling, even when you are confident. Feelings are valid.

The bad news is: it indicates a low self-esteem.

Self-esteem is the backbone and the most important trait to improve! Everything and literally everything starts with loving yourself. Why should you love yourself? Because you are amazing.

For example: "You see a girl daily and she finds you cute. You both have had small talks and got to known to each other. She tells you that she recently broke up with his Boyfriend and needs time to process her feelings. Then one day, you notice that things are always the same. Hi and bye, you good?. You feel rejected and think she doesn't like you anymore. You are overthinking to the core.

"Why does she act like this all of a sudden? Why? What does that mean? What could I have done to make her like me, like it was in the beginning?" You didn't do anything sir :).

Now, you see that another guy is interested in her.

Here comes your worst Nightmare: He is charming and a good conversationalist. She smiles and listens to him. And finds him also cute. This guy comes to you and wants to say hi. You look angry at him and her. Your daily life and activities are interrupted by your thoughts about him and her. In your head, you imagine how they hook-up now and have a great time, having sexual intercourse. She doesn't like you anymore. Okay....this is it.

You stalk her instagram and any information about if she is having a good time with him. How he is seducing her and all that.

This is the part where you not only neglect your own self. Your own feelings but also your poor mental health. Which is bad.

Days after days you are thinking to the point that it disturbs your sleep 😟. Wow!! Do you actually deserve that? No, absolutely not. You deserve the best. She is not important anymore. No boyfriend, needs space. All good.

So one day... you make up your mind and feel better... then it turns out that she has no any affair or relationship with him.

[Jennyjenjen_420]

I believe that a small amount of jealous in a relationship or at the beginning of a budding relationship is a good and healthy thing but if it starts to wreck havoc on the relationship and your mental state then that’s when it isn’t healthy nor good anymore. For example, it’s ok for a partner to be a little jealous that their partner is hanging out with the opposite sex but it’s not ok for the jealous partner to control the non jealous partner and say they can no longer hang out with the opposite sex altogether. If the jealous partner is worried they should have enough trust in their partner and the jealous partner could ask to hang out with the two of them and get to know the person that their non jealous partner is hanging out with. I hope that made sense. A little good and healthy jealousy could help further define the relationship and help more with bonding and connection. Never controlling behaviors because of constant jealously, that would push each other away. I’ve had a relationship that turned abusive because my partner at the time was jealous of literally nothing and was jealous at just the thought and possibility of me cheating on him even when I would prove to him that I was extremely faithful to him. It’s not only lack of self esteem in some but it’s also due to past traumas in previous relationships as well.

[DenizLikesTennis]

True indeed. It is a normal feeling though but there here certain techniques to cope with it. Like if my girlfriend was chilling with the other dude from work, then I'd get to know to him and the thoughts that are just thoughts disappear and the reality comes in. You need to stay in the picture.

Jealousy in the relationship means also caring and loving. Therefore I liked your answer and enjoy your MHO🙂 wish you the best

[Jennyjenjen_420]

Thank you ☺️… I look at it this way, until my partner shows me signs that he is cheating on me then there is no need to be suspicious. If he does show signs, I’ll deal with it then. There is no need to be suspicious every second of everyday. That’ll eat up my mental state and it will sabotage what had the potential to be a good relationship. I’ve been cheated on, it hurts but I’ve recovered and learned from my own mistakes. That’s all anyone can do when something like that happens. Yes I agree about staying in the picture. Take things at face value, be present, know your partner, learn to trust your partner and establish an open communication. If you can’t ever trust your partner then what’s the point? Having a good communication helps to because hopefully you’ll have the courage to tell your partner what makes you feel uncomfortable in any situation that your partner may be doing and hopefully your partner has enough respect for you that they will try to help you feel more comfortable. Hopefully you’ll do the same for your partner if they were to ever feel uncomfortable. That will help establish trust and respect.

Sorry I tend to write stories lol 😅

[DenizLikesTennis]

Haha all good. I do also respond or comment very long because there is too much I want to tell😅. Anyways I do also agree with your with learning from your mistakes. My bad, for being a victim =/. That sucks. What was the reason he was cheating on you? Most guys are immature as whatever and act reckless. Since you've moved on and things have gotten better, all that doesn't matter anymore. Time will tell you the truth. But I hope you feel better now.

I haven't found the right girl yet😔 most of them put effort on their looks only and give me negative vibes with their attitude. Since I know what I want and set boundaries, I don't click with anyone in sight.

I'd rather be alone than to be with the wrong person

[Anonymous]

Jealousy is a defense mechanism. Your mind is warning you of potential dishonesty. At least in relationships. If you are talking about physical things, that’s more serious. People should not be jealous of someone being rich or having more materials. A lot of people are jealous of billionaires even though they earned that money.

