Am I his rebound?

[Anonymous]

So I've been seeing this guy for about 2 weeks now and I recently just found out him and his girlfriend of 5+ years had broken up around 3 months ago.

He has never mentioned her at all to me. The only reason I found out about her is from going through his Facebook page (like the creep I am lol). I'm not sure who broke up with who or how it ended or anything.

I really like him so far and he seems to be really into me too. I am scared though that I am a rebound. I've never been in a relationship that's lasted 5+ years but I feel like it would take longer than 3 months to heal from it, whether he broke up with her or not.

[artist3363]

If he seems distant or like he's attempting to assign certain traits to you that you just don't have, those are some red flags. Some people (like myself) don't take very long to heal emotionally, so it's very possible that he could have been ready to move on. As your relationship progresses, you should ask him about his previous relationships. This is a common "get to know each other" conversation, and it's usually very rewarding. If he still refuses to talk about it then, just let him know that in the earlier stages of your relationship, you snooped around on his facebook profile, and noticed this girl he was in a relationship for a long time with. If you prefer to cut him some slack on the topic after avoiding it, he should either open up or he might just tell you that he isn't ready to talk about it.

IF he isn't ready to talk about it, you are probably a rebound. There are a few exceptions of course, as there always are, but that should be generally how this works. From that point on, decide if you want to stick through it and find out how things work after supporting him or you can leave him.

[Wizbit]

My boyfriend and I got together the day after him and his ex of 5 years split up! I found this out nearly a month later and when I did I was convinced I was a rebuild, especially as they were "staying friends" and he wasn't exactly chatty about her. I finally broached it with him. Turned out there was a lot I hadn't known. They'd been drifting apart for some time before the split, which was really formalising something they'd both known but tried to ignore for months. Be sure of your facts before you write him off as a rebound. 3 months is actually a long time, especially at your age. Oh, and I've been with my boyfriend over a year now and we're living together. He no longer has contact with the ex

[ScorpioMoonChick]

Sadly, it sounds like you're a rebound.

Every guy that I have been with, who was seeing me to see me, was upfront about his last relationship and was comfortable talking about it. I knew about it, so I didn't have to snoop to find out anything.

But I once dated a guy like yours. He didn't mention anything about his previous relationship, and when I found out and confronted him, he got really defensive. Turns out he was just using me to get over her. We broke up after five months, and guess where he went? You guessed it, back to his ex.

I'd just ask about his ex, and see how he reacts. If he gets defensive \upset, that's a red flag. Good luck.

[Asker]

We've never had a discussion about our past relationships so I don't think he's hiding his relationship from me or anything. I'm sure if he went creeping on my Facebook page he'd find evidence of my past relationships too, even though I've never mentioned them.

I will eventually ask about his ex, but I feel it's to early yet for us to have that conversation. I mean we've only really been seeing each other for two weeks, we're still getting to know each other. I am 100% keeping my guard up around until then though.

[ScorpioMoonChick]

Okay. Continue with both of your eyes open, don't let love make you blind. And it doesn't have to be a serious talk. It could even be something like, laughing about what an ex did. It's just to see how hurt he still is, is all.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. He has probably not told you because a) he doesn't want you to be scared at the prospect of being a rebound relationship, and b) girls don't want to her about a guy's ex girlfriends, at least not until they've been dating a while.

2. You probably are a rebound but that doesn't mean that you can't have a good relationship or that it must end with you two parting ways. Just go slow, don't jump into bed with him, and make sure that he wants you for who you are before you let go of your heart. If you can't exercise that much control, either leave him now or prepare to be hurt.

[Anonymous]

Of course his head will somewhere be in that past relationship but an actual rebound is not found 3 months after but 3 days.

The usual giveaways would be if he is dumping his baggage from the past relationship on you. Seeing how you're happy together and he hasn't even mentioned her I don't think you are a rebound. Three months is actually quite a generous amount of time.

It could be either way but if he was looking for a rebound he wouldn't have waited three months to begin with. I think he's genuinely into you.

