I don't want a dog. My boyfriend has a dog. If he moves in, do I have to share responsibilities for the dog?

[Anonymous]

I love dogs. I've had dogs. I respect that dogs are a commitment and that they take a lot of work. I'm not at a place right now in my life where I want to have a dog. My boyfriend has a dog (by the way it's horribly trained and a nuisance to be around. begging, scratching, snapping, jumping up, doesn't follow any commands).
If we move in together would I have to share responsibilities for the dog?

I think he should have to pay for the pet deposit, the monthly pet rent, and all dog food, vet bills, toys, etc.
I don't want to have to wake up extra early to take the dog out before work and I can't reliably be home at lunch to take him out again. I'm fine helping walk him at the end of the day, but it would really annoy me to get home and be exhausted at the end of the day and have BF expect me to take the dog out by myself because it's "my turn" or something. It's not my dog. I also don't want to be the one doing all the extra vacuuming because of the pet hair.

Is this selfish? I don't think so. If we move in, he'll have 1/2 the expenses, 1/2 the cooking to do, etc. I don't think it'd be fair of him to expect me to take on 1/2 of HIS responsibilities for HIS dog. Am I being unreasonable? I mean it's not my dog. It's not OUR dog. if we broke up, even if i did 1/2 the work for the dog, I wouldn't be allowed to keep it in the break up.

Updates

+1 y

the dog has been staying with his family and he's been spending 99% of his time at my place for the last year. all of the sudden he wants to move in "officially" and move the dog in too. The dog has never been a part of our relationship before.

Updates

+1 y

haha i suppose I should post this disclaimer: if you value animals over humans, I don't want your opinion.

[Anonymous]

Are you selfish because of this? Yes, but only if he doesn't get a say in the matter. If he brings the dog in and you say that he has to be the only one to take care of it, pay for it and all that jazz, then you are being selfish.

I will say this, my sister moved in with me for a short period of time and she brought a dog and a cat. I was fine with it as long as she feeds the dog and cat, cleans the kitty litter, takes the dog out, buys the food, pays for the groom, pays for the vet. Next thing I know she's spending 4-5 days in a row at her boyfriends house, I'm having to clean the kitty litter, take the dog out, feed both animals... she still ended paying all the expenses like food, vet, litter and what not... but I was the one taken care of it. Long story short, I told her she has to be home every single day or else I'm getting rid of the cat... She was home for 3 straight days, and then on the 4th day she was out for 3 days. When she came home, the cat was gone. I took it to the animal shelter. When she came home she was pissed. I told her this time if she does it again she will see all of her belongings outside with the dog stuck on the front porch. sure enough she did it again. I kicked her ass out along with the dog.

So, unless he's going to do all of that without fail, then either don't move in with him, or move in with her but he has to get rid of the dog. One or the other... If he can't take care of it without fail.

[Asker]

he already doesn't take care of it. his mom does. the dog is very spoiled and not trained, so i doubt he'll be a responsible pet owner.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, I knew my sister wasn't a responsible owner when we both were younger as my mom had 4 boys and 1 girl and she was the youngest, so she never had to do any house or yard work. All of us boys had to do it. But I thought that I would give her the benefit of the doubt because she's an adult, but nope. Just don't put up with any bullshit. If you give a little they will take a lot. I liked the dog, but it wasn't my dog. I even warned her, but didn't listen. Oh well, its her boyfriends problem now. If she had animals and lived by herself... it would look like she is a hoarder of animal feces because she just doesn't take care of the animals, but yet she loves the animals. She wants to have animals but almost none of the responsibilities that come with it.

So, if you can't see him being a responsible pet owner then put your foot down. Either no dog, or no you. (not relationship wise, but no you living under the same roof)

[krash2002]

I'm just going to be honest, and say that after I read into your question, and a lot of the comments below. It doesn't seem like you two should be moving in together. Your requests are fair, and I see where you're coming from, but you two aren't on the same page. This is going to end in utter disaster, and I'm not stating this to attack you or anyone else in the matter. I'm just mentioning it to save you and your boyfriend a lot of grief.
Per the ones who say that animals are like children. This can be true to some, and not to others. It's personally built upon the individual owner/s of that specific pet. As for your concerns of not wanting to take care of the dog. If this is thoroughly explained beforehand...then there's a slight chance this will work out. However, in the long term of things working out. It just doesn't seem like you two want the same things right now, and moving in together would put additional unnecessary stress upon both of you. Again, please don't think that I'm trying to ridicule you. From personal experience, and from studying psychology for many years. I mention this to help, and not hurt.

