Is 6 years too long to be engaged with no date in site?

[Anonymous]

We've been engaged for 6 years and living together most of it. He keeps saying he wants to wait till we have more money. But he's even more in debt now and working a crappier job. He says getting married Won't change how he feels about me and it's just a piece of paper. No one else in his family is married but marriage is important to me. I feel like it's a time for our families to come together and celebrate. Our parents have only met once when we first got together Even though we all live really close.
He says it's my fault for not planning anything but every time I've tried he's gotten pissed off and said not to keep worrying about it right now. I'm about to give up but he's the only relationship I've ever been in. I'd be starting completely over. When I've mentioned us taking a break he always says "really? Your gonna waste a 6 year relationship and just let it all go down the drain" or "after everything me and my mom have done for you? "

[Araya]

Yes. Yes it is. Did you pressure him to get married, per chance or did he do it on his own accord? If it's the former, it seems like he did so just to keep you happy or from leaving him. If not, then I think he truly wants to make sure that you're financially stable before "taking the dive".

Unfortunately a lot of men feel that they have to live up to the archaic code that was put in place years ago, one being that they need to financially support their woman. This pressure and failing to achieve it can lead to depression and has for a lot of them.

I also don't like the manipulative tactic that he used: guilt tripping you.

Look. You both deserve to be happy and I abhor ultimatums, but in this case I would tell him that you want to be married within (give a time frame good for you) and if you're not, then you're going to find someone else.

I'd rather waste 6 years than waste more time. How about you?

[Cmasterson]

Well just because you're engaged doesn't mean you can't break up, it's up to you to decide when you've had enough, and I feel like because of the time isn't really a factor its the fact that he keeps saying things without action is the main problem. he's becoming unreliable and not trust worthy because you can't believe it that when says these things that they will happen. I do think 6 years is a long time to get engaged however you could get married if you just want it for the symbolic reason and get the licence THEN have a wedding when ready-- or just wait. He can't hold the time you've spent with each other agains you because even 25 year relationships come to an end sometimes

[Lioness]

Well here is the truth: There is never a "right time" and prob money problems will most likely get worse not better, so if that is his excuse then you know it's heading towards 'never'. Been there with that excuse, but truth was he just wasn't ready. Crazy as it sounds to us women the right time is when we find the "right guy" but opposite with men. Men tend to marry whomever they happen to be with when it is the right time for THEM... then they wonder why they are the ones who get the divorce papers. ahhh irony lol.

[Anonymous]

Yes I would say it is too long. Sounds like he is afraid marriage will change the relationship. That actually is a common problem when people get married. One of the people feels they have the other one trapped and stop putting work into the relationship. After all if marriage wouldn't change anything, then why would people want to get married?

Do you have common law marriage in your area? If so you might already be married and not even realize it. I have met people before that were married and didn't realize it, so it does happen. It makes sense after living together for years, a non married couples finances end up as tangled up as a married couples, so the courts sometimes just consider them married as breaking up will lead to similar court battles over property and money.

[slatyb]

Sorry, it may be time to start over before you waste another six years. You want to be married. He doesn't care enough to make it happen. He's financially irresponsible. The real problem is that you moved in with him before you had dated enough people to even know what you want. It sounds like what you want is not him. If you can afford it, get your own place. If you can't, then find a female roommate and live on your own for a while. Meet some new guys, ideally a lot of new guys, but don't commit so quickly.

[Bobba_Fett]

Are you sure you want to marry a guy that gets pissed off for you wanting to marry him?

[bombamboum]

I don't really understand long engagement but it's just because that's not how I see things. I'm in a serious relationship and we plan on getting married but my boyfriend will propose the day he knows we can afford it, that we're ready to do it and ready to set a date. We would probably be more into a year long engagement.
Beside that, I think your boyfriend's reaction are weird. Is it because he feels bad about not being able to pay for it or does he really don't care?

[godfatherfan]

LOL...
I was engaged for 5 years.
we set a date a couple of times early on.
but we wanted to finish school, or save more money... lol
that never happens.
eventually you need to shit or get off the pot
if he won't commit then there is other issues. 6 years is too long.

[kittykatg]

He sounds like a dick to be honest. The whole after everything I have done for you bullshit is super manipulative. I was in a very similar relationship. I felt the exact same way which is why I kept fighting to make things work. I wish I hadn't. Him breaking up with me was the best thing that he had ever done for me. Yes it's going to suck and be hard but if he's not meeting you half way then you need to move on. A relationship should be an equal partnership where both people want the same thing

[misscocobutter]

He sounds quite manipulative and is artfully dodging the marriage issue while heaping the blame onto you. That's not fair of him, it's important to you and you have waited long enough. The real issue here is he doesn't want to take the next step... Why?

[musicbrain5]

Way too long. He's clearly not into the idea of marriage and likely just proposed to you because he thought that's what you wanted. It sounds like he's also guilting you into staying in the relationship, which isn't good. That is manipulation.

An engagement that's longer than two years when you're living together (or at least not in an LDR) is too long. Either shit or get off the pot.

[Sadly_It_Fell_Off]

Yes, it's a long time and even more so if he is not willing to discuss the future with you. Also, I would be concerned that you're parents have only met once in 6 years - the next time they would meet is at the wedding? Seems a little off to me. It's comfortable for you both because you know everything about each other after all of this time but he's using money as an excuse to not set a date or anything. For me, and I stress for me only, I would consider moving on.

[Bing9662]

Get a real man he has no plans whatsoever i fell in love in weeks i couldnt wait found out she had orher plans to go with out me in her life i found out early ask him then get out find a person that will make you happy its just time. Time is the most sacred thing a person has you only have so little of it and bills will always be around. god bless

[Intraluminal]

It's way too long, but what would you be getting if he did marry you? He's in debt with a lousy job. Don't settle. Yes, it's scary, but it sounds like you have everything to gain and little to lose.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Not really.. as long as you 2 love each other then go ahead and be engaged for as long as you want. you'll marry when you want to.

[SammyGurl]

He's playing you like a bad tune! Six years is way too long.

[RandomPerson1324]

Yea it's retarded...

Especially when the whole point is to have kids...

Seems like a wasted life...

[Skyrunner2000]

He is basically blackmailing you. End it now or it will be a 20 year relationship.

[Ihav2fart]

If you two are super busy then that's fine.

[thewanderingme]

yes.

[skeptic007]

who else are you talking too

[Knuckles77]

Dump him.