He broke up with me because I am fat and now I feel so worthless. Help?

[Maria537]

So 2 days ago my boyfriend broke up with me in the middle of the airport car park.
I recently moved country because I wanted a fresh start to really focus on making myself happy so for the past 3 months I've been working out almost everyday and eating a clean diet and I managed to lose 6kg 5 inches off my hips and waist.

Anyway my boyfriend (ex) is in the military and he said he wanted to come visit me during his leave for 3 weeks so I was so excited, I really couldn't wait.

So then when he gets here, He's like i don't see much of a change in you, I don't think your pushing hard enough. If you want results you need to step your game up. Which I completely agree, I probably have been to easy on myself compared to his level of fitness. So while his been here I've pushed so hard bcos all i want to do is please him and we had an amazing holiday together. We laughed so much and I really did my best to make his time enjoyable.

So when his holiday came to an end I drove him to the airport and then he decided to tell me that he thinks I need more time to focus on myself and to push harder. He said we should terminate the relationship for now to give me a chance to fight harder for him and our relationship. I burst into tears, I really thought I had done enough to impress him but it still wasn't good enough. He eyes filled up and was like i really do love you and want this to work but it won't work if you can't fix this. He said if I still want him he will come back in March on his next leave and I said no why would I want to be with someone who only wants me at my best. then he got out the car and walked away from me.

I've never felt pain like this, I feel so worthless and used. I'm in a new country, i have no friends and no one to turn too. He was all I had and I haven't heard from him since he left 🙁 I really don't know what to do or where to go from here. I don't think I will ever be good enough for him. It really breaks my heart.

[TinaEl]

If you ask me, i think HE is not good enough for you and with that mindset he will never be!
Firstly, if you want to lose weight you do it at your own pace. You push as hard as YOU want. Losing weight is not easy and if you overdo it you will only damage yourself physically and mentally. And to be honest 6kg in three months is impressive.
However, if this guy can't see it, then he is not worth your love and appreciation. AND BY NO MEANS SHOULD YOU FEEL WORTHLESS!
He should have supported you. He should have told you you were doing great and that he would help you as mush as he could.
My advice would be to get over him, try and socialize, find people who support you. Become who YOU want to be and not who this guy wants you to be.
And remember that as long as you are healthy there is beauty in every bodytype.
You need to ger out there and find that guy who will love every part of you and most importantly will appreciate you and support you! <3 <3

[Maria537]

Thank you for your message. I really appreciate it and you have uplifted my spirits. I'm going to put myself first from now on ❤

[Simple-Simonette]

"and I said no why would I want to be with someone who only wants me at my best"
I'm so proud of you! Those words made me clap and if I could high five you and hug you I would.
You are such a strong woman, because even at your lowest point you realized your worth and let him go. Don't forget that. And I promise you, in the future, when you're unsure or insecure or feeling low - those word will rise up and remind you that despite it all you are a bad ass and you know you deserve more. I love you and you should love you too.
A motherfucking BAD ASS!!!

[Lish89]

Completely agree with this lady. Keep trying girl.

[Maria537]

Thank you for your response!! you really made me smile. :)

[thedk47]

What i understood from all this that he likes and i think he really care about you but im not sure, and i think he didn't really want to break but i think he said that to make you work hard on yourself i think he thought that's the right thing to do even tho im not sure i just think it's like that , so i suggest that you continue losing weight not for him no continue on that for yourself and when he come back don't talk to him or just forget about him and if he came just choose the right thing for yourself do you want to stay with someone like him or not , it's your choice.

[Maria537]

Thank you for your advice. I agreed with what you say... I think he is only in love with my potential. I'm going to work on loving myself first. I don't need him. xx

[thedk47]

That's the spirit! Stay Strong and you'll find a better man don't worry about that , and don't connect your happiness by a person!

[OlderAndWiser]

1. Your decision to move to another country for a guy when the relationship is not serious was ill advised. You made him your highest priority at your own expense.

2. He used you. He used you horribly. He knew when he arrived that he intended to break up with you. He simply postponed it so he could get all the advantages of spending time with you.

3. Continue to lose weight for your own sense of self-esteem.

4. When the right guy enters your life, having known bums like this guy will make you appreciate the right guy even more.

[Northern_star]

wise words.

[Maria537]

I moved to a different country for myself. I wanted to change my life for myself. My plan was to just remain friends with him and begin a new single life here but he charmed his way in to wanting to be with me. I think he believed I would change my life significantly here so he wanted a piece... but when he came I guess I didn't live up to his expectations.
Thank you so much for your response. I will take your advice, stay strong and continue to be the best me I can possibly be.

[OlderAndWiser]

Thanks for the explanation. Good luck!

