How To Date Someone Who's In a Relationship

[Hannah591]

You don't.

We all hate disloyalty, being lied to and being cheated on so it isn't your place to cause heart break for someone, even if you don't know them. We're human, we all have feelings and sometimes we can't control who we fall in love with, but we can take precautions and we can take a step back from someone who's taken, to prevent causing pain to someone else.

If you see someone you like the look of and you're interested in making a move, but you soon find out they're taken, don't make a move and don't ever believe you'll make them fall in love and leave their partner for you. That's an incredibly narcissistic and selfish thing to believe. If you ignore that and make a move and they do leave their partner for you, that person clearly does not respect the idea of commitment and are easily persuaded, so who's to say they won't be taken from you by someone else if you start dating? That concern will be on your mind constantly.

The biggest point is, imagine being in their partner's position. Imagine being with someone you truly love, whom you may or may not trust due to your own insecurities, but you can see yourself spending your life with them and you're sure they feel the same about you, but suddenly another person pops in unexpectedly. They overtly flirt with your beloved partner, they may even try to encourage your partner to leave you or make your partner view you differently. You're not going to be happy about that, it'll cause arguments in your relationship and if your partner is intent that the person is only being friendly, it'll make you paranoid if they continue talking to them. Basically, it'd cause you a lot of stress and potentially cause tension in the relationship. The worst scenario being - they actually leave you for that new person. Imagine how painful that would feel; someone suddenly appearing and taking the love of your life. You may think that if they were so easily persuaded, they're not worth your time. It's not about that though, it's about the pain that's been caused. If you've ever been in this situation or ever felt the pain of true heart break, I'm sure you wouldn't wish such intense emotional pain on your worst enemy, so why make someone who's done nothing to you, experience such a thing?

You should always be respectfull of other people's relationships. They've worked hard to keep their relationship running smoothly and happily, so it's unfair and selfish to barge in and ruin everything for them. You wouldn't like the same being done to you and your relationship. There are millions of other people who aren't in a relationship and are actively looking for a partner so you should always date the singletons and avoid the drama!

[bubble_tea]

I have little respect for people who do that to become the next SO. Most of the time the people who made them break up and became the next lovers end up being paranoid and jealous always checking up on the SO, because they know they can't be trusted. What a healthy relationship.

I have no respect for people who do that just for a few hookup session.

[zorro8888]

Haha when I read the title my first was... You don't O. o
and the first words are... lol

[SomeBloke]

I think there's something missing from this, there's a lot of focus on not taking someone who is in a happy relationship.

While I dont think anyone should be in an unhappy relationship, I think 99% go through a rough patch or two, I think this is when these type of people are more likely to try to swoop in and "save" the person.

So i think it should be added that you just don't behave this way ever

However, you can't take someone who doesn't want to be taken, so perhaps it is better that they are removed from your potential future...

[bananatossing]

Based on recent experiences, as soon as I hear a girl say "... but my boyfriend..." the attraction is off, instant turn off no matter how much she flirts with me. It's actually confusing and very insensitive when girls flirt already having a boyfriend.

Anyway, being a guy or a girl, who wants to be the person who gives them the attention they possibly want or worse yet, be the next possible choice? If they don't give you attention then why bother, if they give you attention then don't bother, it's a lose lose situation.

[bloodmountain1990]

I don't fuck with people in a relationship or that are married. One girl I hooked up with a few months ago told me she had a bf after she we had hooked up. She initiated the flirting too.

Good thing I never met her bf because I wouldn't want him coming after me for shit I didn't know about until her gf mentioned it. My friend is seeing a woman who's married, granted her and her husband have a falling relationship, but my friend and her have to keep everything super discrete and to me that's too risky.

[kheserthorpe]

I think you don't try to win someone over who is in a relationship.

But you can tell them that you'd be with them if they were single.

If they choose to break up and date you, that's their call. Maybe they've been unhappy for a while and just need a catalyst.

I would say that I don't think you should even express interest if you're not offering something remotely as serious. Like don't suggest someone leave their spouse so you can hook up a few times.

[Hannah591]

"I think you don't try to win someone over who is in a relationship.
But you can tell them that you'd be with them if they were single."
Yep!

[YourFutureEx]

I love harmless trolls and this was one of them.
Morally, a very good take. :)

[Hannah591]

I didn't think of it as a troll but I guess it could be one. Thank-you. :P

[YourFutureEx]

No actually being troll is good thing. It means you have good sarcastic abilities.
Unfortunately, cyber bullies are considered as trolls, it defamed them :(

Anyway, you're welcome :)

[Yc2K15]

Should have just left it as, "you don't"
You points are all valid but leave you open for haters. Too many times have I got on this website and seen women asking for advice about a guy they like or are sleeping with while they are in long term relationships. The fact people think you are attacking women is funny because it's kinda true.
You don't see guys on here asking girls how they can get away with cheating on their girls.

[adkad]

I posted question about crush on taken-guy then suddenly Universe talk things related. It's like Heaven and Earth prevent me from doing sins haha

My blue sky collapsed when I found out he's in a long-happy-relationship.

Nice myTake. Have a nice day: :)

[Ozanne]

@Hannah591 excellent myTake and good points for people to take in to consideration. No one is above cheating, and though we tend to be quick to point to the cheater as the problem, the other person to blame is the willing participant. I wish that people would stop deliberately wrecking homes.

