When in a relationship how much alone time do you like? Do you even need alone time?

[Wonderer89]

In long term relationships/marriages how much time do you like to spend alone?
Between all of my couple friends there is a huge disparity between our needs - what do you prefer?

[ak666]

I prefer, every few months, to spend a week or two away from her. I get that from my job and it does wonders. Already by the time I'm on the airplane, I'm missing her like crazy. When I get home, she comes to the airport every time to see me (don't have to) and jumps into my arms for a spinning hug.

I think it's an essential part of our marriage. If I didn't have that, we'd probably settle towards a routine and mundane life. Those business trips keep reigniting the spark and making it passionate and adventurous each time.

So I went with like a week or two every few months away from her for me.

On a more regular basis, I like a guy's night out where I don't take her along (she goes with her girlfriends) once every couple of weeks.

[ak666]

Actually I answered the question as though "alone" simply meant "away from her". If it's strictly solo, maybe a few hours a day completely to myself.

[aceslade117]

I am a person that has many hobbies/interests. I prefer to have my signifigant other persue these things with me, but if not I can do them myself. Everyone needs a little alone time, but if you need too much then why are you with someone?

[Keifer]

you look like you talk with a lisp

[aceslade117]

and I am occasionally dyslexic and stutter. but seriousy, I dont at all. no speech impediments at all

[Keifer]

I dyslexic hard when I'm around comfortable people

[WriterAndPainter]

Such a good question. I have been with my husband for 13 years and some odd months. I cannot tell you how many times I have wanted to choke him out because I feel smothered. Everybody needs their alone time it may just be two hours over the weekend or just five minutes at night. Everybody no matter how good the relationship is needs those moments to themselves. I love him, but some days I just need to be by myself. I work and I play housekeeper and Mom and I know he works and he's a good dad and he may be OK with not having time by himself but that doesn't mean that I'm not. I've always been the quiet type and he has finally realized it when he has given me "my time" it helps me process things and it just makes it better.

[Wonderer89]

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Yes!

[WriterAndPainter]

LOL! I write a lot too and working on a mini series and that's my alone time. It's an escape, my quiet time.

[Wonderer89]

That's good you're able to get it! I love to read but hubby always thinks that because there is no noise I'm obviously not doing anything 😑 It's taken years of patient explanations haha

[WriterAndPainter]

Men are special. Sometimes they just don't get it. They can drink a beer and watch a game as their escape, but for me personally I just need a few minutes of silence. It's really my favorite golden rule.

[ambertaylor]

I lock the door when I take a shower - that's my time to relax. Reading a book in bed at night after my partner falls asleep, getting home early and just kicking back and reflecting on my day, doing shopping alone. All these little things may not seem like much but it's just a small moment of calmness to find myself and be independent which I treasure and consider important because you never know, one day you might not always have someone, to appreciate time alone is important. To not be able to enjoy your own company would be a very disturbing existence for me.

[Izumiblu]

I'm pretty independent and so is my guy. We've been together for nearly 4years. We are also both very busy with our careers so we often have alone time forced on our relationship. I often feel like I don't see him enough. But I find that I get that alone time that I need. It can be a day or two here or there to weeks when one or the other is traveling. It mostly works out pretty well but not having the ability to control when you get your time alone can be kind of frustrating. But it works out pretty well because we are both pretty independent people.

[oddwaffle]

While it would probably prefer to spend no more than 20% of my free time, 5% of total time, or 10-15hrs a week with any one person, the other side demanded more.

Even long term relationship shouldn't be more than 2hrs a day. I can sometimes go for a couple hours or even a day or so with another person if they don't bother me. much. A 3-day trip will probably drive me crazy.

I am an introvert and a loner. Being in the same room with other people bothers me. I feel exhausted talking to people. I need a lot of alone time to recharge.

[Succubus213]

Well we both work. So each of us spend 9 + hours working and commuting. Then around eight hours sleeping, we usually eat together in the afternoon, but I have to spend an hour cooking supper. Do everyday not through choice but through circumstance we see each other for approximately 4 hours. We once went two years without seeing each other for more than an hour day as we had conflicting schedules but jobs are necessary to maintain a home.