[Paris13]

I agree with you 100 percent that he should take on ALL the expenses to Keep the dog at your place. And being the dog has been with you for the last year, I am surprised you've been getting away with Any of this. However, until Now, it must Not have been a Pet Peeve...
Being you don't want the dog living with him and you and have honestly admitted to Not wanting the responsibilities of this dog, sit down with your soul mate Before he moves in, lock, stock and Dog carrier. You need to discuss This issue, or you will be picking a bone with him as he and Rover get too comfy.
Just tell him that you don't mind maybe helping out Once in a while in a PINCH, like feeding him or whatever, but other than that, you'll be doggone if you are going to throw him a bone and take on the hair care matters of keeping----His boy with Toy.
If he starts to yelp to you about This, being he feels you two are going to be shacking up, tell him he's barking up the wrong tree, and have him stay where he is until a compromise can be made.
No, you're not being 'unreasonable.' I have told my room mate that if he wants a dog, then I won't be around much to 'Bathe and slave' over him. End of story.
Good luck.xx

[Paris13]

I realize Pets are like our children, especially when they have been in our lives and family like 'forever,' However, a compromise has to be made when you meet up with Another loved one, who may feel differently, and Then the situation in paw is: You can't let sleeping dogs lie.xx

[Paris13]

With this, I Still Mean: Your boyfriend has to make some sort of compromise with you about his beloved Boy...xx

[Anonymous]

Just tell him that you really don't have the time or money for a dog, it is welcome to move in with him but you aren't going to be able to come home to take it out, but it things, etc. As long as you are on the same page it should be fine but don't do it unless he knows what you're thinking about the whole dog situation. If you try to tell him that you can't be involved with the dog and he just brushes it off and ignores you or something, don't do it. It'll end up being a fight at some point down the road. While I do kind of think its a bit selfish (I'm an animal person) I COMPLETELY get why you feel this way about the dog, you just don't have the time and that's totally fair. You shouldn't be forced into having to deal with something when you don't have the time or money. Obviously if you're home doing nothing and he's not and the dog needs to go out, you should take it out, but you shouldn't have to leave work or something to take it out or feed it or something.

[Asker]

that's pretty much the situation I'm looking for. I'm new at my job, don't get paid a lot, and can't afford to be dashing off all the time to deal with the dog. I also don't want to compromise my social life and become that girl who isolates herself from her friends because of her boyfriend and how we "have to get home to take the dog out" all the time. thanks for your measured and non-rude response! i really appreciate it.

[Opinion Owner]

No problem! I hope it all works out for you, your boyfriend, and his dog, just keep in mind that you need to do what's best for you and your boyfriend (if he is very much an animal person) may feel he needs to do what's best for his dog. Though if he's spending most of his time at your place without the dog I doubt that would happen. Good luck!

[washize]

Its not selfish, and YES you WILL be required to care for the dog. He'll say that he's fine with you not sharing in the responsibilities at FIRST. But most people with pets EXPECT help with their pets from their partner. They become a little jaded/bitter that you can't "take the dog out for two seconds, feed, wash, est" when they don't have the time.

IF you aren't ready, then you shouldn't take that step just yet. Pets ARE like having children that never grow up. You know all the work that goes into caring for one. Don't put any unnecessary stress on yourself by caring for one when you aren't ready.

[catguy]

She's right. if somehow he agreed that he will take full responsibility i can almost guarantee it won't always be the case. maybe he will have to go somewhere without his dog and you are left at the apartment? are you just gonna let the dog die? He's going to want you to at least take SOME care of it.

[Asker]

is that a serious question? would i just let the dog die? I have said that I don't mind helping out, but I do not want to be considered one of the dog's primary care-givers. I don't want to be the "dog mommy" or whatever.

