Living with the fact that my girlfriend was promiscuous?

Question

I'm deeply in love with this girl and have been for over a year. Problem is she was promiscuous. She's slept with around 50 guys admittedly. I don't know for a fact that she cheated before, but I'm highly suspect she did - as she was engaged once (which ended before a marriage) and married and divorced. That doesn't happen for no reason especially at the age of 26. But I feel like she's changed and isn't promiscuous and isn't cheating. The main issue for me personally is that it will haunt me especially if we have kids (she wants kids badly). I don't know if I'd be able to live with the fact that the mother of my children used to be sleeping around and possibly of cheated. I feel like it would haunt me. Is this normal for me to feel that way?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Yeah, it HAPPENS prior to 26 when sexually attractive & perhaps gong through a phase, e. g. some drink to excess for decades then not a drop for decades (Alex Baldwin, others) going through phases.

Maybe she's not for you but can't say a virgin from Bible Class would fit any better.

First thing to try would be to stand in the mirror and count your own faults, going back in time, perhaps even list them as they come to you, just to get more humble & remember we are all sinners, some blessed in wanting to reform. The latter also come equipped to help others get out of bad situations & stay out.

The other thing to do is to is to compare these bodily invasions to non-sexual invasions similar and realize nothing permanent has been damaged nor changed. Emotionally she might be more forgiving and loving of men in general = no matter how much you change & screw up, she's willing to love you, even sexually hereafter.

If you can't handle her past, post a poll on GAG as to how many guys WOULD like a chance with her! Might be a revelation in what you have...

FakeName123 · Accepted Answer

This screams red flags all over.

1. She got pretty much divorced twice. Ending an engagement is prett ymuch like a divorce already. What makes you think she will not do the same with you?

2. She sounds impulsive. Low impulse-control is a huge problem and correlates to promiscuity as well as being a cheater.

3. People rarely change. Yes, they can change, but they rarely do.

4. You have a bad gut-feeling.

5. She was promiscuous. This alone has a long list of possible negatievs. Read my post about it here: https://pastebin.com/HGcPFmCU

6. She divorces twice and now want kids badly. Good chance she just wants to ensure you as the provider and have you by the balls. There is a good chance she also mentioned casually that she "only wants kids when married".

Wonderer89 · Accepted Answer

If you feel that way end it now. If you can't see past those things to the person she is now, and doubt her ability to be a strong partner and mother then she is not the girl for you.
She doesn't deserve to be constantly judged by a man who is supposed to love her, and that's what you're doing. It's just an incompatibility, you don't need to agree with her behaviour but you either need to get over it or end it. There is nothing she can do to change your feelings.

Side note, I was promiscuous when I was younger and have no regrets. I've been with my husband for a long time and though I have my faults my devotion to my husband and commitment to my marriage have never been one of them. It's my highest priority.
People and priorities change, if you feel confident in who she is now that should be what matters

ShaunaM95 · Accepted Answer

If it's in the past then it should stay there. If you trust her then there should be no issue. If you can't get passed it, then leave her. It's not fair on her to get down on her for her past. The past is the past and that's where it should stay.

1truekhaleesi · Accepted Answer

Do you want her to build a time machine, go back, and reverse what she did? Because that's not going to happen. But if you dont feel you can trust her, end it.

JayCasper777 · Answer

dude if it bothers you. then you gotta do something about it before you bring kids into the picture or do something as stupid as getting married to a slut.

she a slut. nowadays that's not a rare thing tbh. we live in modern times. most peoples morals are missing. talk 2 some people you respect. get their opinion on a guy that's settled with a slut. look at successful respectable people. are they with reformed sluts. see the answers for yourself. find the answers don't let anybody tell you them. just don't move any further with her until you have the answer to these questions.

Kairnoct · Answer

It is normal for men to feel that way, in that many men (and women) have difficulty with the fact that their partners have a past. As long as she doesn't cheat, and there are no disease concerns, the only issue is whether you can get over it.

You need to decide if you can make peace with the fact that the woman in your life likes sex and has had enough of it with enough people to know how she likes it. You need to look inside and decide if you can be at peace knowing that in the end she chose you to stay with, not any of those other men.

If you really don't know if you can trust her, please don't bring kids into this chaotic equation.

If you are not certain you can be okay with her past, because her past can not change, please don't bring children into that chaotic formula.

In the end, it will be hard soul searching, because even if you want to be okay with her past, if you can't, then there is just pain in store for everyone.

Hope this helps.

Vespasian · Answer

100 percent honest, red flags popping up everywhere. If you want a successful marriage, statistics say this is the wrong girl for you. With 50+ partners, here are the stats:
23% chance of a successful marriage
56.5% chance of divorce
41.9% chance of having STI's
20% chance of a marriage that lasts longer than 5 years
57% of being a single mother
32% for a happy marriage
She's damaged goods tbh

tzdc21 · Answer

It is absolutely normal. That's a natural male instinct to ensure that the children that you raise are yours and not some other man's. And a woman like her cannot ensure paternity. Honestly I don't even know why you're still with her after hearing about the 50 guys.

karahiri · Answer

it seems like it is already bothering you. cut her loose, let her find someone else.

reptocarl · Answer

You have skeletons in your closet too. You're no saint so how can you judge her?

GoodtimeGuy · Answer

If a person has a track regard of being unfaithful, it will be only a matter of time till you end up hurt. Keep calm and carry on.

genericname85 · Answer

you don´t know if she´s a cheater. if you can´t cope with the fact that she was promiscuous, just break up. if you can´t trust her, have a serious conversation about it. if you think she would lie to you, you shouldn´t be together anyway.

razeoes · Answer

50 means nothing. get over it or move on to judge the next person

Belgie · Answer

Normal in the sense that many guys would. But if you can't live with it, then getting married to her is a massive mistake.

CT_CD · Answer

You don't have to live with it. Dump that sloot and find a respectable girl

Vanjasper · Answer

If you feel that way, best give it up now. If you can't have confidence in her or yourself, it's you with the issues. Not her.

Robsinsf53 · Answer

If you can't trust her get out. And dont have no kids.

skylimetoon · Answer

don't have sex until marriage with her. if all works out you have a reason to trust her and your deep love can settle. call it a love test

Anonymous · Answer

Not really as it sounds like your overthinking and paranoid

Anonymous · Answer

Dump that whore. She's gonna cheat on you and make your life hell. Believe me.

Bigtom155 · Answer

If this bothers you then you should end the relationship and let her find someone who isn’t hung up about her past.

Anonymous · Answer

Well if you want heartache stay together or be happy apart

Midget_Hug · Answer

Normal

Living with the fact that my girlfriend was promiscuous?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Living with the fact that my girlfriend was promiscuous?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.