First of all, sorry for my not perfect English, but i'm so confused now, i need help.
My ex boyfriend and i had been together for 1 year and a half, he was my first love, my first everything, i love him like crazy. After 1 month of dating, he told me that i should do work out because of my health and he loves me so much so he's scared that if i get fat he can't love me anymore, he gave me a example about how his best friend dumped girlfriend of 7 years because she got fat and can't be as attractive as she used to be. Hence, i worked out like hell because i know i want to be more attractive to him, i was 132 lbs,5 feet 4 after 5 months i lost 6.2 lbs and i'm so proud of myself, after 6 months he told me i'm the fattest girl he used to sleep with, it drove my crazy and hurt me like hell, i wanted to broke up with him but he cried so much and said he didn't know it'd hurt me like that and he love me so much so i forgive him. Now, after more than 1 year, i lost totally 22 lbs, again so happy that i can do it and again he told me that i wasn't skinny enough for him, he only like super skinny girl and after more than 1 year he realized i can't be his dream body type, i'm curve, i can't become super fucking skinny, that we don't have any future together, i cried like hell, i begged him don't leave me and all i received is he said he can't be happy with me and i can't be happy with him. After that i even realized i had herpes from him, i went to hospital and it come back after 3 months and they say i can't totally get over it, it can come back anytime in my life :(. Now i'm so sad, i can't look at my self in the mirror, i only see me as a ugly girl, i look at other model on instagram and feel so bad about my body type, i'm scared that how could i tell someone new that i'm the girl with STD, how i can love myself again, i don't know what to do
My ex boyfriend and i had been together for 1 year and a half, he was my first love, my first everything, i love him like crazy. After 1 month of dating, he told me that i should do work out because of my health and he loves me so much so he's scared that if i get fat he can't love me anymore, he gave me a example about how his best friend dumped girlfriend of 7 years because she got fat and can't be as attractive as she used to be. Hence, i worked out like hell because i know i want to be more attractive to him, i was 132 lbs,5 feet 4 after 5 months i lost 6.2 lbs and i'm so proud of myself, after 6 months he told me i'm the fattest girl he used to sleep with, it drove my crazy and hurt me like hell, i wanted to broke up with him but he cried so much and said he didn't know it'd hurt me like that and he love me so much so i forgive him. Now, after more than 1 year, i lost totally 22 lbs, again so happy that i can do it and again he told me that i wasn't skinny enough for him, he only like super skinny girl and after more than 1 year he realized i can't be his dream body type, i'm curve, i can't become super fucking skinny, that we don't have any future together, i cried like hell, i begged him don't leave me and all i received is he said he can't be happy with me and i can't be happy with him. After that i even realized i had herpes from him, i went to hospital and it come back after 3 months and they say i can't totally get over it, it can come back anytime in my life :(. Now i'm so sad, i can't look at my self in the mirror, i only see me as a ugly girl, i look at other model on instagram and feel so bad about my body type, i'm scared that how could i tell someone new that i'm the girl with STD, how i can love myself again, i don't know what to do
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