How to get my boyfriend to put more effort into his appearance?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. I have always put in a lot of effort to look nice and pretty for him every time I see him and lately he has completely gone downhill. He is suffering from depression and I know it's a huge part of it so I always keep my mouth shut because I feel terrible for thinking this way and I know it's hard for him to put effort into things, but it is seriously impacting my attraction to him. He wears the same outfit every single time I see him, doesn't shower half the time, doesn't even wear underwear a lot of the time, and usually can't find any decent pants so he wears his swim trunks as pants even though it is October and completely freezing. He doesn't do anything to his hair and doesn't wear deodorant a lot of the time. As much as I love him with all my heart, I'm not really interested in having sex with him anymore or bringing him around friends because it's embarrassing. How do I fix the situation when he's already depresssd so I don't make him feel even worse? I don't mean to be shallow I just really want to be able to feel attracted to my boyfriend again.

[ProbablyTooMature]

So... tell him you're not going to take him around friends if that's the way he's going to present himself. Also, looking like crap is only going to serve to feed into his depression. I get that it's a result of it, but it also fosters it. It sounds like you've put up with a lot from him already, time to put your foot down. No more feeling sorry for himself and he can take care of himself for you if he's unwilling to do it for himself.

[Idontknowyou2]

Make him know that he's ruining his life. Nothing is worth that. I don't care if his parents died or his favorite TV show is off the air. Let him know how u feel. Bring around his family or friends to help.

[TheLawProf]

How you think matters. Tell him honestly and politely. If he doesn't change, then you need to break up. You are a human being too. You deserve the right to speak your mid without feeling guilty. You have no need to feel guilty. Enough is enough.

[Asker]

Thank you. It's hard to feel like this because all I want to do is support him and help him through this hard time but I can't keep being attracted to someone who I feel like I have to mother all the time by telling him to finally change clothes and things like that

[TheLawProf]

Good for you! It would have been a pain if you just endured it. For me and you. :)

[Anonymous]

Try suggesting showering together? Buy him clothes to suggest to him he wears them for you

[Anonymous]

He doesn't tell you what to do, so, why should you?

[Asker]

I'm not trying to tell him what to do I'm trying to stay attracted to him? Can you honestly say I'd your girlfriend starting looking like a slob all the time and stopped taking care of herself you'd be equally as attracted to her as when she put in time to make herself look good? It's not unreasonable to expect a little effort for basic hygiene

[Opinion Owner]

We're going to lose our looks anyway, as we get older...

[Asker]

It's not all about looks, it's about taking a shower more than once a week or changing clothes when you've been wearing the same outfit every single day or putting on deodorant. Like I said, basic hygiene is not unreasonable to ask for

[Opinion Owner]

Like I said, he doesn't tell you what to do, why should you be telling him?

[Asker]

You're clueless and have no argument here.

[Opinion Owner]

Um no, I do have a clue, you just refuse to listen, because I'm a man, and supposedly girls don't know how to listen

[Asker]

You're the one who keeps repeating the same points over and over even though I'm explaining why said point are not correct? Just because you're a "man" does not mean your arguements make any sense, hate to break it to you. I'm trying to get my boyfriend to take better care of himself so he's not as depressed and we keep attraction in our relationship, that is not telling him what to do that is trying to help him as well as our relationship. Now if you have no constructive advice then get off my question.

[Opinion Owner]

If I have to explain myself over and over, you're just not getting it, because you refuse to LISTEN

[Asker]

I'm the one refusing to listen? Okay buddy, goodbye.

[Opinion Owner]

Bye bye