My boyfriend asked a girl for her number. Am I right to be upset?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend have a group of friends that we hang out with, both girls and guys. One night we went out with the group and one of the girls brought along a friend who was visiting from a different city. When we both found out she was from the city we are going to vacation next month, she was so nice and offered to be our tour guide when we visited. My boyfriend immediately said that sounds awesome, let me get your number. I kind of felt weird about him asking and she definitely glanced at me when he asked so I sort of intervened and said that sounds great! No that's okay *boyfriend*, I'll get her number. and I pulled out my phone. She responded with yeah I think that's a good idea. I figured he took the hint that getting her number was a little inappropriate? Fast forward the next night, my boyfriend went out with the group again without me. I was too tired to go out. The next morning, I wake up and his phone alarm goes off. Of course he sleeps right through it so I grab his phone to silence it. He has a bunch of snapchat notifications and group chat text messages which is whatever. I opened his text messages thinking he only got texts from the group (I would have gotten the texts too) and I saw he ended up getting the number from that girl. I couldn't believe it. I'm pretty upset that he got her number when I thought the first attempt was clear that was a no no. The text was a random funny picture he sent. Am I right for feeling betrayed and should I bring it up to him?

[bbch25]

I feel like that's a yes, especially after reading the explanation.

For example for me, my partner NEVER uses facebook, he never adds anyone etc. So I told him if it got to the point that he was talking to a girl he felt he could add her on facebook for friendship, I should know about her by then. Because she's someone you're talking to and having in your life... So I shouldn't need to find it by accident one day, because I'd think you'd just tell me you made a new friend etc.

The night before, this girl knew it was inappropriate, she even acknowledged you, I thought that was quite good of her. Your boyfriend seemed to have gotten the hint too. And then a night later he not only gets her number (and honestly, I think he asked for it - could be wrong but I think he did), he also then sends her personally something funny? And yeah it's not flirty perhaps, but to a lot of people that is flirting.

Maybe he is just trying to make a friend, but I think him taking a number that he even knew he shouldn't have gotten, and then messaging them (and can I ask what time... because people don't normally message while they're still with that person.. so it seems like it'd be a bad hour to message).

I just think you're right to have a few concerns. Maybe not fight worthy (yet), but definitely right to ask him about it. Maybe it was friendly, maybe it's nothing. Could very well be. But to just ask him "hey, was reading the group chats this morning and accidentally saw you got ___ girls___ number, just wondering what that's about".

[samhradh_leannan]

I understand where you're coming from, but it also doesn't sound like your boyfriend has necessarily done anything wrong. You may be reading into something that isn't really there. I think it's clear that a lot of people who have responded to your question didn't read your full explanation.

It's okay for your boyfriend to get the number of another girl if his intentions are merely friendly. I think both you and this other girl jumped to conclusions a little by assuming that there was anything inappropriate going on when he asked for her number. He wasn't necessarily hitting on her or in any way trying to imply attraction to her.

I guess since you already had her number, he didn't really need it. But maybe she joined the group chat and he simply added her name to her number from there, which would have been pretty easy. If you have concerns, go ahead and talk to him about them, but don't be accusatory. It's very possible that there is nothing at all going on here.

[Elarra]

Initially, I was going to say no and that you were being ridiculous because he honestly probably wasn't thinking. But then I read the second half.

That's not okay. He should not have gotten her number without you knowing and that girl should not have given it to him. But since you didn't explicitly say to not get her number, then he can use that in an argument. It's a loose argument, but it's still a point.

You need to tell him what he did wrong and that you don't feel comfortable with him talking to that girl, especially since he went behind your back and got it anyway.

