Is it acceptable for couples to shout during arguments?

[BronzedAdonis]

Do you think its acceptable for couples to shout at each other during especially heated arguments?


why or why not?

[BlueCoyote]

I think "acceptable" is maybe the wrong word. I just find it very destructive and counterproductive (and also quite a bit immature to be honest). Screaming doesn't achieve anything, it only makes your partner and the overall atmosphere more aggressive and less open for mutual empathy and a possible solution. It's like in a very tense international conflict where one party starts randomly shooting or throwing rockets. It's impossible to have a peaceful talk and make a compromise in such a situation.
My wife has a very hot temper and while I like that in other areas of our relationship, it can be extremely frustrating during fights. For a long time, she would get fired off because of practically nothing and start screaming. In her opinion, that wasn't really a big deal because she always calms down fast but the problem is that screaming really upsets me. I heard quite a lot of screaming in my childhood and maybe that's why I'm a bit obsessed with peacefulness and harmony now. I can discuss tense issues, that's no problem. But once people start screaming, I just walk away and I take it very badly. Sometimes I'm still angry about it several hours later and not willing to make peace. I think some people don't realize that screaming is also a form of aggression, just not physical.
So, over the past years I've taught my wife to remain calm and contained during arguments. In my opinion, you can also express your anger through calm words. Like, you can say "this really pisses me off". There's no need to scream. She has become much, much better at it and I'm really glad about that.

[OlderAndWiser]

I think that when couples resolve to shouting during an argument, they are more interested in having their statements heard than they are in listening to what their partner is saying, so it is unlikely that anything constructive will come from that exchange. Also when tempers start to flare, some people tend to say hurtful things and you can't "take it back" when the argument is finished. It would be better to agree to take a time out and resume when you can have a discussion instead of an argument.

[amber12A]

It can lead to further retaliation & in the case of an ongoing relationship, unless there is some constructive change made, the same vicious cycle of aggressive shouting is likely to be repeated again and again in the course of the relationship and becomes a habit. So, no. totally unacceptable if you can help it.

[mooky06]

It's not acceptable (in a hypothetical situation). Shouting doesn't help and it may cause more problems really. The initial issue doesn't get solved.

Realistically though, it's an emotion that you can't suppress (maybe even control sometimes). It's common to shout when in a heated argument in my opinion.

[kaylaS91]

No, I wouldn't find it acceptable for my boyfriend to shout during an argument. The only thing shouting accomplishes is escalating the situation and most definitely not getting us any closer to a peaceful resolution, or a civil discussion at the very least.

[madhatters4]

it probably shouldn't be acceptable but i know that it rather naturally occurs as people get heated.

i know for my wife and i once we get to shouting at each other we only get further away from resolution; but i also know couples who seem to operate best when their arguments resort to yelling

[dragonfly6516]

Acceptable? No.

Easy to control? No.

I don't think it's intentional in most cases.

Shouting isn't a conscious choice, but not shouting is a conscious effort, which can be difficult when emotions are flared, tempers are heated, and stress is up.

[Peachman]

Its not good but its acceptable, for example when I argue with my parents they will often yell, last time it was going for a good hour before I started yelling, I then removed myself, what is better two do in a argument is see what both peoples problem is, and come to a agreement not yell at each other and insult each other for no purpose

[Prof_Don]

I find shouting when talking to be a weakness. Calm demeanor is ALWAYS more effective to communicate.

I have a bad habit of tuning people out when they are shouting or raising their voice, because I feel said person is so emotionally frazzled that he/she won't be able to properly interpret what I'm saying

[DonkeyRick69]

In private yes, in public it's rude and low class.
Couples fight. A couple who never fights and never expresses their anger or annoyance of each other will end up bottling it up until they explode in a massive fight over nothing or become passive aggressive and negative towards each other.

[JimRSmith]

We don't argue a lot, and don't tend to shout much when we do.

Nothing wrong with it. Previous girlfriends have been shooters, sometimes.

[BronzedAdonis]

shooters or shouters?

[JimRSmith]

Shouters, lol - bloody autocorrect.

One actually was a shooter, as well, though.

[BronzedAdonis]

a muzzie?

[JimRSmith]

No, lol - we used to go rough shooting together with shotguns.

[DizzyDesii]

Feel free to shout but if you call me a b*tch, cunt, or anything similar, its over

[BronzedAdonis]

bitch

[DizzyDesii]

Fuck you and ya greasy faced mama. Rude for no reason

[BronzedAdonis]

look whos talking ;)

[Warmapplecrumble]

Lmaooooooo

[Browneye57]

For some it's not so deleterious. For others it is.
Consider if you can't discuss an issue without escalating to shouting and yelling to table it and come back to it later. Sometimes you have to do this several times. Sometimes you simply will not agree, and just agree to disagree.
If you make petty differences more important than your relationship together then it will never last.

[Browneye57]

Hilarious - why the down-vote? How can this be bad?

[SystemOfTheMachine]

I don't shout because I don't like to fight with people I'm in a relationship with. I don't get into relationships to shout at them in anger. I go to protests, concerts, or riots to shout.

[Idonthaveausername]

Same. Yelling at someone is disrespectful and respect is the key to long-lasting, committed relationships. Being yelled at can be scary and only tears relationships apart. Agreed that fighting in general should be kept to a minimum

[Anonymous]

I would say no, because women are the loud and annoying ones. Women can never shut up and yell a lot, and tbh, women, myself included tend to hit the worst parts. The parts that make a guy feel like dirt. I don't intend to at all, but I do sometimes and I don't like it.