[washize]

Thats the problem. As with parents with children, when you enter into that relationship you aren't REQUIRED parse to care for them, but your partner WILL EXPECT you to, to some extent, now the boundaries of what they expect from you will grow over time, if not immediately. I'm telling you, if you aren't ready, then don't take this step. Its going to cause a ton of stress and arguments in the relationship. He's going to try to guilt trip you for not taking on his share of caring for his dog.

[Asker]

what if i never want his dog? it's a horribly trained spoiled dog. if his dog was less of a nightmare, I'd have less qualms helping. i think he should be REQUIRED to ensure that his dog isn't a nuisance before he EXPECTS me to want to actually enjoy being around it. and doesn't guilt tripping me to deal with one of his own responsibility make him the one being unreasonable?

[washize]

you are 100% correct. But considering its his pet, and he's had little effort in handling it since its been his parents responsibility, I highly doubt he'll see it that way and/or be extremely defensive over it. in my opinion that scenario would be a deal breaker for me. Unruly dogs are a nightmare. Aside from the amount of damage they cause to property, you never get a break emotionally from them either. Just as people are in denial regarding their unruly misbehaved children, people are the same way about their pets. It is unreasonable to ask a partner to deal with a dog like that, especially when they aren't ready for a pet.

[Prettygurl12]

My dad doesn't want a horse. He doesn't want a cat. He doesn't want a dog. My mom wants all of them. We now have two horses (have owned over 24 over their marriage), have a dog, and 4 cats. And my dad feeds them like a champ.

Bet you'll fall in love with that dog lol. When my mom got our first dog my dad wanted nothing to do with her (the dog) but within a month he was all about the walks and the cuddles and he liked to take her groundhog hunting.

The dog is a part of his life. When it comes to "it's me or the dog" situations...the dog nearly always wins.

[Asker]

yeah then i think we should probably break up instead of moving in together. anyone who would choose a dog over me isn't my type.

[Prettygurl12]

Then maybe you should. If my boyfriend told me, "It's me or the horse" It'd be the horse 100%. We animal people like our animals.

[Asker]

people come first to me. especially the people I love. I would NEVER want to play second fiddle to a dog or cat or horse or fish for the rest of my life. if we had kids, would the kids come after the dog too? I do NOT want a life where the animal's needs come before people's needs.

[Prettygurl12]

Better date someone who hates animals then.

[Asker]

so if the animals don't come before people that means you "hate animals" that's an overreaction.

[Prettygurl12]

You seem very heated about this. But you strike me as someone who will get jealous if he wants to take the dog for a walk and you want him to paint the garage. With no dog to take for a walk or any desire to have a dog to take for a walk...there's no animal to compete for his affection with.

[Asker]

haha that's a mighty assumption with a very specific scenario. I don't care if he takes care of the dog. the whole post is how i want him to do that because I don't want to. just because I don't want to come second to a dog does not mean i'm an idiot who doesn't realize that a dog has needs too. clearly in your little hypothetical, he should take the dog for a walk and then help me paint the garage. it seems like you're reaching...

it looks kind of crazy though to say that because I don't want to come second to an animal that I should date someone who hates animals...

[DanAG]

It's not at all selfish. It would be selfish of him to expect you to be partly responsible for the dog. It's his dog and he should be 100% responsible for it. You said the dog is horribly trained and a nuisance. That should also be his responsibility to train the dog properly so it's not a nuisance.

To be honest, the way you describe it, if it was me it would be a deal breaker. I would never tolerate that.

[CommieDearest]

I have a dog, and I agree with you. If I moved in with my boyfriend I would assume all those things were still solely my responsibility, and my dog is very well trained. It would be awesome if he would like take the dog out if I needed to go somewhere or something (and he would) but I acknowledge that it's still MY dog.

[AdamThomas]

I think it is pretty selfish. My gf has a dog and 3 cats. They aren't mine, but I feed them and water them, I've taken the dog for walks. I'm often tired from work, I have a very physical job. That's what you do when you care about your partner, you help them out. If a man were to say the same about a kid of a single Mother after dating her for a while obviously knowing from the start that she had a kid, then complained that he didn't want to look after a kid, I think most people would tell him what a selfish bellend he was (or what an idiot he was for getting with the woman in the first place if he didn't want it). This is the exact same thing.

