My boyfriend has been falling asleep on me lately. Should I be annoyed?

[Panda17]

So my boyfriend and I talk every night on the phone before falling asleep. We have a long distance relationship by the way. He wakes up around 7:30 am on weekdays for his classes and falls asleep around 12 sometimes 2 am so he obviously doesn't really get enough sleep sometimes. Every single one of those nights, he ends up getting really tired and he stops paying attention to me while I'm talking. I have to repeat myself many times and it frustrates me but I understand why he does that. He's really tired and he does try his best to listen but he just can't. I just tell him to go to sleep and he does after a while of convincing. On weekends, we always talk all day and fall asleep really late because it's the only time we can do that. We stay up late talking and watching movies on call but lately he's been falling asleep on me. He doesn't say goodnight and he doesn't let me know when he's tired. Sometimes, he says "be right back, I won't take too long" but then I realized he must have fallen asleep because it has been too long. He's a very sensitive guy. He always apologizes for it and starts feeling really bad about it but he keeps on doing it. He's worried that I'll be upset at him and he says he can't help it but it's really annoying me. I prefer if he just says goodnight instead of leaving me hanging. I always tell him that I'm not frustrated or annoyed because I know that I'll just make him feel very bad about himself but I just feel like I need to talk to him about it. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if I'm exaggerating or not. i just don't want to make him feel bad knowing he's sensitive but I'm tired of not being able to tell him these things because of it. I don't know what to do.

Updates

+1 y

Whenever I notice that he's tired or needs some sleep, I tell him to go to bed but he refuses to. He says he wants to stay up with me since he doesn't really have time on weekdays. But then 10 minutes later, he falls asleep without telling me anything and I'm just there waiting. I really do consider the fact that he gets tired staying up too late but I just want him to at least let me know that way I'm not just there waiting for him

[kittenmitten]

"I always tell him that I'm not frustrated or annoyed because I know that I'll just make him feel very bad about himself" Now that's where you make a mistake, in my opinion. You do it for the right reasons, but it's a mistake (not a big one). Still, the principles I follow is being open in relationships, which means never lying, even if it is to appease him. You must say the truth, and make sure it does not hurt by being diplomatic. Say you understand that he's tired, and would like him to feel free to kiss you and say goodnight when he's too tired. Also know that HE CAN help it. But he's trying, not hard enough maybe, but he's trying. He shouls not be even trying. He's not trying enough to succeed at being awake but he should not either be trying at all, unless you need support or something.
"I just feel like I need to talk to him about it." You do. Just make him feel free to say goodnight with a kiss, remind him that if he really wants to do something for you, he can. But staying awake isn't one of his duties, so here he should be comfortable. Are you exaggerating? No, your emotions are justified, you need to talk to him but he can't stay awake all the time. Use the time ou have with him wisely so that you get all the chatting you need. Maybe put movies aside if you lack time. So be open, true, straight and frank, and at the same time compassionate, diplomatic and caring. Communication is the key, and the right key is the one that is open, frank and diplomatic.

[Panda17]

I do consider the fact that he gets tired from always staying up more than he should. I do tell him that he should fall asleep when I notice that he's tired because he shouldn't force it but he always refuses to because he wants to continue talking and doesn't want to leave me. I just wish he would at least let me know before actually falling asleep because then I'm just there waiting. But I should communicate with him instead of keeping my feelings to myself.

[kittenmitten]

Oh I get it. He's communicative too, haha. Well, you can also use stats: measure the time it takes for him to reply, on average. Add some minutes to it. If you get nothing, he fell asleep. And of course using this method is a last resort in case he won't listen to reason.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and i stay up on the phone a lot too and we fall asleep on each other pretty often... and when i say we i mean me. I fall asleep on him in most of our Skype calls and the reason i didn't tell him. goodnight was because that would mean he would hang up and i would have to be alone again. I love talking to him. and i want to try my best and talk to him all night but sometimes i just can't he would get slightly frustrated with me also but we talked about it and now if he notices that im dozing on him he tells me to go to bed and i fight him on it until he promises he'll stay on the phone until im asleep. That way i still have his precence there but now i didn't just leave him hanging. Maybe you guys nerd to arrange the same thing

[Panda17]

Yes when I notice him getting sleepy, I tell him to go to sleep and he does the same thing. He refuses to because he wants to stay up. I want him to go to bed if he's tired or really needs it but when I'm talking and he's just not paying attention to what I'm saying or fell asleep without me knowing, that's when I'm a little annoyed because he never said anything. I know I shouldn't be because it happens but I just wish he would do that. We agreed that if he falls asleep though, I won't hang up and we leave the call on throughout the night. I'll just talk to him about it and hope that he tries letting me know before

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah talking to him about it would be the best thing. Sometimes if im being stubborm amd refuse to go to sleep my boyfriend will tell me he's not going to talk until i agree to go to sleep. So we sit in silence for a little bit until i finally agree and we fall asleeep in the phone. You guys just have to find a happy medium between his wanting to stay up and you wanting closure at the end of your calls. Maybe tell him you think its kind of inconsiderate. That could be a but of a wake up call no pun intended.

[Ohmypizza]

Well if you feel he's tired just say you're the one that's tired & say goodnight. Sometimes guys they feel like they can never please us girls. Just say "you sound tired, I'll talk to you tomorrow so you can get enough sleep." Even if he says he's okay just say that you'll feel bad if he's tired because he was up late talking on the phone. That way he won't leave you hanging. Just be the one who says goodnight.

[Sadly_It_Fell_Off]

There's too much pressure to "talk" and he's feeling it. Create a new talking pattern so that he can get some sleep, go to classes, she his F&F, do the laundry, prepare meals, etc. All this talking for hours on end is draining him but he doesn't want to say anything to upset you. You are both tiptoeing around the issue of talking.

[karma13]

No, you shouldn't. Talking to you calms him and he obviously enjoys it since he wants to keep doing it. If he is exhausted and relaxed from hearing your voice, he might fall asleep. Take it as a compliment, unless he's doing it while he's wide awake in the middle of the day while you are telling a story lol

[Pearl85]

Why don't you just tell him what you have told us here: You would prefer if he says goodnight when he is tired and you understand that he needs to get a good rest before his classes.

Set aside one night a week to stay up late on the phone when neither of you have to wake up early the next day.

[Anonymous]

You really need to talk to him. I mean it's not really a big issue, he's tired so he should sleep. It shouldn't matter he says goodnight as at the end of the day he's giving up his sleep to talk to you in the first palce

[Surprisinglyconfused]

no. you shouldn't be mad at all.

[Walrus_au]

He could just be tired.

[RachelBrigs]

He's tired...

[rlittledistraction]

Communicate.

[orphan]

talk less.