[Dchrls78104]

@Northern_star totally agree.

[giovannimontolivo]

Ok here's the thing. I'm a fitness model and I am also critical of women and only go for the best since I am shredded. However, what he did was a dick move. First off, I wouldn't go for a girl I didn't consider to be in shape (this is hypothetical; I'm not talking about you personally since I don't know what your body looks like). But if I was with a girl like that, I still wouldn't tell her to f off and come back when she is hot lol. If anything he should have been encouraging you during your fitness journey. Face wise you actually look pretty hot, so if you stick to it and get the body you want, you will def look impressive and he'll regret what he did. It's a good start that you have decided to get in better shape already. The fact that you already have the desire to change is great. My advice to you is to try and become the best version of yourself and not let anyone get in your way. by the way if you need help with how many calories to eat, macros etc. go to iifym. com. It is a great site that teaches you everything you need to know. Good luck

[Maria537]

Thanks so much for your advice. Yeah I think he's similar to you, he would workout hard 6 days a week and I just didn't match that. I think he only got with me on the basis that I was a nice girl and have a pretty face. I think he was praying I would work harder to please him but im doing it at my own pace because I've been in a situation before where I've pushed hard and lost the weight but then I got fed up of spending all my time in the gym and I eventually went back to my old habits. I don't want that again. It's his loss and he knows it. I just can't wait to show him what he lost once I hit targets.

[slurreyboy]

Douche

[giovannimontolivo]

Yeah you don't necessarily have to spend all your time in the gym. You could just do flexible dieting and do 3 fullbody workouts a week if that's what you prefer

[Maria537]

Yeah im eating clean and doing hiit 5 days a week so I'll get there eventually 💪 thanks so much for your advice

[giovannimontolivo]

If u want results faster, getting stronger at compound exercises (ex. squat, hip thrust, deadlift etc.) would be most optimal. Some people think exercise burns fat. That is wrong. Exercise burns CALORIES. So if you did HIIT and you burned 1000 calories, if you go home and eat 5000 calories for your daily total, it was a waste. The only ay to lose weight/fat is to be in a caloric deficit. So you could literally do 0 cardio, but as long as you are in a deficit you will lose weight. And getting stronger at compound lifts will ensure that you actually have muscle when you get to your desired level of leanness. Many women think lifting heavy will make them looked bulky, but unless you are a genetic freak (prob not) then you do not have enough testosterone as a female to build that much muscle

[unomilkis1]

there's no sense in defining "worth" of a person, since this is really just ambiguous, so just drop the whole thinking of "worthless" because no one knows what everyone really is worth. For that being said, as far as the relationship goes I dk if you're wanting to get back with him or not, but its the case that whatever this "pushing hard enough" (whatever this may signify) was more important to him than the actual love you guys had. Which I dk about you, but I wouldn't pursue it because when I say I love the person, its the love for the person not whats around the person.

As far as where to go, in life "go" is a sense that people use but it really isn't "going" It just means doing something, which I'm sure you havnt stopped doing everything just because of what happened. In which case doing everything you've been doing would be the only "going" you can do. Work out, work or school, I dk shower take a dump jack off drown in whiskey, whatever it is.

Don't go into that "good enough for someone" thinking.. I could elaborate but comments getting too long, good luck :')

[9teen]

I could understand his perspective for losing attraction, especially if he got with you when you were slim, but I agree that he was a complete moron towards you. He should have encouraged you and shouldn't have used you like that.
I don't think it was smart of you to move countries because of him though, but what has been done, is done.
From now on, set him completely out of your life. Work on yourself, build yourself up. Make friends, have fun, reach your goal. Perhaps the right guy will come along.
Reject your ex if he tries to get back with you once you become fit and all.

[Maria537]

I was even bigger when I first met him, but he knew i wanted to change so he would try and push me but he was always working away so we developed a relationship slowly. Then when he came home again he saw me and was amazed at how much weight I lost... then when I told him I was moving to work on myself, I think he just expected more from me... which is really sad. It's his loss, he made his choice. He wants to come back and see me in March but I told him not to bother.. I still won't be perfect enough.

[99reasons]

Firstly this guy seems selfish and a lair. You are better of without him because guy like this will never make you feel good about yourself.

He should love you for who you are. Threatening to leave you to push you to lose weight is totally wrong.

Love yourself and know that you are beautiful inside as outside and the right guy will come along.

Always do something because you want to do it to please yourself and never because of someone else. It was good for a person to motivate you but this is the wrong way to go about.

After you lost your weight and look like a supermodel with guys drooling over you and your ex will come back begging for you to taking him back. you can tell him where to go. Let that be your motivation.