[Asker]

do you pay for them? are these things you just do or does she expect them, like it's your "turn" to take out the dog? I'm fine helping here or there, but i don't want to be saddled with the responsibility as if i've just adopted a new dog.

[AdamThomas]

I've bought food and stuff, yeah. I just do them,

[DodgersGM]

No, you don't HAVE to share responsibilities. But I do think it's something you should discuss with him beforehand, as it's clearly a big deal to you.

Me personally, I would take a more team-effort type approach to this kind of situation. I love animals and I could never imagine not wanting to help my partner take care of her pet (s). But that's just me, and your opinion is just as valid.

[Anonymous]

Hug hadn't moved in officially before this? This is more concerning than anything. I think he may have commitment issues. But the dog, while his, yeah you're going to have to take care of it, too. That's how these things work, unless you've got one foot out the door like he did.
But the thing is, this should be a decision you both make TOGETHER.
There's more going on here that needs attention other than the dog.

[Opinion Owner]

*He hadn't

[Asker]

it's the dog that's been living with his mom since they got it. i didn't expect it to move in at all, ever.

[1932ct]

think of the dog as practice for having a child , yes its his now but if y'all are together its both of ours and the dog wants to be part of the family to

[Asker]

i'm not ready to have a child either... I'm only 24. why is what the dog wants more important than what I want?

[1932ct]

haha I was working on my 2nd kid by your age...lol

it isn't that what the dog wants is more important then what you want , its the fact that the dog is like his kid/family ( we treat our dog like a person in the family) if your going to be in a relationship with someone you have to accept them just as they are if you can't there will be no relationship

[Asker]

so why can't he accept that I don't want to be responsible for his dog and accept me that way instead of expecting me to change and start taking care of his dog?

[1932ct]

really it's that big of deal to you maybe moving in together is not the best idea and y'all should rethink it all together

[Asker]

it sounds like you think that I should have to accept him as is (which i have NO problem with) and also take responsibility for his dog (which I don't want to do). what does HE have to do? why is all of this compromise required on my side and not on his?

[1932ct]

it isn't a new dog it is something you knew about for some time if you have been dating an d considering moving in together. I am sure he is change things to be with you as well so all the compromise is not just yours and seriously if this is your attitude moving in together is a really bad idea y'all going to end up getting hurt

[Asker]

i knew he bought a dog about a month before we started dating and it's been living at home with his family the entire 1.5 years we've been together. I had no reason to expect that that situation would change when we moved in together. i assumed that since the dog's home has been his mom's house for all this time, that it would remain there.

[1932ct]

so say you had a baby and i has lived at your mom's house for the last year woudl you expect hi to tell you well that's not my kid leave it at your moms before we move in together?
really you just don't sound like your ready to be moving in with someone yet

[Asker]

if the child had been staying there why would he expect that all of the sudden that situation would change?

[Asker]

he hasn't been taking care of the dog! his mom has. why should i automatically KNOW that that would change just because he's officially on the lease instead of just living with me unofficially?

[1932ct]

again you just don't sound like your mature enough fr a relationship as complicated and living together , you asked for a opinion you may not like it but that is my opinion

[Asker]

i'm baffled about how i was supposed to know ahead of time that a dog who i've met like 20 times over 1.5 years (who has been cared for exclusively by his mother) would all of the sudden be moving in with us. and not wanting a dog makes me too immature to be in a relationship? I beg to differ. I'm mature enough to know my limits and right now, I don't want a dog. immature would be jumping into it, assuming everything would be fine, and then whining when it's not what I wanted. I'm trying to hash it all out now.

[1932ct]

"how i was supposed to know" you have been dating this guy for a 1.5years you should know each much better by now. if he is moving his stuff in the dog is his stuff and your blowing a gasket if you y'all don't communicate you got not business moving in for a real relationship. The fact that your baffled should give you some clue but apparently not I guess not

[Asker]

the dog has not been considered "his stuff" throughout our entire relationship. it's his family dog. now it's becoming just his dog, and I'm supposed to know that for the last 1.5 years. He told me recently (now that we're trying to move in officially) that the dog would be coming. i have a family dog that lives at home with my parents too. if i all of the sudden decided the my dog was coming to live with us your response would be that my boyfriend "should have just know"?