[DenizLikesTennis]

Depends on your life goals with the millionaire lifestyle. I don't have the necessity to feel jealous as much as in my youth years. Now it all got much better by loving myself and that has helped me to build a good relationship with others. I don't think that there is a reason to be jealous because someone is rich.

[Jennyjenjen_420]

In my experience, using jealousy as a defense mechanism is caused by past trauma. Whether you’ve had bad romantic relationships in the past or hard to trust because someone close to you has hurt you. That is not healthy by any means. There is healthy jealously and unhealthy jealousy. Unhealthy jealously usually means you lack trust in your partner. If you lack trust then why stay with them? It also means that you haven’t recovered from your own mental state or being. If you are jealous in an unhealthy way it is because you haven’t dealt with your own problems within yourself and how do you expect others to love you if you cannot love yourself? It wouldn’t be fair to your partner and it’s not up to your partner to fix your problems either. I’ve had a past partner who was so jealous at just the mere thought and possibility of me cheating on him to the point where he became extremely controlling and physically abusive even after I showed him proof I wasn’t cheating. He tried to take control of every aspect of my life, my social life, my phone, and even the family members I could and couldn’t talk to all because he was jealous of the potential of someone taking me away from him. It pushed me away than it did bringing me closer to him. That’s a display of past trauma and unhealthy jealousy. Healthy jealousy would look like someone who may feel jealous in a single moment but won’t allow it to go any deeper into the relationship because they trust their partner and they aren’t dealing with their own mental negativity telling them their partner is cheating. Until the partner shows signs of cheating then those suspicions would be valid until then learn to trust more.

[Amy10223]

I think jealousy is a normal response when you think that someone may be a threat to your relationship. However it can also be a sign of insecurity. If you are in a serious realtionship with your SO, there should be trust between the two of you, and if one of you feels slighted by him/her, you should be honest and communicate those feelings. If you are accused of being unreasonable, then listen to your partner justify why they feel this way. At the same time, they should listen to you as well and smooth out any doubts in your mind.

[hahahmm]

Good to know that all of our ancestors were wrong about everything even tho we wouldn't exist if they hadn't laid the foundations, built civilizations and kept people in line on the way to getting us here. Now the experts are going to tell us how to do things better. Experts who haven't built anything significant or long term.

[Juxtapose]

A little bit of jealousy tempered by reason is a great warning system!

That hypothetical situation you described.. I would assume she was letting me down easy with that "need to recover" line while remaining perfectly open to the top 2% of men. I have had it happen to me enough where I realize that if she doesn't show interest in me then she genuinely is not interested in me period. A woman will move heaven and earth to be with you if she thinks you are good enough.

[Autember]

I think mild jealousy is perfect healthy in a relationship. It means you care and know your partner's worth.

Jealousy becomes an issue when you try to control your partner or it starts to affect your bond with them.

[Anonymous]

Small amounts of jealousy are okay, but If he surpasses the “normal” amount of jealousy then I’m out I don’t think I can handle that. Especially since I’m someone that doesn’t need to hide anything I’m pretty open and honest all of the time. So, if he’s super jealous to the point where I start to feel uncomfortable and unsafe, I’m sorry but I’m heading out of that relationship because dear universe who knows what would happen if I stayed longer.

[Opinion Owner]

Now, I learned something about jealousy yesterday in my psych 103, jealousy is a defense mechanism and we need it to survive. So, it’s not always a bad thing but it’s not necessarily a good thing either and you must find out the motive behind the jealousy and fix what you are struggling with internally. Jealous of a friend or partner who is doing well financially? Okay we’ll start thinking “you know what i want to be at that level and im going to work hard for it. I will find a way to be at that same level for myself, I will get a better job or go to college bla bla -“ something similar to that. It’s all about being honest with yourself and if it helps talk to someone about it let them know how you’re feeling and let it out so that you don’t have to carry that heavy feeling yourself so you can start thinking clearly for yourself.

[Opinion Owner]

Well *

[sage2021]

I don't ever feel that I have ever been "Jealous" of someone. More like envious or happy for that person.

[Guy13]

Jealousy, Covetousness, and Lust for an other's possessions or another person is Sin.

[U4ea0]

Self-esteem is regarded as bullshit now. You are behind the times.

[Rockstarrrrr]

Honestly if my girl is jealous over me I find it cute...

[hostboy__fastestlaps]

Jealousy should be 1235723985723985723985897% a felony!!!

[Anonymous]

Proverbs 6:34

For jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare when he takes revenge