from the answers of this question... i seem to think that men really do have high standards , they want a white skinny girlfriend and if they are anything else they dont fit the standard, its sad
s Let’s workout together
Opinion
55Opinion
Absolutely. Is it fair to break up with someone if they got...
rude, boring, arrested, drunk and ran over your cat, physically abusive, emotionally abusive, laid while you were out of town, cancer, your sister pregnant, unemployed, depressed, lazy, accepted to an out of state university, a job in another state, obsessed with paper airplanes, obsessed with any new hobby, weight loss, weight gain, a crippling injury, a new car, an old car, lost their license, sued, a sex change, a new direction in life, manic, a bad haircut, a good haircut, or a new pet?
The answer is yes. It's totally fair in all of those situations. A relationship is dynamic, and if it's not mutually desired, there's no point in faking it. If your partner is going down a path that you don't want to follow, you are not obligated to do so. For some people, getting fat isn't a big deal. For other people, it represents a lot more than just a gaining a few pounds and looking less physically attractive, it's indicative of a deeper issue that is reflected in outward appearance.
Some of my examples are intentionally superficial because the point is you don't have to justify to me or anyone. If a particular haircut is a dealbreaker for you, then hey, you do you. Perhaps you are a very stylish person and style is a value that you hold above all others. Some people might call you shallow, but those people could be then considered judgmental; there is no objective truth. I will say that if you are ridiculous enough then you're going to find you won't keep many or any relationships very long, so it will become a matter of how much you are willing to compromise on your values in order to maintain relationships that you might value for other reasons. You might make the decision that tolerating a terrible haircut is a small price to pay for the laughter a person brings to your life. Or it might be that extra pudge they are carrying outweighs (pun intended) or directly impacts the joy you get from cuddling with them.
My stance personally on fat is, I have no problem being friends with a fat person. But there is a certain point where fat is physically/sexually a turn off and repulsive to me. I am not going to pretend like it's not and engage in a sexual relationship with someone who is repulsive to me sexually. It's not shallow, as I am not rejecting them as a person for friendship and platonic intimacy, I still value them for that; I'm just not into fat. The same way if they have a penis, I am totally down to be great friends, but penises are a big turn off for me and if you have one, I'm not going to engage in a sexual relationship with you. Even if you didn't have it when we first started dating.
Not really sure how to deal with this but let's see...
You’re not really shallow buddy…
You’re just kind of… a jerk? I guess?
I mean to say if you were a pool of water you’d at least come to a child’s knee…
That is at least more than some people.
We all have opinions.
But I am sure you’ve heard the old saying about “opinions”
(Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one; most of them are full of sh*t)
Did you mean to ask:
“How do I justify leaving my girlfriend”
I can answer that without snark.
You don’t need to justify it.
Relationships are voluntary.
That’s it mate, bottom line. Not a soul owes you anything, unless of course they have knowingly and willingly made a pledge to said “thing” (exempli gratia: fitness standards for dating you)
Here is an example of how you might break up with her; in the spirit of your original question/details:
“ I’m breaking up with you because you’re gaining weight and I personally find that unattractive; I checked on Gag first before mentioning it to you, and got some great advice and ammunition to really stomp on your heart.
I feel as though dating me is a privilege and I am qualified to hold you to an unspoken standard. I respect all women’s bodies specifically, but I don’t like fat.
Don’t judge me for my preferences fatty, you’re no judge.”
Or, you could take a moment.
Reflect on the (semi-serious) jokes I am making.
A possibly better approach (Id est: less damaging for your partner) would be to completely stop trying to justify WHY.
Consider whatever she has done for you; if that consideration doesn’t change your feelings toward this situation.
Break up with her, you both deserve to be happy and loved.
But maybe more like…. this:
“I’m sorry love, we’re becoming different people. Thank you for all the memories, emotional labor, and time you have given me…
But I need to work on myself.”
Let go of this idea you apparently hold about relationships. Let go of this woman/girl… gently.
After all, opinions and preferences are not facts.
Thanks for reading.
It really depends but generally the answer is no. If you are gonna break up with someone overnight because they gained weight, then it means you never truly valued that person for who they are.
If you truly loved this fat person, you would do absolutely everything in your power to help them lose weight. You would only break up if they didn't want to lose the weight and nothing else worked. You've tried all your options to try to change things but nothing ever worked out. This is the only time where its valid to break up
But if you gained weight over 6 months and your boyfriend immediately wants to break up, HE NEVER LOVED YOU.
A man who truly loves you will explore every last option available to try to change things before breaking up.