[Asker]

"should have just known*"

[1932ct]

you even said "i knew he bought a dog about a month before we started dating" so you knew already you just aren't accepting him because of the dog now. Really I get it your upset because you think that everyone should agree with you and that isn't wants happen , I am not telling you your not ready for the type of relationship moving in together involves to be mean or spiteful but I honestly don't think your ready. you obviously don't know each other as well as you think, your communication has issue and your maturity of accept another person will not do everything exactly like you do.

I am all for living together type relationship but all I can is another disaster statistic when I read your post and when it fails you will have a broken hart and still not understand why

[Asker]

perhaps i should have made the syntax with you clear. when i said "he bought a dog" that should have said "he and his family bought a family dog"

[1932ct]

your still missing the point

[Asker]

I think you're expecting an unreasonable amount of communication. BF has known since the beginning of our relationship that I have a family dog too. If i wanted to move it in with us when we move in, I would mention that when we were about to move in, not 1.5 years ago. that would have been jumping the gun by a lot. I was surprised when he told me he wanted the dog to come, yet you think i should have known and the fact that I didn't know (because he didn't tell me... and where I come from family dogs usually stay at home with the family) is somehow a mark of my immaturity and the impeding demise of my relationship?

[1932ct]

" expecting an unreasonable amount of communication" this is the exact type of thing I am talking about if you two don't know how to communicate after a year and half because you think its unreasonable your lost and worse your just so argumentative that you can't see it.

as far as your dog comment Family dog is your parents, his dog is his they are two different things but though there the topic of this post it really isn't the big problem in this situation.

[Asker]

"his dog" IS his family dog. When I tell stories about "my dog" it's the family dog. Yes, i'ts my parent's dog. "his dog" is really his parent's dog too. What is it that you're not understanding?

[1932ct]

haha ok I understand fine , I'll just say whatever since you are stuck on this and can't see the big picture

[Asker]

big picture: he wants his family dog to move in. I don't want a dog. a dog isn't something you can compromise on if you're insisting that it has to move in, so it looks like we don't move in. either that or i'm a silly girl who's too immature to understand "grown up problems"

[1932ct]

"i'm a silly girl who's too immature to understand "grown up problems" " :)

[Asker]

haha fuck you

[1932ct]

no thanks

[Anonymous]

Everyone has their own standards, beliefs, and boundaries.

If you don't want to deal with the dog, you don't want to deal with the dog. Of course, you could end up liking it. No one can resist cute dogs, lol

[Asker]

i don't dislike the dog. I hate it's untrained, unruly behavior. but regardless of how i feel about the dog, I don't want to be responsible for it.

[Pixie09]

The dog is like his kid. If you can't get over it, leave him. It's not fair and yes you are being selfish.

[Pixie09]

And yes you should help out with at least taking the dog to the bathroom. If you don't, you'll have a bigger mess in your place. Additionally, if I was him and found out you felt that way about my animals...yes plural...I'd leave you. Point blank.

[Asker]

if my boyfriend had a kid and we moved in together and somehow a kid required extra rent each month and an extra deposit, I would have to help pay for those? i don't understand that. also, in my opinion, a dog is NOT a child. I don't have the time or energy during the day to wake up extra early and re-arrange my entire work schedule (something I'm not even authorized to do) to get up early and come home during the day for a dog. that's why I don't have one.

felt what way? that I don't want a dog at this point in my life? that's a deal breaker? why can't he take care of his own dog? why do I have to do it?

[Pixie09]

The way I was raised, animals are fire life. They are my kids. I have a child and I have 4 animals. A man better except that or he can move on. And I wouldn't move in with him or vice versa if he didn't accept it.

If you guys are discussing moving in together that means your relationship is good and strong, and your most likely taking that's to the next level to see how it goes. That means his responsibility is yours and your responsibility is his. It becomes shared.

If it was a kid and you guys moved I together you should help out a little. If not it shows you have no respect for his child.

No you should not have to arrange your schedule for his dog, besides maybe getting up earlier to let it go potty. For the lunch thing...the dog will have to wait. Get a cage for it while you guys are at work. It will help train the dog better and prevent accidents.

[Pixie09]

Additionally, if he gives up the dog for you...get rid of him. He's a piece if shit he does that.

[Asker]

why can't my boyfriend just continue to take care of his responsibilities and I'll take care of mine. If we break up, we wouldn't have "shared custody" of the dog. Because it's not mine or ours. it's his. i shouldn't have to pay for it. I said that I would help, but i don't want it to get to the point where he gets to sit in bed and sleep in because it's "my turn" to take out his dog.

[Asker]

no one said anything about giving up the dog. I just don't want a dog, and don't want to be responsible for one. I can live with a dog, but i don't want to take care of it.

what if i had a roommate and she had a dog. would I have to share responsibility for her dog just because it lived in the same apartment as me? why does my relationship to the dog owner change how much I "should" be responsible for the dog?

[Pixie09]

I mean this in the nicest way possible, I really do. But you are way to self centered and immature to be living with a boyfriend. You want a roommate. Someone who will take care of there own and you take care of yours. A relationship has to do with being there for each other, helping each other out, and being someone's crutch. It seems like all you care about is your time, your sleep, your job, your responsibilities, your money. You act like you have only been with this man for a month. And if that's it...don't move in with him. You are not ready to live with a boyfriend with "baggage".

[Asker]

we've been together for 1.5 years and have been practically living together for a full year. his dog just hasn't been living with us. we do everything you said about being there for each other, helping each other, and being each other's crutch.

[Asker]

just because I'm not ready to have a dog and give up some of the freedom of being young in a great city that means i'm too self-centered and immature to live with my boyfriend?

[Pixie09]

And yes your relationship status to the animals owner does change things. The best thing I can tell you since you have already made up your mind is you have to tell him. I'm not taking care of your dog. And make sure that you are clear in all angles of what you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do.

[Pixie09]

You knew he had a dog before you got with him. I just don't understand what the problem is.

Good luck with everything. I hope it all works out for you three.

[Asker]

haha "you three"? for the last year, he's been staying with me 28 days out of each month without the dog. our relationship is "you two". i think it's unfair to expect that I have to adopt a new dog all of the sudden in order to keep my relationship. the dog has been with his mom/sister and now it's supposed to come live with us. the dog has never been a part of the relationship before. the problem is that all of the sudden it's supposed to now.

[Asker]

yes, i knew that HE had a dog. i didn't know that at some point it would have to become my dog too (but only as long as we're together. if we break up, "my" dog will be taken away). how is that fair?

[Pixie09]

Look dear, you asked the question I answered it. Your argument is not valid to me. Despite what you say I will still see you as a selfish immature girl. Take your argument to him. Better yet let him read all of this. And then you can let us know if we are wrong or not.

[Asker]

okay. whether or not we break up over this doesn't mean one person is right and one person is wrong. If he thinks i should have to become a new dog parent, and I don't want to, then we can break up. that doesn't mean i'm "wrong" for not wanting a dog.

[Asker]

and though we disagree, there's no reason to be condescending, DEAR

[Asker]

YEESH you have a kid and 4 pets and you're 18-24. i'm GLAD our opinions differ. i wouldn't want your life.

[Pixie09]

Actually I lead a pretty great life. It is what it is, we were just raised differently.

[Stacyzee]

Well, it's kind of like having a child.
If you didn't like your boyfriends nuisance child you would still have to put up with it, care for it.

That dog is a part of him.
You have to accept that.

[Asker]

it hasn't been a part of him throughout our relationship. it's been staying with his mom.

[Stacyzee]

My point is, is that it eventually will have to be because it is a part of him.

[bellegirl16]

No. Just tell him the dog is welcome but it's histhing to ttake care of. Not selfish at all, and better to be up front about it.

[Asker]

i'm hoping that since the dog hasn't been a very big part of his life until now means that he's not as much of a "crazy dog person" as some of these people here. haha

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

I think your selfish to your boyfriend, you really sound very immature

[Anonymous]

He will expect you to take done responbility for the dog. It's not fair but that's what happens when you move in

[Metal189]

its been proven that couples/families that have dogs, communicate better

[Asker]

okay... but I don't want a dog at this point in my life.

