Why won't my boyfriend move out of his parents' house?

[Anonymous]

I’m 26 I bought a place of my own when I was 21 and I’ve been completely financially independent for several years (my parents helped me out with some bills when I was finishing up college). My boyfriend is 24, he still lives with his parents but has had a job since he was 21. Not just any job, a career. I know he makes more money then I do and he’s living rent free. He has a new truck, but that’s really the only thing he spends money on. He could buy something very easily however; he seems to have no desire to move out on his own. I think it’s great that he has a good relationship with his parents, I do too, but why doesn’t he want to grow up?

[Tamikaze]

The only person who can answer that question definitively is your boyfriend.

I wouldn't quite put it as a lack of desire to grow up but more that the benefits outweigh any downside he has living at home. As you can probably attest to, home ownership comes with a lot of responsibilities. You have to keep it clean as well as maintain it. If a pipe breaks or the roof leaks, you will have to make arrangements for the repair as well as pay for it. Considering you are a girl, you are probably more domestic than your guy. We are usually okay with cleaning, probably fine with cooking for ourselves and we may even like decorating a house. Most guys are the opposite of this. If he has a good relationship with his parents, well he has a lot of spare cash, none of the worries of home ownership and someone else to cook, clean and otherwise worry about a lot of life's details. I think the biggest thing I have seen with guys of any age is that they just don't multi-task or enjoy having to deal with a bunch of details, concerns and problems. He may also be more conservative than you (I don't know) and perhaps more concerned about being tied to a house payment. People that are more conservative may worry about what they would do if they were laid off or wanted to change careers, go back to school, etc.

The above are generalizations as I have definitely seen people that do not fit the stereotypes listed and I do not know the specifics in your situation. But if you spend some time thinking about these kind of things, you will probably get some idea why he may not be ready to jump into buying a house and moving out.

[Asker]

I guess I just have a hard time understanding why someone would want to live at home with their parents when they don't have to. I don't want to come out and ask him and make him feel like I disapprove or anything. It's just that I'm at a different point in my life and I'm worried that we aren't going to have a future because he won't be ready for one, if that makes sense. thanks! :)

[Tamikaze]

Sure, that is fair for you to wonder about your compatibility. If you are a go-getter and you perceive that the reason he is still at home is due to him not being in the same place as you, I can understand your concerns. At some point though you are going to have to risk asking him about this before the time comes that you just get fed up with the situation and start to lose interest in him.

[Anonymous]

I am 28 and just like you I have been supporting myself since I graduated college. And my boyfriend who has been out of school and employed just as long as I have still loves at home with his parents and seems to have no desire to change. We have even dating for 2.5 years and I'm starting to get annoyed that he still loves at home and has shown no interest in changing this. I am seriously starting to question if we can have a future this way. I'm interested to hear what was the outcome in your situation?

[Simple-Simonette]

Because his current life satisfies him. If it works why fix it?

[soxfan94]

Maybe he's saving up to be able to afford a bigger or nicer house than he has money for. Maybe he fears change. Maybe he never really thought about it. It could be a million different reasons, you should probably just ask him.

[Polaris80]

He won't move out because he doesn't want to move out.

He doesn't want to be on his own. He's happy with things as are there are.