Why does he treat me like crap and intentionally hurt me?

[14u2love]

Lately my boyfriend seems so distant & unattached anymore. He doesn't seem 2 notice me anymore, & whenever I ask him 4 something he will yell & complain about it. Yeah I am a sensitive person but I KNOW THIS GUY &I love him for those strengths he has in him that I thought I needed.. He was the only person I know who actually thought I mattered. He accepted me for who I am. He used to look out 4 me. He used 2 look forward 2 seeing me. When we got together, he & I would do everything together, laugh, and have fun no matter what we did. We had fun everywhere, even if it was for just a walk to the corner store & back... The only time he comes near me today is to have sex. I have to wake him up to even come 2 bed. it's like I am invisible or I'm a pain in the ass if I ask 4 something, his time, or some attention when I come around. He is 2 busy. I try to communicate with him my feelings and he cuts me off, degrades me, criticizes me, blames me, then he will throw me out & tell me I have to "get going". It feels like there is no love. I am staying with him because I am at a point in my life where I am going through some hard times & I really really need him 2 be there, (here) me . I am scared & feeling lost. I have been unemployed 2long. He doesn't work, he stays home and plays with his toys, works on projects around his house, or is busy entertaining his friends, first, of course. He forgot I needed him. He forgot I need him too.

I sit there, I try to get involved but when I do, he'll accuse me of trying 2 flirt or hook up with 1 of his friends and I am blamed for bull sh**. . It's like he'll think of someway I am trying to betray him...it's such crap. I really need his time he yells at me & says I ruin everything and he can't enjoy himself because I am around & how I am a bi**h & how nobody likes me around. It kills me to listen to him & he goes on & on & on . He is rude to me in front of his friends & says I am why they don't want 2 come around his place anymore. It is him who changes when they come by & he still treats me so mean. He cusses at me and has even gotten physical to where I have bruises on my body. I know you are thinking what a dummy I am but I just want to know if I can fix it or is it too late, the damage is already done. All I ask for is his comfort & attention & his strengths so I know that I'll make it through these hard times. I'm not even sure if he loves me but if there is something I can try 2 do 2 fix it I will before I say goodbye forever. I have been angry with myself for even believing he was my soul mate and best friend when maybe all I am holding on to is fantasy... He treats me as needed... He ignores me when certain friends come by... He totally fights with me in front of his friends and goes into battle mode just to show everyone he is louder, and more dominate. I get embarrassed in front of his friends and I feel like they all hate me too. I have 2 hide from his mom! then he'll act like nothing happened.

[jazzman1]

When I read your article it was as if I were reading the relationship I have had with my boyfriend. I am glad to know that I am not the only one who has experienced this. When reading your story, several thoughts of advice came to me but then I paused and thought "I need to practice the advice I have for you.:" I don't know how long ya'll have been together, but I'm guessing over a year, maybe going on 2. This is the stage where the honeymoon phase is over and we start getting into real life with one another. I personally think that some men don't know how to be in a relationship due to their bringing up. Maybe it's that they have deep rooted issues themselves and this is what comes out of them. Cruel, rude, and just plain o'l mean behavior. Its like they are having bi polar episode. The more I have tried to talk it out with him, the more angry he got. Seems the best thing to do is walk away for a while. Even when you or I want to stay and work it out, for whatever reason they just don't want to do that. (Or if they do its when they want to) I want to be respected by the ,man I am with, not treated as a ... I am still wondering why it seems so hard to seperate yourself from relationships like these. I have heard if you want to know how a man is going to treat you, watch how he treats his mom. *SMILE*

[jazzman1]

so true

[brneyedmaiden]

OMG...there are many of us. That surprises me. I thought I was the only fool. I've come to believe that my boyfriend of 2 years has a mood disorder called borderline personality disorder. Look it up. you'll be surprised at how much it sounds like your man. He was very sweet and appeared needy for about a month, then BAM, he lowered the boom. He makes me feel like a slut if I want to have sex with him, he is always right and the one that bothers me the most...he never does anything wrong. Even if he's caught in the act, he is able to manipulate himself out of it and actually make you think it's your fault. My advice to you and me is to get out. I'm hopelessly in love. He came into my life right after my husband of 24 years fell in love with his best friends wife and asked me for a divorce. So I was very vulnerable and he was able to pick up on that. Now I do think he loves me, but he still has way too many issues to ever be an appropiate partner. I've been trying to see less and less of him, like trying to wean myself off. But I'm sure a clean break is best. I'm hoping that you are able to leave him. You don't deserve that and it will not get better. good luck, Dear

[Gritnguts]

I've been in the exact same situation when I was reading what you shared it's as though I wrote it myself, it isn't what you want to hear but you need to get away from him. It isn't your fault and soon enough you won't know who you are anymore and you don't want to wait until it's to late and too difficult to move on he may realize in the time your gone what he's been like and he may come back and say sorry, tell him it's too late because men that act like this will never change and the more you try the worse it will become. He will use your efforts as a means to control you and he won't notice no matter how hard you try to make things better they will not. The only poor choice you have made is to let someone like that treat you that way when you do not deserve that. The pain of leaving living with others and being lost for a minute will not be as bad as how you feel after a long time of enduring his bullshit. Keep your head up you'll be better off soon enough.

[Anonymous]

Whatever his problem is not yours to fix. This is abuse and while being alone and leaving someone you care about is hard if you stay in this relationship you will disappear, you are already changing to try to make it better. I know this makes me no better than the guys that act like this but I won't stand by a watch guys treat women like this I have and will when necessary beat the shi*t out of guys that do this especially if I witness the physical part I won't even bother saying anything first. I say you should get out but that is decision only you can make. Take care of yourself.

[IsukiKane]

Would you like to beat the sh*t out of mine then? I am about to kill him if he ever yells full voice in my face again for asking him to stop sleeping on the couch 24/7. Seriously I went from a happy woman with a life to someone who hates herself, let herself go, and has given up on life. I guess being called stupid, fat, ugly, moronic and a complete retard as well as being threatened all the time can do that.

[Peanut77]

All of these stories are so sad I feel for all of you.
I am experiencing some of these problems with my boyfriend also, at times I wish I would just RUN but when I do he begs or fallows and I always listen to his promises but as always it takes only a day maybe 2 if I'm lucky to go right back to normal

[GIntrovert]

If you don't want to break up, then see a couple counselor, if he refuses to go with you, you have no choice but to leave, or stay in that horrible position.