I'm afraid I won't be physically attracted to him?

Question

I met a great guy on a dating app. We have been talking all the time and sometimes it's for hours! Our personalities go well together and I love a lot of things about him. We are interested in each other and we will probably end up meeting sometime in the future. Here's the problem. My "type" is a guy that is thin and a bit lanky. This guy is average weight. In some of the pictures I have seen of him it seems that he has some extra weight in his stomach area (not a lot but it's there). I don't want to be shallow but I am afraid that when we meet I won't be physically attracted to him. I don't want to meet him and then suddenly back off because I am not physically attracted... that would suck because I am attracted to him in all other ways. What should I do? Any advice?

little_bird1 · Accepted Answer

Well I'm shallow and I probably wouldn't do it. Been there, done that, doesn't work out. The only scenario where liking a guy's personality beats my physical deal breakers is if we met as friends on another circumstances without an idea of us ever dating, you know the kind of crush that happens unexpectedly. When it comes to dating sites, it's all about expectations and "types". It's cruel, I know, that's why I don't like dating sites. I think you already know that you're not attracted to him but you don't want to let yourself be THAT kind of shallow person (like the rest of us lol). It's okay to like someone and not be attracted to them, it's OKAY to reject. If I hate something then that's leading someone on, and you're wrong if you think you'll know it after one date, you will start leading this guy on without even being aware of it. What's worst, you might even start dating him and then after some time you wake up and wonder why didn't you lose interest in him all of a sudden when he didn't do anything wrong? Then your "type" appears and BAM! you're smitten and consumed, having guilty thoughts about someone rather then your boyfriend. If he's a great guy it will be even harder to reject him, it's really hard to do that sometimes. So I just end it before it can even start. I don't have a "type" but I do have things that turn me off, and being even a slightly over-weight (I also like skinny guys) is a huge turn off for me. I rejected so many great guys because of that and I don't even feel guilty anymore, because when I met my current boyfriend I realized it was worth waiting.

kaylaS91 · Accepted Answer

It sounds like you'll already be a few steps ahead by the time you actually meet in person. As in, you'll already be somewhat emotionally invested, which brngs to mind the saying that 'love is blind'. I know that most people are pretty convnced they have a 'type' and tend to let that dictate who they consider to date but let's not forget that these types are generally from a strictly physical point of view, and also a completely idealized version of that. When push comes to shove, a guy's six-pack abs or chiseled jawline will not trump how you might just click better with the lankier or not so 'well-built' guy. Him lacking the luscious blonde locks won't seem that important when you're (maybe one day) laying in his arms and feeling like all is well in the world.

So.. basically, if you guys have got chemistry and get along well otherwise, physically-based preferences which the guy may not perfectly match (if at all) become a much lower priority. I hope that makes sense?
Either way, there's nothing you can really do. Just go with the flow and, after you meet, ask yourself if you'd really feel justified in letting him go because he's a few extra lbs away from being your 'ideal guy'.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

If you're not physically attracted to him, then don't waste his time and your time. This is why you don't have a certain physical type of guy. You leave those preferences open. If he is a nice guy and you want to try and meet him, then give him a chance. Anybody can work towards making a change if it's reasonable. But if you can't get over it, let it go. Just be friends. And find somebody who you're are physically attracted to, without the lust. Plus never judge based on looks alone. It might be an older picture or he's looking to get in shape.

LaFemmeFatale · Accepted Answer

That's the bad side of online dating and that's a good side at the same time. Bad because you might not be attracted to that type of guy when you meet him but good side because you start paying less attention to the appearance and getting to know the personality instead.

If you think that you'll dislike him and you will hurt him later, then don't do it. Don't go on a date at all.

Hans222 · Accepted Answer

I would say: if you like each other meet him anyway - it's easier to try it out and make up your mind that he's not the one.
Imagine you wouldn't meet him, than you would never know the answer to your question if you should feel sorry about that decision :o
What you can do if you want to know about his weight is to tell during chats that you just went for a run (or to the gym) since you look after your weight.
That opens the door to ask him if he does that too or of "he's naturally skinny"!

coachTanthony · Accepted Answer

You know what you like and by reading this... SHALLOW or not... this is not what you want. I would go with your gut and don't bother and move onto someone who might be more of a physical match for you. in my opinion..