It is only fair if this was a conscious decision they made, and you had talked about it before (expressing that you didn't like the idea). In this case, it would be fair to break up; because here, your SO would be purposely taking an action they knew would upset you. It's not about the change, and more about the disrespect for your opinions/feelings.
However, if the change was unintended, and especially if you hadn't given him/her the impression that them being a certain weight was so very important to you, breaking up would not only be unfair, but also cruel and extremely shallow (because you're ignoring everything else you love about them for just one changeable feature).
I'm rather appalled by the current poll results (64% yes), as well as some of the comments. Guess I lucked out in finding a partner in the minority.
Yes it's fair, they aren't the same person you fell for and where dating.
After a lifetime of not being hit on ny girls, being rejected by girls, never being seen as a real viable option by girls, life time of "i dont like you like that, I like you like a feiend", I find it funny that so many girls say it wouldn't be fair. I can assure you women do not want fat guys, I've been ignored my whole life dont act like I'm "beutiful" now, it's just iinsulting. The "nice" words here dont match the actions I e lifed with as a fatty, that's why I'm losing weight, if I was treated equally and with respect I wouldn't have the strong need to change.
Hmm if people would leave there partner for not taking care of themselves one could class not taking care of themselves as they got fat.
Depends on what is classed to one as not taking care of themselves.
Personally tho if i love them i would probably try to help them than leave them. But let's say they don't want to be helped then that becomes a sorta reason to leave.
Depends on the person really. I think it's fair to leave a person if your not happy been with that person therefore if this makes you unhappy for whatever reason yes.
No wonder why divorce rate is so high in western countries. People who leave their partners because of stupid reason should not get kids since because of your shallowness your kids will suffer. You can loose weight anyway. In my opinion if you leave your partner because of stupid reason you are shallow and not committed enough. Yes you are not forced to stay with this person but it still makes you shallow. This is like leaving man for getting bald lool
I think when somebody wants to break up you're going to use any excuse I possibly can so doesn't matter if somebody got fat skinny if you walk around the house naked backwards it doesn't really matter if you really think about it no matter the excuse somewhere somehow somebody can justify it
If he’s willing to work out and become fit again, I wouldn’t break up. I’d drag his ass to the gym and tell him that I won’t have sex with him until he reduces his weight. If he refuses to, then yes; I would. I don’t want to be with an unhealthy person.
It's fair to break up with someone for whatever reason. If you're not happy with the other person, you're not happy, and it's not like you have control over what you do or do not find attractive.
Not only that, but it shows a lack of respect for one's own body, and that's not an attractive quality.
depends on how fat they got. if he gained 15-30 lbs, that is okay. any more than that and it starts looking gross. also, i would not want him to have health problems. i myself fluctuate between 5-10 lbs overweight, so i wouldn't be too harsh. but no obese people please. i would still be nice to them of course, but no longer attracted to them.
if you haven't seen your partner in over a year, it's safe to say that's not a real relationship anyways.
but in general, if you were seeing your partner regularly like normal, then it's not fair 🌸
A hypothetical 6' guy has an injury, let's say loses his shins, like Hank Hill's dad in King of the Hill, and is now 5'2, looking forward to many woman's who say they need a man to be tall (or at least taller) to be attracted... would you stay with him, to make interesting, while a charming 6'2 man moves in next door, and begins to flirt.
if they gained a few kg that's fine. if they gained to the point where it impaired their health & ability to function & they refused to help themselves, unless it was an extreme metabolic disorder or smth i wld see it as selfish.
There are no rules that say you have to stay together. Everything comes down to personal choice. Why you would dump someone you care about though for putting on a bit of weight seems a bit nasty to me.
I think if your in a relationship with them you should do what you can to talk it out and get them to get into better shape. If they refuse, then yes its reasonable to break up with them. You don't have to be perfect, but if your willing to settle for your worse then your not a particularly good partner to be with.
To the gym she goes, but seriously depends, I mean if the but is increased and sharply, breast bigger, and no more than 10,20 pounds, sand with a little tone exercise yeah, now if she went from a125lbs to 225lbs yikes and is walking around with gallons of Pepsi and backpack full of snacks pizza burgers pounds of chocolate I'll probably just be in a trance for a minute, to wonder how a body can stretch so much and not burst
I don't think it's fair, because gaining weight is not tragic, it's something you can ALWAYS CHANGE. If he always treated me right, respected me, loved me why would I drop him for a few extra pounds...
It's dumb according to me
Damn I didn’t expect these poll results no it’s not fair
I'd like him to get back in shape. We can workout together. If he can't keep up with my walking speed, there needs to be a change
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