My boyfriend intimately cuddled with his female best friend, how would you react if this happened to you? I'd greatly appreciate advice!

[isabellav96]

My boyfriend cuddled intimately with his female best friend a bit over two months ago. I found this out by seeing a picture his friend had taken of them and posted on snapchat, the app. In the picture, him and the girl were lying on a couch, arms wrapped around one another, facing each other. At first, I was confused and in disbelief. We fought about it, and he said he found it to be alright, and that if I did that with my best guy friend it'd be alright as well, which I disagreed with him on and I told him I'd never do that. We continued to fight for awhile and eventually ended the convo. Later that night, the girl started drama on a status of mine, making false claims and being one-sided the whole time, trying to make me look like a bad person. I was already flustered with her, and I found it ironic that she'd do that that same night. Later I found out my boyfriend had called her and read our conversation to her, so I concluded she had only done that to hurt me more and cause drama with me. People teamed up against me in support of her. Her guy friend sent me threat recordings and made fun of my health conditions. Her other friend told me I was a terrible girlfriend and my boyfriend deserved better, and even doubted me on my religious views. I gave my boyfriend one limitation, to not be with her alone-but he fought for more. So I said fine, I don't want you both alone in any homes where it is private, which was the settled limitation. The girl also posted an instagram post clearly directed towards me with hashtags like #youllneverchangeus #perseverance #yesmaam #fuckyou. There's a whole lot more to this story, but the bottom line is- this has caused people to hate me, my best friend to turn on me, and a loss of love in my relationship. PLEASE HELP ME WITH ANY INSIGHT YOU HAVE. I'd really appreciate it. P. S. It hurts me just to think about her, and how much she has been ruining my relationships with people.

dump him

tell him: it's me or her

stay with him and get past it

continue being upset with what they did until he stands up for me

[Catie101]

I wouldn't be okay with that, and i would dump him. reading arguments you had with someone over the phone is usually what boyfriends/girlfriends do not what boyfriends do behind girlfriends back with best female friend. cuddling like that is intimate and he shouldn't be cuddling with anyone at all but you.

the fact that he is only arguing with you and not sticking up for you shows how much of a douche he is and a crappy bf. he clearly doesn't respect you or your relationship and its obvious this girl is into your bf. this is a crappy situation and im so sorry you're in it. i can imagine you feel pretty upset and ashamed (at least i would), but its not your fault, he is just a douche and thats that. please escape the drama and leave this guy in the dust because he doesn't deserve you.

your bf doesn't deserve better, you do. guaranteed even if you continue your relationship with this guy and try to move past it, it will always be in the back of your mind and you'll still feel hurt years later. its better to move on from him and find someone who treats you right, respects you, sticks up for you, and when you part you are left without any doubts that he will be true to you.

[isabellav96]

The thing is, she says she isn't into him at all and she sees him like a brother. However, they used to like each other a few years back, which I guess is my main concern about them being so close, mentally and apparently physically. I asked him to not cuddle with her anymore, and he said he would stop, but I have trouble trusting him now (I very much did trust him before), this has really broken boundaries. Back when they used to like each other, he almost cheated on his girlfriend with her (with just a kiss, but still cheating) while watching a movie together-Rio. So I guess that adds to my concern as well. Yeah you're right, I do feel ashamed about this, but all I've been doing is fighting for my relationship with him in the process

[Catie101]

she likes him. of course she is going to say its "like a brother" because its giving her an access pass to be around him, but she's not being honest about her motives, she is being manipulative to seem like the good guy in this situation, but really, the good guy is you. and i would not trust your bf, i hate to say it but he's just getting you off his back for now, i think he'll just be more careful about how he does things now, but the cuddling i doubt will stop. isn't him almost cheating with her in a past relationship enough of a warning sign to send him off? please get out of this toxic relationship, it hurts me just thinking of being in the situation.

[Kaliki]

I really don't know of any siblings who would cuddle like that. They are really trying to rationalize something that anybody could see is wrong. If they can't be honest with themselves, no way can they be honest with you. That being said, i wouldn't trust your boyfriend.
Please cut the ties with him, and let yourself free from this miserable relationship.

