Is it OK to tell your girlfriend that she's not putting in enough effort into the relationship?

[Anonymous]

do you guys think this is a good or bad idea. basically I would like it if she put at least an equal amount of effort into our relationship. an example would be she'll ask me if I can get her something cause it broke and when I get it and ask her when to drop it off, she just says I don't know... seems to me if I can go out of my way to do this for her, she can at least put in enough effort to just tell me when to drop it off. and this happens a lot not just this one time. so I basically want to tell her something like, "it'd be nice if you could try harder to accommodate my help..."

[hawaiianbeautyxo]

First off, *standing ovation* major boyfriend points for just being a genuinely nice guy and doing genuinely heartfelt things for your girlfriend! So I definitely applaud your effort!

Okay, now onto the important stuff! I most certainly believe that in any strong relationship it is always best to be honest and have open communication. If you feel that she doesn't put in much effort than tell her that. I would watch your wording just because girls can be fickle and they can get hurt easily. Yes yes I know BIG SHOCK! lol.

But seriously, if you want this to work out you have to be able to say things that may make you uncomfortable and you have to be able to speak your heart and your mind. If you don't you will have nothing but resentment in your relationship and that will eventually turn you into someone you can't stand when you are with her and someone she will hate being around. That's the thing, its a tricky situation because you care about her that's why you go out of your way to do the things you do for her... you don't have to its all by choice. she needs to realize that. But also, because you also respect yourself and need to do what's best for yourself.

When you speak to her, ask her if she likes you doing the things you do for her. The reason I say this is because it sets you up to open up the door for communication and that will allow you to say that you would like if she just acted more appreciative.

Good luck, and if you can't get through to her and you feel like you're not being for fulfilled in your relationship or being heard then you deserve better than what she has to offer. You're a good guy, stand up for yourself speak your mind and everything will fall into place.

[mrssmcd]

Yes, it's perfectly OK. In fact, you should tell her. Communication is very important in relationships. You have to be able to tell her what you want and need from her, and vice versa. Be careful about how you phrase your words, though. Think of a way to tell her that won't make it sound like you're criticizing her. Be nice. We women try hard to accommodate and understand our men when we know that they want what's best for the relationship.

[Anonymous]

It's always okay to tell someone this. If you are feeling unappreciated or that she isn't putting in enough effort then tell her so! She probably doesn't even realize it! But please do so in a way that doesn't sound accusing. Good communication is one of the most important things about a healthy and good relationship. Keep that line of communication open!

[Phoenix52]

If I were in your shoes, I'd stop talking to her for a good while. If a girl doesn't put enough effort into the relatonship, I just move on and start messing around with other girls.

Bad advice? Sure. But hey - she wants to take the relationship for granted, then so would I.

Don't do any more favors for her if she hasn't returned them - it's give and take. Just ignore her and leave her thinking of what's going on. She deserves this 'I don't give a sh*t about you' treatment because, like I said, she's pulling your chain.

And I totally support what Davyjones said (well, he's my friend but we both think the same about girls, I'm just a little softer than he is).

[davyjones]

ok what you have is gender roles vs equanimity. you also have the small matter of game rearing its ugly head. lol. dump the bitch. delete her number. then when she comes crawling back tell her she needs to friggin earn it and stop wasting it. cos you are a quality guy and if you ain't got time to waste on loser girls. she's got competition and frankly she's losing you to someone else.

dont ask me why I'm being mean. she's gonna respect you more for your actions than your words.

and if she dont...NEXTTTTTTTTTTT! :)

[pavlove]

I would say dump her but its obvious you are really into her so you won't do that. So have a serious talk with her and just let her know that you are feeling unappreciated without making it seem like you're threatening to leave her...give it a week or so and if there's no difference you may have to start letting her go.

[cutekid]

Basiçallë,it happens in most relationships,just open up 2 her,let her knw what you think about the way she acts,take time and have convo with her and then she will realize she's nt helping matters in your relationship...

[seraphimsummers]

it definitely IS OK to tell her that. communication is always good, and at least if you've told her how you feel if she continues acting this way then you know that she is just plain selfish.

[Miss_All_Time_Low]

Of course.

She shouldn't be offended. And if she is, don't waste much more time on the relationship.

That would be a rational proposition.

[frustratedchump06]

I feel it should be okay, because I hate it when girls are just along for the ride, they do not contribute

[Anonymous]

If that is how you feel then you should express that to her.

[RockyHorror]

It's absolute okay. Communication is more important than anything.

[actes95]

you should tell her how you feel. not in a bad way but try to get your message through. I'm shure she'll understand

[Cailleach]

Yes, it's okay.

[trod199]

LOL good luck man