How do I get over my ex calling me fat?

My ex boyfriend use to call me fat and he was so big on me working out 7 days a week. He would see me eating a cookie or something and he would say "do you want to be a fat Fuc*?!?!?!"...it was so embarrassing. I wasn't fat I am 5'9, 128 pounds. He just completely took my confidence and destroyed it. I am with a new guy now that doesn't care at all if I have a few extra pounds on me...he says my body is perfect and I need stop worrying so much. I won't let my boyfriend see me naked of even in a bikini...i just don't want him to feel the same way my ex did. This issue is really messing our relationship up...even with sex I make sure the lights are off and I won't let him touch my breast or anything! He just wants me to relax and show my body...i am so afraid of doing this. How do I let go and feel free in my own skin?

Updates:
I don't care what my ex said...i just don't want my boyfriend to look at me and feel the same way he did.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Just because your ex-boyfriend used to say you were fat, doesn't mean you are. I can't believe you let him get to you like that. You should have a pretty good idea of what you really look like. Do you think you're fat? Are you happy with the way your body looks? Forget about what your ex said. All that matters is what YOU think! Don't let other people change your opinions!

    128 pounds for someone your height is DEFINITELY not fat. Seems like you're at the perfect weight level - not too skinny, but not really chubby either. So I wouldn't worry if I were you. If you want opinions from guys, put a simple picture of yourself and ask if people think you're fat or not. Lots of girls do it, and there's nothing wrong with it.

    The best way to let go and feel free is to BELIEVE you're not fat. Stop being afraid. This new guy knows you look good, and if he's asking you to relax, then it's because he KNOWS you have a nice body, and wants you to stop feeling insecure about it. He doesn't thinkn you're fat, so why on Earth do you still believe on what your jack-ass of an ex told you? Let it go... It's in the past. You're with someone a lot better now, who thinks you're hot the way you are. The sooner you embrace that, the better.

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What Guys Said 21

  • One of the biggest rules of being in a relationship is never make your current boyfriend/girlfriend pay for the mistakes of your ex. By not getting over the abuse your ex put you through, you are not obeying that rule. And bad things will happen in the long run if you don't rectify it.

    How? I don't know. The fact that you let one person who clearly was f-ked up in the head hold so much power over you and destroy you when nobody else treated you that way shows that you yourself have issues that can probably only be helped by seeing a therapist. In short, there's nothing anyone on this site can do for you. You need to seek professional help.

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    • Your new Boyfriend has already proven to you with his attitude that he won't treat you the same way. It's up to you now.

    • "One of the biggest rules of being in a relationship is never make your current boyfriend/girlfriend pay for the mistakes of your ex."

      Excellent point*

  • 5'9" at 128 is nice.

    Forget about your ex, give your new boyfriend a chance.

    It will take courage and you will be nervous, but I'm sure you will both enjoy the outcome.

    Girl you look good now quit being so damn stingy go give that lucky guy what he wants...you.

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    • I'm 5'9 and 128lbs, and because of my exs, I call myself fat. And guess who has to pay for it? Mr. HumphreyT does.

      Don't let him lower your confidence cause he has OCD.

  • That's HORRIBLE! what a jerk...no one should be able to make you feel that way! You just need to realize that he is NOT representative of all guys...your guy wants you and you jsu thave to try and dweell on that...any guy that would and treat you in such a cruel manner doesn't deserve you anyway...if he keeps that up...he won't have too many gf's that stick around for long...The guy you';re with now is the only person, you shoudl care about accepting your body at the moment...and from what uyr saying...HE LOVES YOUR BODY! so enjoy it!

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  • First, your ex is a d***head. And I'd probably punch his stupid face for doing that to anyone, much less someone who is obviously very in shape and should have no issues with weight. 5'9 128 lbs is an ideal weight for your frame... maybe even a little small for yours. The way to build confidence is look at facts. IF you look up BMI indexes and the like, you'll see that you're small for your size.

    And when a dude tells you that you're body is great, take it to the damn bank. Because guys typically don't throw around complements like that. He really cares about you and wants you to be comfortable around him. He's thinking, 'Man, she likes me, but she won't let me touch her. Does she just want to be my friend? What did I do wrong?' Just put him at ease and let him know that you appreciate what he says and let him know what happened with your ex and how you need to take things slower because of what he did.

    My advice would be to take baby steps. Go from wearing a baggy T-shirt or covering yourself up, to wearing a tank top or a tighter shirt. Once you see your guy digs it, wear tighter pants or shorter shorts around the house. THEN once you have that confidence back... just wear what you want. Your new guy loves you and wants you to be yourself around him. He's a keeper... so let him have some boob action. :P

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  • Personally, I, myself, prefer a girl with a little extra padding. But, it would seem to me that there is an underlying issue here. Emotional abuse as a child, maybe something worse..? I don't know.. None of my business.. But, until you can deal with that issue, then douche boy's lack of consideration for your feelings will haunt you forever.