[Zazzz]

Well my first thought was well wow she is overreacting over a phone number they are both going to use because she will be their "tour guide". I would not have been impressed if i was in your boyfriend position when you took over the phone number. Now, i think there is a big lack of trust from you and i feel you know your boyfriend well enough to have intercepted the phone number. What i mean is you REALLY don't trust him (it's fine, just saying). There is such a big lack of trust from you that you even went as far as snooping through his phone. Well well well... sometimes our gut feeling is right and you caught him so don't feel bad. I think our phones in a relationship should be a open book. When you start putting passwords and hiding shit it's just not good and unhealthy. Anyway, it still wasn't ok that you checked his phone but in the end he is just as worst for lying to you so he can go suck a cock if he doesn't like the fact you snooped his phone.

[Zazzz]

In my opinion, he found the girl hot and interesting and wants to be closer to her. That man will cheat on you i promise you. Your lack of trust in him says it all and you have every right to feel that way. Dump his ass.

[OlderAndWiser]

You both have a reason to be upset.

1. It was okay of him to ask for the phone number unless you are one of those hypersensitive girls who doesn't think your boyfriend should ever have any female friends.

2. Once you made it clear that you were bothered by that, he should not have asked the girl for her phone number. He shouldn't need for you to tell him that again.

3. It does not seem that he wanted the phone number just to contact her when you visit her city (which I am guessing will never happen, at least not you two together.)

4. You were snooping on his phone. The fact that you found something of interest does not justify the snooping. How would you feel if you walked into the room and caught him looking through your purse?

[madhatters4]

i think it requires more info and conversations.

i think you have a right to have questions of him. like, "if i got her number so we could contact her, why did you feel like you needed her number?"

but generally speaking this doesn't sound like a huge problem... but i would want to ask my partner why the felt the need to get the number when i already had it. cause it does seem like it could be sketchy

[BrighteyedAsh]

From all I can see here... yea... I would talk to him about why he would do that. Seems a bit iffy. As you said, you already had her number as a couple... so the fact that I he needed her number directly and went behind you to get it after it had already been handled... mmm... sends the wrong message to me. I'd discuss that one.

[meatballs21]

She offered to be your tour guide, you were both down with this idea, you're mad that he was the one to ask for her number so you two could take her up on the offer?

It sounds more like you are trying to assert yourself as the girlfriend here and making a big deal out of this to deflect attention away from that.

[Lindies]

I think your boyfriend just wanted to be friends with her, but it's still not right of him to do that if it was clear before that you didn't want him to get her number. You should definitely talk about this with him. But if he has a good reason to text with this girl, I don't think you should stop it, if the girl seems like a decent one.

[Anonymous]

You should tell him how you feel before things get messed up. Not in an angry yelling way, but in a gentler, emotional way, while holding his hand. Tell him it is important to you. I think he would be more likely to be receptive to what you want then.

[SarahsSummer]

Given the reasoning behind getting her number, I don't think it's a big deal and wouldn't say anything. But when you're on vaca in the city say do you want to call ____ or should I?

[JustCallMeLeon]

didn't read explaination, only question. Yes. You should be upset. Unless he asked you before or after he got it which may mean that maaaybe its a friend. I tend to believe case a.

[Junlian]

Sooooooo he's not allowed to have friends. Oh buts okay to have snap chat messages? Let it be. Trust starts somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Lol yea... He asked. Didn't happen. Then he pursued it. Like for what reason? Not to be your tour guide, because you already had that covered. And why pursue it after the next day.

[tricia103]

You should talk to him about it, because that's a bit odd.

[Anonymous]

A number alone depending on the circumstances and provided that he didn't hide it from you is one thing, but to go hang with her and exclude you is fishy

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course he cannot be trusted. You should check on him

[cluelessone15]

You should totally bring it up. Can u check out my question

[Anonymous]

Dump him immediately that's inappropriate and not ok on any level

[Anonymous]

Yes yes yes. If you are upset about something, you definitely should make it clear to him.

[Anonymous]

Well Yeh. He hid and lied about it.

[TheSpartan]

Yeah, you're obviously right to be upset.

[Anonymous]

he was so wrong to do that...

[CONFUSEDGIRL2016]

Yup I'd be irritated

[Intraluminal]

Yeah. You're right.