My boyfriend broke up with me for being fat and he asked me to be friends, should I accept his request?

[Anonymous]

I was in a long distance relationship for five months. This guy lives 9h from my city. Every day we had video calls and texted each other. He supported on my personal projescts and everything seemed so good for me. Since the beginning of the relationship I told him that I´m not slim (160CM/63KG). Also, he knew that I was going to theraphy to change the perception of my body. When I was child I was rejected for my mom and other relatives for being fat. I got obsessed with that thought and at some point I developed an eating disorder, but now I´m better.

A month ago we met in person and everything was going well. However, he broke up with me because he wasn't attracted as he thought. After having a deep talk, he told that maybe we can try to save the relationship if I loose weight. I was shocked and I took my time to think about that. Next day, he talked with his friend and he decided that the best option is to break up with me. I asked him many questions and he said things that hurt me a lot:

• When I see my girlfriend I wanna feel that I'm with the most beautiful woman in the world, but that's not the case with you
• I want to be with a girl that is slim as I am
• Can you show me a photo of your mom? I wanna know how would you look like if you lose weight
• Are you sure that you have the same weight in your photos?

At the end he asked for my forgiveness and told me to be friends. I was devastated and I feel empty. I told him to not text me again becauce I need time to heal. I said that maybe one day if I feel better I’m gonna send him a message, but I´m so confused. This experience hit me hard on my wounds. I´m trying to overcome everything, but sometimes I feel stuck….

Cherry of the cake: my ex sent me a box of gifts with a letter months ago, but we thought that it was lots because I never received it. In that letter he asked me to be his girlfriend. Yesterday the courrier told me that they found the box. Should I get the box?

[SteveSmith1985]

Holy shit! This is fucking awful!

I am so sorry this happened to you. I'm almost speechless here. This is something that would be awful enough even if your weight hadn't been something you had a history of struggling with (mentally/emotionally).

I honestly don't even know what to make of your mom making you feel rejected because of your weight. That's... just not something anybody should have to feel!

I am really really glad to hear that you're much better when it comes to the eating disorder. I have been close with somebody who struggled with an eating disorder for years. I understand (at second-hand) just how bad, and all-consuming that can be. I also have some appreciation for how hard you must have worked to get to a place where you're now "much better".

So then... this dude comes along...

Now, I'm sure in some ways this guy isn't all bad. I'm sure he's been good to you, some of the time. But I am sorry, this man is an asshole. He is SUCH an asshole! He might as well have said "hey, I'm an asshole." It's almost unbelievable.

So, I am going to assume that this guy is aware of your histoy struggling with your weight. I cannot imagine you dated for 5 months without him knowing this about you.

Ok, so, he knows this about you. Check.


So you don't in any way lead this guy to believe your weight is anything other than what it is. HE KNOWS EXACTLY how much you weigh. You two are regularily video-calling, and while it might not be "full-body", he can see your face. Ok, so he is obviously... just fine with your weight. I mean... he knows... and he wants to have a relationship with you. Cool.


So then WHAT THE FUCK!! Seriously!

It's hard to know where to start-in on this. I think maybe I'll start with just how fucked up it is for him to even think the way he's thinking. Then we'll get to his assholeness.

So, stepping back from your specific situation, to the more general...


What kind of person would allow whether or not they want a relationship with someone, to hinge on them changing something about themselves?

Think about that for a second. That's fucked up!

"Would you be willing to get a boob-job so I'm attracted to you, and maybe we can salvage this relationship?"

--Clearly fucked up

"Would you be willing to get a nose-job so I'm attracted to you, and maybe we can salvage this relationship?"


--Equally Fucked up.


The fact that whether or not this guy wanted a relationship with you, hung on whether or not you were willing to lose weight speaks VOLUMES about this guy. It truly does. It says SO MUCH. It tells you what's important to him. It tells you "what matters to him in a woman". The fact that he wants you, but only if you lose weight is a clear sign that this guy is not appreciating WHO YOU ARE. In fact it doesn't MATTER who you are... that's not what really matters to him anyway.

Holy shit if ever there was a clear way for a guy to let you know that he isn't someone you want to be in a relationship with, it's this. This is an extremely shallow man. This isn't a good guy. This is the kinda guy who is about as good as he is deep.


Ok, so, it shows a fucked-up unhealthy view of relationships, and extreme shallowness. Which, already is not the kind of guy I'd choose for my sister or daughter.

[SteveSmith1985]

But... wait... there's more.

So if he's just a shallow asshole. He has every right to be a shallow asshole. Cool.

But this motherfucker...

Start an online relationship with a girl. She is upfront about her weight, he says: "That's fine, I still want to date you"...

First of all: What he hell! He KNOWS he's shallow. This didn't come as a surprise to him. So if he's somebody who "is only attracted to a girl as slim as him" then... again WHAT THE HELL?

So... you guys get closer as you chat more and more, and you video call, and you chat, and you become closer (as happens)... and still... for him everything is fine...

