Would you date a girl/guy with borderline personality disorder?

Question

Title explains it. Essentially borderline personality disorder makes people impulsive, have extremes of emotion, fear abandonment, have intense mood swings and have trouble figuring out their true thoughts. This often comes about from sexual and emotional abuse (BPD is argued as being a form of ptsd relating to the identity).

I recently got a diagnosis of BPD after several years of getting depression diagnosis and ptsd and others but none seemed to fit. I was wondering if people would be willing to stick with someone like me or not.
It's ruined a few relationships and its upsetting that i can go from loving someone and wanting them close to wanting them to get away from me because i can't trust them and if i do trust them to tell them my secrets they'll abandon me. (Yes i understand the flawed logic of "i dont wanna be abandoned" then doing everything that leads to it in an effort to not risk getting abandoned)

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I did. Honestly, it was a nightmare, and I don't think I could do it again.

I meet this girl. We slide around in the snow, kiss under this lamppost, talk all night, have mind blowing sex. We dance, and it is passionate, and electric, and amazing. At first I thought, how is this girl even real?

Then I find out pretty fast that she wasn't. After we have sex, she breaks down into tears about how she left her boyfriend of two years for some guy with a really nice car who made her feel stuff she didn't feel since she was a little girl, left her after, etc. She then held me and asked me not to leave her. Mind you, I've known this girl for like 3 days at this point. She tells me she loves me, contacts my best friends in different countries, contacts my extended family, and as soon as I suggest I need a bit of space, she splits, starts speaking rudely, etc. I go do my thing, was pledging a frat at the time, and she finds out from snapchat that I'm at a social and there are girls there. Suddenly she wants to get "back together". Truth be told, it was mindblowing sex, and she seemed like a really sweet girl, and I did really really like the good parts emotionally, so I decide to give her a shot. really great for another two months. Then CRASH. I met her ex, we actually get along, and I mention it to her. She then goes on to tell me how every guy she ever dated was abusive. I'm sort of freaked out, because I don't want this girl to think I'm abusive after I leave, so I try really really really hard to get her to leave me and think it is better for her. I deliberately try to dress less well around her. I even deliberately mess up my grammar, and try to act dumber. Doesn't work. I try to bring up my ex drama and suggest we take it slow. Still doesn't work. Finally I tell her I have to focus a lot on schoolwork, and that maybe she needs some time to get over her ex. I even try to tell her I'll be right here when she's done processing (hoping she will find another victim). Finally we leave. I cut all contact. Block her on all social media. change my instagram security settings. change my number. start dating someone new. She tries to come to the frathouse and sleep with a bunch of the guys. When she realizes I sincerely don't care, and am happy with my new girlfriend, she breaks down and tries to threaten to kill herself to end my new relationship. I'm honestly still scared she will try to come back and try to like hurt me emotionally or something.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You show a great depth of understanding of your flaws. I feel there is tremendous hope for you. I believe there are many stronger guys than I out there who will love you and stick with you. I've been 'burned' in a relationship with a BPD sufferer so I would not choose to go back there. It was extremely stressful involving first deep passion, then abuse and finally scary stalking.

HaveQuestions · Accepted Answer

I thought I'd just add a resource for people about BPD, since it can be hard to diagnose and hard to treat. Awareness and an innate desire to change are the most essential ingredients in any course of treatment. I hope you have heard of DBT, dialectic behavior therapy? Created by a person who hasent BPD, and widely regarded as the most effective treatment model. Sounds like you have awareness on your side, and I wouldn't sell yourself short of anything. Having a functional relationship is possible for anyone, and everyone is responsible for managing their own self within one. Personality disorders can be intensely destructive, and can also be treated.

Personality disorders are hard, because they are disfunction within the core ways a person relates to the world, typically developed early on in life.

They are integrated into the identity of a person, rather than superimposed over it like some other conditions. This may be why they are so difficult to treat, but not impossible.

psychcentral.com/.../

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I have it and no I would never date someone with the same problem as me.

Explorer91 · Answer

For me, no because I had a mum with it and a partner.
It took me a long time to heal to attract different people into my life.

I do not find this personality disorder intentionally malicious. But due to intense inability to regulate their emotions and an intense refusal to deal with their deep traumas it ends up hurting others (even if its not the intent).

I find constantly having to regulate someone elses emotions for them... well it makes me feel like im drowning.

So, do the work. Heal the traumas that you do not want to face. Then you will find plenty of people to date.

meatballs21 · Answer

I had a close friend who has BPD. Being there to support them, which could be needed at any time of day or night, was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I wanted to help and understand as best as I could and I made a lot of mistakes.

The whole "walking on eggshells/ I hate you-don't leave me" thing is absolutely true. In the end, they moved away to start a new life away from all the toxic people in their life who hurt more than helped them when they needed it most.

With this experience, I would be reluctant to pursue a romantic relationship with someone who has BPD. It is mentally, emotionally and physically draining, and signs of fatigue or frustration are read by the person with BPD as early signs of abandonment.

KingDeAce · Answer

Its pretty difficult to spend life with such a partner its no walk in the park life's already pretty unpredictable so having a partner who can swing anyway even in a situation where you need his/her support the most can be very discouraging plus make you question your own judgement

Anonymous · Answer

The correct answer is no. But that's saying it in theory not talking about someone I was falling wildly in love with.

I know a little about it. At this point I'd consider it specifically seeing how we worked together. It's a big challenge.

Best of luck with it.

Zumbido · Answer

Yeah I don't see why not. I like to think that part of the human experience is doing your best to strengthen and support others. Dating someone like you could be an extension of that. If you really make them happy and they love you then they'll stay.

notallthere98 · Answer

Yes, I would date someone with BPD. I don't know much about it but I would be willing to learn and figure things out.

Anonymous · Answer

No, that's too much for me to handle. I can't be someone's therapist and their lover. People with BPD need to work towards getting their disorder under control before they can have a successful and happy relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't. My ex had BPD and he ended up abusing me on a daily basis. I am not saying that this is how it'll end up every time, I know there're big differences between each person with BPD! Although, I do know people who're dating someone with BPD and they're so fucking happy.

JessetheTerrible · Answer

I'd probably consider it, but I'd also be an awful person to be with for someone with BPD. I've got depression and acute anxiety, so it prolly wouldn't end up well

Anonymous · Answer

I suffer from BPD. I was sexually abused as a kid. I take meds and therapy. Still my relationships never work. So I have kinda 'retired' from the dating world.

DizzyAster · Answer

If they do therapy and take any prescription drugs, then I wouldn't know until they told me. Untreated is obvious and a hell no.  (I've done it before, worst time of my life)

art84 · Answer

Sounds like too much for me to handle, so the answer would be no.

Anonymous · Answer

I am similar to that and I would. Normies wouldn't.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know I think I'll be worried they will try hurting me

dolemite68 · Answer

ya cuz every girl has one haha

TsubasaCorrupted · Answer

I have. It was interesting to say the least.

CT_CD · Answer

If she's hot

dogfish · Answer

um nope

Seppel · Answer

I have it too

Anonymous · Answer

maybe

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