Ignore any quips from others here and on the FB comments, as you put together a well written myTake. :)

[Starfishlover]

Girl YAS! !!! Love your take. I feel like my soul has doubled, and possessed another woman to write this amazing take because you would say what I would say. I think it is the fact that people find taken individuals so intriguing is because they can't have them and they are immediately in competition mode. But the will reap what they sow because karma doesn't forget anybody who did something immoral

[TadCurious]

I agree with you on this. Very good myTake. Like you say, people in this situation should always put themselves in the shoes of the person who would be cheated on. People should respect the other person who's in the relationship. If the shoe were on the other foot, they would want somebody to show the same respect.

[sp33d]

It's funny, when I saw the title, I thought somebody set out to prove that you can.

Threesomes are always healthy, though.

[Hannah591]

Haha, that was the point. I find threesomes to be the opposite, but each to their own.

[Kinstrome]

The premise is right, and I think it's good to entice people with a controversial title. It needs to be fleshed out, though, and the paragraphs should be broken up.

In addition, you should make this more personable. Why does it seem so easy to cheat? What are some things a person can do to avoid cheating? If you address those such concerns, people will be more willing to listen to the advice. People want to be understood rather than chastised.

[Hannah591]

I didn't know I would be so criticised. This is a personal take, people should take it at face value.

[Kinstrome]

I'm not sure what you expected. You gave a take, and naturally people are going to give their opinions on it. We aren't all going to agree with every detail.

[Roostah]

Explain then why in this generation it is so easy to pull girls who have been with bodyfriend for over 6 months?

Ans. Humans are not meant to be monogamous. Things that were once shiny become boring over time. People drift apart and change. If a chick once your dick then why should you turn her down? She'll just do it with another guy.

[Hannah591]

It could be because they're not in love, they don't believe/want commitment, they're having problems in their relationship, they're easy or give into temptation way too easy. It's not representative of all women.
We're not meant to monogamous but that's how it is in the 21st century and how it has been for thousands of years. The majority of people are happy to love and connect with one person so others should respect that. If you feel like you can't be monogamous to one person, choose polygamy or don't get married and date people one after the other. Don't cheat.

[Metlahead]

Unless you are polyamorous and honest about it and everyone is ok with it! Like me... YAY ME.

There are also toxic relationships that shouldn't exist... I don't know, it isn't as black and white as you have made it seem.

[Hannah591]

That's a whole different matter. I'm obviously talking about monogamous relationships.

[Hannah591]

I wrote this in about 20 minutes so I wasn't intending on it to be in depth, I just wanted to get a brief message out.

[Metlahead]

I know, it is important to point out that there isn't one simple solution though.

[PureBliss]

I absolutely LOVE this! Simply if you see someone is in a happy relationship, don't try to mess with them. It's so not right, and it can really cause insecurities in a relationship.

[MindYourEyes]

Excellent take. Sadly majority of people only think of themselves. Sometimes people feel the need to go after someone they can't have.

[HeyJustBeingMe]

You said; You dont (date someone in a relationship)
But are friendly dates out of the question aswell? i dont really see harm in that.
only a small risk, which makes it a little more interesting, friendly wise.

[Kshppatel]

Yes friendly dates are out of the question. Why does a girl/guy need guy/girl friends. There is only one reason that I can think of. I'm not telling people what they can and can't do but if you do it behind my back or if you tell me you're going with a male friend and its just the two of you, I'm out. No if ands or buts about it.

[HeyJustBeingMe]

i can't seem to understand why a guy can't have girl friends and why a girl can't have guy friends.. thats just beyond my mind to even consider having just male friends in my case.
its not a behind your back thing.. its friendly and nothing else.
how do you define work-dates to discuss the relationship between his and hers on a normal workday..
you sir, are not open minded. have a great day.

[Hannah591]

It's not a friendly "date" if you have the intention of trying to date them in the long run or you meet them in the hope that they'll fall for you. Friendly dates are possible, but only if you have no intention of dating whatsoever, otherwise you are trying to get the person and potentially causing issues for the couple. Their partner won't be happy about their partner meeting up with someone regularly, who may be giving out flirtatious vibes. It just causes tension and uncomfortable feelings.

[apexalpha]

TBH the title brought me her. But read the whole take, did you experience something similar that made you write this take?

[Hannah591]

I've had girls try to steal my partner which I find totally disrespectful and annoying. I've also come across people online who seem to not consider that a person who's in a relationship aren't a potential love interest.

[Roadcruiser1]

There used to be a time when men acted like men, and women acted like women. Those were the days when relationships were sacred. Nowadays people are just interested in cheating. Can we please go back to the Victorian Era when people actually acted like people?

[Slavanna]

You mean when women were divided neatly into Madonnas and whores, with men putting the former on the pedestal and avoiding sex with them and then going off to fuck the whores, who were pretty but had no human value to them? OMG, I wish I was born in the 1800s.

[Roadcruiser1]

You read my mind. :P.

[GirlScoutsRevenge]

Really ignorant response.

[Roadcruiser1]

How is it ignorant to go back in time when we actually treated each other right? Whatever.

[Lord451]

Unless of course you're in a polyamorous relationship.