[Wonderer89]

Wow, that's a long time with minimal quality time, happy to see you've got a better balance now 😊

[kaylaS91]

We don't live together so... I'm usually perfectly fine spending hours on end with him. Meaning that if we meet up at 1 or 2, I'd be perfectly content to chill/cuddle/fuck as much as we want until 11 or even midnight. I'd enjoy seeing him for that long a couple days per week but, after 1-2 days where we spend basically all day together, I make a point of not including him in my trips to the gym or something. I like to keep my gym sessions to be where I go by myself and have some time to reflect on anything new in my life without him.

[Tephra]

Need to be left alone for a day or two, not just romantic relationships but also friendships. I like my friends and family but sometimes I really need that time away because I get sick and tired of talking to them. I go out and do something else then Ill be in a mood to talk to them again. Think time apart really helps you recharge

[AsianMae98]

Well if I'm in a long term relationship, my alone times would be when my partner is still at work and I'm just doing my own free time at home or going out with friends on days off. If both me and my partner are free on a day, then I'll spend time with him of course. But since it's long term, we wouldn't mind at times if we're both at home and just doing our own separate things.

[1truekhaleesi]

It depends who I'm dating. There's some people that I can talk to all day and never get tired. Its like talking to them recharges me. And there's other people that I can't stand. I'm single and I'm happy being single because I know what I want but I haven't found it. I think once I meet someone that makes my intuition say that giving up my single life a good idea, I will know it's real.

[SarahD094]

I neeeed a bit of alone time. Me and my ex were living together and it got to the point where I was BEGGING him to go on a guys weekend away. I stopped going to visit his Nan with him, I still went but not every single time like before. Just needed a bit of time to myself because we were around each other almost 24/7. I worked from home and he didn't have a job. I would go stay with my parents for a week or two as well to visit and I'd find myself dreading going back sometimes.

[slatyb]

This varies widely. I like a fair bit of alone time and so does my wife. If an introvert and an extrovert get together, the extrovert needs to spend some time with outside friends so the introvert can recharge with some alone time. Both my wife and I are introverts, so we are happy to be alone together, in the same space, doing our own thing.

[Kaylyne]

@Wonderer89 As married women I think we both know and realise that we are not "joined at the hip" to our husbands. :)

[Wonderer89]

Nah, never have been. I cherish our time together but sometimes I just need him to leave 😂

[Kaylyne]

Boys will always be boys, and we girls just need our own time.

[luna33]

Depends sometimes I need a few hours, sometimes a whole day or 2 to charge my batteries. When I was younger use to think wasn't necessary and now I believe is very important to have alone time, free time, Me time to take care of myself too. Helps the relationship also, becomes stronger and more happy if we know how to understand and respect each others needs for space.

[Fox_McTag]

I miss her quite fast

a few hours and I think about her
1 day I miss her but still ok
2 days I miss her
3 days I start to be worry
4 days "babe? you're alright? I'm starting to worry"
5 days starts to freak out
6 days "I don't know if you're mad, I don't know what's going on, but I need to know that you're ok and not in danger :'l "

[nmhssh]

This is down to you as an individual and will vary between different people. It's a touchy subject, but just ask. Too much time together is shitty because you become complacent and stop putting in efforts you normally would if you just see each other less.

[Wonderer89]

I don't think it's a touchy subject at all, if it is there is possibly a bigger issue

[nmhssh]

What I mean is most people are people pleasing and avoid confrontation, and are likely to say everything's fine when it's not, and you're not spending too much time together when you actually are. Sometimes you don't realise you are spending too much time together until you get some space from each other. Do you want more alone time?

[Wonderer89]

It's not a very healthy place to be if you can't be honest with each other, relationships are a compromise of each other's needs and for that the other needs to know what those needs are.
Nope, I'm solid 😊 Sometimes we drift apart a bit and get caught up in ourselves but a quick chat and a week of date nights and we're back on track

[nmhssh]

Glad to hear that. I'm guessing you don't live together yet?

