Is it acceptable for couples to shout during arguments?

Question

Do you think its acceptable for couples to shout at each other during especially heated arguments? why or why not?

BlueCoyote · Accepted Answer

I think "acceptable" is maybe the wrong word. I just find it very destructive and counterproductive (and also quite a bit immature to be honest). Screaming doesn't achieve anything, it only makes your partner and the overall atmosphere more aggressive and less open for mutual empathy and a possible solution. It's like in a very tense international conflict where one party starts randomly shooting or throwing rockets. It's impossible to have a peaceful talk and make a compromise in such a situation.
My wife has a very hot temper and while I like that in other areas of our relationship, it can be extremely frustrating during fights. For a long time, she would get fired off because of practically nothing and start screaming. In her opinion, that wasn't really a big deal because she always calms down fast but the problem is that screaming really upsets me. I heard quite a lot of screaming in my childhood and maybe that's why I'm a bit obsessed with peacefulness and harmony now. I can discuss tense issues, that's no problem. But once people start screaming, I just walk away and I take it very badly. Sometimes I'm still angry about it several hours later and not willing to make peace. I think some people don't realize that screaming is also a form of aggression, just not physical.
So, over the past years I've taught my wife to remain calm and contained during arguments. In my opinion, you can also express your anger through calm words. Like, you can say "this really pisses me off". There's no need to scream. She has become much, much better at it and I'm really glad about that.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

I think that when couples resolve to shouting during an argument, they are more interested in having their statements heard than they are in listening to what their partner is saying, so it is unlikely that anything constructive will come from that exchange. Also when tempers start to flare, some people tend to say hurtful things and you can't "take it back" when the argument is finished. It would be better to agree to take a time out and resume when you can have a discussion instead of an argument.

amber12A · Accepted Answer

It can lead to further retaliation & in the case of an ongoing relationship, unless there is some constructive change made, the same vicious cycle of aggressive shouting is likely to be repeated again and again in the course of the relationship and becomes a habit. So, no. totally unacceptable if you can help it.

mooky06 · Accepted Answer

It's not acceptable (in a hypothetical situation). Shouting doesn't help and it may cause more problems really. The initial issue doesn't get solved.

Realistically though, it's an emotion that you can't suppress (maybe even control sometimes). It's common to shout when in a heated argument in my opinion.

kaylaS91 · Accepted Answer

No, I wouldn't find it acceptable for my boyfriend to shout during an argument. The only thing shouting accomplishes is escalating the situation and most definitely not getting us any closer to a peaceful resolution, or a civil discussion at the very least.

madhatters4 · Answer

it probably shouldn't be acceptable but i know that it rather naturally occurs as people get heated.

i know for my wife and i once we get to shouting at each other we only get further away from resolution; but i also know couples who seem to operate best when their arguments resort to yelling

dragonfly6516 · Answer

Acceptable? No.

Easy to control? No.

I don't think it's intentional in most cases.

Shouting isn't a conscious choice, but not shouting is a conscious effort, which can be difficult when emotions are flared, tempers are heated, and stress is up.

Peachman · Answer

Its not good but its acceptable, for example when I argue with my parents they will often yell, last time it was going for a good hour before I started yelling, I then removed myself, what is better two do in a argument is see what both peoples problem is, and come to a agreement not yell at each other and insult each other for no purpose

Prof_Don · Answer

I find shouting when talking to be a weakness. Calm demeanor is ALWAYS more effective to communicate.

I have a bad habit of tuning people out when they are shouting or raising their voice, because I feel said person is so emotionally frazzled that he/she won't be able to properly interpret what I'm saying

DonkeyRick69 · Answer

In private yes, in public it's rude and low class.
Couples fight. A couple who never fights and never expresses their anger or annoyance of each other will end up bottling it up until they explode in a massive fight over nothing or become passive aggressive and negative towards each other.

JimRSmith · Answer

We don't argue a lot, and don't tend to shout much when we do.  Nothing wrong with it. Previous girlfriends have been shooters, sometimes.

DizzyDesii · Answer

Feel free to shout but if you call me a b*tch, cunt, or anything similar, its over

Browneye57 · Answer

For some it's not so deleterious. For others it is.
Consider if you can't discuss an issue without escalating to shouting and yelling to table it and come back to it later. Sometimes you have to do this several times. Sometimes you simply will not agree, and just agree to disagree.
If you make petty differences more important than your relationship together then it will never last.

alice55 · Answer

Yes, it's. if you don't shout there's no argument anyway and it's better to let the anger go out than keeping it.

Anonymous · Answer

I would say no, because women are the loud and annoying ones. Women can never shut up and yell a lot, and tbh, women, myself included tend to hit the worst parts. The parts that make a guy feel like dirt. I don't intend to at all, but I do sometimes and I don't like it.

SystemOfTheMachine · Answer

I don't shout because I don't like to fight with people I'm in a relationship with. I don't get into relationships to shout at them in anger. I go to protests, concerts, or riots to shout.

lilybenet · Answer

I am always changing my tone while arguments but if my boyfriend changes the tone I am becoming angrier. I think a man should stay calm and don't shout as women are becoming angrier.

artie1983 · Answer

It doesn't solve anything by shouting at each other. There are better ways of relieving stress. Go for a walk, meditate, listen to some music or something. Then discuss the problem calmly

SteppingOnRoses · Answer

hmm I have learned there are better ways to discuss problems with your SO No, I dont think shouting is healthy, and should be avoided, if possible.