[Kaliki]

What a jerk! I'd dump his ass so fast! Him and that skank definitely deserve each other, so just break it off right now. It would be more his loss than yours, trust me. You're the one who deserves better.
Normally I would say that you can work past a row in a relationship, but the things he's doing are big red flags. Do you really want to stay in a relationship with a guy who
1. cheats on you?
2. gets his friends to gang up on you when he doesn't get his way?
3. and doesn't stick up for you?
4. has obviously been talking crap about you behind your back?
5. clearly doesn't respect you or care how you feel?
Get rid of him now, he will only bring you down. Relationships are about being with someone who makes you happy.

[bdeakol]

How old are you? There's so much drama going on.
Personally I can't believe that your boyfriend is letting her say all these things about you. I'd go with dump him but it's probably going to be very hard.
I mean geez, it's like he's taking her side in the whole situation. And the whole fact that he cuddled her isn't too great.

[isabellav96]

I'm eighteen, and I agree, it's strange that he'd let her say these things, and not stand up for me completely as a boyfriend should. Eventually he did start to stand up for me though, but he still isn't 100% on my side in agreeing that what she's doing is wrong, because he's so coaxed by her and her manipulative ways. He's even gotten upset with me on various occasions, putting blame on me for not understanding his situation. I mean, I get that he loves her, but by standing up for her so much after how much he knows he hurt me, is only making me feel more and more distant, but I truly do love him. That's the hard part, I love him so much and I don't want to leave him, but what other option is there?

[bdeakol]

Doesn't the fact that he cares for her so much bothers you?
I remember this chick had a thing for my then boyfriend and used to text him everyday. I had a huge argument with him, he kept apologizing and said he only loved me and he was truly sincere and stopped contacting her. If your boyfriend truly loved you and not cared for that other girl so much he would have done the same or something similar.
Don't settle for a jerk like that. Please! Try your best to leave him. He obviously has a thing for the female friend.

[Newtown]

First I want to say how sorry I am that all this crap has happened to you and whoever made fun of you for having a medical condition is a complete lowlife.
If your bf hasn't stuck up for you after all the crap these people have said to you then you should consider dumping him, you don't deserve to be treated like that! You deserve a lot better and you can find someone better. And whatever you do, don't stay with him just despite his close female friend.

[isabellav96]

Thanks, and yeah the guy that made fun of me really is a lowlife. My boyfriend did eventually start to stand up for me, just not the way I'd wished, the way he does it is honestly very passive. I agree, I do deserve better than that, but since cuddling isn't technically cheating, is breaking up really the most rational thing to do?

[Newtown]

No cuddling isn't technically cheating but I think it's gone beyond just that though? Like how long did it take for him to stand up for you? He should have been there for you the moment you started getting treated like that, and if you feel you deserve better then yeah maybe the most rational thing for you is to break up with him. I just feel that when you are in a relationship you have each others backs 100% all of the time but seems like he wasn't on your side for a while?

[LeQuack]

i used to cuddle with my ex gf's best friend.

One day i ended up cuddling with her while watching a movie in her bed, and i cheated on my gf.

You should dump him. This is common sense.

[Katy16]

I'd try and talk to him again calmly about how it makes you feel about everything but if he can't see that what he did was unacceptable id dump him, I know if it was me id be PISSED.

[isabellav96]

I have, but no matter what he continues to fight for her and their friendship, and he understands that I find it unacceptable to have done and says it's just because that we have different morals that this has happened. However he continues to fight for her so much and it's making me feel really worthless and far less loved by him

[Katy16]

Honestly if he's making you feel that bad and can't see it I think breaking up with him might be the better option

[SadWalkingAwaySong]

It means you have some sort of trust issue

[isabellav96]

What do you mean? How does this having made me uncomfortable and having happened mean I have some sort of trust issue?

[SadWalkingAwaySong]

It just means you have some sort of trust issue

[isabellav96]

The fact that it happened? Or that it bothers me? I think I have the right to worry since he used to like the girl, and she's hurting me, yet he's still defending her

[SadWalkingAwaySong]

Then yes, you have a trust issue

[isabellav96]

How? /: