Is it fair to break up with someone because they got fat?

Question

Imagine you and your partner not able to contact each other over an year. And the next time you meet, whoop! They're fat now. What you gonna do?

elektratbh · Accepted Answer

from the answers of this question... i seem to think that men really do have high standards , they want a white skinny girlfriend and if they are anything else they dont fit the standard, its sad

Blackcupcake · Accepted Answer

Let’s workout together

zeitgeist057 · Answer

Absolutely. Is it fair to break up with someone if they got...

rude, boring, arrested, drunk and ran over your cat, physically abusive, emotionally abusive, laid while you were out of town, cancer, your sister pregnant, unemployed, depressed, lazy, accepted to an out of state university, a job in another state, obsessed with paper airplanes, obsessed with any new hobby, weight loss, weight gain, a crippling injury, a new car, an old car, lost their license, sued, a sex change, a new direction in life, manic, a bad haircut, a good haircut, or a new pet?

The answer is yes. It's totally fair in all of those situations. A relationship is dynamic, and if it's not mutually desired, there's no point in faking it. If your partner is going down a path that you don't want to follow, you are not obligated to do so. For some people, getting fat isn't a big deal. For other people, it represents a lot more than just a gaining a few pounds and looking less physically attractive, it's indicative of a deeper issue that is reflected in outward appearance.

Some of my examples are intentionally superficial because the point is you don't have to justify to me or anyone. If a particular haircut is a dealbreaker for you, then hey, you do you. Perhaps you are a very stylish person and style is a value that you hold above all others. Some people might call you shallow, but those people could be then considered judgmental; there is no objective truth. I will say that if you are ridiculous enough then you're going to find you won't keep many or any relationships very long, so it will become a matter of how much you are willing to compromise on your values in order to maintain relationships that you might value for other reasons. You might make the decision that tolerating a terrible haircut is a small price to pay for the laughter a person brings to your life. Or it might be that extra pudge they are carrying outweighs (pun intended) or directly impacts the joy you get from cuddling with them.

My stance personally on fat is, I have no problem being friends with a fat person. But there is a certain point where fat is physically/sexually a turn off and repulsive to me. I am not going to pretend like it's not and engage in a sexual relationship with someone who is repulsive to me sexually. It's not shallow, as I am not rejecting them as a person for friendship and platonic intimacy, I still value them for that; I'm just not into fat. The same way if they have a penis, I am totally down to be great friends, but penises are a big turn off for me and if you have one, I'm not going to engage in a sexual relationship with you. Even if you didn't have it when we first started dating.

red_knight · Answer

Not really sure how to deal with this but let's see...

You’re not really shallow buddy…
You’re just kind of… a jerk? I guess?

I mean to say if you were a pool of water you’d at least come to a child’s knee…

That is at least more than some people.
We all have opinions.

But I am sure you’ve heard the old saying about “opinions”
(Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one; most of them are full of sh*t)

Did you mean to ask:
“How do I justify leaving my girlfriend”
I can answer that without snark.
You don’t need to justify it.
Relationships are voluntary.

That’s it mate, bottom line. Not a soul owes you anything, unless of course they have knowingly and willingly made a pledge to said “thing” (exempli gratia: fitness standards for dating you)

Here is an example of how you might break up with her; in the spirit of your original question/details:

“ I’m breaking up with you because you’re gaining weight and I personally find that unattractive; I checked on Gag first before mentioning it to you, and got some great advice and ammunition to really stomp on your heart.

I feel as though dating me is a privilege and I am qualified to hold you to an unspoken standard. I respect all women’s bodies specifically, but I don’t like fat.

Don’t judge me for my preferences fatty, you’re no judge.”
Or, you could take a moment.

Is it fair to break up with someone because they got fat?

Reflect on the (semi-serious) jokes I am making.

A possibly better approach (Id est: less damaging for your partner) would be to completely stop trying to justify WHY.

Consider whatever she has done for you; if that consideration doesn’t change your feelings toward this situation.

Break up with her, you both deserve to be happy and loved.

But maybe more like…. this:

“I’m sorry love, we’re becoming different people. Thank you for all the memories, emotional labor, and time you have given me…

But I need to work on myself.”

Let go of this idea you apparently hold about relationships. Let go of this woman/girl… gently.

After all, opinions and preferences are not facts.

Thanks for reading.

Ayanna240 · Answer

It really depends but generally the answer is no. If you are gonna break up with someone overnight because they gained weight, then it means you never truly valued that person for who they are.

If you truly loved this fat person, you would do absolutely everything in your power to help them lose weight. You would only break up if they didn't want to lose the weight and nothing else worked. You've tried all your options to try to change things but nothing ever worked out. This is the only time where its valid to break up

But if you gained weight over 6 months and your boyfriend immediately wants to break up, HE NEVER LOVED YOU.

A man who truly loves you will explore every last option available to try to change things before breaking up.

Aethereal · Answer

It is only fair if this was a conscious decision they made, and you had talked about it before (expressing that you didn't like the idea). In this case, it would be fair to break up; because here, your SO would be purposely taking an action they knew would upset you. It's not about the change, and more about the disrespect for your opinions/feelings.

However, if the change was unintended, and especially if you hadn't given him/her the impression that them being a certain weight was so very important to you, breaking up would not only be unfair, but also cruel and extremely shallow (because you're ignoring everything else you love about them for just one changeable feature).

I'm rather appalled by the current poll results (64% yes), as well as some of the comments. Guess I lucked out in finding a partner in the minority.

TonyV · Answer

Yes it's fair, they aren't the same person you fell for and where dating.

After a lifetime of not being hit on ny girls, being rejected by girls, never being seen as a real viable option by girls, life time of "i dont like you like that, I like you like a feiend", I find it funny that so many girls say it wouldn't be fair. I can assure you women do not want fat guys, I've been ignored my whole life dont act like I'm "beutiful" now, it's just iinsulting. The "nice" words here dont match the actions I e lifed with as a fatty, that's why I'm losing weight, if I was treated equally and with respect I wouldn't have the strong need to change.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Hmm if people would leave there partner for not taking care of themselves one could class not taking care of themselves as they got fat.
Depends on what is classed to one as not taking care of themselves.
Personally tho if i love them i would probably try to help them than leave them. But let's say they don't want to be helped then that becomes a sorta reason to leave.
Depends on the person really. I think it's fair to leave a person if your not happy been with that person therefore if this makes you unhappy for whatever reason yes.

hi_it_is_me123 · Answer

No wonder why divorce rate is so high in western countries. People who leave their partners because of stupid reason should not get kids since because of your shallowness your kids will suffer. You can loose weight anyway. In my opinion if you leave your partner because of stupid reason you are shallow and not committed enough. Yes you are not forced to stay with this person but it still makes you shallow. This is like leaving man for getting bald lool

ohshee · Answer

I think when somebody wants to break up you're going to use any excuse I possibly can so doesn't matter if somebody got fat skinny if you walk around the house naked backwards it doesn't really matter if you really think about it no matter the excuse somewhere somehow somebody can justify it

tatianamay · Answer

If he’s willing to work out and become fit again, I wouldn’t break up. I’d drag his ass to the gym and tell him that I won’t have sex with him until he reduces his weight. If he refuses to, then yes; I would. I don’t want to be with an unhealthy person.

Varanus · Answer

It's fair to break up with someone for whatever reason. If you're not happy with the other person, you're not happy, and it's not like you have control over what you do or do not find attractive.

Not only that, but it shows a lack of respect for one's own body, and that's not an attractive quality.

DianaWest · Answer

depends on how fat they got. if he gained 15-30 lbs, that is okay. any more than that and it starts looking gross. also, i would not want him to have health problems. i myself fluctuate between 5-10 lbs overweight, so i wouldn't be too harsh. but no obese people please. i would still be nice to them of course, but no longer attracted to them.

rosemilk · Answer

if you haven't seen your partner in over a year, it's safe to say that's not a real relationship anyways.

but in general, if you were seeing your partner regularly like normal, then it's not fair 🌸

tuvwxyz · Answer

A hypothetical 6' guy has an injury, let's say loses his shins, like Hank Hill's dad in King of the Hill, and is now 5'2, looking forward to many woman's who say they need a man to be tall (or at least taller) to be attracted... would you stay with him, to make interesting, while a charming 6'2 man moves in next door, and begins to flirt.

siseñor · Answer

if they gained a few kg that's fine. if they gained to the point where it impaired their health & ability to function & they refused to help themselves, unless it was an extreme metabolic disorder or smth i wld see it as selfish.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

There are no rules that say you have to stay together. Everything comes down to personal choice. Why you would dump someone you care about though for putting on a bit of weight seems a bit nasty to me.

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

I think if your in a relationship with them you should do what you can to talk it out and get them to get into better shape. If they refuse, then yes its reasonable to break up with them. You don't have to be perfect, but if your willing to settle for your worse then your not a particularly good partner to be with.

Pasiton5 · Answer

To the gym she goes, but seriously depends, I mean if the but is increased and sharply, breast bigger, and no more than 10,20 pounds, sand with a little tone exercise yeah, now if she went from a125lbs to 225lbs yikes and is walking around with gallons of Pepsi and backpack full of snacks pizza burgers pounds of chocolate I'll probably just be in a trance for a minute, to wonder how a body can stretch so much and not burst

natured · Answer

I don't think it's fair, because gaining weight is not tragic, it's something you can ALWAYS CHANGE. If he always treated me right, respected me, loved me why would I drop him for a few extra pounds...
It's dumb according to me

pink_and_inlove · Answer

Damn I didn’t expect these poll results no it’s not fair

JosyJosy · Answer

I'd like him to get back in shape. We can workout together. If he can't keep up with my walking speed, there needs to be a change

dumazzs · Answer

Yes let them live life in peace. They don't need you around being annoying. They will find someone else who is full of joy to be with.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Why are they fat? Are they suffering depression? Have they inexplicably changed lifestyle? I'd need to know more about why and see if they were willing to work on the route cause. I wouldn't want to be with someone who's not going to work to help themselves.

ARealHonestHuman · Answer

Nah, but u can at least convince them that they'll get diabetes in 2 months if they keep over-eating. Diabetes victims will get blood clots, low sugar levels, high blood pressure, over-eating habits and amputated legs. They'll be a potato forever. So no more walking to the fridge n back unless they change their diet.

godfatherfan · Answer

If you are simply dating someone with no feelings, sure. If you claim to love the person? are you serious? if you love someone, what they look like should not matter.

admles · Answer

If you're not attracted to someone, you're not attracted to them. You can't force attraction.

If you were someone athletic and quite into your health and fitness, and your partner USED to be, and they changed, no one has the right to judge you for no longer being attracted to them.

So yes, that's fair.

G5TWA1 · Answer

this is the thing most people don't get, you don't need any reason to break up with someone besides not liking them anymore, love is not rational, if she got fat and I stopped loving her then I would break up with her not because she got fat but because I stop liking her

Caliguy88 · Answer

It’s fair, yes…. If you are not into it, that’s all that matters.
I would not tell them that…. I’d just say I’m not feeling it anymore. If they get fat, they know where they are at. If you liked them or were more invested maybe try to be healthy together and see if that works. I’m sure 95% of us want to lose a couple pounds anyways.

but that’s fair. Don’t fake it. That’s not helping anyone.

crazy8000 · Answer

That person didn't really love.
Shallow.

Yeah that person is better fo with someone that love and takes him/her as they are even if that person got fat.
Maybe got fat due to the other one pulling a lot of shit that did give physical side effects that might lead to diabetes type 2 due to negative stress that overloaded stress system most of the times that in itself made cells insulin resistant and brake.

Starwitch23 · Answer

No, it didn’t matter to me I thought my boyfriend was cute and chubby. I like to touch his belly and pull his cheeks.

Rianee · Answer

If my man gets fat I'll drag his fat ass to run with me and make better healthier food for him so he can stop relying on fastfood. I might have liked him for his looks but as his girlfriend I have some responsibility towards him just as he has towards me. If I get fat I'll also expect his support to help me loose weight.
It's hard. But try helping your partner to loose weight. If they don't change their unhealthy habits for you no matter how much you help them, then leave.

Adam1978 · Answer

If you can't contact each other for a year you can just call it quit before that year has passed. There is no excuse for no communication for that long.

Qdbrown · Answer

Yes! Material change. Apply any other standard. You find out they lost their job, got charged with a major crime, took up drugs, cut all their hair off, or went to a funky ugly style. Those are all deal killers.

Fat is a big change.

tata1993 · Answer

If they are being careless about their health and not willing to listen to advice. Then yea it’s fair 🤷🏻‍♀️

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

No not at all. You both should however discuss it and not leave it as the Elephant in the room (pun intended). then both get fitter and sort weight thing out

pleasestopthis · Answer

It's a shallow reason in my opinion, but looks are very important for some people, so... everyone is entitled to have their own preferances and deal breakers.

Yyyyu · Answer

It feel shallow to me like you only like them for their looks. but I don't think that their is anything wrong in encouraging them to lose weight since it is healthy

DWornock · Answer

Assuming you are not married with children, what would be unfair about it? I don't see that anyone deserved to be loved because life is a competition and if you don't match up to or exceed your competition, you lose out.

Alejandro3000 · Answer

i'd sumo wrestle them first and if i win we break up

marc94 · Answer

It is fair to break up with anyone just because you choose to do it and you are not violating anyone's rights by doing it. You do not owe anything to anyone and breaking up with someone who does not suit you is totally right.

The-Wise-Phoenix · Answer

Yes because had that person been overweight when you met them you probably would have not gotten involved with them in the first place.

Jemini_Crocket · Answer

Depends how much and for what reason, also if he plans to lose it or not.

TheAfrikan · Answer

A real couple stays together and help each other on how to get in a health shape. Really love is all about having each others back.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

No. But it's fair to reject an overweight person before you start dating. Because if they're trending that direction while they're still young, then it's probably guaranteed that they're going to be fat when they're old.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Just have a talk and tell them you are concerned about their health

exitseven · Answer

Everyone has different standards. Some people are obsessed with a person's physical appearance and getting fat may be a dealbreaker.

Maria99_ · Answer

Yes especially if they aren’t doing anything about it. Don’t wanna come Homeric wake up next to them and find them dead.

rienna888 · Answer

Yes, it's really not your fault you don't feel an attraction to them anymore.

Paris13 · Answer

Many do Video so They Know from the Get Go. For Others------NO!!! Insane!! xxoo

Medhat-M · Answer

Depends on how much.. If they got just over weight then talk to them about it and see what's up... If they got super fat, then it's probably over

RationalMale · Answer

It is completely fair. Physical attraction is a vital part of a relationship and it's a person's common sense duty to take care to be reasonably attractive for their mate.

Zang101 · Answer

No. If you did leave them for it, you probably didn't even love them in the first place.

Gaining weight doesn't change one's identity as a person, therefore you should stay with them if you love them, not just thier body.

Exterminatore · Answer

If they can’t or won’t change it absolutely. I’m fond of saying: “what it took to get me it takes to keep me.”

IncognitoBandito · Answer

It kind of depends on how much and where they gain the weight. Some girls fill out nicely and put the weight in their boobs/butt.

SmokinAces2000 · Answer

Depends a little chubby no but if they became 600 pounds sorry to say I’m not staying in that relationship

qwert1234 · Answer

Yes. It's called preference. It's the same if the person you love changed attitude.

EaterPeter · Answer

I want them to get back in shape. Prioritize their health.

MaximilianIV · Answer

That's a long time without contact, I would say that's worse than someone gaining weight

Still-alive · Answer

i mean you're free to leave for any reason, but unfair? i guess it depends

FakeNIK · Answer

Not a deal breaker. it happens

Is it fair to break up with someone because they got fat?

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