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  • You need to get over it. Why let some d*** head shake your confidence. He probably wasn't happy with himself and his way of dealing with that was to take it out on you so he could feel better about himself.

    I say have wild sex in broad daylight and stop worrying about it. You are who you are, and you only have one life to enjoy, so enjoy it.

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  • Lady, listen - you don't have to get naked in front of a guy for him to have a basic idea of what you look like without your clothes on, OK? If he thought you were fat, it wouldn't matter if you have clothes on or not - he would STILL think that.

    So what I'm saying is, showing your body to your current boyfriend isn't gonna change the way he ultimately feels about it. So stop worrying. He's not gonna feel the same way your ex did.

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    • Don't lady me. I just wanted ideas and ways that I could feel ok around him naked....like how I can take it in baby steps...

    • Well excuuuse me for not knowing your name. If you don't want me ladying you (lol) then what do you expect me to say? :p

      If you want baby steps, here's step #1: stop thinking you are fat.

      Step #2: believe that your boyfriend likes the way you look.

      Until you do that, you're never gonna feel comfortable.

      BTW, next time someone tells you you're fat, tell them to go f*** themselves. If not for you, do it for me, OK? Thanks.

    • Thank you :)

  • You should never allow yourself to be treated like that. He was a moron and you tolerated him too long. Your self confidence is down because you allowed it to.

    You are worried that your current boyfriend will treat you as bad. But, looks like he is a nice guy and, in any case, you are not fat. So, try to first let him see you in shorts, then bikini etc. Once you get your self confidence back, you can be naked with lights on.

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  • It starts with you... Spend a couple of nights when you're alone for an hour or so naked in your room. Get comfortable with yourself seeing your body and realize how beautiful of a young woman you really are. Then slowly dress more and more scantily around your boyfriend. Let him touch you through clothes... through skimpy clothes... then... no clothes... Just take it step by step and don't rush yourself. You'll be rid of the effects of that a-hole soon enough.

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  • You know what, you really need to have confidence in yourself. Your weight is very healthy and not fat at all. It sounds like your last boyfriend was a total !@# to be honest and completely undeserving of you. I can understand wanting my girlfriend to look nice, but being a total !@#$% about it and insulting and degrading is just awful, he has no heart at all. Let your boyfriend see you and I'm sure he will be very happy.

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  • Your first boyfriend obviously has issues. Don't listen to that crap. As men age, we begin to like women who are naturally filled out. I did the math of your height and weight and you are at a perfect size. Keep the boyfriend you have now and love him for loving you as you are.

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  • improve your selection of men. the moment a man calls you fat and its not in jest or backed up with an opposite action you know your relationship is in decline. just choose a man who respects you and enjoys your body as well as your mind. when a man treats you right you give him everything he needs and he does the same in return. simple solution. get a man with a brain and a heart.

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  • 5'9 and 128 is perfect, take it from a guy who isn't into thick chicks, you could add another 5 pounds and still be in the "perfect" zone. if it makes you feel productive, try doing some exercise but no dieting, exercise is healthy and you can't go wrong, and you actually feel self-improvement, I'm not saying you need it, but it might help with your self esteem if you know what I'm getting at?

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  • that mother f***er doesn't deserve a girlfriend. He was trying to make you thnik your unattractive he was trying to make you think that you can't get another man so you will stay with him.

    Fck him he's a fag.

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  • Every guy is different. Besides it doesn't matter that you have a few extra pounds on you. Skinny girls are ew. They are all skin and bone. Just gradually reveal your body to him. Breasts one day and go from there, hope I helped.

    Good luck!

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  • I think that ex of yours is a total d***head! If you are 5'9 and weigh 128 you sound pretty freaking sexy to me!

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  • 5,9 128 is not fat. I'm 5,9 240. but I'm a man a manly man. a mans man

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  • he just doesn't like you, don't worry about it, he's just jelous about how he lost you

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  • if people are calling you fat bet the sh*t out of them lol

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  • You can let him touch you and then you will realize how much he really likes you. Unless you've had sh*tty diet, 5'9" and 128 should give you decent proportions, and you would definitely be on the skinny side (I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt assuming you still workout).

    Honestly lights off is lame. How do you enjoy what you don't see?

    Would you rather him enjoying you, or him pretending you're someone else? Turn the lights on so he can enjoy all of you as he would like to.

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  • If it makes you feel any better... my ex dumped me after 3 1/2 years when she started getting attention from other guys. She told me she "doesn't like fat guys".. Ironically I was 20lbs lighter at then when before she met me.. I'd give myself myself maybe chubby at best, but not even.