He learnes about everything you've been through in the past having to do with your weight... and STILL for this guy everything is fine...

So then he meet you, and gives you this bullshit? Like you catfished him or something? Like he just now realized that you weren't what he thought you were? THat's BULLSHIT!

If this guy felt this way (was shallow) he should never have gotten into a relationship with you. he could (and should) have 'foreseen this'.

Then he sees you in person, and KNOWING ALL HE KNOWS about you, proceeds to strike you're most vulnerable nerves. He says things which, for you specifically, hurt more than ANYTHING anyone could say to you. And he KNOWS THAT. There's no excuse for that. That is being an asshole in a way that, frankly is almost over-the-top.

This guy is so selfish, I can't even find words for it.

He ACTUALLY said "maybe we can save the relationship if we lose weight" to his girlfriend? (that... is almost unbelievable. It's... unheard of... because it's ridiculous, shallow, selfish and wildly offensive!)

But wait... it's worse... he actually said that, to his girlfriend, who has struggled so fucking hard with her weight for so long... after knowing full-well how she looked.

Sorry, but this guy is SUCH an asshole!

[SteveSmith1985]

Oh yea.. And he asked to see pictures of your mom? This guy... asked you... for pictures of your mom. You really should've slapped the shit out of this dummy! I can't even BELIEVE somebody actually did that! This guy truly is unbelievable. Like you can find a better guy than THIS pretty much everywhere.

You do not need him in your life. He has shown such a lack of consideration for you, and for your feelings that it's truly appalling.
You 100% should not get the box. Return to sender. That's just going to be painful, for zero benefit.

This was truly upsetting to read. Because, this is not something anyone should ever actually experience.

What this guy did was to bring to life the literal nightmares of any girl who has really struggled with accepting her body.

This is that scenario that isn't ever supposed to happen.

It should never have happened to you either.

I hope you find somebody who treats you the way you deserve. 🙂

[Anonymous]

First, the ex, you broke up for a reason, and chances are that reason won't be any different the second time around, so keep that in mind. As far as the other guy, just forget him. He's going to be single for a long time if looks are that important to him (shallow). And my advice for you, if meeting guys long distance, don't get yourself "invested" too much in them before meeting them in person. I think what happened was he liked talking to you online, but when you met in person, there was nothing there for him (chemistry). It can happen with everyone, no matter how much you like them otherwise. But this guy sounds really shallow in general also. He'll never find a woman as long as he's like that, so think of it this way, you dodged a bullet because you'd never be happy with a guy like that, ever!

[SaartjieJane]

Fuck that and fuck him! Block and delete. Weight fluctuates and if they can’t stick around and still love you through everything then they aren’t the one. If he loved you he’d help you reach a body goal that YOU want for yourself. He left you because you’re fat… don’t even think you sound fat but anyway you lost the weight you needed and that weight was him.

[TheMajesticKing777]

If he can't handle your worst self, he doesn't deserve your best self, I heard this somewhere I feel like it best applies here, move on, being friends with an ex doesn't work, you'll just see them move on and get vip seats on that, which can effect your mental state to a certain point, it's best to just leave their life, it's not like you are missing anything here, more like dodging a bullet if ima be honest

[Guy13]

Yes, why not? Maybe he will pay for gym membership as cost of Break-up contract... Or help you train...

[HighValue]

People shouldn't be friends with an ex. It will just cause problems in future relationships.

[FunkyMonkee]

If that's his only reason for breaking up tell him to fuck off!! Tell him you're too fat to be his friend!

[baserunner611]

No, he doesn't need any fat friend.
Say the fellowship I am beautiful brilliant and gifts and I better than that I find a man
Which I demand his respect and devoted and love

[Avicenna]

You have a lot to think over and take time to do it, including looking at the box

[ComingHere91]

U are not even fat...
Also if a person loves, he loves no matter u are thin or fat
What if u marry and get weight, will he get divorced? he is not right guy for u

[Zolly99999]

Walk away and dont look back.
I had girls break up with me because I was good looking enough. They thought they could overcome but couldn't. I walked away and looked back..

[Sparkie460]

He's a piece of shit for saying that stuff to you but still wants to be friends. Dump his ass and be done with him

[worldscolide]

If that's his actual reason for breaking up I would say fuck no, don't be his friend.

[worldscolide]

Oh and 138 pounds is NOT fat. Fuck him. You can do better.

[driven159]

yes its your box but you need to move on and by the way your weight and height is perfect don't let anybody tell you different

[Jamie05rhs]

How the hell did this dude *VIDEO* call you every day and not know what you looked like?

[Wise4myage]

Hell no, get rid of his sorry ass.

[IsoUser]

Why would he say something like that to you ever?

[Anonymous]

You ever consider dating a guy your size?

[Anonymous]

No, he is an asshole. You don't need him.

[SiberFox]

Good luck.

[RuthlessAggression]

nope

[RuthlessAggression]

Why should you be friends with someone who literally just insulted you

Also, does this prove that guys and girls can't be just friends, finally?

[EaterPeter]

No, let him go