[bklynbadboy1]

First off I'd like to say you're absolutely beautiful don't let anybody tell you otherwise. And secondly I like to say you're better off without him whatever happened to being supportive if you felt like you needed help him being in the military and all why didn't he offer you help. I just think that's a real cowards move to break up with you if you really loved you I feel like you would have offered his services and try to help you get to your goal weight or whatever goes you're trying to reach that's what real men do we're. Don't worry about it it's his loss he'll probably come crawling back once you get to where you want to be most times they do but good luck with everything and I'm going to follow you if you don't mind

[Maria537]

I don't mind, thanks for you advice xx

[bklynbadboy1]

No problem anytime you ever need more bias feel free to hit me up

[dreadmyst]

Wow that was a very mean thing to do.

I think that it is great that you are working to loose weight but i have to ask was you only doing this because he wanted you to or was it something that you wanted first?

If you are comfortable with who and how you are than in my opinion appearance is a small part of your attractiveness. Self confidence is by far the most attractive trait anyone can have. :)

I honestly have no issues with bigger gals, long as they are comfortable with their body and don't cut themselves down cause they think they are overweight. That is s trait i cannot stand and will walk away.

[the_engineer]

You are not worthless.

First, get over this guy.

Next, make a meal plan, make a workout plan, and transform your body.

It will help you physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, even just when you start to see small results.

It will also make you so much stronger because you worked so hard for it.

And eventually you will love yourself which is key and the end goal.

Everything will just fall into place.

[Maria537]

Thank you for your response. Yes you're right and that's my plan, there's no better revenge than moving on and improving myself for me x

[the_engineer]

I was in a similar place at one point in my life as well, if you dont make changes to become who you want to than you'll just end up mentally bandaiding your problemd which leads no where

[NaiaDancer]

The pain is aweful now but it'll disapate with time.

First of all, any changes you make should be for you. His attempt to control you is misguided.

Secondly, He has a right not to want to be with you for a preference he has. He's not an asshole. But given what he's done here you should not see this a break - you are just over. Even if you get to where he wants you, don't go back to this dude. He's lost his chance and he's not going to be with you during the tough times.

Thirdly, you will find someone that likes you for you if you choose to stay as is, if you get fatter or if you trim down. You will never universally appeal to all men - full stop. Find worth in yourself for you and change if you want to then open your life up of men that might want to share that with you.

[Stockton]

How do i put this... hmmmm, ok how about this. Fuck that punk ass bitch he thought you were ok when he got with you, or he wouldn't have got with you. he thought you were ok when he got to sponge off you when he was staying with you while on leave. Nothing hurts worse than what happened to you. Keep on keeping on and lose the wieght for you and when you get to where you qant to be send him a photo saying this is what he is not getting

[Maria537]

Thanks for your response. He really looked after me while he was here, he spoiled me with gifts and didn't let me pay for a thing. I truly felt loved. now I don't know what to think or what he's true intentions were. Haha but you are right, I can't wait to reach that point and send him a picture of what he's missing out on.

[Stockton]

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Lady I just checked out your profile

[Stockton]

Sorry that last comment was sent before I was finished what I was saying so I would like please continue finishing watch what I say

[Stockton]

I just checked out your profile picture and you are so freaking hot. Lady this guy is an idiot Jesus you're smoking hot if you ever come to California. I would beg of you look me up. I am so not kidding you're one seriously hot chick please come to California

[Alice2398]

You are not worthless and don't ever let anyone make you feel like you are. Sounds to me your ex has his head so far up his own arse and he thinks he's better than you and is a control freak, who likes to make you feel shitty about yourself.

Any decent man would appreciate but your at least making a effort and trying your best. What effort has he gone to for you?

My advice is move on because you might not see it now but it sounds like the only good thing he ever did for you in that time was break things off because you just dodged a massive bullet from at a massive tawt and now it's time for you to keep working out, stay strong and be the best version of you and get the man you deserve whilst your dick head of a ex stalks your Facebook page regretting ever making you feel worthless and dumbing you.

[Baew93]

I think you said exactly what you should have to him. He’s in the military and is required to pass physical tests. So he’s required to push himself every day. You on the other hand, you have the ability to go at your own pace. Whatever you’re comfortable with. And he should be okay with that. It’s rude and disgusting what he said. BUT in my ho rat opinion

[Baew93]

*honest opinion (lol), he used that as an excuse to break up.

