If you are trying to date someone who is depressed, problematic, inconsistent, dramatic for real, and you are guessing if to keep trying or not, let me tell you something. This will solve the problems of many people here.
I dated a few people that were problematic, and talked with a bunch of people here that also did.
Our conclusion is this: don't try to fix it, you aren't going to fix it, they don't want to fix it. They don't know, at least yet, why they really should be fixing it.
They want to change the results. But fixing it is not only about not wanting the results, but about changing the reasons that lead to that.
That is all the drama that they build by themselves. See that there isn't really any problem, except what they are creating by themselves.
You have no warrant whatsoever that they will change that, even if they say the opposite, because that's what they are very used to, and how they understands life itself. They are addicted to drama.
For them no drama is something strange, and when everything is okay he will sabotage it.
Deciding who is going to be your partner is one of the most important decisions in your life. It's like a business partner, you need great dependability in your partner, because a big part of your life is going to be decided with them.
So don't bet on people that are problematic to start with. Plus that doesn't help them, but quite the opposite, it prevents them from getting the kick in the ass they need to potentially change.
You want something who is easygoing, easy to get along with, that has clarity on their priorities. Don't change anyone, go for people that are good candidates from the beginning.
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I agree. 🎯🎯🎯
"Go for people that are good candidates from the beginning."
What I did, though, was date attractive women who were nice. We would eventually become exclusive and give ourselves to each other completely. But I didn't vet them before getting in a relationship. I figured that I'd get to know them organically as time went by.
In other words, I didn't interview them as a potential wife. I didn't care about that. I just wanted a fun female partner. If red flags popped up, I would realize that we were incompatible for a life-long commitment. But if, as time went by, we became closer and closer and both came to realize in our hearts that we would be happy spending the rest of our lives together, we'd get married.
I think marriage is for life. It's a one time thing. So I didn't try to force it. I wasn't desperate to get married. Plus, I didn't have a biological clock issue because I didn't really want to raise a family.
Would you say that starting without such commitment was and advantage for you?
I can't relate to the idea that every dating interaction has to be focused on marriage. And I'm not interested in girls who think there is value in "saving oneself" for marriage.
I actually hate treating someone as a job interview. Plus, everyone is different and nobody is going to fit into a nice neat box that fits my preconceived desires. I was open to accepting girlfriends for who they were as long as we didn't have any differences that caused conflict. I learned from them and they broadened my perspectives.
I just looked them as new best friends.
That's very valuable.