How much alone time or independence is ideal for you in a serious relationship? Do you need a "me" day every week?

[HawkPerception]

[SoccerPlayer99]

It's healthy to have me time each day or multiple times per week. Your spouse doesn't count as me time. You have a duty to carve out time to put the gas mask on yourself before putting it on someone else. If you don't, you are likely hurting everyone around you by not showing up the best for them. Help one another find that time and encourage one another to do so.

Work is NOT me time.

Me time is spending time (maybe 20 minutes) doing something you enjoy, when it's possible to do so. This isn't always possible when life throws everything but the kitchen sink at you in a day. So, pick back up the next day and try again.

Let me lay this out before I get into addressing both genders. What I am about to say gives the benefit of the doubt to both spouses. It assumes, you both are doing your equal part in the relationship to make one another feel appreciated or loved. This could be sharing cleaning duties. This could be one person doing the majority of the inside cleaning while the other does the outside or works on the cars. This could be one person working full-time while the other stays home and cleans. This also implies that if you have kids, you are both spending as close to an equal amount of time possible with them. They really do need you both. These are all things that should be discussed and agreed upon. Advocate for yourselves.

Ladies, what this doesn't mean is tossing the kids at your husband as soon as he walks into the door because you "can't handle them anymore today". If he needs a "me time minute" to decompress from the day, you need to give him one. It also doesn't mean your husband isn't allowed to have hobbies. You DO NOT dictate how he spends his time. He chooses how to spend HIS time. Be grateful when he decides to spend it on you and on helping around the house.

My dudes, you should encourage your wife to have a hobby and you need to carve out time for her to do so. Furthermore, your hobbies do not need to contribute to the household to be hobbies. As an example, your hobby could include gaming if you like. BUT you have a duty to your spouse. She need your attention and your support. Your kids need your dad time. You do need to help around the house. Enjoy your hobbies but don't let them become out of balance with your responsibilities.

[HawkPerception]

This was really well said man

[AMS700CX4u2]

Never had me days but had me hours, like 3 or 4 on mt projects. Then my wife and kids got interested in the me projects and me time became us time. Then my cousin died and left us her Cal25. Boat time became important and so did the Advanced Coastal Navigation Course from the Coast Guard. A lot of me study time. Me time changes with age.

[Hardon-Collider]

"independence" is an extremely unhealthy and gay way to say "peaceful quiet". ㅤ

What good is it to be "independent" without peace.

Is your partner crushing your will to the point that the only way to regenerate it is physical isolation?

[DishLady]

A little daily “me” time is healthy. And vacation days are meant to be taken as well.


For people with unstructured schedules, however, this becomes a challenge. There’s too much “me” time (or perhaps none bc time alone working remotely quietly starts registering as “me” time and we end up squandering the mental down time we need to regenerate.


SLEEP is not “me time”…
Time working alone is not “me time”….
Personal time used to work on projects isn’t “me time”….


ME TIME, in its healthiest sense, is just down time you take for yourself to “reset”/“reboot”/chill. Meditation, a long walk, reading a book just for yourself, etc… for an hour or two. Taking time to tend to yourself (a spa, retreat, etc) is also “me time”…


Women (esp in relationships) tend to forget “me time” and merge it with “we time” to be with their guy. Meanwhile guys want to hold on to their “man cave” time, which is a frustrating combo leading to girls’ getting upset that they give up their time while the guy doesn’t… They see it as a lack of appreciation….


The problem is that the guy should set a timer on his me time… and the girl shouldn’t yield “me time” for “we time” so readily.

[HawkPerception]

This was very well said. Especially the part where you mentioned "Time working alone is not me time".

[DishLady]

Thanks, HP.

[VioletHaze]

A full 'me day' a week sounds great! I wouldn't need it though. However, I would need a room to escape to every now and then, or a partner who is comfortable in silence or likes engaging in the interests that recharge my batteries.

[HawkPerception]

The part where you say "or likes engaging in the interests of that recharge my batteries" really resonates with me. For me, it's not so much the space. It's about doing the things I want that I know recharge me. If they want to do those things with me, I'm all for it.

[VioletHaze]

Yeah, I find I do not mind being around someone so long as they like the same things and don't drain me themselves

[Summeroflove]

As for me I need a balance. Some people are more clingy and others more distant needing their own space. Neither one is wrong by any means… just have to find who is compatible and who isn’t.

I need a mix. I value my time and space. But I also do want to spend time with someone I genuinely love. So if someone does the same thing we would probably work. I don’t need to be up someone’s ass every minute of the day. I also don’t want to do weeks without talking to someone.

[Purpleronnie]

I’m not fond of calling it “alone” time or independence as I’m independent always and generally alone when I’m working but neither helps explain why and when I may want time away from my partner or everyone for that matter.


Neither do I think there is any ideal amount time for me or any consensus overall on what is accepted or required. For me it’s just as and when needed or wanted


I have my own hobbies and passions that my other half isn’t involved in and that’s generally enough for me but I have been known to take myself away for for a few hours or a few days for introspection or escapism.

[fonduegirl]

Can have individual differences here.

As much as I understand, introverts would desire it more. Extroverts too, but that's because you can't simply share your partner's friends like they show you in the movies. For introverts though, they need some space to breath, to engage in quiet time.

[Straight2thepoint]

Couples need their alone time. If they are doing something, find something to do. Same for them. If this is an issue the relationship is not for either of you.

If you think a relationship is this Disney collage of love stories. Then ur going to have heart aches. Its an investment of each other's time and money.

Too much time spent result to boredom.

Too much spent turns to anger on wealth.

Too much subjects to touch upon on this relationship subject. But I wish you guys well.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

It depends on the dynamic. Some relationships you almost smother eachother but somehow you can both have alone time in the same room and others you could spend weeks apart and it feels the same way.

It's just about your ability to adapt to and trust eachother.

[Little_Bumblebee]

All depends on my mood, needs, and such.
It's not a constant need to be something specific.
It would be sporadic for me, all depending on what's happening in life.

[Zack-Bann]

I would say just enough alone time to rip out demonic farts that would send the devil shivering


Once gas-free I can be with a person as long as needed

[Allybear83]

I'm very introverted and after work every night I need my alone time away from my partner so I can unwind. It's great for me as it resets my mood and when I feel like myself again I interact with my partner again.

[luvstoned4him]

try each day. I need to pour love into myself before I can give to others otherwise I suffer complete burnout

[queenofcardio]

I don't need a whole day, a few hours is fine

[LemonsAreLae]

I think me time is whenever it is needed. sometimes people need to be alone with there thoughts. just resepct whoever is reflecting on life. smother them when they return, yada yada.

[beenherebefore]

I have me moments every day so does my Partner. We share the same house and we never felt the need for space honestly.

[katiesmuff]

Our alone time is when we are at our respective jobs!

[Cleopatra2000]

I think it’s healthy for a relationship to have outside friendships. You need to have friendships outside of your relationship because, if not, you rely on each other for entertainment, which can strain the relationship.

[Xawyx-2]

I'm not in a relationship, so I always have independence.

[Twalli]

Work is enough. She works 12 hours a week, I can work up to 45 (if they ask). We're apart enough with that.

[HighValue]

I need a couple hours to myself each day.