Okay well first up he may not be 'involving another girl' like you think he is, he may actually only have met her by chance. Perhaps someone else thought they'd introduce them as a way to soothe the pain of the breakup with you. How would it be 'one step too far' if something were to happen with them? You must remember, you broke up with him, therefore he's not your man anymore and you have no right to decide who he's with. It sucks but it's something you'll have to come to terms with.
Also, you say you don't know how he can think about liking someone else when you're not interested in other guys? The answer there is simple - he's not you. You're different people, you think in different ways, he doesn't have to always think the way you do.
Honestly, you're being selfish. Understandably you're hurt and confused, but you hurt him first. He needs to be able to get over that and heal, he has a right to get over it and heal, and what you're basically saying is that he can't do that. I'm saying this because in my last relationship, I was in the same position as him. My now-ex felt smothered by me, and I didn't really understand why and was completely heartbroken when he broke up with me. He told me it was over, we couldn't get back together, I should date other guys. I was destroyed and I still wanted him back. Occasionally, now that he was getting his space, he'd come back to me and decide to work things out (ie he was playing me for sex) just when he felt like it and I fell for it. Then he'd want to see other girls again so he'd run off and I'd be left crushed. Over time I began to realise that I didn't want to be with someone who felt smothered by me, I wanted to be with someone who'd appreciate my affection. And I didn't want someone who'd mess me around, dumping me and coming back to me when they saw fit.
And so literally, one morning I woke up and it was all out of my system - I realised I didn't want him back. He wanted to kiss me and I pushed him off. He apologised but looked at me suspiciously. I had a date with another guy, he said he was 'happy for me.' I had another date with the same guy, and then when he realised I was actually interested in this new guy, he went crazy at me. He seemed shocked that I'd actually got over him and that I didn't want him anymore. He'd started to get lonely and told me on a few occasions that he just wanted to be with someone, then later gave me a whole speech on how he'd realised what a stupid mistake he'd made because he'd never find someone who'd take care of him like I did. And I told him that was true, I had been nothing but good to him in the relationship. But I was sick of being messed around and that he had no right to just drop me and take me back as he pleased.
Do you see the similarities? He's right about not knowing when you'd break up with him again - all he's doing is protecting himself from getting hurt. You have to understand that. I'm also not sure showing him your underwear will do much
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but it seems that you are now holding the grudge which is not going to help you in moving on. if you don't want to be with him, then do not go; if you still fell for him, then go and be honest with it. it doesn't matter how will it end, what matters is that it would help you in becoming more mature. just ask yourself how would you like him to treat you if the roles were opposite. take care of yourself, and don't try to hurt him more.
HEs hurt because you dumped him for smothering you. I know that can be annoying,but its sorta like an insult. Like you don't appreciate his effort and affection. Some people handle break ups different just cause your sitting around doesn't mean he wants to,its a distraction for him. He sounds like he has fears of being alone .
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Bascially he's stringing you along.
Good Luck.
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