[AmongTheApples]

You are 18-24 and it's been 3 months, so you are probably not a rebound. The fact that he has not mentioned her, nor their break up to you, is a good sign that you are not a rebound. Don't get paranoid and cause yourself to become a rebound.

[Asker]

Ya that's what I was thinking. When I rebounded from my ex, all I ever did was talk about my ex to the guy I was rebounding with. When I look back on it now, I must have sounded so crazy haha. I am gonna keep my guard up around him though until I figure all this out, just in case.

[dbarkky]

yes you are but dont think thats a bad thing u could have meet him 5yrs from now and still be his rebound girl if he never get over her the best way to get over someone is to make better memories with some one better u just focus on doing what has him into u the fact he never mention her is good don't bring up the subject

[Anonymous]

Hey! I just wanted to say when I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years I started dating a guy after 1 month and half I started dating a guy. And yes, it was a rebound but now we have been together for 1 year and half and I love him. So for sure you can turn a rebound into a long relationship.

[ChocolateIceCream]

You're not a rebound because it sounds to me like his relationship with the other girl was over long before it ended. Sometimes people detach emotionally before actually ending something. Also I don't talk about exs just because, who the fuck wanna hear dat?

[Asker]

Oh ya I know what you mean, I only put up in the description above that he hasn't mentioned ex to confirm that it was a good thing he hadn't mentioned her :D If he had, I wouldn't have even needed to ask this question because I would've known then I was a rebound.

[ChocolateIceCream]

I'd say don't worry about it, and even if you are, make sure it's a slam dunk baby!

[blueflavors]

well it depends, if he ended the relationship he might be fed up already and wanted a new start with you, and he's not, then you might be the one who's healing him from his previous relationship as a rebound, hopefully they're not still in contact which might be a problem.

[Asker]

Ya that's what I was thinking too, it's hard to tell because I definitely feel it's too early for us to have the 'ex boyfriend/girlfriend' conversation so I don't know what the story was between them on how or why they broke up. As far as I can tell though, they aren't in much contact, if any at all.

[madhatters4]

being in a 5 year relationship would think that at this point (3 months removed) you are somewhat of a rebound.

he may not see it as that but after 5 years it seems hard to truly be over the ex after only 3 months... I think you need to ask him about his previous relationships

[zShikiz]

You're a rebound, unfortunately. I guarantee that if you asked him about his ex of 5+ years what happened, he would not feel comfortable talking about it and may actually get a bit upset. 3 months of recovery vs 5+ years of time invested is mighty quick to get over someone.

I'd keep my guard up if I were you. Try not to get TOO attached.

[thewanderingme]

I don't talk to new guys I'm dating about exes either and don't like hearing about their exes. I don't get why that's such an issue for you. why would you want to hear him bringing her up?

[Asker]

His ex isn't the issue at all. The issue I'm worried about here is that he MIGHT be using me to get over her. Which is completely unfair to me because that's not what I want at all.

[thewanderingme]

but you seem to be assuming that based only on the fact he never speaks of her.. in reality, whether you're rebound or not, he may not be over her. he may never get over her. I've seen guys date women LONG TERM for years while still obsessing over an ex from a decade ago. if you like him, give it a chance.

[reptocarl]

Who breaks up with whom doesn't matter. It's still painful even if you're the one to want the breakup. I'd say yes you are a rebound

[Anonymous]

Maybe, maybe not. Some people can move on easily. I was with my ex longer than that and moved on easily, I was over it extremely fast. And my first boyfriend was almost 5 years, and again, didn't care when it was over I just moved on and forgot.

[jchil88]

I would say yes, you are the rebound, however, rebounds can turn into long lasting relationships. the guy I married was a rebound :)

[Sunflower19]

Mostly likely you are a rebound. Keep your guard up. When the timing is right talk to him about it and see what he says!

[singlebee]

Hmm I don't know.. I guess it depends on whether he is in contact with her or not and how much willing he is to go back to her.. if that thought comes in his mind

[notxing]

Kind of, some what, not really. Figure out some questions and judge his response.

[TonyRyan]

That depends, I would have found my rebound within a week or two. You could be his next mission.