ZaraMohammed · Answer

it is something that comes natural. I mean we're humans. we tend to get angry and with relationships if the two parties really serious about each other anger tends to come out. but it's not necessary to shout but realistically it happens.

bdpayne3 · Answer

It depends on the couple. Personally i can keep my calm and expect my partner to do the same and would rather talk it out. But some couples benefit by yelling it out. As long as there's no abuse involved I don't see a problem.

sambodeni · Answer

In my experience it's never helped anything. I think you should avoid shouting as much as you can to avoid hurtful words you don't mean. My boyfriend and I will go to separate rooms and calm down then talk.

LaFemmeFatale · Answer

I might find it hard to control my voice since I'm very hot headed but I think It's still not acceptable. I would try to avoid it at all cost and if he still triggers he better run or kiss me right when I start getting loud.

Grougaloragran · Answer

Shouting happens mainly because someone wants to put their point over the other's, it's not "acceptable" but in a heated argument you can't really help it, can you? thats why is heated.

Lillyhope · Answer

It's not advisable, because when you start shouting, doesn't matter at whom, they start being angrier and it'll never end up well.. it's better to say the same things but with a calm voice

Warmapplecrumble · Answer

It is acceptable we all get angry, it's good sometimes to just let it all out and not fake anything. But many things I agree with would confuse the general public.

Unit1 · Answer

Nein. Not for me at least. I need my peace, harmony and tranquility, as these things are very foundational for me. Stress and disharmony are the killers.

halo1Donly · Answer

no! it's passion and emotions but simply just conversating and then having make up sex really works no feelings are hurt just don't make it a habit that your always arguing for the sex

TheFlak38 · Answer

Is it such a big deal? We all have our ups and downs.

anmari2001 · Answer

ofc it is, what is one healthy relationship without some shouting  sometimes you just need to shout it out but not all the time tho

Sisitecandy · Answer

Acceptable? Like publicly? If it's in public, it's pretty embarassing. And reguarding the couple, shouting won't make it better.

Elarra · Answer

No... shouting doesn't do anything except make each other angry and your point will never get across.

natannq · Answer

shouldn't be acceptable since it is said we r civilized and we can speak and solve problems but I think isn't possible

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Yes its natural. Or at least it is where I am. Plus for me shouting releases frustration. So id rather we yell at each other for 10 minutes than kiss and make up.

ThatGuy123456789 · Answer

Shouting is ok so long as it is not aggressive. Don't mean to be sexist but I'm a 6,4 tall muscular man so shouting at my 5'7 girlfriend would be a bit intimidating.

Anonymous · Answer

We always whisper in each other's ear when we are arguing.

zombiebabe · Answer

shouting ain't a good idea during an argument cause it normally makes things worse but most people end up doing it during arguments

serious · Answer

Shouting is never acceptable in an argument but I guess it just happens at the heat of the moment.

samhradh_leannan · Answer

Yeah. It's natural. What they're actually saying is what could be unacceptable.

Decentguy · Answer

yes i think it is acceptable. but in my opinion both of them should solve it with low voice and without anger. because a angry mind is always a narrow mind

izzie_morris · Answer

Yes it is acceptable because everybody does it and it's hard not to sometimes

LittleSally · Answer

It might elevate stress levels... but it's natural...

ThisDudeHere · Answer

Sometimes you just have to get it out of the system.

BrittBratt2416 · Answer

Yes people do that all the time instead of listening

Dme500 · Answer

its acceptable to do so when things get really REALLY heated. but it shouldn't be a constant thing. instead it should be calm conversation if at all and as soon as possible.

Walrus_au · Answer

Acceptable? Sure. Productive? Nope The shouting isn't indicative of anything beyond emotional tension. How the couple handle the argument and aftermath is what tells you what kind of couple they are.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Its the only way to argue. If she belittles My "pee pee" to hurt My feelings than I put her in a head lock and give her a stiff nuggy til she cries. 😎

Kuraj · Answer

It's not like you are going to think about what's "acceptable" when you are mad now is it? I don't think I have ever seen a calm and composed fight.

FrenchyRomain · Answer

Shouting gets your anger out but it makes you say things you don't necessarily believe to be true... so it's acceptable but be prepared for what comes afterwards

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

No it's not acceptable. I think it makes matters worst.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Whether it's right or not just about every couple will do it at least once.

Maxemeister · Answer

No. Shouting leads to more shouting leads to nothing

Blitzkrieger · Answer

no its not. i dont like it. arguments can be had without shouting.

romeo_and_cats · Answer

Read Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray

genericname85 · Answer

Depends. In moderation it's fine. You can't just scream hysterically all the time though xD

RedThread · Answer

I think it's a sign of maturity when people can discuss their differences calmly and rationally.

_lionking · Answer

yeah it's a part of the argument btdt but you've got to watch your tongue if you want to see that girl again

Zachthegoat · Answer

I think it is but I don't think its going to do much other than make the situation worse

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. Shouting is pretty natural, and though it's disturbing, we don't always have to see it as something bad.

jacquesvol · Answer

It happens in many homes.  Not in our home.

Arya_Christ · Answer

yes. what do you think?

Zendrya · Answer

not at all. Never have, and the plan is never will

karahiri · Answer

Yeah. I don't like the idea, but its normal

catelyntje · Answer

Yes I shout to everyone when I'm angry

legalboxers · Answer

it escalates the problem

Is it acceptable for couples to shout during arguments?

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