Ayshea · Answer

Usually if you genuinely like who the person is, you grow to like their appearance too.

You should meet him and see how it goes. Meeting in person is so different from chatting online, people also look more attractive in person than they do in pics.

If after meeting you think It won't work, just tell him you're not feeling that spark.

KeiranByrne · Answer

You could ask about his exercise habits. On a scale of 0 (couch potato) to 10 (iron man marathoner) where does he put himself.
Try to remember that the camera always lies. It's no accident that Hollywood prefers underweight women. They know that the camera will add a few pounds

madhatters4 · Answer

just meet up with him and let things go as they may. you'll never know until you are in front of him. we all have preferences but it's rare that a person aligns with all our preferences... but that doesn't mean you can't be very attracted to him

if once you meet you aren't attracted to him, then so be it but don't not meet up with him just because you think you may not find him attractive

spuitkaas · Answer

You can't control what you're attracted to. You also can't just leave him hanging with all hopes up and then just never meet. I would meet ip and if you're really not attracted to him, then you should tell him. Will it hurt his feelings? Yes, but at least you were honest and tried it at least. Maybe uou will totally like him.

Anonymous · Answer

Everyone has preferences. When you finally do see this person for the first time, and it's not what's expected, just remember all of the talk and information you remember from interactions that make up this person. That is what you should be attracted to. I know some women in my life experience and also seeing it from a 3rd party perspective, will all be head over heels for the guy and because he doesn't look a certain way, or meet every criteria on the list or just because it's this guy instead of him etc. They 'll pass it up

menina · Answer

I was going to say that you should meet him first, but since you don't want to meet him and then back off, I would say you should give time to time.
I mean, maybe you should keep talking to him and see if you still have feelings for him even though he is not the type of guy you're attracted to.
Or you could just forget about his weight, since you already like him.

matheus_mb · Answer

This is a question you should ask yourself. Are you willing to be with someone you're not physically attracted to? If the answer is yes, proceed. If the answer is no, don't start something that won't last.

JulieXO · Answer

You can't influence what you're into. Either his personality is so great youkm get over his imperfect body or you won't. If it doesn't work out you'll find somebody else

dogbert444 · Answer

Go for it! You have nothing to lose! As long as he likes falafel, you could be onto a winner.

blondfrog · Answer

Worst case scenario is that you make an excuse or only tell him that you lost interest after the date is over. Its okay to say no you don't have to say yes to everybody.

Blueeyes81 · Answer

Meet him and find out for sure. If you just keep it as words on a screen he'll eventually lose interest. So just meet the guy and find out if there is attraction or not.

archiz · Answer

Just give it a try. If you don t feel attracted then cut it off. It s your right to be involved with someone you d wanna fuck lol

genericname85 · Answer

well thats always a problem with dating site dates. just wait and see. it happened to me lots of times. you just have to go on to the next one xD

EmpatheticLady · Answer

Meet him and see how it goes. You won't know for sure until then.

Princesslee16 · Answer

Follow your heart and this is why people shouldn't date online because their feeling GS for the other person might end up going once they see them.

Anna96 · Answer

Meet him and see how it goes. Sometimes your shallowness will just disappear by itself. To me it's always when I like somebody, I'll always find him/her more attractive fot no apparent reason at all.

CrazynKinky · Answer

So you're 19 so I get that you still think it matters. But personality is way more important in attraction. I've dated people and afterwards had 0 idea what I was attracted too. Meet him before you jump to a decision

ChocEyes1 · Answer

Well, if you're not attracted you're not attracted. Move on. Sorry, there's no other way.

Anonymous · Answer

Girls go for personality not physical appearance LOL If you find his personality attractive then why don't you sexually attract to him?

NajemEddine · Answer

swap recent pics with him

I'm afraid I won't be physically attracted to him?

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