[Metal189]

im just sayin', if u want a successful relationship, i suggest a dog

[Asker]

so i do something I don't want to do in order to have a good relationship? that doesn't sound right...

[Metal189]

sure..we all have to do things we dont want to do at some point

[catguy]

relationships mean sometimes making sacrifices, yes

[Metal189]

what he said

[Asker]

would you suggest that someone who doesn't want kids should just do it?

[Metal189]

if u plan to continue your name

[Metal189]

im an only child. if my parents want to continue my name and my genes, im going to HAVE to have kids. i dont want to, but i would do it for them

[Asker]

so you're willing to make a life-altering HUGE commitment to care for another being for the REST OF YOUR LIFE even though you don't want to because it's what someone else wants? If my boyfriend didn't want kids, I wouldn't be allowed to tell him he HAS to make that sacrifice for me. that would be absurd.

[Metal189]

sometimes, you have to think of others before yourself

[Asker]

haha you're in the minority there. if i posted a question about how "I want kids but my boyfriend doesn't. Shouldn't he HAVE to have them with me because he should have to make sacrifices for me and think of me before himself?" I would be shredded to pieces. that's WAY WAY WAY too much to ask another person to compromise on.

[Metal189]

sometimes u just have to

[Asker]

no i don't...

[Metal189]

he wouldn't like it, but if he was a good guy, hed do it, to please you

[Metal189]

ya, u do

[Asker]

agree to disagree.

[Metal189]

just sayin'

[mario1321]

If it were reverse and my girl had cats, that would annoy me and i probably leave the door open hoping someone else would feed it so it didn't come back

[nickstaa]

You should ask him if the dog can just stay with his family. The last thing you want to be doing is having arguments over a dog lol.

[Le_Franglais]

Yes you do, it's a living creature.

[Asker]

that I don't have the extra time or money to care for. hence why I don't have one of my own.

[Le_Franglais]

You're going to have to bite it and put up with it unfortunately.

[catguy]

you should probably not move in with him then QA.

[Le_Franglais]

Over a dog? That'd show your lack of love.

[Asker]

because I don't want a dog right now, that shows my lack of love for my boyfriend? apples and oranges there.

[Asker]

I can put up with the dog as long as I'm not somehow expected to be responsible for it.

[Le_Franglais]

All you need to do is explain to him exactly what you told us then: that you're willing to have the dog, so long as you don't need to put too much responsibility into it.

[Asker]

that's what I want, but clearly posters think that it's selfish and he should be able to expect me to assume responsibility for the dog.

[catguy]

@asker. you asked the question. don't be disappointed if you get answers you don't like

[Asker]

i'm worried he'll agree with them.

[Le_Franglais]

Like I said you owe the dog a minimum of responsibility. But lay your cards on his table, if he doesn't like it, leave him or something.

[Le_Franglais]

Maybe refuse to move in.

[Asker]

i'm struggling with the idea that i owe anything to a dog i had no part in getting or caring for and is all of the sudden being introduced into my relationship.

[Le_Franglais]

Is it a dog he's just brought? or has he had it for a while - I'm struggling to understand why it's so hard to take a dog out for a walk once or twice a week, whilst your BF does all the other jobs?

[Asker]

if you've read you'd see that I don't mind helping intermittently like you just described, but I do not want to be responsible for it as if i was a second owner. It's his family dog that he now wants to live with us. the dog is about 3.5 and VERY untrained. He hasn't taken care of it fully since they got it. I'm not sure what jobs he'll take care of.

[Le_Franglais]

Nothing you can do about it if it's a family dog... just grin and bear it, I'm sure you'll learn to like the dog in a while.

[Asker]

haha i will NEVER like an untrained dog. it will only annoy me more and more.

[Le_Franglais]

Well you'll have to decline his invitation into his house...

[Asker]

haha no. he's the one moving in with me.

[Asker]

I can either say "I don't want us to move in together" point blank or explain that the reason I don't want to move in is the untrained dog.

[Le_Franglais]

say both those things.. tell him you don't want to move in because of the dog...

[wewpet]

Love is no reason for any pet

[Anonymous]

NO I HATE DOGS BUY A FROG OR CAT! DOGS ARE MESSY!