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What Girls Said 12

  • Your boyfriend is NOT going to look at you and think the same thing your ex did. You're actually a little underweight for your height... and besides, the whole height/weight thing is bogus anyway.

    I really suggest meeting with a counselor who specializes in body issues. Hun, you are SKINNY, and you let your ex bully you and disrespect you. The best way to feel comfortable in your own skin is to get to the bottom of why you let your ex treat you this way, and why you're not believing this new, good guy when he says he finds you beautiful.

    Your ex was a douche and your new guy is great... but you're gonna need to deal with your confidence and self esteem if you don't want to lose the good new guy.

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  • I was in an emotionally abusive relationship too, so I understand how it feels to not like yourself and be afraid that others think you're ugly or fat. It just takes time and support. Your current Boyfriend seems to support you, so now you just need time. Seeing a therapist may not be a bad idea either, since your negative body image is affecting your relationship. From personal experience, it can really help to talk to a third party and get some sound advice about how to feel better about yourself.

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  • I probably would have broken his jaw by now...if he was my ex boyfriend.

    hmm tell him to f*** off and quit harrassing you. that really is mean...

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  • Your new boyfriend obviously appreciates your body. Forget what your ex said, and accept yourself. 5'9 and 128 is not fat at all! You should feel extremely comfortable how you are, I would loveee to be your height and weight. Forget your ex, he's an idiot. To feel more comfortable, try toning your stomach and thighs. Also, what Rinki said. You need to love yourself, and your boyfriend will love you for it. If he thinks you look good now, he will think the same with your clothes off as well.

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  • If your boyfriend says you have the perfect body then who cares what ur ex said. Just let him see you naked, let him see you in a bikini, he won't judge you! your ex was probably phsycotic 5'9 and 128 is skinnny! So just let loose and be yourself with your guy. I mean, that would probably be a horrible relationship if he never saw your body. So just let go of the past and look towards the future!

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  • I kinda had th same problem with that, I gues the only way I found to get over it was by myself look at your own body and point out the good things, try not to point out all the things that your ex would ahve done. Keep in mind also that your new boyfriernd doesn't care, it'd be hard to get the mindset after your prick of an ex kept at you the whole time, but try to, even if it's just slowly, make yourself show a bit more skin around your new boyfriend then after a whilr you'll find yourself more comfortable when he doesn't freak out like your ex did.

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  • Ok hun,

    First off!

    Men like self confidence, I had to learn this the hard way after it destroyed a lot of my relationships.

    And if you feel that way look in the mirror in your favorite itsy bitsy bikini. And turn around in this mirror (It should be full length) and tell yourself. "I am not fat." do this everyday and do it out loud and confidently(<- that's the most important). Cause if I were 5'9 and 128 pounds I'd be struttin' my stuff all the time (for my guy of course).

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  • You were in an unhealthy relationship, and it makes sense that you are uncomfortable. However, you have to take things slow and trust your new boyfriend enough to love you just exactly how you are.

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  • Trust me if your current boyfriend thought you were unattractive or fat he wouldn't be with you, he obviosuly loves you just the way you are, so relax !:) forget about your ex not all boys are the same! :)

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  • I doubt your fat! your ex boyfriend is such a douchebag! I'm glad your with a new guy! You deserve way better! Your boyfriend sounds sooo sweet! This guy doesn't give a sh*t he loves you for who you are!

    Your at the edge you just need to jump!dont be scared plus wats the worst thatcan happen!

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  • I had it worse. my ex used to tell me he wanted to sleep with other girls becasue they were better than me. Our classmates, sisters, everyone. He would tell me why I wasn't better(im not white or thin enough). I used to think I was the prettiest thing in school, and then I hated myself so much, just like you. It was so bad that I would go into the mall and just count everyone who was"better" than me, and would count to around 300. Now that we aren't 2gether I still count , just not as high(at most 20), and I still have body issues. So I understand how hard it is to get over this and just know that they were jerks, and you are very attractive.

    I later found out that according to the guys in the school, I was the prettiest girl, and the reason why my ex would say those things to me was becasue he thought I was going to leave or cheat on him, becasue the guys would tell him their"dreams".

    hope that helps.

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  • they are 2 different guys. your ex is a complete asshole and a jerk, he did that purposely to take away your confidence. don't let his mean tactics work. you do need to stop worrying. your new boyfriend isn't your ex so don't think because your ex said these horrible things to you that your new boyfriend will think that way too, obviously he doesnt. if you were so fat and ugly why was your ex with you in the first placE? don't you think its more possible that your ex knew that you were hot sh*t and said all those things to convince you that you weren't because of his own insecurities so he could feel better than u? that sounds more like it to me. at 5'9 and 128 there is no way in hell ur fat so get those negative thoughts out of your head. I hope you feel better about yourself life is too short to hold onto negative baggage!

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