Expect nobody to change

[es20490446e]

If you are trying to date someone who is depressed, problematic, inconsistent, dramatic for real, and you are guessing if to keep trying or not, let me tell you something. This will solve the problems of many people here.

I dated a few people that were problematic, and talked with a bunch of people here that also did.

Our conclusion is this: don't try to fix it, you aren't going to fix it, they don't want to fix it. They don't know, at least yet, why they really should be fixing it.

They want to change the results. But fixing it is not only about not wanting the results, but about changing the reasons that lead to that.

That is all the drama that they build by themselves. See that there isn't really any problem, except what they are creating by themselves.

You have no warrant whatsoever that they will change that, even if they say the opposite, because that's what they are very used to, and how they understands life itself. They are addicted to drama.

For them no drama is something strange, and when everything is okay he will sabotage it.

Deciding who is going to be your partner is one of the most important decisions in your life. It's like a business partner, you need great dependability in your partner, because a big part of your life is going to be decided with them.

So don't bet on people that are problematic to start with. Plus that doesn't help them, but quite the opposite, it prevents them from getting the kick in the ass they need to potentially change.

You want something who is easygoing, easy to get along with, that has clarity on their priorities. Don't change anyone, go for people that are good candidates from the beginning.

[Lliam]

I agree. 🎯🎯🎯
"Go for people that are good candidates from the beginning."

What I did, though, was date attractive women who were nice. We would eventually become exclusive and give ourselves to each other completely. But I didn't vet them before getting in a relationship. I figured that I'd get to know them organically as time went by.
In other words, I didn't interview them as a potential wife. I didn't care about that. I just wanted a fun female partner. If red flags popped up, I would realize that we were incompatible for a life-long commitment. But if, as time went by, we became closer and closer and both came to realize in our hearts that we would be happy spending the rest of our lives together, we'd get married.

I think marriage is for life. It's a one time thing. So I didn't try to force it. I wasn't desperate to get married. Plus, I didn't have a biological clock issue because I didn't really want to raise a family.

[es20490446e]

Would you say that starting without such commitment was and advantage for you?

[Lliam]

Absolutely.
I can't relate to the idea that every dating interaction has to be focused on marriage. And I'm not interested in girls who think there is value in "saving oneself" for marriage.

I actually hate treating someone as a job interview. Plus, everyone is different and nobody is going to fit into a nice neat box that fits my preconceived desires. I was open to accepting girlfriends for who they were as long as we didn't have any differences that caused conflict. I learned from them and they broadened my perspectives.
I just looked them as new best friends.

[es20490446e]

That's very valuable.

[lightbulb27]

Amen=agree. People do change and can, but expecting that is not wise. It's hard work to resolve old programming and only starts when someone recognizes and wants to make the change. Even then, it's hard.

[es20490446e]

Or maybe we shouldn't try to change that soon.

[lightbulb27]

soon? At least some flex is required to adjust to avoid creating stressors.

[es20490446e]

They don't flex because they would flex too much otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Such lack of empathy about others, awareness and education, as well... "See that there isn't really any problem, except what they are creating by themselves." Fyi depression is caused by a chemical imbalance on the levels of dopamine and serotonin in the brain.

So no, a depressed person isn't creating "drama". Yes, you're right, you aren't obligated to deal with anyone's problems or act as anyone's therapist, especially if they aren't willing to try themselves, but the way you speak about people with depression, contributes to their marginalization by society. Personally I would never consider dating someone, who lacks empathy about others, it's a big no from me... As well as someone, who spends 18 hours a day on the Internet and posts semi-nude photos of himself here

[Opinion Owner]

Piss off a$$hat
You're scum of the earth

[Opinion Owner]

You're disgusting.. Of course that's to be expected. The purpose of the Internet is that people like you can have a voice

[es20490446e]

If you want empathy on that, yes, you are asking the wrong guy.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't take seriously people on this site anyway

[daejahdabree]

I think your doing to much here, I dont understand all of what you meant. People who experience depression and anxiety sometimes or have mental health strugglescan be great poeple.

But toxic rude people who never wanna admit they were wrong and jut shotu and stuff at people who give them good advice i agree

there's more nuance to this I think you dont see it I think your being too judgey and dont realize it

maybe i just dont know your context though

[es20490446e]

NO!

Being with someone who is always depressed or anxious is far from being great! It's BULLSHIT!

[Guy13]

Yep. Sometimes there are issues even if there is will and a way. People rarely change for the good. And what one sees early, gets worse.

[es20490446e]

They may change, but you don't know if they will.

[Guy13]

Yeah, I agree and the change may be short-lived as well.

[sheenagwapa]

agree USERS ARE USERS don't expect them to chanfe! oh well thanks to T and A for spendinh money on me and for all the effort. it is greatly appreciated 🙏

[es20490446e]

Money on you?

Someone simping?

[Charliefretz329]

Totally agree with this!!!


However, people can change over time into someone different that who they were when you met… still don’t expect to influence their change… but understand it could still happen

[es20490446e]

It can happen. But you don't know if it will.

[Charliefretz329]

Of course

[Juxtapose]

Yeah, usually people who are dramatic are addicted to drama and it's not any fun. They sabotage the relationship like a mother fucker.

[es20490446e]

Yep.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

Change can happen, but only if they want it to.

[es20490446e]

Right.

[NathanDavis]

I changed.

[es20490446e]

One can change, but they do because of themselves.

[NathanDavis]

took me about 12 years, yes... lol

[Rockstarrrrr]

Love this...

[es20490446e]

Thank you.

[TheMoreMiffed]

Good take..

[es20490446e]

Thank you ;)