[bingo012]

Yeah. I agree. My first crush was also a fat girl and all my friends made fun of this and said I deserve better crush 😂😂😂

[courtney06]

That “ho rat opinion” typo was hilarious. I thought you really meant it until I saw you corrected it 😂

[Maria537]

@bingo012 I will never understand the minds of men 🙈🙈 lol

[bingo012]

Yeah @Maria537 you're sexy and beautiful too. You just need someone who's gonna worship you like the way you are. 😘

[Maria537]

@bingo012 You're so sweet thanks you're cute too 😙

[bingo012]

❤️❤️❤️

[yucychan]

I'm really sorry to hear that. Your ex is an asshole.
I seriously think you done a good job at keeping fit but I want you to do that for yourself. Not for your boyfriend, not for anyone else, just for yourself.
Everything I hear from you, is about how to keep him, how to make him happy. But what you? What about your own happiness?
What did he do to make you happy? All I can see is that he only knows how to nitpick on you. I don't think he deserves you at all.
Stay strong.

[Maria537]

Thank you, you're right, I always put other people before myself. I invest to much time and give so much to people that don't deserve it. I need to focus on myself and put my own needs first

[Anonymous]

He actually did you a favor. Be happy that now you're free to find a better and hotter guy who will love you the way you are and make you happier than he ever did. Tbh, if that's you in the profile pic, I don't think you're fat. Keep in mind that people have different interpretations of what it means to be "fat". In the modeling industry, if you're anything bigger than a size 5, you're considered to be too unfit or too big to be a model. If he prefers skinny chicks and it's important for him, then so be it and wish him the best. Most guys don't prefer skinny girls to begin with. Just realize that this was not the guy for you and now you're free to find an upgrade if you know what I mean. Just like he's entitled to his preferences, you're entitled to your preferences too. Try to find a cuter and richer guy ;)

[Sparda20xx]

Exactly. Find someone better than him in every way. In fact find a guy that emphasizes his own insecurities.

[Maria537]

You're so right. He definitely did me a favour. I'm a uk size 16 and he said to me he doesn't like skinny girls but his ideal girl would be a size 12-14 so im not even that far off but he is a perfectionist I guess and he doesn't think im consistent enough to do it and it really bothers him and he's constantly on my case about it. I agree im better off without him x

[JalaB33]

Reading this like “wow”. I know what it’s like to love someone so much that you can’t see when their manipulating and bullshitting you, it looks like your happiness is dependent on him and that’s not healthy at all. It hurts but eventually you move on. He doesn’t want to be with you and when you’re all slimmed down, he’ll find something else to break up with you for. Save yourself from more heartache and let him go. Keep up with your healthy lifestyle and do not continue to depend on this guy for approval of your success. Life’s too short.

[djmzes]

Simple

[Maria537]

I love this!! Thank you

[Karily]

What a douche. Will ever grow up? I mean, i sew you as a wonderful girl, who is willing to do anything for your partner ( you GO girl!! 😊) but if your guy is gonna start to say things like that - you should get away. Love has no limites and never judges, especially if you have done something. It’s the will that counts. Sounds like he has hidden standards what can be hardly be satisfied. Guys are easy actors in relationships. He might have been emotional with his tears, but if he wasn’t happy even with your progress, than it’s better to let him go. Even hearing your boyfriend say that you are “fat” - something’s up. So honest and heartless. For me at least

[Piteka5]

That's bollocks, first of all you don't seem at all to be that fat, so he has to be really into fitness.
Second, and this is the most important part, was shallow has hell, you dont dump someone over this, if it was bothering him so much why did he start to date you in the first place? What he did to you was rude and he is the one that is in the wrong, not you, you push yourself as hard as you want, not as hard as others want.
Did want a woman to live with or to look at? It's not looks that will make a relationship last it's commitment. The most important is that you don't feel bad about yourself, you were willing to give so much for someone, that is so rare, I'm you can find someone that values that more.
I wish you best luck and that you can move on easily. Take this to learn and don't be bothered about things that are out of your control

[Scaramanga]

I think you should pat yourself on the back for the effort you made for him, honestly, that is quite touching to hear. You sound like a sweet woman, and I hope you meet someone who appreciates you more.

[Maria537]

Thank you!! I will always give my all in a relationship but it's never appreciated. I think i go for the wrong types of men. Thanks I really hope I do one day.

[Scaramanga]

You're welcome. If that's you in the pic, you're very attractive, and not fat at all.

[Logorithim]

That's messed up. Sorry you had to go through this, but you are better off without such an insensitive and selfish person.

[Maria537]

You're right! thank you for making me feel better.

[Logorithim]

No prob. I hope you find a much better guy soon.

[heartbeatsflowers]

Girl, love yourself!!! The only way for you to help yourself and move on is to cut off all contacts with him. No man who loves a woman would leave her like this especially when you are trying to lose weight. You moved to another country for a reason, don't see him again.

Know your self worth or else you will never be able to move on and grow from the pain he did to you.