[Wonderer89]

Lol where are you making these assumptions from? We've lived together almost 8 years

[nmhssh]

Just a guess. Sometimes your right, sometimes not.

[nmhssh]

And I misread your age haha

[pagesmith1005]

I think the point of being in a relationship is to be together. For me being apart during work everyday gives you something to talk about when you see each other again. But in terms of alone time maybe just the occasional mani/pedi or a night out with the girls every now and then as im sure he enjoys he's time with his friends. But all in all i think youd WANT to be doing things together more often than not, otherwise maybe you are in the wrong relationship.

[Wonderer89]

There are a lot of hours in the week, and when you work together there is plenty of time to want to do other things. We have different friends and hobbies that overlap when we support each other - but I still need quiet time alone where I don't have to talk or do anything for anyone else. This works for us, but I have friends that spend every waking moment together and others that literally only come together when they go to sleep. Everyone seems to have different needs when it comes to space 😊 It's interesting

[pagesmith1005]

Every waking moment together sounds suffocating to be honest haha! Also what do you talk about if you are always together. On the other hand coming together only at bed time is the other extreme. But i guess there every couple knows what works for them best. But in my opinion as a healthy couple you would want to do things together mor often than not. You would still need some time alone but for the most part you would look to function as a couple when possible if that makes sense. Although life can get between what you want and what you actually can achieve sometimes.

[Blonde401]

The relationships I have been in have usually been where I've spent a lot of time on my own because of distance or because the person I'm dating just doesn't wanna see me :/ so I spent way more time being alone than I'd like. I don't need to see someone ALL the time but more than I've got previously would be nice.

[Wonderer89]

Hopefully you're able to find someone a bit more well matched to your needs Hun

[Blonde401]

Thank you but I'm not dating anymore as a result :)

[Purpleronnie]

People need what they need in relationship and it's a big part of a relationship to support your other in what they need. Everyone needs time to gather themselves and process they're thoughts and emotions , some more than others. I can be in the house with my g/f for most of the day and not be in the same room as her. We respect each other's need to do what we need to do. There is no specific or allowed time that one should need just support them with what they need it's just that simple

[vishna]

Sometimes I'm feeling more independent and like time to be by myself and watch movies and just let it be me.
Other times, like how I've been feeling the last few months, I want to talk to him all the time and get upset when I feel he's not caring about our communication.

[dolemite68]

I actually prefer a lot i need man cave time lol but that can mean we're both home she's just doing something else in another room and i'm watching sports or a guy movie.

[Wonderer89]

Same 😊 I can't watch sports for three hours!

[BeautifulPromisesx]

I haven't stopped talking to him since we started being together lmao.. I think alone time is good and I do need it usually but I haven't felt the need for it with him bc I love spending time with him that much.

[Neverrrmore]

I'm married and my husband works 24 hours every 3rd day. I need that alone time. It's nice to occasionally get a day off and get some extra him time but not too much, because then I get annoyed lol

[Wonderer89]

Lol completely agree, I'm the same. That's a long shift though! Especially if you've got kids at home

[Neverrrmore]

We have 3 kids, 2 dogs, and 1 cat lol 😜. It works really well for us though

[Wonderer89]

Oh god haha you're a brave lady

[redeyemindtricks]

What does he do for work? If you don't mind saying. That's... a highly unconventional shift structure. (The only people I've ever known with shifts anything like that were oil-rig workers, who needed the longer shift because it was 1.5-2 hours -- of paid time -- just to get them out to the rig in the first place.)

Also, is that every third *business* day?
Because if not, that works out to 56 hours/week on average... which means a LOT of overtime pay, if he is being paid hourly.

[Neverrrmore]

@redeyemindtricks he works for the fire department, so every third day period. They do A, B, C shifts. He's on A and then pulls some 12 hour Bs at another county.

[redeyemindtricks]

Hm interesting -- Tell him "thank you for yr service", on my behalf. ♥️

[Neverrrmore]

@redeyemindtricks will do! Thank you ☺

[natured]

Respecting your Partners boundaries is really fundamental in a relationship.
It is healthy to let that person be on their own, I think everybody needs that, to reflect and to dedicate something good to yourself.