[lilybenet]

I am always changing my tone while arguments but if my boyfriend changes the tone I am becoming angrier. I think a man should stay calm and don't shout as women are becoming angrier.

[DonkeyRick69]

So let himself be hen pecked to death lol?

[BlueCoyote]

Oh the sting of hypocrisy...

[DonkeyRick69]

@BlueCoyote hypocrisy is the human condition we all suffer from.

[lilybenet]

I am saying what happens most of the tome when guy changes tone, cause girls are emotional and they change their emotions and everything in minutes, i am not saying that girls should shout and guys should listen to it

[artie1983]

It doesn't solve anything by shouting at each other. There are better ways of relieving stress. Go for a walk, meditate, listen to some music or something. Then discuss the problem calmly

[alice55]

Yes, it's. if you don't shout there's no argument anyway and it's better to let the anger go out than keeping it.

[DonkeyRick69]

Exactly so many people are wound so tight because they don't express their anger.

[BlueCoyote]

Anger can also be expressed through words in a calm, rational fashion.

[DonkeyRick69]

@BlueCoyote https://youtu.be/E1nSwpxRuJo
If your name is Patrick Bateman.

[BronzedAdonis]

@DonkeyRick69 lol

[BlueCoyote]

@DonkeyRick69 Pretty much ;-)

[alice55]

@DonkeyRick69 Yes, a lot of people think it's bad to be upset and not ok to shout at your boyfriend / girlfriend but I think it's totally natural and healthy. It make the anger go away more quickly like this.

[alice55]

@BlueCoyote Not for everyone and certainly not the majority of people.

[BlueCoyote]

Believe me, this is not some supernatural power. It's a skill that can be learned. I learned it, so I'm sure anyone else can learn it too ;-).

[BlueCoyote]

It's actually all about your own willpower. If you're in an argument, do you WANT to find a good, peaceful solution or do you just want to scream around like a petulant child? You have a choice. Of course it's not easy but trumping our feelings with rationality isn't easy in other cases either. For example you might want to eat an entire chocolate cake. It'd might feel great. But you also know that there's gonna be bad consequences, so you refrain from doing it. It's an active decision you make for yourself.

[DonkeyRick69]

@BlueCoyote you mean become a walking vagina?

[BlueCoyote]

@DonkeyRick69 No, become a mature adult.

[BlueCoyote]

@DonkeyRick69 Or of course you can just continue crying and screaming like a 5-year old.

[DonkeyRick69]

@BlueCoyote nah women prefer passion

[BlueCoyote]

@DonkeyRick69 There is appropriate passion and there is immaturity. Don't confuse the two. Screaming in an argument isn't passionate, it just makes you look like an idiot who doesn't have good argument, so he needs to shut down the other person. It's like people who resort to insults.

[BlueCoyote]

@DonkeyRick69 Being able to keep your calm instead of following your most archaic urges is a sign of confidence and maturity. In Freudian terms, your super-ego should be able to control your It.

[DonkeyRick69]

@BlueCoyote see while your busy thinking I'm balls deep.

[BlueCoyote]

@DonkeyRick69 How is sex even related to this?

[DonkeyRick69]

@BlueCoyote heated arguments are followed by PASSIONATE makeup sex.

[DonkeyRick69]

Make up sex is the best.

[alice55]

@BlueCoyote Your things with the chocolate cake don't make any sense...
When you have an argument it's normal to yell, everyone do it and people who doesn't do it are the one who 10 years after became very bitter.

Shouting and screaming are normal it show you aren't afraid of showing your real emotion.

[DonkeyRick69]

@BlueCoyote it must be like banging c3p0 in your relstionships

[SteppingOnRoses]

hmm I have learned there are better ways to discuss problems with your SO

No, I dont think shouting is healthy, and should be avoided, if possible.

[SteppingOnRoses]

and why not? because i think shouting tends to alienate the person we are talking to.

It is normal to be less recepteive to a message when it ie being shouted.

Also I think that many of the thoughts or feelings of the other person can remain undisclosed, since when people are being shouted at, they tend to recoil and just not say much else in order for the conflict to end.

so no.. im not a fan of screaming matches...

not if i want to know how my boyfriend thinks or feels about an issue...

so i think i will avoid shouting at all costs and simply discuss things with him clamly and respectfully, as we do now, in long distance.

[ZaraMohammed]

it is something that comes natural. I mean we're humans. we tend to get angry and with relationships if the two parties really serious about each other anger tends to come out. but it's not necessary to shout but realistically it happens.

[bdpayne3]

It depends on the couple. Personally i can keep my calm and expect my partner to do the same and would rather talk it out. But some couples benefit by yelling it out. As long as there's no abuse involved I don't see a problem.

[sambodeni]

In my experience it's never helped anything. I think you should avoid shouting as much as you can to avoid hurtful words you don't mean. My boyfriend and I will go to separate rooms and calm down then talk.

[LaFemmeFatale]

I might find it hard to control my voice since I'm very hot headed but I think It's still not acceptable. I would try to avoid it at all cost and if he still triggers he better run or kiss me right when I start getting loud.

[Grougaloragran]

Shouting happens mainly because someone wants to put their point over the other's, it's not "acceptable" but in a heated argument you can't really help it, can you? thats why is heated.

[BlueCoyote]

Well, actually, you can help it if you only try...

[Grougaloragran]

I know, but most people dont even try. People are way to egocentric for it in the middle of a situation that can bring them bad outcomes... but I mean, there is always exceptions

[Lillyhope]

It's not advisable, because when you start shouting, doesn't matter at whom, they start being angrier and it'll never end up well.. it's better to say the same things but with a calm voice